Charles26

1 Kings 19:11-13 (if you want to be fussy) - the still, small voice of calm. Even the Old Testament has some decent stuff in it, I think, though there is no doubt at all that it also has a great deal that is really unpleasant. I could easily argue, for example, that the taking of Jericho and what followed is a good an example of a war crime as you could hope to find anywhere. However... No crises in this chapter but a fair amount of growth and development. There does seem to be something odd going on between Jimmy and Dan and I'm sure we'll learn more about that in due course. The strengthening bond between Levi and Matt is heart-warming but perhaps what hits me hardest in this chapter is the new information on just how very bleak Levi's life was with his Maternal grandfather (get it right this time!) and his mother. Bacon and eggs for breakfast as his birthday treat?! We don't know how much of it was poverty in the dollars and cents sense and how much it was emotional and spiritual asceticism gone mad but it is just so hard. I don't think anyone in these stories other than Tony Scott has much money but I'm pretty sure that Matt and Luke and Levi's new extended family more generally will make a real effort to ensure that Levi's sixteenth birthday is something special.

Touché !

I couldn't put it any better, so I won't even try! Everything is still pellucidly unclear, transparently nebulous and brilliantly tenebrous; so congratulations @Carl Accolla 🙃

Well written - well done. Encouraging too. It seems that Levi is beginning to find his feet, and that can only be good. Not that I imagine things will go smoothly all the way from here😉. Levi's relationship with Tim and Guy is interesting. It's good, of course, that they too are beginning to feel like family. That may even help with the underlying problem if my guess is right. Levi has accepted Matt and Luke as his parents and I suspect that somewhere in his subconscious that means he has stopped thinking of them as sexual beings. They're just dad and dad-2. Tim and Guy are another matter entirely. They are older than he is, obviously, and I don't suppose he feels any sexual desire for them any more than they do for him. (All cool there.) But they are young enough and fit enough and openly loving enough that they are very clearly two people with an active loving, sexual relationship. And that, I suspect, registers with him in a big way; it's something that he wants for himself very badly but at the same time rejects as contrary to the "moral values" he has been taught. It's not that they are doing anything wrong; it's just that what they do stirs up the conflict in his own emotional and sexual turmoil.

It's true that we don't know much about what motivated Levi's paternal grandfather. It's also true that he did provide at least a home for his errant daughter and her fatherless son, though only from the time when Levi was already five years old. It's not nothing. But we do have some idea of the requirements and restrictions imposed on Levi first by "pop" and then by his mother. I think Levi has done amazingly well to have emerged from that environment as whole and as caring as he is. Obviously he did love his mother - caring for her much have been terrible near the end. But whatever upbringing he had it certainly didn't provide him or his mother with any real friends. Just some people they more-or-less knew at school or at their church. And I can't help feeling that his grandfather set the tone from start to finish.

Yes. Well. Maybe. I feel that Lewis is in a deep hole, struggling to climb out, and I'm sorry for him. Whether that makes him a credible long-term partner for Harry is, of course, another question entirely. In any case, I really can't see James suddenly becoming what Harry so desperately wants and doesn't dare look for. Another thing I love about this story is the weather. We've been in a heatwave here for over five weeks - that's 36°C and over - and the idea of a nice, cold day is unbelievably appealing.

Is there a child? Perhaps I missed it. Whatever hold Catherine has over Lewis (and money seems the obvious possibility), and whatever Catherine wants from Lewis, I definitely get the impression that their marriage is very much on the rocks and that Lewis is a decidedly unhappy man. Almost as much so as Harry... ...who does seem to be clinically depressed. And while he is in that state I am more inclined to feel sorry for him than to criticise. What game James is playing I really don't know.

I'm not sure that I can add anything to the various analyses of James, Lewis and Harry and their inter-meshing relationships, whatever precisely they may actually be. But there surely is a whole lot of pent up desire there, though I'm not really clear whose desire for what. Fascinating. As is my normal approach I think I prefer to watch and wait! But, oh glory - the office party. My idea of hell on those few, tragic occasions I failed to avoid them. Certainly I did have friends in the office but the office party was never the occasion for spending time with them. A brilliant description of pseudo-social misery in action.

All the way through to his second day at his new school and Levi is already entangled in a pretty extensive and sticky web. On the one hand, whatever colour of sheep Casey may be, and Levi has been comprehensively warned about the family (at least), the erotic attraction is there, potent and undeniable. We've been told that Levi has hit full-on puberty late (and his emotional asphyxiation by his "Pop" and his mother may be responsible for the delayed onset) but his new, emotionally healthier environment seems to have turned the process on full blast. Not the easiest context in which to deal with a first object of desire. And of course, while Matt and Luke and the others are not trying to "convert" Levi to homosexuality - a stupid idea promoted by the ignorant and prejudiced - what they are doing is normalising it and showing it as just another, admittedly minority, way for people to live and love. On the other hand there are Jimmy and Dan. Two very decent guys and probably good people to have as friends but since Jimmy has already said that he doesn't really have any other mates at school they are clearly not a pass to general popularity. And they are obviously close - are they a couple? Close enough in any case that Dan is becoming jealous on the first day he meets Levi. Has Levi noticed and has he picked up on the need for care? But yes, the final scene where Levi actually calls Matt "Dad" for the first time, and the resulting hugs - that was lovely.

It's rare that I read something so well written that I really feel for and with the characters; but this is one of those cases. When it came to Harry realising he had rejected Lewis's invitation to his birthday drinks and the shame and regret he felt I just had to stop for a while and come back the next day. So we now know much more about the griefs, shame and regret (again) for past mistakes and bad behaviour - but Harry still comes across as a basically decent lost soul. I really want to see how this develops!

Well written and convincing - no surprise there😉. Well done. I can't predict just how much grief Levi is going to get from the "arseholes". The support of Jimmy, and those like him, will be critical at school; the support of Matt and Luke and their friends at least as important at home. I hope that if there are real problems Levi will feel able to tell Matt and Luke, at least, what is going on and how bad it is. The image of children - especially adolescent males - varies hugely from place to place and time to time. Innocents, harmless until misled? (New Testament: "Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.") Or uncivilised savages needing harsh discipline to civilise them? (Old Testament "Spare the rod and spoil the child".) Or just unformed and dangerous - The Lord of the Flies, anyone? But I think it is fair to say that they can be pretty brutal at school to anyone they see as different or vulnerable. And as Frank Herbert said in Dune, "beginnings are such delicate times." Still, I'm confident that Levi has the inner strength as well as the support he will need to settle in, make a place for himself and be happy. Good luck!

"Elite" is subjective, I think, and the associations it has depend on context. Not many people have a problem with the idea of elite sportspersons, for example 😀. And educated is not really a bad thing to be: it often helps in life! Apart from that... Yes, probably a breakthrough chapter. At the very least Jake and Mannly should understand and know each other better from now on and that should make life better for both of them. Meanwhile, I wonder what progress if any there has been in tracking down the men who attacked Mannly. No doubt we shall discover in due course. We can suppose that they were motivated by homophobia and it was a gay-bashing but we don't even know that for certain. Thanks for another enjoyable chapter.

So true. This is a very dangerous line of thought. A variant on survivor's guilt. Clearly, far from doing anything wrong he seems to have been a marvel; one of those undervalued, unpaid carers who get so little recognition. He needs to be reassured on this, as plainly, as often, as convincingly and with as much love as it takes.

Oh, wonderful! The Promised Land, flowing with milk and honey - and an allure both forbidden and entrancing. Worst, more probably best, of all there's a boy who has caught Levi's attention at first sight. Settling in is clearly going to be a challenge but equally clearly the biggest struggle will be within. I think and hope that in the end Levi will find himself, not oppressed by the ghosts of his grandfather or his grandfather's church but not overcome by a need to conform with his new environment and peer group: truly himself, decent and loving, whatever the details of faith and sexual orientation may prove to be. Thanks for an inspiring chapter!

So far the history and the relationships are getting more tangled, not less, on closer inspection. What is clear is that there is a lot of hurt buried not especially deep in Harry which he can never escape. It's all beautifully portrayed, so job well done. I look forward to discovering more.

As Churchill put it, “This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” And a very good end it is too. Looking for some appropriately biblical metaphor I find myself reaching for Moses and the children of Israel in the wilderness for 40 years. Poor Levi. Poor Julie, come to that. Christians are supposed to hate the sin but to love the sinner. There doesn't seem to have been much of that love on display over the past ten years, though plenty of the hate (masquerading as morality). Over that time I suspect that both of them lived exemplary lives by small town moral standards; but was that enough? It seems not. No-one cared enough to attend the funeral. It's not said but I doubt that Levi got much help when caring for his mother as he watched her dying. Enough of that or I'll get altogether too angry. I just hope that Levi recovers from the stunting impact of that kind of treatment and blossoms into the best version of himself (as someone said!). So, a great chapter for which thanks and congratulations.

Well, this back story is going to take some time to unravel. Meanwhile, a brilliant description of the working day from Hades. What a tangled set of difficult, if not impossible, relationships.

Well, back or not, I've just seen it for the first time. I like it. Is it OK to say it's well written without sounding patronising ? - because it is (well-written, that is). Nicely paced, an interesting character, obviously a back story that will emerge in time. I look forward to seeing how it develops. Keep up the good work🙂

Disagreeable as "Pop" may have been it probably isn't fair to dump responsibility for everything on him. I'm quite sure he was, at the least, perfectly happy to keep Matt in the dark but Julie had had five years away from his immediate control and had said nothing to Matt in all that time. She could have done - she certainly knew where and how to contact Matt's parents even if she had no contact details for Matt himself. On a separate thought, it's painfully ironic that Levi and his parental grandparents were living in the same small town for ten years, all without having any idea. Of course, with his other grandparents so nearby they could have been a significant counter-weight to Pop and his teaching if they had known Levi. But then, I know at least one family (not my own!) where both parents lived in quite a small town by European standards (about 25,000 people) but the children had no contact with their father for decades after their parents' divorce. He certainly lived within walking distance. Family breakdown can be tragic outside stories as well as inside them.

They do say that the answer to a good question raises more good questions. There is an element of that here. Certainly Pop's reaction to Julie's pregnancy must have been pretty hostile. If I read it aright, he basically threw her out of the house and she fled to the big city for some years. Those were years in which she had a number of boyfriends and may well have been living a lifestyle of which her father would very much not have approved (though at least she avoided a second child!). And then it all became unmanageable and for want of any other option she went home and accepted her father's rules and requirements. I have the impression that this did not come easily to her. I wonder to what extent her failure to tell Matt was her own choice, and how much her father's. I think it is good that Matt should be able to tell Levi how much he (Levi) matters to him as well as to Luke and to his parents. Levi certainly needed to hear that. And I also think it is excellent that Levi should want, and feel able to ask for, a special place - or places - where he and Matt can talk openly on any concern's Levi may have. I guess that may have to go both ways in time. A very good chapter, so thanks.

Of course Levi hasn't met everyone yet, or been told everything. We haven't heard anything about Zack or about Tony's project for a shelter for homeless LGBT youngsters but in both cases there are background histories which, if presented the right way, could provide Levi with a lot to think about. Quite apart from which, Levi needs to find friends of about his own age if he is going to settle happily in T'ville. Come to that, did he have any friends "back home"? None has been mentioned (unless I've missed something!).

All things considered, Levi is managing amazingly well. "Chapeau" as they say here in France. He clearly still has major reservations about homosexuality and I don't suppose that will change soon or easily but he seems willing to listen, watch and (most of all) think. He also has the sense to keep his doubts to himself while he is working things out. A very mature approach for a boy his age. It's interesting that when awake he leans most on Luke, if anyone, but that in his dream it's Matt that he should trust and follow. But clearly both guys want the best for him. In fact Luke is standing up very impressively as a stepfather to Matt's son; so "hats off" to him, too.

One other unusual thing for Levi to handle: he is not only being required to deal with homosexuality, or sexuality in general, in the abstract. It is hugely personal and in his face. Most teenagers probably don't - don't want to - think of their parents or their parents' generation as sexual beings. Not a comfortable thought! But now Levi is introduced to the man who got his mother pregnant when she was barely out of school and then (all unknowing) left her as an unmarried teenage mother in a social and religious environment that disapproved hugely of such things. Not surprising if she became "more Catholic than the Pope" in her struggle to recover any respect at all in the community. His only real link with his father until now was that sexual encounter with his mother. That same man has had another man as his life partner since that time and they clearly have a sexual relationship. (Also loving, but that's another matter.) The other half-dressed men in Avalon are equally obviously sexual in their relationships with each other. Not that they are doing anything remotely inappropriate with Levi, but it is still quite evident. So Levi is not really in a position to pretend to himself that they are "past it" and that nothing of that sort is happening. It quite obviously is!

Levi's journey so far: he has met Matt and Luke and has broadly accepted their relationship (with some reservations), aided by the fact that they are family. He has also met Tim and Guy but they are not (yet) family and he finds their relationship much more difficult. He still has to meet Tony and Aaron, Scott and Justin, Zack and his partner (if he has one), Jess and Kellie... The whole works, in fact. So if he is going to stay with Matt and Luke he will have to make his peace with same-sex love. Of course, that leaves a range of options and it will be interesting to see where he ends up. We don't know anything about his own preferences yet, so we can't rule out his finding himself a boyfriend and living the life. Maybe. Otherwise he can wholeheartedly accept it and be supportive, accommodate it and just feel nothing much about it or (at worst) tolerate it. Toleration, of course, is not indifference; it's opposing some aspect of another person's behaviour or beliefs but accepting it because you respect the person. It's hard going so I hope he doesn't end up there. (Don't get me wrong - better toleration than hostility or hate. It's just not a very positive state of mind.) Meanwhile, Tim and Guy aren't engaging in PDAs as I understand the term. They are not "in public", they are in their own home. The four guys are two couples, not a group marriage, so by their own rules some things are kept behind the closed bedroom door, but that's their joint decision. The four of them may choose to modify their rules slightly if/when Levi becomes a member of the household rather than a guest but it's four to one (and the four are the owners of the house) so I'd expect 80% of the movement (at least) from Levi, not the others! I look forward to future developments.

Try again! Well. Yes. Fifteen is not the easiest of ages for anyone. The death of the person you love most in the world and upon whom you have depended all your life is almost unbearable. Moving home, leaving everything you really remember, is recognised as being one of the greater stress inducing events in our lives. And having to reconsider beliefs you have held to be absolute truths for as long as you have held conscious beliefs is no easy thing. To cope with all of these things at once? Levi is coping amazingly well. Of course, as well as the story of Levi and his father and his paternal family and his father's friends, we have a recurrent theme which is always fresh because it is never resolved. How can a religion that defines itself in terms of love and forgiveness and compassion so frequently show none of these things to those of us who differ from the mainstream? Well written and genuinely compassionate, so good job and thank you.