-- Chapter 32 --

Levi brought it up with his friends at lunch, the way he brought most uncertain things up now – very carefully, and only after he had turned it over a few thousand times in his own head first, as he tried to figure out all the different ways it could potentially go wrong.

They were on the far bench under the trees. After making a brief appearance, Brooke had drifted off to talk to someone from her maths class, which left just the three guys in their usual loose triangle. Jimmy was eating a meat pie with serious concentration – a drop of tomato sauce had already landed on his shirt, and a blob of meat was looking ominously like it was about to follow. Dan was flicking through something on his phone, while diving his hand into a packet of chips every now and then. Levi knew that these guys wouldn’t blink an eye about anyone helping homeless gay youth, but he wasn’t quite sure what they might say about him being the one to help.

‘Hey, did I tell you guys that Tony Scott asked if I wanted to visit that youth place in Macquarie Harbour?’ Levi asked. ‘You know, the one for kids who’ve got nowhere to go. Mostly boys.’

Jimmy looked up, pie halfway to his mouth. ‘That gay hostel place?’

‘Yeah.’

Dan put his phone down. ‘I’ve heard of it. Don’t know too much about it though.’

‘Neither do I.’ Levi picked at the edge of his sandwich. ‘He said that some of them could just do with someone to talk to. Said I could just come and have a look. No pressure. Talk to some of the kids if I wanted.’

Jimmy wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. ‘So, you gonna go?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe. Want to talk it over with dad first . . . and maybe Father Costas. I mean, given my . . . errrr . . .’

‘Yeah, we get it,’ Jimmy said, before taking another savage bite out of his pie.

They left it at that for now.

Across the oval, Levi spotted Casey and his usual two shadows lounging against the sports shed. One of them said something that made the others laugh – the sound travelling clearly on the breeze coming off the harbour. A few weeks earlier the sound would have tightened something in Levi’s chest. Today it simply existed, the same way traffic noise existed. He let it pass, just wash over him, not even caring if whatever it was that had been said, had been about him.

These days he was beyond caring. He had changed in the last six months. He knew it in the same quiet way you notice the seasons turning. The strictly religious boy who had arrived in Thompsonville was still there, but he was no longer the only thing in the room. Something more open had grown up alongside him – not replacing the old shape, just standing next to it, ready to step in and carry him forward when the time was right. He was still only sixteen. He still got things wrong. The difference was that the people around him no longer treated every mistake like a final verdict. Matt and Luke, Tim and Guy, Tony’s whole loose extended family, even Father Costas, and Jimmy and Dan for that matter – they formed a kind of net, even if it had taken Levi a long time to understand that the net was there on purpose.

***

He talked to Matt and Luke that evening after dinner, while Matt’s leg was propped on the coffee table and the television murmured in the background.

‘Can I talk to you guys about something?’ Levi asked. Matt and Luke glanced at each other, then Luke muted the sound on the TV.

‘What’s up?’ asked Matt.

‘What I said about bumping into Tony downtown the other day,’ he said. ‘And when he asked me if I wanted to check out their youth centre some time.’

Matt raised his eyebrows as he studied him for a moment. ‘Yeah, I remember. He’d actually mentioned it one day a while back that he was thinking about asking you if you might be interested. So, how do you feel about it?’

‘I’m still not really sure, to be honest. Maybe curious. But still a bit, I don’t know . . . uncomfortable.’

‘Uncomfortable is allowed,’ Luke said. ‘You don’t have to decide what you think about everything before you walk through the door.’

Matt nodded in agreement. ‘Go and have a look if you want. Seeing how other people live never hurt anyone. Straight, gay, whatever . . . it doesn’t matter. You might learn something. You might not. Either way you’ll know more than you do now.’

That night, Levi thought about it some more, then the next day he paid a visit to Father Costas on the way home. The priest said almost the same thing as they sat in the quiet of the garden, only with fewer words.

Levi had just finished edging the path. Father Costas was sitting on the low brick wall, a cup of tea in his hands. He was wearing another t-shirt with a band on it. ABBA . . . Levi had never heard of them, so he figured they must have been old. And why was one letter ‘B’ back to front?

‘Tony Scott mentioned the centre in Macquarie Harbour to me,’ Levi had said.

‘Did he now?’

‘He asked if I might be interested in paying a visit, maybe talking with some of the kids. I’m just not too sure about it though.’

Father Costas took a slow sip. ‘Then be unsure. Uncertainty is an honest response. Go and see what is there. You don’t have to agree with everything you find. You only have to look at it with clear eyes . . . and that’s what your father has been encouraging you to do, isn’t it?’

‘I guess,’ Levi replied.

Father Costas nodded, then added, ‘Sometimes the most useful thing we can do is simply refuse to look away.’

***

Over the next few days, Levi continued thinking about it, but was still in two minds. It was when Zack Wagner showed up the following Saturday morning, calling in at Avalon on his way to town, that a practical way of visiting the youth centre came.

With the warmer spring weather, Aaron and Zack’s lawn-mowing rounds had expanded enough that he now needed some regular extra hands. Levi had offered to help out and Zack had a couple of jobs on the books that he now needed help with. They were just small local jobs, Zack explained, which would give him a chance to initiate Levi into what would be expected, and to allow him to become familiar with the equipment. One of these jobs was set for that very afternoon – a house in South Thompsonville – so Levi jumped at the chance, and at two-thirty he was picked up by Zack for his first real job.

Zack was twenty-four, solidly built from all his garden work, and easy with a grin, though difficult to read beyond that. He talked freely about the work, about cars, his family, and about the idiots who left dog shit in the middle of lawns they were paying to have mowed. He did not talk about who he did – or didn’t – go home to. Levi noticed the guardedness and left it alone. They got on well anyway, each working away at whatever needed to be done. The silences between them were comfortable, demanding nothing of each other, yet at the same time, as the jobs began to rack up and they spent more time working together over the following week, they began to build a camaraderie that Levi had not expected.

One afternoon towards the end of the next week, Zack mentioned that he had to go to Macquarie Harbour on the Saturday, to do some work at the youth centre.

‘Centre’s on the list on Saturday,’ Zack said as they loaded the mowers into the trailer after finishing a job. ‘Tony said you might want to come along and have a look while we do the grounds. Up to you.’

Levi wiped his hands on his shorts. ‘Yeah, okay. That’d be good.’

So, it was Zack who drove him to Macquarie Harbour the first time.

The building was older than Levi had expected – a low, weatherboard house set in a large yard, half hidden by trees and with a backyard that needed serious work. A small and unobtrusive painted sign attached to the fence beside the gate read, Nathan Reynolds Hostel. Levi read it twice and filed it away. He figured there would have to be some history behind that.

As they unloaded the gear, a woman in her forties came out onto the verandah and spoke with Zack. She seemed pleasant, and they obviously knew each other, and while she didn’t speak with Levi, Zack told him later that she was one of the live-in carers. Levi also noticed two boys appear briefly in the doorway behind her, studying him with some curiosity.

One was small – probably no older than thirteen he thought – with what may have been a faded bruise still visible along his jaw. The other looked closer to Levi’s own age, sixteen or so, thin-shouldered, eyes that flicked away as soon as they met anyone else’s. Neither of them said more than a quiet hello, then disappeared back inside after a minute.

Zack and Levi divided up the duties. Levi mowed, and raked clippings into piles. Zack edged and trimmed. The ordinary work steadied him, Levi found. When they were packing up, the carer offered them cold drinks and thanked them. The two boys did not reappear.

On the drive home, Zack was quieter than usual. After a while he said, ‘The little one – Jamie – got bashed by some kids at his old school. Called him a fag and put him in hospital for two days. When he got out, he was too scared to go home. Thought his parents would finish the job. Police found him sleeping rough and brought him here.’

Levi stared out the windscreen, with that familiar heavy weight – the weight of unwanted knowledge – settling in his chest once more.

‘The older one is Callum. Same age as you. Dad walked in on him kissing another bloke and told him to get the fuck out that same night. Hasn’t spoken to him since. Three months now.’

‘You hear about things like that happening, but . . .’

‘Yeah, mate. We all know it happens. But you never expect to see the results . . . especially not in the shape of bruises and stuff, and especially not on some thirteen-year-old. We’re not supposed to get involved with them . . there are rules . . . but I know that Tony would like these kids to have some normal friendships, or relationships. Especially with kids close to their own age.’

Levi nodded, as he let that settle.

The rest of the drive passed in silence. Up until that moment he had still been in two minds about coming back. The two-mindedness did not survive the stories.

***

Zack and Levi returned the following week. And the week after that.

The boys, Jamie and Callum, were there on each occasion, but still kept mostly to the verandah, and Levi didn’t try to force conversation with either. He simply turned up, said hello to them when the opportunity was right, helped with whatever needed doing – mowing, weeding, even helping to carry in groceries and donations of clothes and canned food for the carer – and let the place get used to him. Sometimes one or the other of the boys would sit on the verandah steps while he worked and say nothing. Sometimes a few words were exchanged in passing about the weather or the football. It wasn’t much, but it was enough.

Then, gradually, the silence began to loosen.

Levi felt that they were a little curious about him, especially after he had been working shirtless one afternoon and the younger one – Jamie – had spotted the chain and cross around Levi’s neck. His eyes never seemed to leave it.

By the third visit the boys were getting bolder, and made a point of talking more with both Zack and Levi. It started with small things. Callum asking which school Levi went to. Jamie wondering out loud whether the whipper snipper was heavy. By the fourth visit the two boys were sitting on the back steps while Levi and Zack worked, swinging their legs and talking in short, careful bursts. They were still guarded, but the guardedness had edges now rather than walls. Levi was close enough to their age that something in them seemed to uncurl toward him. Not quite trust. Not yet. But interest. Curiosity. Recognition.

He liked it. The chatty, ordinary friendliness felt clean after the complicated mess of the previous six months. Whether they were starting to see him as a friend or as some kind of older-brother figure, he couldn’t tell. There were moments – a longer look from Callum, a quick shy smile from Jamie – that might have meant something more. Once, those possibilities would have sent him into a spiral of guilt and confusion. Now, after Casey, after the long talks with Matt and Luke and Father Costas, he was better equipped. He noticed the moments, acknowledged them privately, and let them pass without grabbing hold or running away.

On the fifth visit, while they were packing the trailer, Jamie stayed behind after Callum had gone inside. The younger boy scuffed at the dirt with the toe of his sneaker.

‘You know how I got here?’ he said suddenly.

Levi waited.

Jamie’s voice stayed flat, almost matter-of-fact. ‘Some kids at my old school. They found out. Waited for me after the buses left. Called me a fag and put me in hospital. Two days. When I got out, I couldn’t go home. Kept thinking my dad would finish what they started. So I just . . . didn’t go back.’

Levi already knew this, but didn’t acknowledge that. The words still landed hard. Levi felt the old protective surge rise in his chest – the same instinct that once made him want to fix everything for people he cared about. He wanted to put an arm around the kid’s thin shoulders. The impulse was strong enough that he actually shifted his weight.

Then Zack’s earlier quiet warning surfaced in his mind: Be careful with the lines. They’re not your mates from school. You’re a visitor. Don’t make it complicated for them.

Levi stayed where he was. He nodded once.

‘That shouldn’t have happened to you,’ he said simply.

Jamie shrugged, but something in his face eased a fraction. Then he turned and went inside.

On the drive home Levi was quiet for a long time. Finally he asked, ‘Does Tony ever bring them out to Bayview? For a weekend or anything?’

Zack glanced across at him. ‘Sometimes. When the carer’s due a break, or just to give them a change of scenery. Why?’

‘Just wondering.’

Zack was silent for another kilometre. Then he said, ‘Actually, they’re coming up this weekend. Both of them. Staying at the house.’

Levi felt the idea form almost immediately.

‘I could ask Jimmy and Dan,’ he said. ‘Maybe we could all hang out. Take them down to Hidden Beach or something. Keep it low-key. I think they could use some friends.’

Zack considered it, then gave a small nod. ‘Could work. I’ll mention it to Tony and Aaron. See what they reckon.’

Levi looked out the window at the passing scrub. The suggestion sat differently from the ones he had been offered earlier in the year. This one had come from him. It wasn’t about fixing his own reputation or proving he was good. It was simpler than that. Two kids who had been hurt needed ordinary days that didn’t feel dangerous. He knew what ordinary days were worth.

He didn’t have a name for it yet, but somewhere underneath the practical planning a quiet possibility had begun to take shape – the idea that this kind of showing-up, this kind of steady presence, might be something he was actually built for.

By the time they reached Thompsonville he had already started composing the message to Jimmy and Dan in his head.

***

They were at the beach this time, sitting on the sand after a late swim. The sun was low, and the wind had turned cool.

‘You know I’ve been going to that centre,’ Levi said. ‘The one Tony told me about. I want to keep going. Thought you two might like to meet the kids from there.’

Jimmy squinted at him. ‘Why?’

‘Because the kids there haven’t got anyone. And because it feels like something I can actually do,’ Levi replied. ‘When I came here, I was in the same boat . . . no friends, at least until I met you guys . . . so, in some respects, I kind of know what they are feeling, or going through.’

Dan was quiet for a longer moment. ‘You sure?’

‘Yeah.’

Jimmy shrugged, but there was no mockery in it. ‘Alright. I’ll try anything once. We’ll see what it’s like. What did you have in mind?’

Dan nodded.

Levi looked out at the darkening water. The old questions about who he was and what he was allowed to feel had not disappeared. They still rose at unexpected moments – when Zack laughed at something in the ute, when he caught himself noticing the line of a shoulder or the shape of a smile. But the questions no longer arrived alone. They arrived alongside the memory of a thirteen-year-old with a healing bruise and a sixteen-year-old who had been told to leave his own home in the middle of the night.

Helping did not solve the questions. It simply made them larger than his own fear.

He stood up, brushed the sand from his legs, and said, ‘This weekend, the two boys will be staying with Tony and his family at Bayview, so I thought we could show them around, hang at the beach, or something . . .’

The others stood with him.

‘Count me in,’ Jimmy replied, with Dan nodding alongside him. And for the first time in a long while, the road ahead felt recognisable, and it didn’t feel like something he had to walk entirely by himself.

To be continued . . .