-- Chapter 35 --

Weeknights in the house on Beachside Lane were usually quiet, even when Tim and Guy were home and it was full. After dinner, Levi would often be the one left drying the dishes, before then doing any school homework that had been set. The television would usually be on, but more often than not it would be muted, as the guys talked, or read, or sometimes even played a game of cards. Life was comfortable. Settled. And in those few evening hours, there was little for any of the residents of Avalon to worry about.

One Wednesday evening, a few weeks after the first weekend visit from thirteen-year-old Jamie, the house was quiet in that same familiar way it always seemed to get after dinner. Tim and Guy had already retreated to their part of the house, a habit that they had fallen into soon after Levi had arrived, so as – at least in part – to not make him feel too uncomfortable with their displays of affection. They had told him that, and he had said there wasn’t any need, as it was their home after all, but their disappearing act had become a habit. Sometimes he could hear their antics through the wall, but eventually he had gotten used to their goings on, as his grandfather had used to call it. A part of him was even curious about them.

Tonight, Levi had been drying the same plate for longer than necessary, while Matt was on the couch in the living room, with his leg – which was still in a cast – propped up on a pillow. The smaller cast on his leg now, which had replaced the original, bulkier, plaster cast just a few weeks ago, had made it easier for him to move around. But, after spending a long day at work and getting called Hopalong by his colleagues, the chance to take a load off in the evenings was always a godsend.

When Levi glanced out into the living area from the kitchen, he saw that his father was reading a car magazine. The television was on, but the sound was muted. Luke sat in the next armchair, scrolling through something on his phone. It was a scene that Levi had come to love.

He figured that this was as good a time as any to raise what had been on his mind lately, and so he put down the plate that he had just spent far too long drying, and walked into the living room, before sitting on the edge of the couch, near his father’s feet.

They were used to it by now; the quiet approach before sitting nearby, the thoughtful expression. Matt and Luke looked up at him when he sat down, their own expressions even as they waited for him to say something.

‘I’ve been thinking about Jamie,’ Levi eventually said.

Both men glanced at each other, then back at Levi. They weren’t surprised, nor startled, just attentive.

Levi rubbed his thumb along the seam of his shorts. ‘The weekends here are good for him. You can see it. He sleeps better. He talks a bit more. He doesn’t jump every time a door closes. But then Sunday comes and he has to go back to the centre, and it’s like . . . I don’t know . . . like the ground is getting pulled out from under him again. He told me that.’

He was quiet for a second, as he gathered his thoughts for the next part.

‘Father Costas reminded me about a verse in the bible,’ he said, a little awkwardly. ‘The one about God setting the lonely amongst families. And the other bit – in Matthew – where it says, “I was a stranger and you invited me in. And whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.”’

He glanced at Matt, then at Luke.

‘I keep thinking about those. I know it’s not a simple thing to do. I know there are case workers and checks and a whole process that would need to be worked through, and I’m not trying to pretend it’s just a big sleepover. But if having him here on weekends already helps . . . maybe it doesn’t have to stop at weekends. Maybe we could look at him staying. Properly. Like fostering. If the people in charge say it’s even possible. If you guys say it’s possible. If you guys are willing.’

Levi shrugged, the movement small and careful.

‘I don’t want to push it if it’s too much. I just . . . I keep coming back to it. And I figured I should say it out loud instead of only thinking it.’

He sat back a little, the words now out in the open, out in the room with them. The quiet that followed wasn’t uncomfortable. It was the kind that meant both men were actually turning the idea over.

Matt was the first to speak, his voice low. ‘That’s a serious thing to be asking, mate.’

‘I know.’

Luke had put his phone down. His expression was thoughtful rather than closed. ‘You’ve been carrying this around for a while.’

Levi nodded once.

Outside, a car went past on Beachside Lane. Inside, Levi heard Tim and Guy laughing at something, but still, the idea sat between the three of them – no longer just one of Levi’s private thoughts, but something that now belonged to the entire household for consideration. Tim and Guy included.

Levi looked at his father, who was studying him carefully.

‘Let us have a think about it, mate,’ Matt said. ‘There’s a lot to consider, and we will need to talk to quite a few people . . . like Tim and Guy for starters.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ Levi replied.

‘Maybe for now, just keep it to us, eh?’ Luke added.

For Levi, that was enough. For now at least. He got to his feet, then leaned in and hugged both his dads, before heading for his room.

***

After Matt’s accident at Cockatoo Creek, and his having taken a little time to get back on his feet, so to speak, it was Levi who ended up taking on the role of chauffeur for his father. Even though he was on his ‘L’ plates, he could drive if he was accompanied by a licensed driver, so for Matt, having Levi drive him to and from his job worked in well.

Matt would sit in the passenger seat, one hand resting on the dash, offering occasional quiet instructions and, more often than not, staying silent when Levi took a corner a little wide or braked later than necessary. He was clearly making an effort not to correct every small thing. Levi felt the effort and became almost hyper-aware of his own hands on the wheel, the exact pressure of his foot on the pedal. The relationship between them was still mending, still a work in progress, the way the bone under the cast was still mending – slowly, carefully, with both of them treating it as something that could be set back by carelessness. But it was mending.

For Levi, playing chauffeur meant that he was adding daily trips to his logbook, then after parking behind the auto store, he would jump on his bike and ride the rest of the way to school. On those days when Levi would work with Zack, Matt would wait until Levi was finished, then Levi would drive home, or occasionally Luke would call in and collect Matt on his way home, then they would retrieve the Nissan later.

Luke took him out for additional lessons on weekends. Those drives were lighter. Even fun at times. Luke had a way of making mistakes feel more like information rather than failure. And with Jamie joining them in recent weeks, their trips were becoming adventures.

Elsewhere, life continued at its ordinary rate of pressure. There was never a dull moment, as Levi had heard often enough from those who were older.

He also noticed more than he used to. Jimmy and Dan leaning into each other when they thought no one was looking. Matt’s hand resting briefly on the back of Luke’s neck as they passed in the kitchen. Tim and Guy arriving for dinner and then disappearing down the hallway afterwards, with the easy familiarity of people who had stopped pretending. None of it was new, but something in Levi had become more porous to it. The awareness stirred a restless curiosity that arrived at inconvenient moments and refused to be tidied away; sometimes even staying present after he thought he had taken care of it.

***

Jamie’s weekends at Avalon had become regular, with discussions around his being officially fostered by Matt and Luke also ongoing, even if the subject hadn’t been broached with him as yet. Tim and Guy had been cautious at first, but after getting to know Jamie over a number of weeks, they had begun to warm to the idea, even if they were yet to actually say yes. Maybe the sound of having kids in the house was wearing down their resistance.

He still arrived with the same small backpack, and the same careful way of entering rooms he’d had from day one, but the stiffness was gradually easing. He had even started leaving a spare toothbrush in the bathroom without being told.

It was on the third weekend visit that Levi woke in the night after hearing noises, and heard Jamie sobbing – not loudly, just a tight, broken sound that somehow still filled the room. Levi lay still for a few seconds, then got up and crossed the room to Jamie’s bed, and sat down on the edge of it.

Jamie was curled on his side, face pressed into the pillow. When Levi sat on the edge of the mattress and placed a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder, he flinched, but then recognised him.

‘Bad dream?’ Levi asked quietly.

Jamie gave a short, jerky nod.

Levi didn’t overthink it. ‘Come on. You don’t have to sleep by yourself.’

‘What?’

‘Come on. I’ve got plenty of room,’ Levi said, then he led him by the hand across the room to his own bed.

Jamie climbed into the bed without protest. Initially, he lay rigid until Levi put an arm around him, but within a few minutes the tension drained out of the smaller body and his breathing evened out, into sleep.

There was nothing sexual in Levi’s actions, or his motives, for dragging Jamie into his bed; he was simply offering warmth and comfort for a boy he was already thinking of as being a brother. For another hour Levi stayed awake, staring at the ceiling, aware of the responsibility of the moment and the simple fact that the crying had stopped. Eventually, he too, fell asleep . . . and it was the best sleep he’d had in ages.

In the morning Levi woke to warmth along his back and an arm draped over his waist. Jamie’s hand had found its way inside the front of his boxers and was resting there, loosely closed around Levi’s hardness. The contact was unmistakable. Levi’s whole body went still. For a few seconds he didn’t know what to do with the mixture of alarm and an unwanted, traitorous sense of comfort.

It was then that Jamie stirred. Levi heard a sharp little intake of breath, then felt the sudden withdrawal of the hand, and the quick roll of a body moving away across the mattress. Levi kept his eyes closed and his breathing steady, pretending he was still asleep, but with his mind still racing. After a long minute Jamie slipped out of the room.

They were both shy with each other for rest of the weekend. Glances that started and then broke. Conversations that stayed on safe subjects. Luke noticed – Levi saw him watching them over breakfast on Sunday morning with a thoughtful expression – but he said nothing. He had always been good at leaving people room to sort themselves out.

***

Away from Avalon and school, there were two constants in Levi’s life.

Work with Zack remained the most uncomplicated part of Levi’s week. They moved through the afternoon rounds with the easy coordination of people who had done the same tasks together many times over. Jamie even tagged along on a couple of weekend jobs, eager to earn his keep.

Zack still gave almost nothing away about his private life. He would talk about the work, about cars, about the idiots who parked on the nature strip, even about his love for his family, but anything closer stayed behind a polite, cheerful wall.

Levi would find himself wondering about that wall more often than he should. Sometimes the wondering slid into brief, uninvited images that he had to shut down hard. He liked Zack, but he didn’t want to risk the simple good thing they had by turning it into something awkward or one-sided.

The other constant in his life was Father Costas, and the church, which had become more than just a place to put in visible hours.

Levi still mowed and weeded and carried things, but the conversations with Father Costas had deepened. These were the moments he cherished.

One afternoon, sitting on the low brick wall after the tools had been put away, he found himself talking about Jamie – the night terrors, the shared bed, the morning, the confusion that had followed.

Father Costas listened without interrupting, just as he always did. When Levi finished, the older man was quiet for a while.

‘You’re allowed to be unsettled by your own reactions,’ he said eventually. ‘And you’re allowed to care about the boy without having to define everything you feel. Just be careful with the power you have in that friendship. He’s younger. He’s already had people take things from him. Make sure you’re not adding to that, even if by accident.’

Levi nodded. The advice sat heavily, but it also felt clean.

***

It was Jimmy who introduced a new word to Levi’s vocabulary.

They were walking back from the beach one afternoon when Levi mentioned, half-embarrassed, that he seemed to notice more about people than he used to – who stood a little too close, who watched whom, and the small signals that he couldn’t quite name.

Jimmy grinned at him. ‘That’s just called gaydar, mate.’

‘It’s called what?’

‘Gaydar. Like radar, but for the gays. You start picking up the signals without even trying. Some people are obvious. Some people you only catch if you’re paying attention.’

Dan laughed. ‘Jimmy thinks he’s an expert.’

‘I am an expert!’ he cried, before then turning to Levi. ‘And I probably shouldn’t say this, but my gaydar has been buzzing since the time we first met. Why do you think we became such firm friends?’

‘What do you mean?’ Levi asked.

‘Don’t, Jimmy,’ warned Dan.

‘Don’t what?’ Levi demanded. ‘What are you on about?’

‘You, mate! I know you’ve had a thing with Brooke, but the vibes you give off say something different. I’m not saying I think you’re gay or anything like that . . . but what I will say is that you give off this vibe . . . something that draws people to you. That’s probably why Casey was so keen on you? Maybe he just couldn’t help himself!’

Levi didn’t laugh, but the word gave shape to something that had been lurking in his mind, formless, yet menacing. He was noticing more. The noticing did not resolve his own confusion; if anything it made the internal noise louder, but at least the noise now had a name.

***

During all of this there was another low and persistent presence that remained in Levi’s life, whether he wanted it to be there or not. Casey Thompson.

Levi saw him at school, on the street, once outside the milk bar with the same two shadows. The earlier confrontation had not removed him from Levi’s orbit, nor had Matt’s warning; it had only made Casey more careful. Then, one Saturday afternoon, Levi and Jamie were coming out of the milk bar after having lunch there, when Levi felt the weight of a stare. He looked up and found Casey standing across the road, not even pretending to be doing anything else. The older boy’s eyes moved from Levi to Jamie and back again, assessing, measuring.

The look landed like a cold hand on the back of Levi’s neck.

He stepped to the other side of Jamie, so as to block Casey’s view of him . . . feeling protective of the boy he now viewed as his new brother . . . then placed a hand on Jamie’s back and guided him along the street.

‘Is everything okay?’ Jamie asked. ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’

‘Yeah, it will be. There’s just . . . stuff, that you need to know about in this town.’

Jamie looked at him curiously, then glanced back at the boy on the other side of the street.

‘Like him?’ he asked Levi.

‘Yeah. Especially him,’ Levi answered. ‘Just promise me that if you see him around, you’ll steer clear of him, okay?’

‘Okay. If you say so.’

That night Levi told Matt and Luke.

They listened seriously. Matt’s jaw tightened. Luke asked the practical questions – where, how long, whether Casey had said anything or come closer.

‘No. He just watched,’ Levi said. ‘But the way he did it . . . it felt like before. Like that very first time I saw him in the playground at school.’

There was not much they could do with just a look, and they all knew it. Still, Matt said he would mention it to Constable Leggatt the next time their paths crossed, and Luke made a point of being extra cautious around town when Jamie was staying with them. And when the fostering process was completed, then it may prove necessary to take other precautions as well.

The fear did not disappear. It simply took up residence alongside everything else – the careful driving, the unfinished questions about his own body and heart, the quiet responsibility of having a younger boy start to trust him, and life in a new house.

***

Later that night Levi stood in the backyard after everyone else had gone to bed. The cast on Matt’s leg thumped softly down the hallway as his father moved to the bathroom and back. Jamie was sleeping in Levi’s room, or at least lying still and pretending to sleep. Elsewhere, somewhere in the town, Casey, and all the baggage he carried, still existed.

Levi flexed his hands at his sides and looked up at the dark shape of the hills. The road he was on had not been a simple one. But it had become his, and he was still walking it. Only now he knew he wasn’t alone.

Just when he had decided to go back inside, he heard the back door open, and as he glanced that way he saw the smallish figure of Jamie step out into the darkness and cross the landing to join him.

‘You okay?’ he heard Jamie ask.

‘Yeah, mate. What about you?’

‘Couldn’t sleep . . . then I saw you weren’t there . . .’

‘Yeah, I sometimes like to come out here at night, when it’s dark and quiet.’

‘What for?’

Levi thought for a moment before answering.

‘Mainly just to think, I reckon . . . and look at the stars, listen to the quiet and stuff. I guess it helps me stay grounded, or something.’

Jamie looked around him for a few moments, taking in the night and all its sounds. The surf that wasn’t too far away. The millions of insects buzzing. The breeze through the Casuarina trees. And then he looked to the sky and took in the galaxies of stars that filled the darkness; the beauty of which he had never before noticed.

‘Yeah. I think I get that,’ he said quietly.

Levi nodded, then placed an arm around Jamie’s shoulder.

‘Come on, bro. How about we go back to bed?’ he said, before then leading Jamie back inside, and closing the door quietly behind them.

To be continued . . .