-- Chapter 30 --

They left in two vehicles just after breakfast, with only short stops for groceries, fuel and ice before leaving town. Matt’s black Nissan Navara led the way, with Luke in the passenger seat, and Levi in the back, accompanied by a backpack full of clothes he wasn’t sure he would need, and sleeping bags for the three of them. Behind them trailed the older Toyota Landcruiser wagon belonging to Phil and Hoss, with DJ and Dwayne riding along with them. The convoy wound its way out of town for quite a while, following the highway, then turned onto a dirt road that climbed along a heavily timbered ridge and grew narrower by the kilometre.

Through curious eyes, Levi watched the unfamiliar landscape change through the window, which was cracked open an inch or two to allow some fresh air in, something he found was quite refreshing. With the sealed road now well behind them, dust rose behind the Navara. The track dropped into a valley, crossed several small creeks, climbed again, then began a long descent down the side of a mountain. Halfway down, the trees opened, and the entire valley spread out below them.

‘Wow,’ Levi exclaimed, before he could even stop himself.

Matt glanced in the rearview mirror. ‘Cockatoo Creek. Haven’t you ever heard of it?’

‘No,’ he replied, while shaking his head.

‘I used to come out here with Dad quite a bit when I was younger. Haven’t been back here for a few years, until now at least.’

Luke wound down his window and turned slightly in his seat. ‘See the river down there? The dark line of trees?’ he said, while pointing down into the valley.

Levi could see it clearly – a winding ribbon of vivid green cutting through the centre of the valley, green in places close to the river, but fading to the colour of dust the further away from the river that you looked.

‘That’s the Nymboida River. Cockatoo Creek runs into it,’ Luke said to him. ‘There are waterholes along there that are so deep and wide you’d think you were in the Thompsonville lake. And early morning or late afternoon there’ll even be fish jumping all around you when you’re swimming.’

They continued cautiously downward until they reached the valley floor, before eventually passing several small tin sheds, which sat on a low rise. Two of them were fully enclosed and had signs on them; indicating one for men, and one for women – the toilet and cold shower facilities. A third shed between the other two was open on three sides, with just a small area at one end enclosed. Levi couldn’t quite make out what was in that area, but he could see heavy picnic tables and chairs under cover, so he assumed it was where the cooking facilities might be.

Matt drove past the buildings and stopped on a gentle slope that looked out over the river.

‘This is about where we were last time, wasn’t it?’ he asked Luke. ‘We can set up so we’re looking straight out over the water.’

‘Yeah, it is, I think. And that sounds like a plan to me,’ Luke answered.

The Landcruiser pulled in beside them and doors soon opened. Boots hit dirt, then the usual good-natured complaining began as swags, coolers, tents and folding chairs were dragged out and organised. Levi helped where he was asked, still half-convinced this was going to be a long, boring week with zero phone reception and nothing much to do. He was finding it difficult to get excited about the days that lay ahead.

By early afternoon the campsite was established. Three tents for the couples, and another for Levi, all set up a safe distance from a central fire pit that was already ringed with massive stones. Chairs were arranged in a loose circle, and a stash of dead branches for firewood was piled up nearby, ready for their first night.

Not far away from them, the river murmured quietly. The sound of cicadas and magpies filled the warm air, as Matt led them single file down an animal path towards the water.

Levi walked with his head down, watching where he placed his feet, but at one point he looked up, and the sight before him came as a surprise . . . with golden sunlight beating down on them as they walked through the long summer grass, and insects flew into the air, all around them, highlighted by the afternoon light. It was one of those moments usually reserved for television, or the movies, and where you might even find yourself doubting its authenticity, but right here, and right now, Levi knew it was real, and it surprised him as to how real it actually was.

***

That first afternoon was spent by the river. The waterhole Matt led them to was exactly as promised – wide, deep, and cold enough to make Levi gasp when he first went under. The others had stripped down to board shorts or jocks without ceremony.

Levi kept his footy shorts on and stayed near the edge at first, just watching and wading around. Nobody judged him, or said anything, for which he was grateful, but even as the chilly water lapped at his calves and then his thighs, he couldn't help but wonder if perhaps he was being judged silently by his father's friends. To some he was probably just still a kid, so it shouldn't matter, but what if they didn't think that? What if they were thinking that it was time for him to man up . . . or that he wasn’t man enough to belong to this group, simply because he didn’t do everything that they did?

What if?

Matt and Luke swam out and back with easy strokes that showed how well they knew this place. And as Phil and Hoss floated on their backs, talking quietly, he watched DJ and Dwayne race each other to the far side. He couldn’t help but feel as if he should be joining in somehow, but something seemed to be holding him back.

That night they sat around the fire. They cooked sausages and eggs on the barbeque hotplate, accompanied by fresh bread they had purchased at the bakery before leaving town, which was then smothered with butter. Afterwards, someone produced a packet of marshmallows, which were soon impaled on forks or small branches, then toasted over the fire. Stories started – old school stories, work stories, gentle ribbing. Levi listened more than he spoke, but every so often he caught Luke watching him with a small satisfied expression, as if the simple fact of them all being here together was enough.

Somebody asked Matt about the Commodore, and Levi’s heart almost leapt from his chest. He found himself holding his breath and staring into the fire as he awaited an answer. There was no way he could even dare to look at Matt or Luke.

‘It got wrecked,’ Matt replied, deadpan.

‘Oh, shit! Not the Commodore?’ Hoss replied. A chuckle went around the group, which Levi couldn’t understand at all. He would find out later that it was a line from a popular television sitcom from years ago.

‘Yeah. Some kids took it for a joyride. These things happen. It was insured for more than it was worth though, so that helped buy the Nissan.’

It was late when they turned in, once the fire had burned right down, and for what seemed like the first time in ages, Levi managed to sleep.

***

On the second day, the exploration began. The entire gang headed out for a hike in the bush with the aim of finding fresh lemons to spice up the decent-sized fish Matt had caught before breakfast. The rest of the gang just laughed, even though Matt and Luke seemed quite confident.

‘There used to be an old orchard up past the flats,’ he said. ‘We found it last time we were here. Lemon trees, apples, the lot. So, if the fire didn’t take them, we might just get lucky.’

The jibes quickly began, with nobody other than Luke seemingly believing him, but they were all happy enough to set off on the adventure that Matt promised them. They crossed the river flat in a loose group, at the far end, where the flats narrowed and low hills closed in. Cattle had been through recently; the grass was short and the ground soft, then they followed a trail along the opposite bank for about half an hour, until Matt suddenly stopped.

‘There,’ he said, while pointing up the slope.

‘What?’ barked Hoss. ‘I don’t see anything.’

Levi followed their gaze. At first, he saw only trees. Then the shape of something man-made resolved itself – or rather, the absence of it. A stone chimney, and charred timbers marked where a hut had once stood. A bushfire had taken it cleanly.

They climbed the animal track that led up to the site. When they reached the spot, they found charred stumps and a scatter of twisted, and blackened, corrugated iron.

‘This is the place,’ Matt proudly proclaimed, as Luke offered only a wry grin. ‘The fruit trees will be around here someplace.’

Levi and the others started looking around and within a minute or two he spotted some colour through the trees; yellow and red, and he headed in that direction.

‘Over here, I think,’ he said over his shoulder.

Not far away from the remnants of the hut, he found the orchard, which had somehow survived the fire. Lemon and apple trees still stood, a few apricots, a couple of walnuts. New growth pushed through the old wood.

‘Well, I’ll be buggered,’ proclaimed DJ, as he came to a stop beside him.

Levi glanced sideways at him, while trying not to laugh.

DJ spotted him and grinned. The kid had obviously picked up on the other meaning of the word.

‘Don’t worry . . . we’ll make sure you’re nowhere nearby,’ he whispered, then he stepped forward, leaving Levi feeling flushed.

Matt joined them and walked amongst the trees, running a hand over the bark as if greeting old friends.

It was Luke who searched for and found the gravestones, calling Levi over as he squatted down in the long grass beside them.

There were three headstones, weathered but still legible, sitting inside a low wrought-iron fence, the grass grown tall around them.

Celia Adams. Born 1867. Died 1904. Beloved wife of John Adams.

James Adams. Born 1895. Died 1896.

William Adams. Born 1897. Died 1915.

The group gathered close by and fell quiet. Levi stepped closer and read the names a second time. The boy who had died at one year old. The other who had been eighteen – the same age some of the men here had been when they first started figuring out who they were. The stones felt familiar in a way he couldn’t immediately name. Then he realised: they were similar in age and style as the ones he tended in the churchyard back in Thompsonville.

Matt came and stood beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

‘I guess this is the place where we finally figured out . . . life,’ he said quietly. ‘It kind of grounds you in a way that reading a history book never can. At a time when Luke and I were having our own struggles, we found this place, and it put things in perspective for us.’

Luke’s voice was softer. ‘And it’s also the place where your dad told me he wanted us to be together forever and gave me his ring.’

Levi looked at them both. The silver band on Luke’s finger caught the light as he held up his hand. Levi had seen it a thousand times and never known the story behind it.

Now he knew.

He sat down in the grass outside the little fence and stayed there for a while after the others began drifting back towards the orchard. The stones did not feel sad exactly. They just felt true, or real. People had lived here. People had died here. And the world had kept turning. Somehow that thought settled something restless inside him.

Afterwards, the walk back to camp was a quiet one.

***

The next few days settled into an easy rhythm. Fishing in the early morning. Long swims when the sun was high. Walks along the river. Meals cooked over the open fire. At night the conversation ranged widely – work, old times, the future, nothing important and everything important all at once.

At times Levi felt as if he was gradually getting closer to his dads, getting to know more about their pasts, and getting to know their friends; but at the same time, he was still finding that his father could sometimes be distant. Levi would find Matt looking at him in a way that unnerved him, but then in a split-second Matt’s expression would change. It was like Matt was blaming him for what happened and projecting his disappointment, even his anger, but then suddenly remembering who Levi was and snapping out of it.

One hot afternoon during another swim in the river, some of the group decided the board shorts were optional.

‘It’s just us guys,’ DJ said with a grin, already peeling his off. ‘We haven’t skinny-dipped since we were kids, and there’s no one out here to care.’

Most of them followed suit without fuss. Levi was the only one to hesitate on the bank, his arms crossed, before then shaking his head and leaving his shorts on. He swam a little apart, pretending not to notice, or was it that he was deliberately not wanting to notice, but at the same time not wanting to get too far away. Hell, this was confusing!

Later, when the others had begun drifting back toward camp, he found a quieter bend just downstream, stripped quickly, and slipped into the water alone. The freedom of it surprised him. The cool water against bare skin. Nothing restricting. Aware of his body’s reaction to this newfound freedom, and grateful that no one was watching. He felt alive, and for a few minutes he simply floated on his back and let the current take him.

He did not hear the footsteps until he heard the splash of someone else entering the water a short distance away. Embarrassed heat flooded his face. He turned, ready to scramble for his clothes, but the other person only gave a calm nod and swam a slow circle, giving him space. After a while the self-consciousness eased. They shared the waterhole in silence until the light began to change, then both dressed without comment and walked back to camp together.

That night around the fire there was some gentle teasing – nothing sharp, just the easy kind that said we saw you, it’s fine, welcome to the club. Someone mentioned an obvious physical reaction in the cold water and the group laughed. A year earlier Levi would have wanted the ground to swallow him. Now the laughter felt almost ordinary. He managed a crooked smile and poked at the fire with a stick.

Luke got up and moved over to sit beside Levi.

‘You doing okay, mate?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, I . . . I think so. I wanted to say thanks, for this afternoon, in the river . . . for not making a thing of it . . .’ Levi said quietly.

‘You’re welcome, Levi. We’re all grown-ups here now . . . even you, I guess . . . and decent guys don’t razz on friends or family about personal things, especially stuff they know the person might be trying to come to terms with. It’s all about normalising things, letting them know that there’s nothing at all wrong with doing things like skinny-dipping . . .’

Levi nodded, but said nothing.

‘Your dad and I just want you to feel comfortable in your own skin. We know that you’re still trying to figure out exactly what that might mean for you, what is normal for you, and nobody is going to pressure you to land one way or another. Okay?’

‘Okay,’ Levi replied

Is that what I’m becoming? he wondered later, lying in his swag and listening to the river. Normal? Does that mean there’s really nothing wrong with me?

The question did not frighten him as much as it once would have.

***

After two full days the others had to leave. DJ and Dwayne needed to be back at work, and Phil and Hoss had commitments they couldn’t push any further, and as they were all travelling together, it was all or nothing for them. After hugs all round, and promises of catching up again soon, the Landcruiser pulled out mid-morning with a chorus of goodbyes and promises to do it again sometime. Dust hung in the air long after the vehicle disappeared up the track.

Somehow the valley felt larger once it was just the three of them.

Things between Matt and Levi were better than they had been in Thompsonville, but a careful distance still remained. Conversations stayed practical. Eye contact was brief. The weight of everything that had happened still sat between them, even out here where the rest of the world had fallen away. Luke moved easily between the two, never forcing the issue.

They kept to the same rhythm – early fishing, long naked swims, short hikes along the river flats. On the fourth afternoon Matt suggested they try a higher track that followed a narrow ridge above the waterholes. ‘Good views from up there,’ he said. ‘Sure to be worth the climb,’ he promised.

The path was steeper than it looked. Loose shale shifted under their boots. In places the drop to the rocks below was sharp enough that Luke kept glancing back to check Levi was placing his feet carefully.

As they were picking their way across a sloping shelf of stone, that was when Matt’s boot slipped.

It happened so fast. One moment he was upright, the next he was sliding, then tumbling hard against a jut of rock. The sound he made was short and involuntary, and when he stopped moving, he was half on his side, face pale, one leg bent at an angle that was clearly wrong.

Luke was beside him in seconds. ‘Don’t move. Just stay still.’

Matt’s breath came in shallow bursts. ‘Fuck . . . my leg . . .’ he moaned.

Levi stood frozen for a second, then dropped to his knees on the other side. There was blood on the rock where Matt’s shin had struck. The leg looked swollen already.

Luke checked him over with quick, practised hands – the result of the first-aid course he had done at his workplace.

‘I’m guessing it’s a break. Maybe more,’ he said. ‘We’re sure as hell not carrying you out of here.’

They all knew that they were a long way from camp. The track back was the same treacherous ground they had just crossed. Phones were useless in the valley; none of them had seen a single bar since they arrived.

Matt’s face was tight with pain. Luke gave him two painkillers from the small kit he always carried and made him swallow them with water from a bottle. Then he gave him an extra one for good measure.

‘We’re going to have to call triple zero,’ Luke suggested, but then looked up at the walls around them.

‘Someone has to get higher,’ Matt managed. ‘Reception’ll only be on the ridges, I reckon.’

Luke looked up the steep hillside that rose almost vertically beside them. Animal trails stitched across it in faint, zigzag lines. The alternative was hiking all the way back to camp, then driving the Navara miles to the nearest high point on the main track – that’d take hours, at best.

Levi stood up.

‘I’ll go.’

Both men looked at him.

‘I can climb it,’ Levi said. The words came out steady even though his heart was hammering. ‘It’s steeper, but it’s closer. I can check for signal on the way up.’

Luke started to argue, then stopped. Matt’s eyes met his son’s for a long moment.

‘Be careful,’ was all he said, through teeth that were gritted from the pain he was feeling.

Levi nodded, then left them the water bottle and started climbing.

The hillside was far worse than it had looked from below. Loose rock shifted under every second step. In some places he had to use his hands, pulling himself up on roots and small ledges. He followed the animal trails where he could, crisscrossing the face of the hill to keep the gradient manageable, instead of trying a straight climb. Every ten or fifteen minutes he stopped, pulled out his phone, and held it up.

No signal. No signal. No signal.

And the battery charge was down to fifteen percent. Shit!

Sweat ran into his eyes. His legs burned. The sun sat hot on the back of his neck. But still, he kept climbing.

It took the better part of two hours – longer than he had thought it would – but near the top of the ridge the trees thinned, and the ground levelled into a narrow spine of rock. Levi stopped, chest heaving, and lifted the phone again.

One bar. Then two.

He almost dropped it in his haste to dial.

‘000, what’s your emergency?’

The words tumbled out of him – the fall, the location, his father’s likely broken leg, the fact that they couldn’t move him. His voice cracked. Tears he hadn’t noticed until that moment ran down his face and dripped onto the screen. The operator was calm, professional, asking the right questions. A rescue helicopter would be sent. They needed a way to mark the exact position if the party was not near the campsite.

‘We could try to light a fire,’ Levi suggested, still fighting for breath.

‘If that’s all you have, honey, that will do,’ the woman said. ‘Keep it going if you can. The pilot will look for the smoke.’

He scrambled back down the hillside far faster than he had climbed it, slipping and sliding, catching himself on branches, barely feeling the scrapes on his hands and knees. When he burst back into the small clearing where he had left them, Luke looked up sharply.

‘They’re sending a helicopter,’ Levi panted. ‘We need smoke. They said to light a fire.’

Luke didn’t waste time with questions. Between them, they gathered what dry wood they could find nearby and got a small, smoky fire going on a patch of bare ground. Levi stayed with it, feeding it carefully even though the afternoon heat made the work miserable. Matt lay still, eyes closed, jaw tight against the pain.

The sound of the helicopter came late, very late – a distant thudding that grew steadily louder until the machine itself appeared over the ridge, banking toward their feeble column of smoke. It settled onto the flattest section of the shelf with a roar of rotor wash that sent dirt and ash swirling.

Two paramedics were out of the aircraft almost before the skids touched. They worked quickly, stabilising Matt’s leg, checking him over, loading him onto a stretcher. Luke hovered close, answering questions, his face set.

Just before they lifted the stretcher, Matt reached out and caught Levi’s arm.

‘Thank you, mate.’ His voice was rough, but clear. ‘I’m so fucking proud of you.’

He pulled Levi down into a brief, fierce hug, one hand gripping the back of his neck. Levi felt the strength in it even through the pain medication and the injury. He felt the kiss on his cheek.

‘I’ll see you back in town,’ Matt said.

Then the paramedics were moving, the stretcher was secured, and the helicopter lifted away, the sound fading until the valley was quiet again.

Luke stood watching the sky long after the machine had gone. When he finally turned, his eyes were red but dry.

Levi went to him and cautiously hugged his second dad. ‘He’ll be fine. It’s just a broken leg,’ he said, with more confidence than he felt.

‘Yeah,’ Luke said quietly. ‘Come on, we need to pack up. Your dad’s going to want us there when they finish with him.’

They walked back to camp in silence, just as the sun was starting its track behind the mountains. The tents came down for the last time, the fire pit was drowned, and the Navara was loaded in record time with everything that remained. As the sun finally disappeared behind the western ridge they drove out of the valley the same way they had come in, the headlights cutting through the early dusk.

Levi sat in the passenger seat this time. Every few minutes he looked down at the faint scrapes on his palms and the dirt still under his nails. The climb, the call, the smoke, the look on Matt’s face when he said he was proud – all of it sat in his chest like something solid and new.

The drive out felt way different from the drive in. The same winding track, the same trees, but something in him had shifted. He understood his dads a little better now – the quiet way they moved around each other, the depth of the friendships that had lasted from school days into adulthood, the reason this particular stretch of river mattered so much.

He felt that he also understood himself a fraction more clearly. He could feel himself changing – his body, and his mind. Physically he felt the broadening of his shoulders, the harder lines to his body, the same lean strength he saw in Matt and Luke. The physical reactions that had once filled him with panic were finally starting to feel like part of the same ordinary machinery. The attractions still sat uncomfortably against the faith he was trying to rebuild, but the shame had loosened its grip.

Between Levi and his father, the distance that had lingered recently had not vanished completely on this adventure, but it had changed shape. He was glad that his dads had brought him to this place. For the first time since the car accident, Levi felt as if he had finally given his father something back.

To be continued . . .