Andrew Q Gordon

Ok since I 'requested' you start this topic, I figured I ought to be the first to comment. I left you a short review on the story but here are some questions I had - Danny is the narrator - and it is interesting how long we go before we know his name or even anything about him - at first I thought he was in love with David - but you dispelled that theory. Was he in love with Kipplin? Clearly he hero worshiped Kipplin, but was there more? I didn't get that sense, especially when he suggested he could try again - until he saw 99 Farming. [which was somewhat brilliant by the way - more in a second on that.] So at the end/beginning, is Danny questioning his own sexuality or just the mystery of love in general? The whole metaphor you used with Farming was really quite good. And as I said the 99 Farming to symbolize Kipplin's giving up his desire was very well done - after his description of farming and his approach - the idea that he took it as far as he could take it showed us he was finished with this obsession/objective. Right? Your portrayal of David and his interaction with his 'girlfriend' was telling - was that a bit of self reflection or just an attempt to minimize David as a character - clearly his whole - whatever, I don't like her that much but she is fun to have sex with so I'm gonna run with it - was a bit cynical, accurate perhaps but still cynical. Last what was interesting to me was why would Danny think that David - a heterosexual male to all outward appearances, would be interested in Kipplin romantically just because Kipplin put all this effort into impressing David - or was he just hoping David would renew their friendship?? Okay enough - what's next from you?? Andy

Haha, I'll set up the Octagon and you two can have your MMA battle, but I wouldn't mess with Frost, esp since you are gonna have an up hill battle converting Darryl

Chapter 21 is up - here is the link Chapter 21 Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment. I appreciate both. Andy

“You want to what?” Coach Slewman’s eye narrowed at the question. “I wanted to know if there was any way I could have August 29th off from practice.” Jason repeated. This was going about as well as he expected. “Tellerman,” the way Coach said his name told Jason to stick a fork in his request. “You know the rules.” “Yes sir, I do. And I wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important.” “What is happening the 29th that you need off so bad?” His mood hadn’t softened. “Peter is co

when you put it that way, it sounds so cheap and tawdry LOL - um well then again, maybe it is

Thank you Nephy, I have to say posting this on GA has helped me develope as a writer - all the comments and discussions I have had with you and others really played a role in where the story has gone. When I start working on the next one [i have two I want to work on but i can't do multiple stories and stay married ] I hope to incorporate much of what I have learned into those.Thanks for you support and help, I really appreciate it.

Thanks to all of you - Hoskins, Wyndham, Kavrik, Rilbur, hh5 and Lugh. Hopefully if I PM you some of you with further questions, I won't be bugging - Lugh excluded since he has a lot on his plate right now - Thanks again, it will give me some things to look into. Andy

I almost think in dialogue that you'd be better served using contractions, like 'you've' as opposed to 'you have' and it's as opposed to 'it is'. Other than that, of course, I've no useful insights into this chapter. I love the name Jordan--it's really cute. As always, amazing writing. Yeah, Anyta has been working with me on this, you will likely see as chapter's progress I do more of the contractions in dialogue. Which is weird because I went back and tried to catch them in the pre-Antya hitting me over the head chapters - guess I missed those [sorry Antya ]

Thanks for the comments, I appreciate it. Not sure I'm a good writer by any means, but I am trying to get better. But I do really appreciate the compliment. And the reason they didn't get together was Bryan is straight so that would be weird that and jason isn't interested in him in that way.

Thanks Anyta, funny things is you made the same comment about using Jason in this story - I almost changed it but then got lazy. I suppose I could just do a search and replace and edit this, but again I am lazy. As always you know I adore you and love your comments. Andy

Thanks, I appreciate the comments, I hope to have it all up and posted fairly soon, working on the last set of chapters, then have to send them off to be reviewed. Thanks again. Andy

Hawkeye, I shot you a quick review on the Stories site but wanted to post here as well. First, I like your story quite a bit. Your character have a great feel - not sure if that is a very descriptive term, but I feel like you are letting us know them very well, especially Nate and Derek. It is clear Nate is gonna be hugely disappointed and unhappy when he leaves not only Derek, but Thomas as well. Friends like that are not cast off lightly. Toss in there won't be many people on board to choose from and you can imagine him being rather lonely as well as alone. Couple more thing - I suspect this is already written so it might be of not matter but here they are anyway. I would like to see a bit more of Nate's emotions. He is fifteen and leaving his bf and best friend. To a teen, these are more important than family so while we are told he is unhappy and doesn't want to go, perhaps you could let us see more of his internal angst. Second and this is more a pet peeve of mine so write me off as a zealot if you think i am way off. I find it very confusing getting multiple perspectives in a story. The text books say - stick with one perspective not multiple. Others disagree with me so I am not saying this is a must or else. BUT if you are going to give multiple perspectives, you really should limit things to one perspective per scene. There were a few times when you were switching between Derek and Nate and while that is easier than trying to show us the other person's feelings, it is also very confusing and interrupts your flow. Again, that is my opinion and I know for sure others disagree with me on here so take it with a grain of salt. All in all you do a great job with this, balancing showing up your vision of the new world, letting us learn about your characters and advancing your story. I look forward to more chapters Andy

So I read 1-9, and am really enjoying it. I have to say I am waiting to see how the Derek/Alex issue plays out. Alex telling Nate he broke up with is boyfriend of a month because it wasn't going to work now that Alex was leaving was a huge wake up call to Nate or at least that is how it came across I think. Sadly, I was sort of hoping in the back of my mind that Derek would sneak on board and go with them, but how realistic would that be? Derek and Nate are very good together, and Derek seems such a sweet guy - although I wouldn't say he was innocent, he definitely has a wild child streak. Anyway, thanks and looking forward to more.

Oh the shit is gonna hit the fan in a few chapters, just wait, it's gonna happen. I'm not kidding. Thanks Frost, I appreciate all the help. As for D. Well yeah he is, but you might want to hurry, he might not be for long - not that I'm saying nothing - just saying

The only problem with being Beta Reader is making sure not to slip up when writing a review - I am always worried I will say some thing in a review of this chapter that happens in a yet to be published chapter I read already

What would you do if you had the means to pay everyone back for all the bad things they did to you?

The satellite radio went blank again, claiming it was ‘acquiring signal.’ “Remind me to cancel this stupid service when I get back home.” He told himself as the music returned just in time for the guitar solo. Smacking the wheel of his Jeep in time with the beat, Jason continued to search for the break in the field that indicated his turn. This was taking longer than he remembered. If he didn’t reach the farm soon, he might have to pull over to put the top up to escape what promised to

Okay so here's the deal, Kavrik needs to get out of Peer Review and into the main section. He needs to get his reputation over 100 to do that. So to that end I am going to suggest that if you read and like Deeping Lore - and I know there are many who do - we help put him over the century mark. For those who do not know how this works, each of us gets the ability to give 5 (+) and 5 (-) a day [i am only encouraging you give him (+) btw ]. At the end of each chapter in his story you can give either a (+) or a (-). The more he gets the sooner he gets out of Peer Review. SO as I said, if you read and like it - as I do - then I encourage you all to go to the story and help get his status elevated. Oh here is a link if you need it. Deeping Lore Link Last and perhaps most important - The opinion expressed in this post are mine and mine alone, Kavrik has nothing to do with the post, never asked me to do it, doesn't know I am doing it, hasn't approved it. So do not take this as a shady attempt by him to boost his standing Andy Update: Story appears gone ergo, ignore this post. Update on the update - musta been me, it is still there so don't ignore the post

Thanks Frost, with the posting of the new chapter, I gave you your props as Editor. Thanks for the help and for pushing me to post. Andy

Sure it will Stuart, define soon?? Ah well no more excuses for me either eh?

Washed, dressed and a little nervous, Jason started the car, but not before giving Peter a wink. “Are you sure you’re okay with this, Jason? Definitely not the response he expected. “Stop already! Yeah sure. Do I look nervous?” He flashed Peter a big grin, hoping to show how relaxed he felt. “You looked pretty freaked out when I asked you. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” “Pete.” He put a hand on Peter’s leg. “I’m fine. It was just a bit of a surprise.” “No worse than your d

1-19 are up, these were the one's that have all been posted before. If I don't fall asleep I will post chapter 20 - a new chapter tonight. After that, I will do at least one a week, more if I can keep up. Hope to have this all posted sooner than later. As always, i enjoy the feed back. Andy Okay, I just got Chapter 20 up. Chapter 20 link Not the longest chapter, but then this way I can post more often.

After Peter got over his initial anger, he suggested Ethan and Anthony meet he and Jason somewhere before the end of the summer. They agreed Philadelphia had the most to offer, so Jason and Peter booked a hotel for a Saturday night and the three of them drove to east for the weekend. Everyone agreed the ‘road trip to Philly,’ as Ethan called it, was one of the best nights of the summer. Peter and Anthony got over any angst they had once they all met. Jason decided if he and Peter looked

Pulling down with all his weight, Jason thought the thick metal pry bar might snap in two from the effort. The stump he was trying to dislodge? It sat there mocking him. Why were he and Dean trying to remove it anyway? This far back on the property it was not in the way. He had a terrible feeling this was busy work to justify he and Dean getting paid by his grandparents. “Stupid stump.” He tossed the bar aside as Dean laughed. Lifting up his shirt he wiped the sweat from his face

Ten minutes early. Royce’s conditioning left Jason sitting around waiting for people too often for his liking. Peter said he would meet him after class, which meant two p.m. Finding an empty bench, Jason sat back, looking at the blue spring afternoon. Hopefully Peter wouldn’t mind if he went running later. “Looky here, Joe, if it isn’t Jason Tellerfag.” Jason didn’t need to look over to know it was Myers. “Wow, fat, slow, and stupid.” Jason stood up. If Myers wanted to fight, he