Andrew Q Gordon

Dave, understand one thing, I very much appreciated your comments. If there are problems and no one says so I'm the naked emperor and no one's telling me the truth. So I hope you knew I wasn't be defensive. Now, with this review - I see better what you were saying was lacking in chapter 1. I think to the extent it lacked wow details, it further got bogged down in the wrangling between judge and defense counsel. Hopefully the remaining chapters are more like chapter 2 than 1 - and I will say that I am looking at 3-6 again with your other comments and these in mind. I want to make sure I keep the right balance. So thanks as always - I appreciate them. -- -- Andy

Thanks Charlie, Each story is it's own so hopefully they aren't all the same though it's hard not to bring things from one to the other. Glad you're enjoying it so far. And I'll do my best to make the rest as entertaining as this one.

Freddy's wife must really be needing some money bad, she going to blackmail him or more precisely Caroline to bankrupt her wealthy brother in law. Just goes to show you that treat you people well and their loyalty is worth more than you can buy. One wonders if people would be so quick to help George if he weren't the type of Captain he is, fair and competent. Interesting to see what happens next Mark.

A colleague of mine once used a line in trial I have somewhat 'stolen' and used from time to time. In her case the defense attorney was trying HARD to make it seem like the cop was lying or at best incompetent. She told the jury, when you have nothing, you blame the police. So in this instance, Rankin has NOTHING. I mean there is video, witness testimony, and a cooperator. And yet, as Jason predicted at his grand jury testimony, Jordan was going to take it to trial because he thinks he's smarter than everyone else. Guess we'll see in the end. Thanks Trevor, glad this is not falling flat on it's face in comparison to L & O.

Hey Dave, it's hard to balance what to put in and what not to. Reciting all the testimony would be boring - truly boring. The idea was, if you read Second Shot, this is a short story companion case, the basics of the attack were discussed there. If I tried to go over all the testimony it would take probably close to 300 pages or more. I'm guess that based on transcripts I've reviewed. Those are just question answer. If I tossed in any description, beats, pacing, emotions etc, off the record stuff, I'd be running 500 pages. So I'm trying to balance things. -- -- as for jury feedback, It's impossible to determine in any great depth. I've had juries I was sure hated my case that I've won and juries that seemed so with me the defense thought I'd won and they weren't at the end. SO jury reaction is minimal in most cases. Last, as I mention above, most of the devastating evidence is already known to the reader so I've skipped over stuff and focused on the dynamics from the prosecutor's POV. You haven't seen all the evidence so who's to say it wasn't withering? PM me or post in the forum if you care to, yours is the first feedback to suggest problems and I am interested in hearing more. -- Andy

Yeah, I used this to flesh out that night a bit. Bryce wouldn't be much of a best friend if he wasn't the one Peter turned to when he needed to talk, would he?? - - - Don't worry, what happened after 'Now' get's addressed. Remember, he can't take Peter down and throw up the cooperating witness, then put Peter back. It would certainly be easier to present a case like that, then have defense call them all back on cross, but that's not how it's done. -- -- -- As for twisting, um yeah, it takes a certain touch to do that with ease. One does want a certain spin on things doesn't one??

Thanks Conner, I think Jason will be fine - but what do I know - - As for his mom, well she and Amanda have become good friends, the kind that stay friends if the kids don't stay together - [not saying they won't just using it as an analogy.] That and Barbara has a new target to vent her venom on - Rebecca - the Mouth That Gossiped' Colmar - nuff said.

Don't forget what Dan told Martin, there is a little surprise packet of info courtesy of one Hurricane Barbara and her husband's accounting prowess waiting to be unwrapped. But yeah, the Colmar's are not the world's favorite peeps.

In my experience, if you only present one side of things, i.e. I've done nothing wrong, jurors tend to wonder. Telling the good, bad, and ugly, gives them more of a sense you are being honest and they should credit your testimony. Hopefully it all works out in the end.

A couple hours before Sunday but I was feeling generous Chapter 2: The Victim be interested to hear people's comments. Is it too legal? Too boring? Too much testimony? To dry? Comment welcome. Andy

"I still think you should tell someone about Colmar's threat." Dan pulled out his note pad from the trial bag his associate brought over. "People do crazy things when they’re emotional." Martin gave Dan a stare. "Given the cases I see in our office, I think I know what people are capable of." "Maybe, but you also might be too close to the situation to be thinking clearly." Adjusting his reading glasses, he skimmed through the files on the table. Turning, he said, "Alan, where are the

Stands behind Nephy for a turn to slap the youngin. Actually I laughed at this until I saw Nephy's response. but yeah I am SO Old at 47 - er.... on second thought, **pushes Nephy aside and calls first dibs**

Rustle, I totally agree with you. That one and a few other stock sex phrases that seemed to get tossed in. But then again, as Nephy points out, if in the course of a story and author whose work I like has that tossed in I suppose I'd give it a pass unless it and others like it are all over the story. As for phrases I hate, hmmm, there are always some that pop up but not irksome enough for me to remember them. But if I cringe reading something, that would make the list.

Purpose Chapter 16 is up for you're reading pleasure. See what happens when you return home after 40 years and you haven't aged a day.

Dann, Dark - one thing that I wasn't too clear on was length. I guess what I was envisioning is something like a long ass story - that just doesn't have a central 'problem' to resolve. Sort of introduce the characters, have then deal with a conflict, then move on to another time in their lives etc etc etc. Follow them along the road, something like a Soap Opera. Agatha Christie or HP is different. Those were novel length stories. A series yes, but that is what they were - a series. Each book while connected, was complete. My thought - and this is not so much an idea for something I want to do as just a thinking out loud to hear what other people think - is almost like a tv show. Each week a new episode - or in this case a new chapter. Some will be complete, other will take a few to complete. Some themes on a show go a few episodes, others are over in one. It more or less that type of thing I was talking about. Nephy, you're too modest. Might I suggest - that since you have so many stories floating around, you consider peeling one off, and trying your hand at it? Dann's suggestion is a good one, you might be able to ditch your law job as the thing that pays the bills so 'you do what you were put on this earth to do' [see I read other things on here too ] Anyway, I think was JW, Delores and Cia said touches on what I was thinking about. I suspect the answer is something like an amalgamation of things. Yes people would read, but not forever, the author needs to be like Seinfeld and get out on top and move on, but there are going to be people who won't read it because they prefer a story with a plot, conflict and resolution at the end. Oh well, who knows. Thanks for the answers all, very helpful. Andy

I'm was going to post this here but figured a more general forum would get more attention so I had this topic locked and am providing the link to the one in the writer's forum for folks to respond there. Background: orginally I wrote Second Shot, hoping to publish it. I even had thoughts of taking it down and sprucing it up based on the comments I'd gotten along the way. Then I had a dose of reality - published stories generally are only about 100-120K long, and certainly that is the rule of thumb for new authors. So that got me thinking, especially as I see more and more details of some kinda story involving the characters and 'universe' of Second Shot. One thought that stuck out was that online forums such as this allow for pretty much whatever - short story? Post it. Long long story? that's fine too, if it's good - i.e. Circumnavigation - peole will keep reading. If it's 'normal, publication regulation' size? Post that too. Another thougth is style. Many many authors 'head hop' something of a big no no in the publishing world. Sure established authors can do pretty much what they want, as can someone who's first story just wow's folks - but for the vast vast majority of us, we have to follow the rules. Here again, on line posting - who cares about the rules? It's about doing what you like and hoping others will read and/or comment. but if not, who cares if you're doing it because you enjoy it? So what's the point here? Traditional writing requires lost of things, but among then a plot and a resolution. But what if there wasn't a real 'single' plot. What if someone came up with the 'Star Trek' of writing so to speak? You know to boldly go where others haven't gone before and whose continuing story will be told until ratings flail. Sort of like here are series of events in the characters lives, but there is no central issue, no overriding plot - like come out and not lost family? meet new family and decide to stay or not? [ala Desert Dropping] What if it were a series of small plots that follow the lives of the characters, add some along the way, removing others? Something akin to a sit com or drama we see on TV. Every 'episode' has a plot and a resolution, but there is no definitive, once we achieve this goal the story ends kinda thing. An on line soap opera of sorts. How do folks feel about that? Would you read about the lives of characters you 'fell in love with' during a story? Or would it just be boring in the end and a waste of time for the author? So if you have thoughts, click the link below and reply there, thanks. Andy http://www.gayauthor...341#entry314341

I'm was going topost this on my forum but figured I'd get a few more eyeballs here. Background: orginally I wrote Second Shot, hoping to publish it. I even had thoughts of taking it down and sprucing it up based on the comments I'd gotten along the way. Then I had a dose of reality - published stories generally are only about 100-120K long, and certainly that is the rule of thumb for new authors. So that got me thinking, especially as I see more and more details of some kinda story involving the characters and 'universe' of Second Shot. One thought that stuck out was that online forums such as this allow for pretty much whatever - short story? Post it. Long long story? that's fine too, if it's good - i.e. Circumnavigation - peole will keep reading. If it's 'normal, publication regulation' size? Post that too. Another thougth is style. Many many authors 'head hop' something of a big no no in the publishing world. Sure established authors can do pretty much what they want, as can someone who's first story just wow's folks - but for the vast vast majority of us, we have to follow the rules. Here again, on line posting - who cares about the rules? It's about doing what you like and hoping others will read and/or comment. but if not, who cares if you're doing it because you enjoy it? So what's the point here? Traditional writing requires lost of things, but among then a plot and a resolution. But what if there wasn't a real 'single' plot. What if someone came up with the 'Star Trek' of writing so to speak? You know to boldly go where others haven't gone before and whose continuing story will be told until ratings flail. Sort of like here are series of events in the characters lives, but there is no central issue, no overriding plot - like come out and not lost family? meet new family and decide to stay or not? [ala Desert Dropping] What if it were a series of small plots that follow the lives of the characters, add some along the way, removing others? Something akin to a sit com or drama we see on TV. Every 'episode' has a plot and a resolution, but there is no definitive, once we achieve this goal the story ends kinda thing. An on line soap opera of sorts. How do folks feel about that? Would you read about the lives of characters you 'fell in love with' during a story? Or would it just be boring in the end and a waste of time for the author? I'll post this on my forum as well, but link it back here and have comments posted here to keep em all in one place. Andy

I take a stab at this - When I started writing Purpose, the plan was to make it 1st person, all the way. Then I decided to give up on that and go back to the comfort of 3rd person. - yeah I know a lot of folks think 1st is easier than 3rd so I'm weird, but nothing new there. But there were elements where I wanted it to be 1st person so what I did was make those 'journal entries.' They are specific to a type of event that follows the MC throughout the story. Here I had to decide what to do with them. I think that what sets 'Journal Entires' apart from straight up 1st person is a gray area. For me it's a focus. What would the narrator really put in a journal? Most journals are more personal, less detail oriented. Generally one doesn't tell a story in a journal, one records events/thoughts/feelings. For example, in 1st person you could 'speak' to your reader - like - 'Now mind you, I wouldn't have been opposed to kissing him, but doing it to win a bet seemed fake. Almost like a lie, you know?' Whereas a journal entry would be more: "I so wanted to kiss him, but it felt too fake, too much like a lie. God, it was so frustrating.' Maybe not the best example, but I think you get my drift. As I said, the line is murky, but the key is pick a style and stick to it. Whichever way you want to go - recording events/feelings/emotions, or telling a story, make it consistent throughout. Easier said than done, but that is the way will all writing I suppose. Andy

Right, this almost reminds me of that old Monty Python skit where each of these guys start telling about how bad their lives were and each tries to out do the other. The last one ended it by saying, "We got up at 4 oclock in the morning, half an hour before we went to bed, ate a handful of poison, worked 26 hours a day at the mill and went we got home our dad would slash us in two with a bread knife and dance about our graves singing hallelujah." So yeah that sort of sums me up. Since I've since taken down my profile info, I try to give this a real stab. Aside from the obvious, age, sex, orientation, etc, been with same person 16+ years, bout to have a kid - girl - end of Sept. Two dogs, house, no picket fence yet, though he's bucking for one. Andy is not my real name but it's good enough and most people call me that anyway so what the hey. I'm a recovering catholic, recovering republican, recovering yuppy frat boy snob. Seems they all went hand in hand. Finally joined the human race by abandoning all three about 20 years ago - amazing how that almost coincided with meeting a really good person who I've spent my life with. Still a big sports head - I recently got to referee the soccer portion of the North American Outgames in Vancouver this year and I guess I did okay because I was selected to work the Gold Medal game. Love Baseball - yeah it can be boring but I still love to go to games with my dad - and I've started to take martial arts recently. I've started to read a lot more fiction since I came here, moving away from science and business mags. I get to read a lot on the Metro [subway] on the way to and from work and I guess I like to write a bit. Still don't know which Genre to keep to, as I like lots of different types. Unlike many folks, I don't think of myself as shy, though I don't like to be in social crowds where I don't know anyone, especially places like gay bars. I think of myself as gay but my co-workers have said on various occassions, I'm the straightest gay man they know, to come out of the closet and admit I'm straight, or that I needed to hand over my 'gay card.' Probably just that the other gays in the office are a tad more flamboyant. In response I have taken to affixing an HRC pin to my sling pack so the entire world won't mistake me for a straight man. That's all. Don't ask me any follow up questions, you'll be sorry you did, cause I can't say anything in less than two paragraphs. Andy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CIA!!!! Have fun, be happy, enjoy the Day of Cia! As someone once said to me - today you may be 30 but you'll never be this young again, so enjoy it.

Show off. Fine, you look good doing it, but still

Wow, Hope my daughter is as pretty as you Um wait, maybe I don't, then I might have to use my shot gun to keep the boys away.

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who vote for and/or commented on Antya and my Novella entry. It was very much appreciated. Andy

What KC said - with the exception of me questioning my choice

I think the best answer is, I don't know. If I were Jack, I'd bet on no. Anyta is NOT keen on sequels. Companion stories yes, sequels, not so much. There were certainly elements/scenes I wanted to do but they didn't work so well into the novella format. I wanted to bring in the Reynolds, maybe have more interaction between Ed and Marcus, I could see a lot of things for the characters, but I don't know that I have a full on, interesting story line in my head that people would want to read. Maybe Anyta does, so I'll let her answer for her on that.