Percy

Very well done. Amazing that we got insight into the narrator's relationship with his son, mother and ex in just a few words. And a cliffhanger to boot.

Great start to the story. I'll definitely be checking in on Ulysses' future.

This is an interesting premise for a story. You do a good job bringing the reader in to Tanner’s thoughts and feelings. His love/hate relationship with mornings and absolute abhorrence of high school make him someone the reader can relate to. The dialogue between the characters and his internal dialogue has an easy flow. You give some good details, especially in Chapter 1, that help set the scene and bring the reader into the story. The description of the crowded hallways in school is a good example. I was confused as to the extent of Tanner’s memory loss and how long he’s been suffering from it. I understand that the story is building toward a big reveal about the memory loss, but some of Tanner’s thoughts seem contradictory. For example, early on we learn that he’s blocked out everything and only knows that he’s 17 because that’s what he’s been told. A little later he’s describing the daily routine with his mother and how he loves her. Does he remember this woman and the maternal bond? Was the event causing the memory loss long enough ago that they developed that mother-son relationship in the aftermath of the trauma? Later on, over dinner, he can’t remember what happened at a recent visit to his father’s but then goes on to share a lot of background on his parents’ relationship with the reader. So maybe he doesn’t remember recent events, but he does remember his early childhood? I kept trying to figure out how extensive the memory loss was and it took me out of the story. Keep going – you’ve got some good instincts with the characters, just don’t leave out the details for the reader.

Good story, especially the way you built tension through to the end. The character's internal dialogue sounded natural. Very well written. -Percy

I am really enjoying this story so far. The characters are very well drawn and believable. The storyline is definitely holding my attention. Don't keep us waiting long for the next installment!

In this scenario, the moral obligation to come out centers on the financial support he receives from his parents. I would say he is not morally obligated to come out to his parents. Will he be morally obligated to come out to every person or entity from whom he receives money for the rest of his life? Is everyone who is gay obligated to inform every employer for whom they work of that fact in order to be considered moral? Billy’s parents likely raised him with the expectation that he would go to college, gain an employable skill and then become self-supporting. He was not raised with the expectation of having to support himself at 18 nor offered a path that would give him the skills to do so. His “job” then, is to work hard at college and gain that skill. In a sense, his parents are paying him to do so. Just like employers fire employees for being gay, so too may Billy’s parents cut off support if he comes out, however neither the employees nor Billy are at all immoral for not coming out in order to keep their means of financial support. An employee's only moral obligation is to perform the job which their employer hired them to do. Billy's only moral obligation is to work hard at college and leave with a skill that allows him to support himself.

Fun story! Perfect reading on a Sunday afternoon.

I encourage you to continue this storyline. It would be great to bring Paul into the picture and for the reader to see what transpires between Erich and her father when she gets into the house. Good job on the dialogue.

This was an excellent story. Very well paced and original.

Really enjoyed this story and admire the way it smoothly transitioned between the narrator's present and past.

I like my kindle. It mimics the page of a book as far as color/font contrast on the page and I don't experience any more eyestrain than a regular book. The e-ink looks like it will have some real possibilities.

Happy New Year! Here's to good writing and reading in 2011!

My observation is that looks definitely matter and sometimes in subtle ways. I was a hiring manager for years and consistently the panel of interviewers I worked with showed a bias toward candidates who were more attractive. It was subtle, but noticeable. Older candidates and overweight candidates with the same qualifications as others didn't make as favorable an impression. However, I saw it work the other way too. We had one young woman, a very attractive blond, who was passed over for promotion at least two years longer than she should have been (in my opinion). She was extraordinarily bright and very grounded, but frankly she looked like a 21 year old Britney Spears and the men in my conservative industry did not take her seriously.

Thanks for the welcomes! I didn't think I'd be such a weekend warrior around here. Somehow the day job always gets busy just when I want to get going on a new leisure activity.

Hello, I'm Percy - just signed up a few days ago and am checking the place out. Looking forward to reading and posting some of my writing. Hope to get some good, critical feedback that helps me improve. -Percy