mayday

I struggle to write letters with others in the room, so writing a story is out of the question with others around me. I am glad to read you are feeling better!

A really good chapter! I find this story so gripping and so moving! Thanks for sharing it with us!

Great chapter! Can't wait for the next. I love how the reactions of the characters are rendered.

Wow! I can't wait for your next chapter!

I can't comment. They are too poignant. Take that as a compliment, please.

hope you will be safe and get through unscathed

Hope you are and will stay safe!

I had to search yesterday's papers for news on Hurricane Helene. 64 deaths! I hope you will soon be over the worst in this! I guess you might do with some good days now. All my best wishes!

... if at first you don't succeed try, try, try again... I have had a good day (it's 11pm at night over here). I have gone to the mountains in the east to see a friend and to pile up provisions for the winter of better quality than we could get around here. I tried to be kind but I failed at giving solace to those who grieve and try to suffer in silence. Grieving takes time and it leaves me feeling powerless. On the other hand, having power means being responsible. I am not sure which is easier or preferable. But I take things as they are, after all, I cannot alter them...

9 lines, 33 words that rip apart imagination – conjecture - exposing it for what it is 33 words to counter with life and hope and … The Red Admiral on the wall next to the door The purple-blue morning glory thriving through the drought The gray morning mist hugging the valley at dawn Yellowish carrots shaped by the stones constricting their growth, yet growing Sun-loving laurel battling against the Northern conditions, yet thriving A pair of common redstarts visited us today outside our window looking around never explaining why or what for life goes on a gift every day every hour Be well, my friend! Love e

Thank you for this story! It was a pleasure to read, even if some passages were a bit tough to get through, you make us feel so intensely with the characters. I love how you weave the past and the present together. Unfortunately, I must also acknowledge how right you are in your assessment of the political dangers in Europe. I wish you weren't, but Christoph's fears are only too well grounded.

Great story, I like it better with each chapter.

Great dialogues - I really enjoyed this chapter. Thank you!

I love the scene with Kat. What a great friend Christoph has got in her. And she knows and values him. Small world indeed if Christoph actually works for Severin.

I thought wrongly, we knew the extent of the abuse the children suffered. This means that sunny Jill has some dark times ahead when she remembers. Brendan seems to be a great stand-in dad, a million times better than the sperm-donor.

What a great chapter! Lukas has managed to meet his father's saviour and made his dad so proud.

Another great chapter. I love the way it paints the love between Kai and Adam and the happiness of Doc and his future family.

If you read this gripping, tough and wonderful story now, you are spared the suspense we had to endure while waiting for the next chapter to be posted. It is one of the best stories I have read here on GA, and it is one which only its author could write. It is tough as in what Matt has to go through. Wonderful as in how it is told.

And I have just remembered: Gwen's attitude has changed - 180°: I still remember her response to Matt's telling her about Andy's coming over. She flies off the handle. She only sees her son as a hormone-driven teenager doing/wanting to do unspeakable things with men in his room. But now she sends him to find Andy. She tells him that Andy loves him. That he should go for it. She has accepted him as an adult at last. She trusts him. She shows him that she loves him. And she sets him free. Her being right in this is - at least to me - obvious from the one-way-ticket. Matt jumps. With both feet. And she has approved.

In spite of repeating what has been said before: A great conclusion to a great story, Tim. After the previous chapter I had no idea how to reach a happy ending - and it is one! - in just one more... You did it again. You showed us how to imply and say so much with a few words. Again it is Maeve who welcomes Matt, gets him out of the cold and out of his wet coat. It is her who tells "her men" what to do and how things are, when they are stuck: back "home"... go to him... All the more interesting then the epilogue, knowing that they now can deal with life without her, trusting each other, knowing each other, while before Matt had had to hide himself behind a mask. You once said, Tim, that we all are actors. I am so glad that Matt could leave pretending behind and find himself. And by doing so, trust somebody who was trustworthy. I would never have guessed Gwen to be the one who would push Matt to "jump". But jump he did. With both feet (one-way-ticket), unlike Andy in his visit to Matt before (wisely though...) - it shows how much she actually knows and how dearly she loves her son. Matt's first arrival on Windy Island contrasts with this one - what a powerful comparison! I still remember Maeve's impression of Matt in the mud room that night, spot on: "He's wet, cold, and frightened. Who could blame the poor lad?" Like Parker Owens I have not read this story for the last time. Timeless... Thank you, for sharing it with us!

There is so much here in all the comments one could comment on again - so many great observations, so many expectations and feelings - but I have just read the chapter again, and their last minutes together in Atlantic City have now sprung out at me: Matthew rose also. "Let me help." "Thanks, but it's probably best to say goodbye here. It’s easier that way." "Okay." Matt started to extend his hand, then changed his mind and gave Andy a brief hug. "Thank you…for everything." "It’s been my pleasure." Andy stepped back to give Matt his personal space. "Please think about that road trip, okay? Email me your thoughts." "I will." Matthew felt a lump in his throat. "Bye, Andy." Call me an incorrigible optimist or a romantic, if you like, but there are - at least to me - signs of hope there: First of all, it is Matt who does not want to say good-bye. Andy here seems to me to be the wiser one - in the here and now things are as they are. And then he follows suit by stepping back to give Matt his personal space, respecting him and doing everything to ensure Matt of his respect. It is - secondly - Matt who initiates a hug, and that hug, albeit a brief one, is progress. After all, we have read about him more than once stiffening at, or recoiling from, bodily contact. On the other hand, let's not forget, it is the figure with the arms wide open awaiting him in his dreams that he is yearning to find. Yes, dreams and reality are two different things, but reading it the ...th time, I cannot help but feel that Matt is almost experimenting if his dream could ever come true. And Andy does the only sensible thing: Stepping back, giving Matt freedom, his personal space. ... Mhm. His stepping back can also be misconstrued. Matt might wonder why Andy released him instead of holding on to him. He might feel that this means Andy wants to distance himself from him. And this will result in a reaction on Matt's side. Which? A feeling of being rejected? Of being unworthy? Of being too complicated and needy? I know the final chapter is written and awaiting publication, but I do wonder how - even a writer like - Mikiesboy will give us closure to Matt's and Andy's story. I know that asking for closure is rather old fashioned today. We may be doing it in our lives, but meaningful literature leaves us with spaces to fill with our own meaning and interpretations. Still, I am trusting the process until it is tomorrow 2pm our time. SiF-time for me for the last time.

I see some things slightly differently, akascrubber. Matt really wanted to stay as close to Andy as he can stand: "Andrew watched a tear run down Matthew’s cheek. "Matt—" "No, please don't say anything." The young, tortured man swiped at the tear. "I want that. But now-here, I can't even let you touch me."" but - as you say - it is too early for him. He needs more help to overcome his 'barriers' (for want of a better word) or trauma, but maybe now he knows it might be worth it. He wants to belong somewhere and he wants to have Andrew as a friend. The way I see it, at the moment there is no way for the two men to be together in the way Andy wishes for. He knows that. And he knows that if Matt went to him now he would only get a shell of a man. And yes, he would need to be healing first and be his own man. Then he can be what Andy wishes for and respect his partner, too, rather than constantly fear him or fear disappointing him.

I am actually full of admiration for Andy, for the way he dealt with his blunder and Matt's feelings in the end. He kept back, gave him space, spelt things out exactly in the way Matt needed to hear to regain some of his confidence and he feeling of being "himself", respected and well-liked. Andy has told Matt how he feels, that he wants more, but just like Matt's doctor predicts, he held back at once when he realized that Matt was nowhere near being able of being touched lovingly by another man. I remember when a prisoner on the yacht Matt loathed his master's kisses and touch, but he had to act and keep his feelings inside, in order to stay relatively safe. How can one ever be kissed again without remembering that?

I guess that Matt would have felt like that more than thought it, Al Norris. Does that make sense? I don't know. Matt could only let himself be touched when drunk. He still has so much to work through. Andy needs the patience of a saint. And Matt will need proof that Andy will not pressure him. Only then can there be a future for both of them. How does one ever overcome such trauma, when the most intimate part of oneself has been ripped out and shredded to pieces... I can picture what Matt endured in no other way. So Andy did get Gwen the book. Maybe she will read it and understand better what her son had gone through. Then she might be in need of therapy... God, there is so much to consider here... Thank you, dear author, for posting tomorrow! Your announcement tastes bittersweet to me: I won't have to wait three days for the story's conclusion, yet then it will be finished... no more chapters to wait for.

If music be the food of love play on. A wonderful chapter. I really loved it from the first time I read it. Snowy seems to be very moved. How he acts towards Tim and Guy is so commendable. I would guess he is a kindred spirit and a beacon of hope in an otherwise not gay-friendly environment. I was surprised at Tim's father's reaction to his son's acting and singing. I would not have expected him to accept his son on a stage. But I am also glad about Ben's and Samantha's support of the two love birds. Great and uplifting chapter! Thank you for this chapter and your story!