Eleven
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Everything posted by Eleven
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Just agreeing that you wrote Roman was playing the piano, when it should have been Martin. And I'd like the vampires to have their own story
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I don't understand why more people aren't following this story. It's delicious and makes me shiver. Deadpool is adorable and so very sincere. Now for a review comment. I had to do some outside research on Deadpool after the first chapter. I think some background info on the "boxes" would have been really helpful on the story page before you click on individual chapters. Also an explanation of breaking the fourth wall would have been great for us non comic readers. Now I might have to re-read everything until you give us another chapter.
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murder Kissing The Dragon - Discussion Forum
Eleven replied to lomax61's topic in Stories Discussion Forum
And here I thought the handkerchief belonged to Colin... it used to be scarlet only got turned pink by the killer somehow. I think "indiscretely" is a typo in chapter 1. And the tennis match changes from Thursday to Tuesday. I always run out of likes. I've been reading old completed stories in order of most famous favorited. Very satisfying to read stories in one go... then no more likes -
I came to read the comments because I also wondered why it seemed to be the same characters and story as Rob's, just not as well done. Latch key kid whose parents are never home? His best friend is a girl on the cheer squad to who lives nearby and drives him to school? He swims, does acrobatics, and has a slim physique? Even to the end where the wolf thought about his "pup" and waiting until he was 18. I'll hold off a real review until the next chapter.
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The word intense is too mild. I dont understand why you didn't mention rape and nonconsent in the story tags, the chapter description, or the beginning of the chapter.
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I still had some trouble figuring out which he was he, but it was better with fewer POV shifts. Maybe I just read too fast. I'll work on that! I do think you wrote Sayer a couple times when you meant Birch.
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Maybe it's just me, but I had some difficulty in telling the two perspectives apart. Looking forward to a new fae story!
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I've definitely been addicted to other MMO's. Years ago, I would spend entire weekend days and night playing Ultima Online. I finally kicked that one cold turkey but got sucked into Everquest 2 a few years after that. Ended that by going cold turkey again. Recently, I started playing Guild Wars 2. While I like the game a lot, I'm enjoying my new casual playstyle. There's no feeling that I *have* to play; I come and go as I like.
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I'm excited to see where this story might take us! But I was confused, like ninecila, about how the wemic looked physically. Is lion-taur really an accurate description? Centaurs are humanoid on top, but the wemic has yellow eyes "sharp teeth."
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I liked a lot of the same things others have already mentioned, the inner monologue, self-doubt, and Oscar speech. Overall, I liked it. But I do feel that the story was lacking in a few particular details: 1) The audience never received any real information about the brilliant masterpiece written by Anthony. Odd. 2) Matt doesn't even know what part he's refusing until nearly the end of the story. The audience never does. 3) We have no idea what language Matt translates for work. Any reason why not? 4) What was the old habit Matt nearly took up again? Would have added dimension to his character. 5) More detail on how the song mirrors their relationship. Lyrics would have also helped
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Ch. 2 ~ Coffee Shop Confessions
Eleven commented on Renee Stevens's story chapter in Ch. 2 ~ Coffee Shop Confessions
Richard's line about leaving because he didn't want Simon to "feel beholden" to him seemed a bit contrived. That word just struck me as out of place. It's a bit of an old-fashioned concept that I remember reading in historical romance novels. -
I thought this chapter wasn't bad, but I noticed the lack of descriptions for anyone besides the main characters. We have no image of Simon's buddy Josh and his boyfriend, even though Simon watched them on the dance floor. Richard removing Simon's clothes to make him more comfortable seemed odd. Doesn't make a lot of sense for people who would have been raped. Were the "people" he helped men, women, or both? Vague.
