Thorn Wilde

All very good questions, which will be answered in due course. Thanks for commenting!

Thank you. @dughlas!

Thank you, @Kitt! ❤️

Over the weekend, it began to occur to me that the posters had, possibly, been overkill. I had wanted to punish Daniel for what he had done, for not listening to me and spending time with Michael Storm anyway. No one thought I’d done it. I hadn’t even been suspected. Jason had been, and Alec and Aziz. Some year eleven bullies, too, but not me. It didn’t seem like something I would do. So why had I done it? Why had I done any of it? It was easier to rationalise now. Easier to think that it ha

We performed Mozart's Requiem when I was in school. I soloed on Benedictus, which still remains a favourite. Here performed by La Chapelle de Québec. Most recordings you find of just the movement alone, the soloists are so operatic; I prefer this simpler approach. Requiem isn't opera, it's meant for a completely different kind of performance, and Benedictus in particular is such a lyrical piece of music, it doesn't suit that overly dramatic approach, in my opinion. As such, this is the full mass, but it'll start at the Benedictus movement.

I played piano when I was a kid, about four years, and then gave it up because I joined the Norwegian Opera children's choir and had to perform so much. Picked it up again a few years ago and started to write songs. I'm not a very good pianist, mind, but I accompany myself on my own songs.

Got myself some Norwegian trad folk metal today.

That's beautiful, @Mikiesboy.

That's such a sad story! Must be awful to feel that way. Also, I hear you with the meds... I spent five years on SSRIs, and lost all ability to cry, write stories and music, and just, well, function emotionally. Finally off them now and taking some far less intrusive mood stabilisers, and I'm back to being me. Anyway, I hope you feel better! ❤️

I romanced Sera as a female dwarf. That worked really well. She has individual dialogue based on race, so as a dwarf she gave me a pet name and fussed over me and told me how 'twee' I was. It was awesome. I know that if you're a Qunari, she goes utterly gaga or you. The thing I liked about the DA2 romances was how you could either have a friendly romance or a rivalry one. Fenris is such an angry boy, I played as a male mage and did a rivalry romance and it worked so well. Super hot. I too really want a transgender option for the protagonist. If anyone will do it, it's BioWare, so here's hoping. Kaidan goes bi in ME3. ME2 you barely see him, anyway. But I have a mod! My latest playthrough, I romanced Kaidan from the start with a male Shepard. The mods really work. Of course, in ME1 all the romance dialogue was recorded for both characters for both genders. They clearly intended to let you romance either regardless of gender, but I guess they chickened out or something. On a different note, in The Sims 4 you are now perfectly free to create transgender sims, and it's really awesome. I just got the Get Famous expansion, so I've made a non-binary trans femme actor and youtube star. She's gorgeous.

Thank you so much, @Arpeggio @Ron @Valkyrie @Mikiesboy @mollyhousemouse @MacGreg, for your kind words and encouragement. Actually crying a little right now. You're all just so wonderful, thank you. This feels like an important first step, somehow. All my love to you all! ❤️

In the past year, 369 trans people have been murdered for the crime of being trans. Those are the ones we know of, the ones who were reported and not misgendered. Most likely, there are many times that many, ones we can't name. Today, the 20th of November, is Transgender Day of Remembrance. So, we should remember.

Over the years I've been here, I've gotten the odd PM asking me whether I'm actually male or female. I have answered these questions truthfully. When I returned after my hiatus, I was really happy to find that there's now a non-binary option under gender, as there wasn't one before. I identify as genderqueer, gender fluid, or non-binary. When I first got here, I didn't. Or, that is, I lacked the language to. I was assigned female at birth, and I always thought I was comfortable that way. But now, I don't. At some point in late 2012 or early 2013, I chose a gender neutral pen name, as I started to write again. I was posting to Archive of Our Own then, and I wanted for my gender not to matter. I didn't know why that was so important to me at the time, though I do now. In April 2013, I discovered GA through a reader on AO3, and I came here. I never disclosed my gender, but people assumed. People assumed that I was a guy, and I loved it. I felt very comfortable, and free. Kind of like this was what I was supposed to be, most of the time. I say most of the time, because sometimes I'm perfectly happy being a girl. I put on a dress, I wear make-up and heels, and I'm cool with being called she. I'm fine with being called she most of the time, for the moment. In real life, pronouns aren't the most important thing to me, especially since I, well, shift. Most people IRL read me as female, so I'm not gonna force that conversation. But when I'm in here, I love being he, and I wish people would read me as he more often out there as well. For the longest time, I thought my feelings weren't legitimate, because I didn't suffer from body dysphoria. But a lot of my trans friends don't, either. At some point, trans people became 'we' and not 'they', to me. I recently switched meds, and the hormonal balance in my body's a little bit out of whack right now. When I discovered that I was growing actual facial hair, I felt overjoyed. The things that cis women pluck off the moment they see them, I looked at and felt like, finally! I have an honest to god moustache now, though it's super light so you can barely see it. I can feel it, though. There's a lot of it. A couple of weeks ago, I got a binder. Today, I wore it, put on a shirt I like, and I went out into the world and felt awesome. I felt like this is me. For the past few weeks, I've seriously been considering medically transitioning. The one thing holding me back is my singing voice. I'm a musician. I'm a singer. If I transition, my voice will change. It's a big risk. I mean, it's not like I could do it right now, anyway. It would probably take years before I could even start treatment. I dunno, I haven't really voiced these thoughts properly before, they're a bit of a mess at the moment. I don't want to click publish on this. I feel like if I do, you'll all treat me differently. Like I won't get to be me anymore. I kind of feel like an impostor, no matter which way I go. When I wear dresses and make-up, I often feel like I'm in drag. When I come here, and I'm me, Thorn Wilde, I feel like if people knew they'd stop seeing me as who I am. A couple of years ago, I found out that some people I thought were my friends had been talking behind my back, saying that I called myself genderqueer cause I just wanted attention. And constantly there's this fucked up voice in my head telling me that they're right, and I'm just pretending. I'm not. I know I'm not. I know that when I'm here, I'm Thorn Wilde and I belong. I don't want that feeling to go away. But today is Transgender Day of Remembrance. In the past year, 369 trans people have been murdered. Those are the reported ones, the ones where the victims weren't misgendered. My family is dying. The least I can do is be open about who I am. This is me, in my binder and my favourite shirt, being me today. Pronouns: He/him.

I went to a music school in high school. Did classical singing, but then later I started doing rock and pop music and got a bachelor in popular music performance.

I can't hear or read 'Prince Albert' without being reminded of this. (Content warning: swearing and kind of offensive, but I think I can forgive Robin Williams almost anything...)

Had this one on repeat all day...

Oh! I forgot about The Last of Us. The new one has a lesbian protagonist, doesn't it? What's really severely lacking is trans and non-binary characters in games, though.

Andromeda has Gil, though. And Reyes is bi, and hot. I think so, anyway. 2 doesn't have any male gay options, though. Not unless you mod it, anyway.

Names can be slightly off-putting, it's true. I also find portrait tattoos iffy, as most of them are kind of awful, but I do know a tattoo artist who does them extremely well. I like words, though. My ex has "Amor fati" tattooed on her wrist. She's a philosophy nerd and loves Nietzsche, so... I've had this idea for an upper arm sleeve since forever, with bits of song lyrics. But they'd be in like a flowy font and kind of intertwine and form a pattern, you know?

When I was eleven, my dad died very suddenly. I learnt that everybody dies and everybody leaves. But I also learned that life is ephemeral and temporary, and you've got to do the best you can with the time you have.

Sooo, I had to look up hafada and quiche, cause I'm not terribly savvy with the names for things, and . . . that's brave. Kudos.

Hey, where do you think I first discovered him? Rediscovered him when I was studying music.

@TigerI see your Morning Mood and raise you a Solveig's Song. So much beautiful music from Peer Gynt...

I mean, it's possible I misunderstood. It's been known to happen.