Thorn Wilde

Thank you, Brad! I'm glad you're still enjoying the story. With regards to the sex scenes, I'm glad you don't think they're too gratuitous. It's been hard to balance a certain degree of realism with not making it too porn-y. I happen to be a huge fan of erotica, and have been known to write it on occasion, so keeping from doing so now is actually quite difficult. But I'm glad I've been able to pull it off! Thank you for reading and reviewing still!

Like jamessavik, I also use Scrivener. I've been using it for a couple of years now, and I love it as a writing tool. It makes everything very nice and easy. I use the cork board feature when I start out and make a short chapter by chapter outline. Not too much detail, just 'this happens in this chapter' or, sometimes, even just 'this is the general theme of this chapter'. Then I just start writing from the beginning. First few chapters will usually be pretty linear while I get a feel for the story and the style I want to write in. After that, I might start jumping around a little bit. If I get stuck somewhere, I'll skip ahead and write the things I know are going to happen first, or just write scenes I feel like writing, some of which never even end up in the finished draft. Sometimes I make character profiles. Sometimes I just end up writing them down as I go along. Usually, I learn more about my characters from writing them than I do from making lists or profiles. Their appearances and mannerisms are all safely stored in my brain. I find that, if I have a more minor character that I can't really wrap my head around, writing a few scenes from the character's point of view tends to sort it out. It's different if I'm trying to write genre fiction, sci-fi or fantasy or horror or something like that. Then I need to plot it more thoroughly, map out my world and profile my characters so I know what the hell I'm doing. Short stories I don't plot at all. I start writing, and then I write until the story is finished and then go back and read and proof and rewrite and alter things until I'm happy with it all.

Yeah, you win some, you lose some. It is how it is. Craig has some pretty serious issues, one might say. More about him later on. Not the nicest way of being discovered, but at least now it's out in the open, and most importantly, Zoë knows. Thanks for reading and reviewing still!

Friend of mine just sent me this. Not usually my style of music, but the song and the video are lovely.

Never underestimate the human mind's ability to rationalise, repress and move on. Nick is far from done with this, but for now he can function. Thank you for reading and commenting!

Stuck between the do or die, I feel emaciated. Hard to breathe I try and try, I'll get asphyxiated. Swinging from the tallest height, with nothing left to hold on to. Every sky is blue, but not for me and you. Chapter Fifteen: Come Home FYI, This chapter contains some smut. There's been some discussions in the reviews for chapter fourteen, and I appear to have alienated some of my readers. I would like to thank those of you who have taken the time to tell me why you found what happened last chapter unacceptable, for your honesty and your openness, and I'm sorry that I've lost your readership (which means you're not reading this either, probably, but still). However, I also feel the need to add, in the words of Oscar Wilde: 'Nothing makes one so vain as being told one is a sinner. Conscience makes egotists of us all.'

CHAPTER FIFTEEN Come Home The following days consisted mostly of hanging out in Dave’s bedroom or—when they were feeling adventurous—the garden, playing video games, and playing board games with Jason who, as it turned out, was a huge board game nerd and had them playing everything from Risk to obscure fantasy board games Nick had never even heard of. It all helped him take his mind off Craig. He was pleased with that. He shoved it to the back of his mind and they hadn’t spoken of

The first paragraph of my favourite book is as follows: That's the start of American Gods by Neil Gaiman. It's a powerful and interesting beginning, and part of the reason why it draws your attention the way it does it because of the f-word. I love it when eloquent writing is broken by the use of curse-words. I draws you out of it for just a second, and I think makes you appreciate the rich language of the story even more.

Aww, David's such a sweetheart! I still retain some kind of hope of him just being very deeply in the closet, but that's probably quite farfetched. David seems very comfortable in his sexuality, which would account for why he doesn't care if other guys find him attractive. And what of Chris? I keep wondering, does Chris like Dan? Poor Dan, it's not easy being him... He's so utterly rational and analytical, it's like he barely even recognises his own emotions, let alone anyone else's. I kill bugs, if they annoy or harm me. I never kill spiders, because they kill bugs for me. We have ants in our house right now, but there's a little spider who's built a nest in the loo, and every day more dead, shrivelled up ants turn up underneath her web. I've named her Claudia.

In the bathtub scene, Nick was still in shock. Still not used to anyone but Zoë being kind to him, his addled brain was looking for a way to pay Dave back for his kindness. Thank Goodness that Dave is such a decent bloke. I'm so glad you've been enjoying the story! I'll be updating with another chapter a little later today. Thank you for reviewing!

Thank you so much for saying all this. It's been painful to realise that I have readers who will stop reading my story because of this. I thought I handled it as tactfully and kindly as I could, and it saddens me that this wasn't enough. I, of course, respect an individual's choice to put down a book that triggers them, or that's painful for them to read, or that they just don't like. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt a bit when it's my book. Craig could do with a good beating, I'm sure. Of course, if he goes to jail that's exactly what he'll get. Other convicts do not take kindly to child rapists, I've heard. We can let that be a comfort for now. Thank you for reading, thank you for continuing to read, and thank you for your words.

I'm sorry you feel that way. It saddens me that this sort of thing should make people want to stop reading, but it is how it is, I suppose. Thank you for reading as far as you did.

Single quotation marks (apostrophes) is the UK standard, actually. So if you pick up a book that's written like that, it just means it's a UK edition. I'm glad you're giving it a shot anyway!

Thank you so much! I try. Forgot to do this when I posted it last night... I was never faithful, and I was never one to trust. Borderlining schizo and guaranteed to cause a fuss. I was never loyal, except to my own pleasure zone. I'm forever black-eyed, a product of a broken home. Chapter Fourteen: Black-Eyed Next chapter will probably not be up until tomorrow. It's my birthday today, and I'm going to a release party for a friend's new record tonight, so might not have time to post.

Thank you! I'm glad you're still liking the story! Yeah, Craig is definitely a piece of shit. He's also very, very broken.... You'd have to be to do the stuff he's done. Dave's good at taking care of the people he cares about. It's one of his greatest strengths, and part of the reason why I love writing him so much.

Thank you for your honest opinion. I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll change your mind with regards to not reading anymore. There are only a few chapters to go. You are completely right that Nick should have told Zoë about Craig beating him. You're right that Dave and Nick should both have just come out. And you're right that they should have reported the rape. Nick should have been taken to a doctor to be examined and checked out, and for the sake of evidence, too. Absolutely. This is what SHOULD have happened. But it didn't. Nick didn't tell Zoë the first time around because he was afraid. Because this was the man his sister wanted to marry, and he was worried that he wouldn't be believed, he was worried that Craig would hurt him again. He was worried that Craig would hurt Zoë. Dave is still so far inside the closet because he's afraid of his father, because he's afraid to lose his friends, because he's afraid that if he loses status he won't be able to protect Nick anymore. Nick still isn't out to his sister because he's used to homophobia, and even though it would be so unlike her, he's still irrationally afraid that she won't accept him. And they didn't report the rape at once because they're two 16-year-old boys who have not been taught what to do if you're raped. Because the stigma against men who are raped (who 'let themselves be raped') in our society is even greater than the stigma against woman who are. Because Nick is afraid of not being believed, of being blamed, of being questioned. Because Zoë isn't there and Nick doesn't know how he could possibly tell her over the phone. Because Dave doesn't know if his cousin, whom he worships, would accept him if he told him the truth about everything, which going to him for help would, in his mind, inevitably lead to. Because when you're sixteen you don't always do the right thing or the rational thing. Yes, they're behaving stupidly. Of course they are; they're a pair of scared kids who don't know much about anything and think they know all about everything. As for taking the story in this direction in the first place, and having already put them through enough... If the world was a fair place, and the universe never gave us more than we could handle, if there was a quota on misery and pain then, you would be completely right. Of course rape is too much. Rape is always too much. Rape should never happen. But it does. And it happens for stupid reasons, and it's done by otherwise regular people in whom something just snaps, and it's one of the most hideous crimes an individual can commit against another. But it still happens. It wasn't even supposed to happen. It wasn't part of my outline. There was another beating in store for Nick. But just like bad things happen in the world for no reason, this happened, too. It happened while I was writing. It happened before my eyes and I couldn't stop it, and once it had, I felt like there was no going back. But thank you, really, for being this honest. I appreciate that you were willing to tell me this, and tell me why it makes you feel the way you do. And, in a way, I'm glad it does make you feel that way. It's a good reaction. Any reaction is a good reaction. So, thank you. Be well.

I don't think Dave at all knows what you're supposed to do in the event of rape. This is my bit of social commentary: That young boys are not taught about what rape, or what to do if it happens. So Dave did the best he could.

Angie wasn't really rational when she wrote that. She hasn't really been rational in a while... Depression and psychosis makes people do stupid, bad things for all the wrong reasons. I thought Matt was just a selfish, narcissistic playboy when I started writing him. He keeps proving me wrong, and he's one of my favourite characters I've ever created now. Good old Matt. Chas needed development, I thought. I'd made this character, and his role in the story hardly registered. There's usually more to people than meets the eye. Oh, Alan has a heart. It's not a very good one. It's a scarred, lonely, rejected, shrivelled little thing, dry as a leaf, but it is there. Maybe putting it to use will cause it to soften. Thank you once again for reading and reviewing and being magnificent!

Thank you so much for your, as ever, kind words! They're truly heartwarming and inspirational. I do hope, in time, that Nick will be able to forgive his mother, and that the funeral scene I originally wrote for this chapter (because originally, she did manage to kill herself) will never have to happen. Craig is such an infinitely more complex character than I thought he was when I started writing this story. He started out as straight-up villain, but I realised eventually that he needed motivations and background. Once I'd made those up for him, It became necessary to change his scenes a bit, to give him moments where he's, well, human. The way Dave looks after Nick is astounding, really. No one's ever really looked after Dave, he's been neglected a lot by his parents growing up, so it becomes doubly important for him to take care of others. He does probably have a bit of a hero-complec, as well, but he already genuinely loves Nick. As for the three little words, I actually felt like they were almost a little late coming. Check out my reply to Daithi below for my own experiences with I love you.

Thank you so much! Dave is certainly coming along nicely. I just like him more and more, myself. And poor Nick, as if he needed more crap in his life, and this isn't even the last of it...

Thank you! Yeah, I was really proud of Matt when it became clear he wanted to stand up for Nick. It was the right thing to do.

Oh, Zoë will know, believe you me... Unfortunately, your average 16-year-old boy is entirely unfamiliar with how to deal with a situation like this, legally, medically and socially.

Thank you! I'm so glad you think I pulled it off. It was a very challenging part of the story to write, especially as this is another one of those things that was never meant to happen when I wrote my outline, but then happened anyway. Thank you!

CHAPTER FOURTEEN Black-Eyed Nick lay on his back in the cool, green grass of his back garden, staring up at the blue sky where fluffy clouds moved lazily in the spring breeze. It wasn’t quite t-shirt weather yet, but Nick had stubbornly braved the temperature and refused to wear long sleeves. He rolled over onto his side to look at Dave, who lay next to him, eyes closed, all but purring like a cat in the sunlight. He had opted for a blue and black striped long sleeve, not quite

That was my first impression of him too. Imagine my surprise when people who were reading the first draft were like, 'Ooh, Matt seems interesting, I wonder what his deal is?' and I started wondering the same thing. Matt, it seems, knew exactly who he was all along and just hadn't told me yet. Thanks for reviewing again!