Jaro_423

I like the start. Plenty of conflict here and lots of scope for all sorts of developments. You do so well at capturing human nature and character with all the insecurities and issues. Great stuff! Looking forward to a good read. I know it will be so with Headstall! No doubt there'll be plenty of tears too cos you very good at pulling the heartstrings.

Very good opening chapter. Reminds me of a story I saw online on YouTube though I don't think the couple had married. The parents took the body back to their home town and cut off the partner completely. Really tragic when such happens and one of the major reasons why gay marriage needs recognition and a stamp, though here it shows even that wasn't enough for the parents. I feel Scott's frustration and anger mixed in with his pain.

Great story, great characters. Very realistic or at least convincing of its realism. Very compelling and touching. You are a great story-teller. Please, though, do get an expert proof-reader to eliminate basic annoying mechanical errors that really are so distracting from an excellent read. Who wants to read "were" when it should be "where"? That will add polish and popularity to your work. Blessings. J.

A most enjoyable read. Great characters and enthralling in the story line. Pissed off that it wasn't better proof read though. There were many, many distracting errors that spoilt the read, so much so that at one point I wondered if some of the errors were perhaps Americanisms and had to pass them off as such in order not to be too fed up with them.

OK. Seems a waste of time making any reviews so will just read on.

Money or the lack of it is always a problem in this world and worse if it is a divider in relationships, though having said that it's not insurmountable. Peter's hang ups were made worse by Hayden, but surely that's not all, as Jase is so different to Hayden. How can Peter think Jase would use money against him in any way. He must just learn to live and let live and enjoy while Jase wants to spoil him. It's a pride thing that stops him and pride is worse than the money. Just get over yourself Peter! He's rich in the cooking though, and Jase loves that! Make the most of what you do have, not what you don't have. Lol!

Yeah, nice to meet a friend, a best friend too, of Pete's, though strange that Jason didn't even know about him at all. Was that really realistic or necessary to hide? Seems very odd. Pete is as closeted as Jason sometimes! Little things can be such a thorn in relationships and have to be resolved otherwise they turn into big things. It's good that they are dealing with stuff and confronting it and working it out bit by bit. So realistic, but also so touching. I love these guys and I love their story. Thanks for writing it.

It's great that Jason's friends are accepting Pete and getting used to him being around. That's good for both of them and will help when Jason is finally out, as is inevitable. I know that hiding the gay so well as I live that way myself. Not possible to be publically out where I live unless I want to do jail time, which doesn't really appeal. Loving how their relationship is growing, and, yes, Pete's almost kissing in public is a sign of them being so comfortable with each other, though it is such a danger for Jason. I'm hoping that his fears will prove to be largely unfounded and that he will find acceptance in more places than he thought possible.

Wow! That was a stressful day shopping! Lol! I don't know how they did it, but hats off to them for managing it, getting Wendy sorted and then even playing the plan for accommodating Jase so all thought it was fine. Totally not normal, but fine with it. LMAO! It was hilarious! And the nice touch with the old guy in the antiques shop was delightful. His gaydar was working fine for sure! This is a little like living dangerously, even if hilariously! But splendidly handled from all points. Thanks.

Yeah, there were rather more errors of mechanical nature in this chapter than I noted before - sorry! English teacher speaking! Lol. And that spelling of "clothes" leaving the "e" out really does stand out and hit one between the eyes. Sorry about that. You need someone to proof read for you to help eliminate a lot of those sort of errors. [i do that, btw. Only problem is I am UK English and not American English.] The story is great, the characters and incidents excellent and realistic. I love it. Even the sex is so nicely done even if a little underdone. I like my meat that way, but the sex should be, especially on a gay site like this, a little fuller. The shower scene was great. Thanks for writing a great story. Love these guys!

Lots in this chapter. Very realistic confrontation on the bus with the arch-enemy. Could be an area of problem later. But then the co-captaincy! Wow! A pity he couldn't be totally bombed by this but thinking always it might turn sour. So know that feeling. Poor Jase! Loved the conversation between Peter and Jase on the phone - so good. Also the dialogue with Darryl. I haven't been noticing a problem with contractions - maybe you fixed them. And the hanging prepositions - you really have a grammar fundie on your case here - shame! Anyway, while it's correct what that person says, it's not always natural and may sound artificial to follow the rules. Just want to say that I know quite a bit about grammar being English major and teacher, but your story swings and I don't find anything major that jars horribly. Great writing of a great story. Thanks.

I'm sure I did read this before but I can't remember it all. As I read parts of it seem familiar, but I'm surprised I never reviewed, as I love to do that. Perhaps it was in my first venturing here and I was keeping a low profile, lower than even Jase. Lol! I am enjoying the story. It is very convincing and romantic. Right up my street. I love the details, the interplay between them, the texting, the smiles and the looks, the wanting but not wanting, the hesitancy but the yearning. Lovely contrasts and so realistic too. Thanks for a great story.

You capture the nervous tension so well, and both of them are nervous in exploring how each feels about the other and how the other will or will not respond. It is so well handled and it could have so easily gone sour at this stage by one of them taking flight like a nervous rabbit or saying the wrong thing. But they manage to get through the mine-field of their anxieties and it's all go now, or is it? Jase could still suddenly come to his senses and flee, but I guess he's following his passions now and wants to see what happens. It's all a risk and he's already taking some risks, so why the hell not. In for a penny in for a pound as the saying goes. And I'm rooting for them. I want them to have a chance at happiness and am mad that they should have to duck and dive and try to find happiness furtively. But it's same old story. I'm in that myself even now. It's the pits. I feel for them. That tells you how caught up I am in their story. You doing a great job.

I'm enjoying the story. Your characters are great and the interaction good. Really want to see what happens to Jase and whether he and Peter get to be an item, ever. Lol!

I know I read this before, but when? It's good, really good. Love the dialogue and the way you build information and interest. Love the details. Love the drama building as it is so familiar too. And I love that you writing about masculine jocks. It's all good to me. Thanks.

Actually, Nephy, I think your comment about Daniel crying like the child he is is appropriate since there are aspects of Daniel that will forever be child-like. That's one of the things that makes him so appealing. His being given to crying is such and Rayn can be completely forgiven for thinking such a thing, because it is so true. One has to appreciate, like you are earnestly getting us to do, how complex Daniel is. He's an adult-child. Please don't change it! This was a very dramatic chapter, but takes the whole Andy thing to another level and is great in showing how Daniel and Rayn actually make an amazing team and are able to fight off a bully in spite of who they are. Go Daniel! Go Rayn! You did it! You chased the bully off! Yeah! So now I'm caught up. Drat! I hate waiting for the next installment. That's when I lose the plot and get distracted by another story. Oh well! See you later - much later. Perhaps when the story is finished.

Delightful. They just so right for each other. So glad they have the support and love of Sara and Lily too. They make a great family unit now.

Yes, the victims of domestic violence often end up being the ones who protect those that abuse them. It's sad but true and rather difficult for an outsider to understand. Poor Rayn is so in that place, but you make it understandable. He has been beaten and controlled and can't seem to get out of that. Can't wait to see how you sort him out.

Can't wait to see what you have stored up for Andy. I will enjoy it all the more knowing now that Daniel and Rayn are safe and back together. I do love Sara! She's a fierce fighter and it's so good that Daniel and Rayn have her on their side.

Actually, I think Sara is as big a surprise as Daniel sometimes. She comes up trumps when one least expects it. I think she's a chip off the writer block somehow! Lol! But I guess Rose Queen will be coming through shortly. Nice if you can just put in a word for Sara too. She needs a special someone to take care of her. Lol!

Wow! I always love reading the comments/reviews, but was somewhat startled by kashidi's vociferous attack. Glad I read your response to that. I've read a lot of your work and you don't put in stuff for sensationalism as was the implication. It was a strange comment to have made. Anyway, that aside, I'm glad you are going to resolve this shortly because it really looks bad for Rayn and might be worse for Daniel. Andy really makes me mad and I'm glad Rayn got a few good punches in, not enough by far though.

Loving the story. Thanks for writing. I wait in trepidation to read on. So they've had sex but it was no big deal, is that right? I would have thought that would be a huge hurdle for them both, bigger than meeting mother.

Such an interesting story which you are writing with such authenticity. It is fascinating and touching, as well as a little scary at times. I feel nervous for Rayn because I don't think I could manage to handle someone like Daniel. I'm very nervous about your saying there's much worse to come.

This is the Rose Queen at work again, weaving magic where it seems impossible and even bowling over sister Sara. Her recognition and her thanking Rayn by phoning him show how much she really appreciates what he has done for Daniel. As you say, they have much still to overcome, and a mountain to climb before they can say they're home, but I have every confidence you will get them and us through the dark valleys and up into the sunlight again. I love the story. It reaches deep into the heart.

Touching. I love how you made this visit more than just an interest visit to a place that would resonate with them both. And then you put people there who not normally there to be unofficial counsellors. Wow! I saw you made a claim to be the Queen of Darkness. Lol! I know you have this dark side and love to explore that, but you also have an equally romantic side so you also Rose Queen! Lol! Loving the story.