Headstall

Timing is everything, and I think that is what you are saying, Kris. They got interrupted in the worst way possible, and their is now an urgency that wasn't there previously. Jubal is scared of how open he was when Lucas was unconscious... when he didn't care as much what people thought of his devotion to Lucas. And Lucas has been laying there frustrated, waiting for Jubal to finally show up, and the man hangs back at the door like a spooked animal. I'm sure it set off alarm bells for whatever he was thinking about. In many ways, the wildings are symbolic, so I'm glad you quoted this passage. I see Jubal as a wilding too... feeling like prey and listening to his instincts to survive. Just like with horses, that is a hard state of mind to break. Lucas has been prey... and it colors his thinking even now. We have to hope Lucas will get that after he thinks about Jubal's behavior today. He was hurt, but he has to know Jubal would never do that intentionally. I agree there will be regrets... and Jubal should realize, if Lucas has figured out his secret, doesn't it mean he's okay with it since mentioning of him leaving was upsetting to Lucas? They need time? Exactly! Calamity was not that long ago, and life has no returned to any sense of normal... for either of them.

Going to the mercantile first was probably a mistake for Jubal to do. You're right that it would his anxiety up, as much as he tried to accept and handle that rather pushy crowd. He should have expected their interest, but he didn't. Good point about his lack of self-awareness... he is seen by the townspeople as not only a new addition, but a hero as well. It overwhelmed him, and then he was off to see Lucas. I think Jubal has been 'discovered' enough, and he is constantly on guard for it. Those scars on his neck have left deeper marks than can be seen, and that is sad. Carrying secrets takes an incredible toll on anyone. I agree it was painful to read when he got to Lucas... it was my intention, but it was very uncomfortable to write as well. You have Lucas exactly right too... he was confused by how Jubal was acting, right from the time he woke, and Jubal stayed close to the door. And Jubal is right... he does say too much when he's talking to Lucas. It's like he can't help himself. All that does is escalate Lucas's confusion and his worry. he does not want to lose a friend who goes to such lengths to have his back. Another good point about Reid, talking about Jubal when he isn't there. A jealous man is not likely to do that. And yeah, you can bet Jubal will be doing a lot of thinking after he leaves. Let's hope it is not overthinking, though. I doubt, like you say, it has occurred to him to come clean about his feelings for Lucas... and that is a shame. I understand it, though. Your last line sums it up beautifully... going form skittish to a leap of faith is a really big jump... indeed. We might have to wait a while for resolution, but time might help. Maybe. Could. Thank you, my friend for another thoughtful comment. Cheers!

I totally agree.

Mercantiles were more of trading posts and supply depots back then, stocking everything a person might need, from food supplies to clothes, from hardware to perfumes... anything and everything. They would also order anything you wanted if it could be found in the catalogues. Sound a little like Walmart come to think of it.

Aren't we, though? Jubal is the sum of his past in so many ways. I'm pleased you see his bravery at trying to not panic at the throng of people giving him attention. He's gotten used to not hiding his scars behind his kerchief, but this was different. This was a lot of eyes blatantly staring at something he sees as a clue to who he is. It had to be frightening. I agree there is growth in his trying, but yeah, it's a stretch to say he handled the day well. He was totally unprepared for Lucas's hurt, and he kept sticking his foot in his mouth. And Lucas is as you say... frustrated, and obviously ready to think the worst of Jubal leaving because of it. It became a recipe for disaster real quick, and when you throw in Reid who maybe says too much, it went from bad to worse. Normally, Lucas would have handled Jubal differently, and I like that you know him so well. But under it all we see the feelings there. When Jubal got ready to leave when Reid showed up, it triggered Lucas pretty bad. I knew this would be a tough chapter to digest, but this is an honest reflection of where they are. Lucas has no faith because he knows Jubal penchant for running, and Jubal has no faith in himself. He's learned to rely on instincts... even if they could be the wrong ones. Either way, there has to be some real conversation at some point. These guys are the very best of friends, as they both said clearly, but there is something else simmering, and they have to make sure it doesn't boil over. I feel sorry for Reid too. He was dropped right into the middle of something he didn't quite understand until it was too late. He was probably squirming like we were by the end of it. Unfortunately, Reid can tell Jubal he would be accepted for who he is, because the reality is likely different. They might overlook suspicions, but Jubal is quite aware of the stigma attached to a man who desires men. At this moment, those walls of Jubal's are back up... and that is not a good thing. Cheers and thanks, my sweet and kind friend.

Lol. Jubal is not good with people, and he definitely struggled today. I feel bad for him. He never thought what keeping the fact he got his money back could do to Lucas, who has already expressed worry for him leaving. Spending most of his time alone would not lend itself to taking other things into consideration. And then to have Reid talk about his refusal to take his own coins... that made him feel so exposed. He was a man distraught, and now that Lucas is fine, that sort of thing sets alarm bells off for anyone paying attention. I'm glad you get him like you do. He does need patience, and I love what you say about prey. Cornered prey is capable of reacting in so many different ways. I agree there is plenty of craving going on, but that can take a back seat to survival. Jubal is used to surviving, and yes, that could mean a hundred mile dash. Don't you just hate those rectal-cranial impactions? Thanks, buddy. Appreciate hearing your excellent thoughts.

Hey, Craig. Yeah, I suppose it is frightening how quickly his fears escalated. Being in that crowd of people definitely wound Jubal up. If we go all the way back to when he first saw Bearpaw in the dark, we could practically taste his fear of God-fearing folk, so the fact he stuck around and did answer some questions shows how he is trying to manage his fears. That tension, though, it had a life of its own... ebbing and flowing with neither man able to keep it contained. I would say Jubal isn't the only one with fears, and Lucas's shortness with him showed that. You're right that any conversation could go either way with Jubal feeling the way he does, and with Lucas starting to push things, unlike he did before. I'm not a cruel man, but I did like that you were drawn in by this one. It was meant to be uncomfortable for all of us, and I think I might have hit the mark. Cheers and thank you, my friend.

Hey, I'm good for it! Promise. 🫰

Lol. I don't make light of your angst, buddy, but stories have to unfold as they will. Jubal is in a bad place right now, feeling he has let Lucas down somehow while being terrified of his secret getting out and getting him persecuted. The talk is coming, and we'll see what happens then, but I'm not in a hurry for the story to be over, and I hope you aren't either. Cheers and thanks for sharing your thoughts... and frustration.

Yeah, he is skittish for sure. Jubal feels exposed, and that has meant trouble in the past. Thanks for quoting this part, buddy. There is honesty between them, despite the things left unsaid. All I can say is Jubal is trying. He is attempting to fight his demons, but it's a hard thing for him. We don't know all his story, but we know he was near death not that long ago. Trust is hard for him... like it can be hard for many of us. Jubal doesn't want to leave, and he would never desert Lucas while he needs him. Things are pointing towards coming to a head, and Jubal is going to have to make decisions. Yeah, that talk should be interesting, Albert, but we might have to wait for it. Cheers and thanks, dear friend.

It was sad, and yes, I knew it would be, and yes, I do owe you. Will you take a cheque?

Hey, Doc. There was no doubt for me about what this chapter would be titled. Jubal is the definition of the word, but as Vincent once told him, fear can keep a man upright... and alive. The awkwardness started at the mercantile, and he has continued to be overwhelmed. Scrutiny of any kind scares him, and that is so sad, but understandable for a gay man who has suffered at the hands of others. And yeah, Reid and Lucas saw his skittishness in real time. What happens next? Thanks, my friend. I hope you enjoyed this bomb of a chapter thrown into the mix. Cheers!

Sorry, Kris, but couldn't we kind of see this coming. I mean, the world isn't ending, but Jubal dropped his walls while he worried for Lucas's survival, and now he has to face that his secret could be out. Is he being paranoid, or is he right that Reid and Lucas have him figured out? Runaway carriage? Yeah... that about sums it up. That visit did not go well. Of course Reid is going to talk about things Lucas missed, but he certainly didn't do Jubal any favors. Happy you felt the tension of this one... I wanted us to be right there with Jubal... cheers and thanks, my friend.

I actually love how difficult some mares can be compared to most geldings. I call it personality. Always had a soft spot for black horses too, though I never owned one. Hate sweet wine... dryer the better for me, but differences make the world go round. Cheers!

Hi, Alberto!

I resemble that remark. Hi, spikeman. I'm well enough to not perform somersaults.

Hey, Craig. Pretty good now that my chapter is done and posted. It's a bright, sunny day here.

Finally... new chapter of Bearpaw has been posted...

Skittish Jubal purchased two bags of oats from the cool, dimly-lit feed mill, loading them up before heading on to the mercantile for a badly-needed set of new clothes. When he entered, it be right full of folks, and damn awkward for a fellow to get around in, so he kept his head down as he hurried to find what he came for. If he hadn’t such a need for them clothes, he’d have left without stepping inside. Holding up sand-colored britches and a shirt to see they should fit

Hey, all.

It was awesome!!!

Yes!! Well deserved attention for Mancunian. 'What Happened to The Baxter Boys" is a good one for the heart and I am enjoying it immensely. Thanks, @spike382.

I knew it!