Daisy

yeah, but they want blow by blow action . and I thought one was just injured, mustn't have been reading carefully enough, oops.

thanks again. It just happens that I have access to all three of those places, so maybe I will. I have been on old ships before, but a long time ago now. My brother is in Dundee at the moment, and my sister in Portsmouth, while I have contacts in the north-east having lived there myself for a time, though not near all the horrible chemical and industrial mess, thank god.

I don't see the point in someone possibly dying or getting injured over "honour". Life vs "honour" - or death for the sake of an argument. surely it can be settled better ways

so the gun deck takes over all the space? is that why they have to move the cots etc? as the guns will be rolled out and be there instead, or something like that? and have you any idea where the term 'head' came from? I remember being very surprised to find that odd name when I went on-board. thanks for the info, celia

Mark, or whoever, how did all the other seamen on the boats sleep? was it hammocks, or whatever space they could find, or did they have rooms too? I was just thinking of the time I sailed with the Tall Ships. There was this other smallish yacht from Poland and inside it there was no separate rooms at all I don't think. at least they all slept in the same room in hammocks that swung. they didn't even have a head (loo), it was a bucket or over the side. they took the race very seriously, so everything was about making them as light as possible. (they were docked next to us, and at one of the crew parties one of the poles got me seriously and dangerously drunk for the 1st time - I was 17 and agreed to do what he said they do in poland with friends - vodka shots between drinks - and so I was smashed as he drank fast! That's the worst I have ever been, and ever will be Ironically, it was also near the end of my trip and I'd decided I needed to lay of the alcohol that night)

here's the show: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/scottmills/ if you ever felt like it you can listen to it. sometimes I like him, other times he just annoys the hell out of me. he really is pretty open about it, so I don't really see why he isn't just that little bit more open. My cynical side is because they think it would put off the listeners (he is on one of the prime-time shows for the station) and this is the compromise while giving them lots of material to make jokes out of it that fits their weird sense of humour they have. either that or he just doesn't want to talk about his private life on air, but then he makes loads of other personal jokes and the others on his show do reveal their lives here and there, or are even featured. so yeah, stick with your arguments on visibility and exclusions, and public space being one of them. and not heard/seen then not there, or more easily able to exclude you (and not address your rights). or, normalising it as you said. and of course the effect is has on other LGBT people who notice that you are out, and how that may affect their future decisions, butterfly or snowball effect. there are plenty of theoretical arguments about power and society and how we and norms, practices are moulded etc etc etc.

did you go to the work functions? I agree with your argument though. I suppose it's hard if you have never done that all your life though. and then I don't even do that yet, but I will at some point - but it is scary. my friends though, that's how they live - for example, most she didn't come out to, it's just she talks about who she does or doesn't like and the such openly everywhere she is, she doesn't watch her words. there is a radio host in the UK called Scott Mills on BBC radio 1 on the drive home from work. he's gay, but I don't think it's common knowledge to most of his listeners, it certainly wouldn't be to those that just tune in every now and then. he is however "out" in the press. The only reason I learnt was because there was an article in the guardian quoting him because he was gay and worked there, in response to a comment another DJ had made "that's gay" which had caused a bit of an outcry with some gay groups. Scott said he wasn't offended. But after that it was obvious to me that he was gay from his radio show. only he doesn't use pronouns, he manages to avoid anything that would directly make you realise. but he does joke a lot with those on the show with him, they are always teasing him about something or some star, and he does joke back. Maybe I just didn't listen to the show enough before, or was dense, but it does seem he is becoming more and more direct about it in little ways. But yeah, it's a big effort not to say certain things. but it's a game to them on the show now, to see how far they can go without explicitly saying it.

I'd recommend DomLuka though as one of the authors here. and I've just started reading Mark Arbours Bridgemount series and really liking it. I'm not sure exactly whether you could call it artistic writing, but think it's good quality, he has his own style - and it has numerous themes running through it. also give Libby Drew a whirl. (I warn you though that not all the stories of theirs are finished, and some are updating a lot faster than others)

a capital p huh? . I can see what you mean about the detail. it does give you a better sense of what you are reading. however I suppose you can't load a story down with too much detail. or it depends on the impression you are trying to give. or maybe it's just up to the reader to discover if interested, and it's good on the story if you are. but i suppose as someone who isn't from england then you maybe at more of a disadvantage than me. I don't know how much english history you have to learn, whereas I soak up bits just by living here as well. but obviously I haven't learnt enough .... we just have too much damn history -actually I think my schooling was pretty shit with the way they taught it. so much crucial stuff was left out and you often repeated stuff, and I had huge gaps in the timeline. The best thing we did was going through the 'history of medicine', because at least it went through all of the ages. so yeah, I am partially guessing at what the politics was like then, because well, the development of our parliament was one of those things that was left out, and I never studied that era, so I've just had to guess over time how things evolved, and even now I don't really know how things work; I don't think many do.

thanks for giving me knowledge of my country . I've never learnt the intricate ins and outs of it. should have really. especially when it comes to the house of lords. so where is a knight, OBE, and Lord in all of this? and I'd rather not see a duel. don't want anyone to get hurt.

why don't you put your blog as an efiction story, that way it's read in the right order rather than backwards (for those who are useless like me and start reading it the wrong way). I don't know about the statistics on this site, but it also may get more readers ..? Other autobiographical stories are in there. Then you could have a blog here too if you wanted for other stuff, or just link to your blog on your own 'profile page'. I know what you mean about saying something in public making you feel better, or at least something. It's the sharing thing I think, the venting. I've used the internet for those purposes too about events in my own life. I don't post stuff on here so I'm not entirely sure of the procedure, but this is a link to the registration page for efiction (which is different to this forum bit): https://www.gayauthors.org/efiction/user.php?action=register After reading some of you life-story, I've decided that I am going to get my mum to record her life-story on a dictaphone. She is going through a period of healing and coming to terms with her past and present through various group therapy, but I know she did want to publish some of her thoughts, ideas and stuff from her medical career at least, as one of her hangups was that the progress she'd fought for she hadn't been accredited for. But I think that I'll try to encourage her, and then if she would like me to, I'll type it up eventually. Then once it's done it's done. and written down. whereas at the moment she may discuss it and make progress, but it still seems to haunt her and resurface as she kind of forgets she's already dealt with it. whereas here, it would already be written down. anyway, sorry for the tangent, just wanted to write it down before I forget that I've made this promise to ask. hope that link helps, celia

T'is nothing , but true. I've read a bit of your stuff on your blog as well and you really are gifted at telling stories, or your story?, I haven't digged too deep yet. but I meant it when I said I wish I could express myself like that. it's one of the things I have a problem with the most, at least written communiation. I've been told by my friends they would never believe me if I said I couldn't get across my point of view, and at length, with lots of opinions . but still, you like lots of others on here and a few other places have a gift. and it must be good to express creatively .

maybe

I presume it is this one ...? I put your 'name' and blog into google and this was at the top of the list. you are a good writer. i wish I could Get writing at all, let alone poetry. unfortunately I'm awful http://www.blogcatalog.com/blog/straight-to-the-closet

yeah, but would he have enough time to himself to do that, without being constantly interrupted. and then of course having to put the act back on, pick yourself up enough.

if Calvert did die, how do you think Granger would cope? would he cope? and not be too visibly upset? I suppose since they've just headed out to sea it could happen then, so he wouldn't be at port having to report and that sort of stuff.

I only have a mobile, but then I don't have my own place at the moment. My mum has a landline, though it's restricted to land-line to land-line calls because of the package we have got with a company called TalkTalk. then we have to use mobiles for ringing mobiles. a bit shit in that household though as the network we all happen to be on seems to have a blackspot in signal where our house is, but we have no choice. how would you get broadband though? maybe it's different in america but to get the internet you need a landline usually. dongles are new though and spreading, but they're expensive. talktalk you get the landline, broadband and all land-line calls free for a really cheap price. I suppose the alternative is going with the new virgin broadband, for them you don't need a landline, but you do need your area to have had the newest technology put in, the fibre-optic wires. our home phone never stops ringing though. it's mainly people ringing us, but my mum uses it to rings land-lines and when I'm next to her reminds me as well. otherwise I use my mobile out of instinct. the annoying thing about the land-line are the number of sales calls we get, even though we aren't a listed number. (also the last student house I was in they were keen on using the land-line to calls gfs/parents etc because it was cheaper as again on that package (which also included the tv programs) we got free landline calls after 6pm

I'm listening to a weird mix of music at the moment. I don't really want to post the video's, more the songs, but some of the vids are great (or crazy) too. Soulwax. Justice Phantom II (boring video) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHfWSMc9GG4&feature=PlayList&p=F2B2DB64F5B0381A&index=11 Soulwax - Compute (this vid is quite amusing) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BsLLd2dPNg&feature=PlayList&p=F2B2DB64F5B0381A&index=10 but I like the vid to this one more Soulwax - slow dance I'm also liking Prodigy atm as well Firestarter! Out of Space and a different song altogether (well, maybe not quite) no vid at all Black Mighty Orchestra - Ocean Beach (Cybophonia Cinematic Remix) so quite a few. enjoy, hopefully (oops, meant to give you No Good instead of one: )

I use my phone. which is easier now than it used to be as the clock is the screen-saver. or if it's blacked out goes straight to the screen-saver if I press a small button. I never liked wearing watches, but I did have them. I think I wore them yeah, I remember having one that I kept on for a while - and it got tatty as I wore it so much. I don't like fuss so I'd wear it loose enough that I could wash underneath it without taking it off, and I'd leave it on in the shower. I don't wear any bracelets either, they just annoy me and I lose jewellery so easily. so phones forever.

thanks for letting me know . it sounds good, even if it tapers off. (argh, freaking out about the essay right now anyway! shouldn't really encourage more distractions) actually, I don't know how you live in academia, it just stresses me out. i love the subjects, but the writing and having to do it as a 'job' (as in pressure) kills me. I think I'm just burnt out, but then again I've always hated and struggled with the writing, it's just worse recently. anyway, thanks for the good stories, and I'm glad you get pressure pleasure writing them, celia (I actually typed that without thinking, stress)

maybe. but still, it makes me shudder slightly or frown. I'm squeamish. and more squeamish all the time.

the rats didn't freak me out, I knew it was true anyway. but the maggots, actually they make me squirm. it is worse, because they are eating You. even though they're helping . still a creepy thought.

well I've got it now, and it was only yesterday that a new chapter was posted. I was spoiled, I managed to read all three stories over less than a week. I was avoiding work. and now my escapism has had to end, unfortunately. what is the rhythm with it, or does it change? I know you post a lot, but before I hadn't noted exactly how frequently. celia

I once considered the navy for that reason. that and they would have paid my medical tuition. but both those options weren't for me. but the travelling thing definitely was. still is. I'm currently trying to find a job/career that can give me that. when I used to do the smaller lake sailing I used to love hanging of the side too, it was a great thrill .

I'd be very upset if he died as well. but on the other hand life is/was cruel. and it'd be interesting to see how Granger coped with it afterwards. not that I want it to happen or anything