Zuri

Matchmaking from the grave—a plot twist, I didn't have on my bingo card

I bet, there's a lot more going on between the two than just gay chicken, since neither of them chickened out of it.

I have to admit, I was wrong to turn editing this one down. This is nothing like what I assumed. Great story 👍 You've probably outdone yourself with this one. Your personal experience sure helped with that. It feels very authentic, very touching.

Loving the attitude. That's one hell of a character. I have to admit, I was wrong to turn editing this one down. This is nothing like what I assumed. Great story 👍 You've probably outdone yourself with this one. Your personal experience sure helped with that. It feels very authentic, very touching.

Not gay specifically, but queer:

You got to be kidding me: Statistics and recommendations links for every story are impossible because of performance, but after the last update, links to "last read" and "highest read" are not a problem?

Thank you Sure thing, characters can marry for any reason they want. BUT when the marriage is primarily a business transaction because you benefit from it medically, I wouldn't call that ending very romantic as is implied.

😍 Well, actually, Stargate also is way more than just Egyptian mythology. They loved mixing mythologies just as well ^^ drown: "Damn. Now they have to travel that far to Eldarwood. Again. Wait … maybe, they could … I've got an idea" 🤔 Well, I'm making an incredibly wild guess here: Luis and Beatrice knew about the curse. Did the knowledge come from Beatrice through her mother Deia? Or, and this might seem far-fetched at first, did Luis have contact with one of the Constructs? I mean, they both played a part in keeping the brothers of the Triad (or Quad) separated—which aligns with the Construct's plans. Coincidence? Maybe.

Trust me, as an author, I had troubles finding an editor with whom I could work efficiently, just as well. You just need to find out how to "dance the dance" together, so to speak. Yeah, well, fiction cannot be used as an excuse for every illogical writing (sure, the author can just claim it to be what they wanted), and with "illogical", I don't mean illogical by reality's standards but by the rules of the world they created. The story has to adhere to these rules specifically. And if the world is set to be in the real world and there's no exception for the specific illogicality, it's simply illogical in both the real world and the fantasy world. We got every chapter except the last one done together, and not just on this story—so the track record isn't that bad, I might say 😅 Even though, it sounds like grabbing into Lee's steering wheel, I'm aware of it being Lee's story and that's why we usually settle on a result after one or two iterations of a chapter with the changes that we have at that point 😉

That wasn't my intention, but I wouldn't say that I wouldn't like the idea 🤔😂

@Lee Wilson's overall writing definitely improved compared to his previous stories: This story is more structured, has better timing and is less like a soap opera. I laughed, I cried—what more can you hope for in a story?

So, then explain to me how "I need money" and coincidentally not hating the expedient can be considered "happy"? 😉 Yeah, well. That doesn't really constitute the need for a U-turn. Besides, your attempt was to answer questions, yet you raise new one's. After his U-turn, nothing would really surprise me 😂 Yeah, that would have made @Summerabbacat sad, and we wouldn't want that, would we? No, really, in general, even if it might have sounded differently, I'm happy, there are—despite my not so upbeat comment—so many positive comments. As I said in the story review: Your writing improved, and you deserve this positive feedback 👍 Yeah, I think, we can settle on that 👍

@Lee Wilson's overall writing definitely improved compared to his previous stories: This story is more structured, has better timing and is less like a soap opera. I laughed, I cried—what more can you hope for in a story?

As you may have already read in @Lee Wilson's author notes, we couldn't agree on the ending, so we decided to leave the chapter as is and add the author note as well as the following comment to explain: I assume, most of you liked the chapter, because it has a Happily Ever After and the family is united at least. However, this feels wrong to me on so many levels: This chapter turns the story retroactively into a heist I need money because I have a crappy insurance? Well, I just adopt a child, then! One could argue, Lee only made sure, Manny was shot, so that he can get Rocky's money, because marriage would have otherwise not occurred to him as far as we know. Doesn't really sound like an entirely voluntary decision. You say, he's entitled to it? Yeah, well, he would be if there were no strings attached—but there are. I'm pretty sure, Boris wanted Manny to adopt Rocky because he loves him, not because medical bills are piling up. And they are not even telling Rocky the real reason. Who needs love for marriage? Money is a far stronger incentive They didn't love each other before the epilogue? To me, it felt like there was more than just fucking around with someone who was just conveniently available next door. Same with marriage: This chapter makes it sound like Manny only marries Bass, because Rent-a-groom is too cumbersome. Additional thoughts This sweetheart coming out of nowhere feels a little rushed. It feels like you were running out of time and found nowhere to put it other than the epilogue. So, essentially a miracle cure with no explanation given for this U-turn? Maybe a little too much … Closing words Sorry for killing the vibe, I just feel the responsibility as an editor to point such things out. @Lee Wilson Nonetheless, I was, again, fun working with you on this story! Thanks for sharing it with us!

Now, I know, why posting the previous chapter took you so long: Domesticating two wolves and finding someone on Grindr to test best sizes with simply takes some time. Appreciate the effort, though!

So, first, Proto and Genea, then, the Constructs and finally, the Triad—interesting 🤔 These are not two other names for them, are they? Maybe, not just a triad anymore. But this isn't the Neverending Story, I'm sensing here, is it?

Thank you! I'm glad, you like it. Some scenes were like a movie in my head and I tried my best to transcribe that on the page. I did everything right, when I was able to invoke that image in your heads. Yeah, I feel, the twist is the problem for most, who expected something else entirely. So having you read it till the end and finding it satisfying nonetheless, means a lot!

@Talo Segura But isn't that an entirely different kind of trust, given the fact, one might not know each other very well at this point, tainted with lust and desire?

@Talo Segura You bet. You'll sure find out in the following chapters. Very observant 👍

@Talo Segura That's actually a tougher question as you might imagine, as I am not sure myself. In essence, this is all taking place in a fictional, innominate place. But I'm sure, it draws from where I live (Germany), my television and Internet knowledge of America, and my six month experience from my stay in Alaska. So, if anything doesn't make sense, it's me never having been to university in any country 😅

Yeah, I think, sending young people to prison in the U.S., rarely makes better people out of them, since American prisons tend to produce criminals if they weren't at the beginning of their imprisonment. So, a boot camp with social workers would probably be the better choice. There's actually a fascinating documentary by Michael Moore called "Capitalism: A love story", where there's one chapter about capitalism and prisons: Unfortunately, for all the wrong reasons. So very similar to the character development, Manny got for chapter 3.

Oh my! This happening to Rocky is already terrible, but this …? I'm not so sure if not time makes it resurface somewhere in the future. Maybe not as clear as with Rocky, but trauma can manifest in all kinds of mental health issues. That's definitely more than he deserves. He might blame Karen for that, but he can't escape responsibility as a parent. Especially, since she's dead. They really do know each other well at that point 😂 Can't say, I like the sound of it. But let's see what happens in the next chapter 🤔