jkwsquirrel

Everybody reaches their breaking point eventually. The fact that Dustin hasn't snapped and killed everybody is a testament to the strength of his character. I've seen first-hand the "church-shopping" you describe. It's my belief that true religion is meant to challenge one's biases, not confirm them.

Too slow? I'm picturing Huey Lewis with a megaphone in Back to the Future: "I'm afraid you're just too darn slow. Next please!" Yes, the sweet freedom of the open highway awaits! (If Billy can ever pass the test.) Here's the thing about Dustin to remember: He is loyal to a fault. He will continue to defend his family even when it's obvious his family is bad news. Worse, he thinks it's his fault that they abuse him. He's not good enough. He'll never be good enough. He thinks he deserves what they do to him. Totally agree about the "bad apple Christians." I think we tend to focus on the worst elements of people who we do not understand. The same goes for people who think all Muslims are terrorists, or that African American people are lazy or all on welfare. There are bad people in the world, but I still believe that there is good in everyone, and that good will win eventually. While there is definitely a portion of the story that centers on the worst side of Christianity, that kind of hateful rhetoric is destined to fail in the end. And one more thing, Brett is a devout and sincere Catholic himself, and he's very happy with his faith: "I like God and God likes me."

I tried to think of the stupidest way possible to fail a driver's test. Billy, for as smart as he is, is prone to do bone-headed things, including the eponymous "retaliation' yet to come. Oh delicious foreshadowing! I'm hoping that we can explore the difference between good Christian people and the asshole variety. And that growth and hope are possible. It'll just take me a while to get there. And I believe that the asshole variety are that way because they're assholes in general, and they suit their beliefs to their own desires. But we'll explore that later too. As for Dusty, I like him too. He's one of my favorite characters. But I must do what I must do. He is reaching his breaking point. It would be a fairy tale to think that all of the stuff that happened to him could go away without doing a lot of damage. We saw a flash of what Dustin is capable of when Billy confronted him about Mike. This time, it's all about to come crashing down on him, and there will be more of that 'retaliation' from him as well. But I hope you'll stick with me through the darkness. It really will get better eventually. And *SPOILER ALERT* No matter how bad it may look, Dustin come out of his situation stronger than before.

We'll get through it though!

We'll find out soon enough.

Thanks Jay! Dustin stole my lunch money when I was a kid and now I'm taking it out on him! Mwah hahahahhahahaaaa!!!!!!11

Just as Billy Roberts is beginning to think he might be able to begin revealing his true self to those closest to him, he is finding out that those closest to him have secrets of their own. His parents are growing further apart as his father's health is failing and his mother is falling under the spell of a charismatic homophobe. His boyfriend is hiding something that could destroy someone's life. His best friend is being driven over the edge by his abusive family. And through it all, Billy is being bullied by someone he once considered a friend. Welcome to W.A.R..

Here's my advice. You seem to have too many projects and none of them seem to be advancing. How about this: concentrate on one of them, just one of them, the easiest one you can think of and can get finished, and then get it done. Put aside the others, don't let them pull you away from the first one, no matter how much they try to distract you. Even if it's just one project, you'll get the satisfaction of getting one done and get those good feelings of having accomplished something into your mind. And if it's crap you can always go back later when you've got your momentum back. Once you've finished one, start on the next one, another easy one. and so forth. Build momentum and stack some wins under your belt. As for the other projects, when an idea comes for them, just jot it down somewhere and save it. Then, when you get to writing on the other projects, you'll have a supply of ideas to draw from, which will help your momentum. Hope this is helpful - Jeff

For three years I had been cursed with metal and wires glued to my teeth. But finally, I was going to be freed from their grasp. I’d been poked, prodded, and pulled. I’d had my mouth rearranged by the forces of time and Dr. Martin’s orthodontic expertise. But it was finally over. It was time to say goodbye to my braces! I sat in that chair, that same chair in which I’d had so much work done to me over the last few years. I could remember the day when they’d started. How I’d dr

I'd be wiling to participate in this. I enjoyed the first one. -Jeff

Thanks for sharing this portion of your life with us, Jay. It's just like everyone has said, we all mourn in our own way. Nothing about your reaction and actions in the last week should give you any cause for shame or guilt. You know all this, but I guess it's nice to hear (or read) someone tell you the things you know inside. You honored your grandfather and your family with your presence, and I would guess that your sense of calm in the midst of grief was a source of comfort in a difficult time, even if nobody is saying it. Sometimes we need someone to show is that it's going to be okay with something more than words, but with actions. As for your cousin, well, chalk it up to being unable to understand subtle humor at a highly emotional and sensitive moment. You might have said, "It's sunny today," and gotten a snippy response. Everybody mourns differently, after all! Perhaps irritation at the slightest thing is your cousin's expression of grief? Or they're just an ass hat in general. Either way... Be well, my friend.

Hi Jay, First of all, I'm sorry that you are experiencing so many family issues. Death often brings up many of the things that we'd rather not talk about. I wish your family would be a source of comfort for you and not an added source of pain. I hope that some good will come out of the situation. I only know you from this website, but from what you've shared with me in your comments and from your blogs I know that your life hasn't been easy and that you've had to develop a thick skin to deal with much of the crap you've had thrown your way. You have a good heart, and a lot of defenses built up around it because of the pain that others have caused you. You can only be yourself. You feel the way you feel. No one can force you to act in a way that you don't feel. I get what you're saying about not feeling numb. You seem to have come to acceptance, and understand the reality that even a life well lived eventually ends in death, and that is just the way things are. It doesn't mean you don't love your grandfather, it just means you've accepted the reality that his life has ended faster than some others might have. It sounds like he invested many good things into your life and into the lives of your family. What you do with those investments, the love, the laughter, the memories, are yours to do with what you think is right. I hope you can find some healing in this difficult time. Jeff

Thank you all so very much for the wonderful comments! I'm so thankful for the many friends that the writing of this story have made possible! I can't say thanks enough! One thing I don't like about the new system is that I used to be able to comment on every comment, but I think that takes up too much space in the new format and gets confusing. So let me just say, I read every comment. I appreciated each one. I am beyond thrilled that you're enjoying the story. I can't wait to get started with the next part, but I do need a break and my real life will be busy in the next two months, so this is a good place to take a break. What happened to the pain pills? I actually answer that in Retaliation in the most anti-climactic way possible. Seriously. What will Retaliation be about? Billy vs. Joey will heat up. Dustin vs. Brett will come to an end. Dustin's life will go to hell. Brett will turn sixteen. Lots of focus on Billy and his parents. Billy will lose something in the first chapter that he's had for a long time, and he'll get his driver's license... eventually. We'll pick things up in March of the year following where Part 4 ended. Oh, and we'll learn a little bit more about Dr. Reilly and Brett's father. This book of the series was really all about growth and healing. In Broken Boy, it was all about testing the boys to the breaking point, and they all really fell short. In this book, it wasn't just about putting them back together again. They needed to mature. Billy learned a lot about what he could handle, and he had to do it without his dad to guide him. Brett hit an all-time low when he said he was glad Dustin's parents abuse him. He's come to regret those words. He tried to cope with things on his own by self-medicating. But that was never going to be a permanent or healthy solution. He needed Billy to help him find a more healthy way of dealing with his issues. Billy and Brett are learning that a relationship is about more than fun and sex. They're learning to accept each other, faults and all. You can't be in a relationship with a mirage. What I tried to do in this book was to open Billy's eyes to the fact that he wasn't really in love with Brett, but with who he thought Brett was. Then Brett did some really rotten things and Billy had to acknowledge that Brett is much more complicated than he'd thought. Being in a relationship with Brett is going to require a lot of patience and love. But through it all Billy learned that he really does love Brett, and that Brett loves him. Retaliation is going to be interesting. Some very dramatic moments, yes, but a good mix of the quirky humor that my characters bring to the story. It's so fun to be in these boys' heads. I don't want it to end!

“Hey Billy! What's wrong?” Dustin asked. He must have noticed that I was acting different than usual. It's hard to act normal after your heart's been ripped out. “Nothing's wrong, Dustin. I've just got a lot of stuff on my mind,” I said. “Stuff?” Dustin asked. “Stuff like what?” “Oh, you wouldn’t understand,” I said. “Try me,” Dustin replied. “Okay… Well, Brett hates my guts now because I'm friends with yo

Even more awesome comments! I just love it! "Summer's End" will both answer some issues and set up some things for Part Five. That's the joy and pain of writing in weekly "episodes." I reveal a little and withhold a little, hopefully both giving you enough to satisfy you and get you excited to come back to find out what happens next. I try to give enough foreshadowing that nothing comes out of left field, but still offer some surprises. For instance, I hope finding out what Dustin has been doing in the park was both shocking and understandable, and the same goes for his relationship with Mike. My favorite reaction is "Oh my God! Wait... That makes so much sense when you think about it!" It's fun to try to be predictable and yet unpredictable. There are things coming in Retaliation that I've been setting up since Part One. Much of Rehabilitation was about the maturation of Billy. He's not the same boy who called his father an asshole and stabbed Dustin in the back without any consideration for Dustin's feelings. He's certainly not the same kid who punched the mirror. Consider the difference in his reaction when his mom came into his room and found him naked between Part One and Part Four. Rehabilitation has been a turbulent adventure. I lost some folks along the way when Dustin and Brett tried to destroy each other and Billy. But I hope if you've stuck with me you've enjoyed the ride. I'm still having fun!

Thanks everybody! I enjoy the comments as much as I enjoy writing. Some thoughts: There will be a part five, and a part six! W.A.R. Part Five - Retaliation will begin after my break. Not sure how long the break will be, but it won't be too long. "Billy is a dick." Yes. Yes he is. lol. It's something that developed over time. He was always a bright boy, but he's developed a bit of an arrogant streak about him. Part of the fun is watching him get taken down a notch or two from time to time when he gets too full of himself. He deeply loves both Brett and Dustin, but like he said, he loves them differently. A major and necessary development has been Billy coming to terms with who Brett really is. For the longest time, he's been blinding himself to Brett's faults. Over the course of Rehabilitation he's begun to see Brett as he truly is, not the image of perfection that he'd built up in his mind. Billy has ignored Brett's faults, but he's been forced to confront the truth. But it's a necessary step in their relationship. If the boys are going to have a real relationship they have to be able to accept each other as they really are, not as they might wish the other to be. Yes, Brett is a spoiled brat. Will he ever mature? Of course! But it will take time.

“Brett, I’m sorry. Dustin and I are friends and you are just going to have to deal with it,” I said. “That sounds good,” I said to myself in the mirror. “I’m sure he’ll understand.” I stood there in the bathroom looking at the faint purplish bruise which had formed around my eye after I’d gotten home from volleyball practice the previous night. I’d told Brett I was too tired to come over, because I knew he was going to ask a bunch of questions and I didn’t wa

Thanks everyone for these wonderful comments! I'm glad to see some maturity among the boys. Yes, they can give you a headache reading them, but try having them in your head and writing them! lol It's an adventure! Billy is learning that he doesn't always have to be right, and he doesn't always have to win every little argument. It's refreshing. I was happy with how he handled the situation with Dustin. Rather than digging deeper into trouble, he was able to move past a lot of the issues between them and come to a better place in their friendship. There is still much about Dustin that needs to be addressed, but that'll happen over time. I'm remembering way back at the beginning of Rehabilitation when Dr. Reilly said that Billy would begin to find peace if he was able to forgive himself for some of the things he'd been blaming himself. He seems to have done that, and now he's in a healthier place in his life. This chapter is actually the last we'll see of Dustin in this part of the story. Funny, as much as he dominated the direction of the story he only appeared in a few chapters this time. The question was asked, "What's up with the black hair?" There's a reason for that in Dustin's mind. Red hair is more easily identifiable. If the wrong person should happen to see Dustin at the park he won't stand out as much because of his hair. There's only so many guys who fit the "tall lanky redhead" description. He's taken that away from any would-be informants. But of course, the elephant in the room is young Mr. Reilly and his upcoming apocalyptic reaction to the events of this chapter. Let's face it. We all know it's not going to go very well. Brett's a different kind of cat than Billy or Dustin. Believe it or not, Brett's grown a bit through this part of the story as well. He's had some really significant things going on through the events of the story, and those will come into play here in the next chapter. Let's just say that not everything is as it may seem with Brett. It's vitally important to the story that events play out as they will in the upcoming chapters. Brett will get what's coming to him eventually. Let's be honest, he's done some really rotten and nasty things to Dustin and to his mom. He totally deserves what's coming to him. But when the time comes and he has to pay for what he's done, we'll see what Brett Reilly's really made of.

Keeping a secret away from Brett was always agonizing. I thought it was bad when I was keeping my feelings for him hidden back before we got together. But this was even more painful. How could I keep from him what I knew about Dustin? Did I even believe it myself? But there was something else, too, that was keeping me from sharing everything with Brett. I had the nagging feeling that he had taken my pain pills from me. As I thought more about it, the last time I’d seen the

Thanks everyone! I really enjoyed your thoughts on the story. There are many dynamics at work between all of the characters and it's fun to see the interactions between them and your reactions to them. Dustin's got himself into some dangerous territory, and apparently so has Brett. Billy has worked himself into a corner in his mind concerning how to deal with Dustin's situation. Billy is a very logical thinker. He believes that what's right is always right and what's wrong is always wrong. It's fun to throw some gray into his life to see how he handles it. He's learning.

Things had settled down pretty well in the week after mom and I moved back home. She would go to work, then I would either have the house to myself or go over to Brett's. Or, she would go to work and then Brett would come to my house. Then we would have sex. My god, we had so much sex that summer! Funny, I could remember every detail, every breath, every thrust of our first encounter. The second time was actually better than the first time! It didn’t take long for us to become really good

Great comments! Thanks guys! So a few thoughts on your thoughts: Keep in mind Brett's feelings on psychiatry. Brett is the son of a psychiatrist, one who wrote a best-selling book on the subject. He's seen his mom's career do nothing but take her away from him. He's seen her be pulled from his life by whatever their problems are. He sees her clients as losers. But he's not like them. He's better than them. He doesn't need psychiatry like those weaklings. He is the son - superior to the freaks who steal his mother from him. That's not Brett being a brat or a jerk, that's Brett being the 15-year-old son of a psychiatrist. But to be told that he needs therapy by his own mom? That's not just insulting to him, it is threatening his very identity. Brett is also familiar enough with the ins and outs of psychiatry to know that psychiatrists prescribe drugs. Brett has little respect for therapy, as revealed in his conversation with his mom in the last chapter. However, I think all of my characters could use some therapy. Did Brett steal Billy's pain medicine? Perhaps. We haven't heard the last of it, that's for sure. We'll learn a great deal about Dustin very soon, something that may help explain why he's been acting as he's been.

Tuesday was going by rather slowly it seemed to me. Brett had locked himself in his room since we got back from Pittsburgh on Monday evening, with the only sound of life being the rock music pulsating from his domain. Dr. Reilly spent most of the day working in her study. I tried to read a book in my room, but Brett’s music was too distracting. I closed the door to my room and headed to the front porch to sit for a while. But that was boring, so I took a walk in the park. It was nice to ha

Brett's got a lot on his mind. Most of it then comes out of his mouth. Some growth may be on the way, though!

Thanks as always Spikey, Good thoughts abound in your review. There's still much to come in the relationship between Billy and his parents. We'll see how things turn out. As for Brett, he's in a really bad place in his life. I think we'll see some movement toward maturity soon.