LJCC

Oh yeah. Don't worry, I'll tell my editor to double-check things. Thanks for the heads-up. 😁

Weary, denoting that she's tired and probably exhausted from an attempted burglary.

EPISODE 15: THE KING'S KNIGHT I got out of the car, and several men dropped out of the minivan and swooped in without missing a beat. Slicked in their dark vests and uniforms, one of them slipped inside the driver’s seat and drove the car away in a span of a minute. Like the invisible cogs and wheels of this organisation, they did their jobs very efficiently. A black hackney carriage was then parked in front of the street. The driver rolled down the windows and said

The thing is, your story isn't exactly the only story ever written relating to abuse that has minors in it. If you mean brutal, as in descriptive brutal without the introspection needed by the characters, then it just comes off as an attempt to sexualise and glorify the abuse. You can descriptively write "abusive and sexually charged scenes", very graphic and detailed, in an exchange of the gravitas that your character has a sense to discuss, deliberate, and convene within the premise of his thoughts, the consequence of what is happening to him. I could write about a boy getting sexually abused by his dad, describe every detail and position to the readers, but in exchange, I'd have to provide a thorough analysis of what my character is going through: Ok. Maybe it's not really detailed, since I feel icky writing about it, but you get what I mean. 😆

Not only do they KNOW him pretty well...I think they have him by the balls 😂 Stay Tuned for the last three chapters. HIhihihihihi.

I'm currently writing the second book. Hopefully it gets published by December or early next year, but the most is around March or April.

Yeah, he really should've stayed in the police force to get more therapy. He has some deep-rooted issues me thinks.

Next episode is the light at the end of the tunnel. 3 more episodes left and everything comes full circle. The circle of layyfff indeed. 🤗

EPISODE 14: Q-NET Q Back in the car, I was very amused with the back-seat furnishings and features when I discovered the button that makes the partition wall transparent and opaque. I was a kid pressing it interchangeably to see how the wall altered from a clear, see-through wall to an opaque black. The highlight of my ride, along with finding a can of Coke in the cooler hidden between the seats, was the switch that raised a 40-inch television in front of the partition wall.

If it's going to be classy-written, then you really have nothing to worry about. Rape is but a smidge of what dark novels are written about. It's mostly very personal and requires a sensitive eye, compared to gratuitous gore and just plain all wrong that some novels talk about.

I wish they would write about a gay or lesbian couple who's paying their mortgage, or a couple arguing about why one of them didn't go to Jan and Jude's baby shower (because one of them thinks their neighbour's a kyoont.) Those are the gay couples I'd love to read about. But then again, you are talking about YA novels. Hey, at least we teach them young people about how it is to be in a committed gay relationship while they're young, which is not different from any couple out there, really.

OK FINE! I'm changing my ending because I had an epiphany I've currently obtained when I was taking a dump. You didn't have to call me like that. Kidding aside, I do agree with you. *coughs* My sister's keeper by Jodi Picoult *coughs* Not only was I dissatisfied, but I also felt duped. The author must have thought about the ending with the same energy when boiling tea, "Same, me neither," and chose to murder off the main character so she wouldn't have to deal with it. The novel had built up this very unusual situation, and I found myself thinking, "I have no idea how this is going to end." I have trust issues since it was so irritating.

I originally planned on making Baron Hensley one of the supporting characters in the novel, but I realised he's better off with Kendrick, his lovah. 😆

Aww. Thanks for the support mate.

Yeah, Daddy Greg has a lot to learn. He'll need to Sherlock some shit moving forward. 😂

EPISODE 13: HENSLEY MANOR Hours later, I was woken up with someone’s mouth on my cock. I wasn’t expecting that I’d cum in a half-submerged daze. I grabbed onto the hair; this time I was not touching a wig with pigtails but a full set of human hair. I looked down from the slits of my eyes, and I was getting a meticulous mouth-drawn licking and slurping from this mature gentleman with big eyes and a big nose, properly dressed up in a polo with just his underwear. "I wa

It does get better. Not in the sense that I still would want to read it, but it's bearable. As a writer, you need to have this VERY I mean, VERY important skill called, "Reading your own story," not through the eyes of an author, not through the eyes of you, the writer of this story, BUT through the eyes of your readers. It takes a lot of mental acuity to have this skill. Because hiring editors is expensive. Even if you do hire an editor, they won't 100% understand your story or get your flow. So that 20%, from an 80/20 perspective, comes from editing your story with the editor having 80% of the burden, and you, the writer, left with 20%. Switching back and forth while reading your story as: A reader An editor A beta reader Leaves you with these questions you'd have in your head: Reader POV: This sounds weird. I think this would be understandable if I do it like this... Shit. The name suddenly changed. There's a dangling participle. Better change that. There's a run-on sentence. That doesn't seem right. Shit! I forgot to put a period. Editor POV: This part needs to be cut. This here sounds too long. The voice in this segment is a bit weird; too much exposition. I need to cut that. This section needs to be shortened. It's dragging the story. Beta-Reader POV: Who am I focusing on? Geezus Christ. One paragraph focuses on the protagonist and now it switches to the second protagonist. I need to change this shit...even I'm confused. Ok. I understand the plot. But why is my character going to this place? This is two pages of meandering in the woods... NO. This character's annoying. I can't deal with him. Better change his dialogue. I want him to be sassy. This plot doesn't make sense. So he rushes to save him. Why? He's a piece of shit. So why is the hero wanting to save him? Tell me why? And then you're either left with two options: This is a lost cause. Scrap this and start anew. OR, this needs some editing. This is an excerpt from a story I wrote when I was 15: It's from a novel I wrote when I was 15. Is it disgusting? YES. Is it gross? YES. Do I want to stab my eyes from reading it? YES. Does it sound pretentious and very amateurish? Definitely YES. Certainly YES. All I'm saying, is you'd need to learn the art of self-editing. Otherwise, no one will ever touch on your story unless you've personally done some rewrites. This is my advice if you're really serious about writing and you're planning to put it out there. EDIT, EDIT, EDIT. You can do so much with editing. Think of editing as the Photoshop of writing. The writing might be shit, but the final product might surprise you. That's just the power of good editing.

Ok. Something is clearly lost in the translation.

Your opening lines: My interpretation (take it as you will): In those few paragraphs, the audience gets to know: Their goal (to head out to Redwaters). Their relationship. The dynamic of their relationship (Hadrian being outspoken but revering his master). What Ouray looks like. And the overall arching theme of the story. Sadly, these are things missing in your entire novel. Because there's an extreme volume of telling, and the specific details of what you want to show to your readers aren't shown or never shown at all. I personally can survive telling (if the narration is excellent) but in your story, the details in itself are very vague, obtuse, and elementary. What is this discerning gaze? What is this deep connection? What is this elusive inner turmoil? What is piercing through his friend's veil? Are they friends with benefits? Friends for a lifetime? BFF-friends? Plot friends that eventually disappear somewhere in the story There are so many question that doesn't relatively get answered throughout 10k+++ words first chapter you've posted. If you are going to put mysterious vague details, it has to be specific. Elusive inner turmoil. ...and Ouray knew the apparent calm of Hadrian's concealed elusive inner turmoil that decimated an entire town three centuries ago. that decimated an entire town three centuries ago = was an event when Hadrian called forth the power of the dark forces, blah-di-blah-blah, and murdered the entire city of Genovia, which is revealed by the middle of the story and haphazardly mentioned from time to time. If I'm truly being honest, this is a hard read. You have the grammar, and I'd assume, the prose, to write a cohesive story, but you're caught too much in your own voice, only hearing yourself, forgetting that you have actual readers to tell your story to. Hadrian carried within him a troubled aura, a glint of unease that couldn't escape Ouray's discerning gaze. Their deep connection allowed them to understand each other beyond words, and Ouray knew that the apparent calm of Hadrian concealed elusive inner turmoil. He was like a silent guardian, capable of piercing through his friend's veils and deciphering the emotions hidden behind his impassive mask. These are the things only you, as the writer of the story, know. Unless you learn when/where/why you should start mixing Showing and Telling, your stories would be very difficult to read, as kindly as I'm putting it.

He deserves a good review from his first client, don't you think? 😂 That person will soon appear... He'll make a profit, for sure. More than he'll ever think of. He won't be killed for knowing too much. But there's definitely a risk.

😂 I doubt you'd think that once you read the next chapters.

Yes. That's wishful thinking...cause you're wrong. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *cue evil laugh* Read Book II to find out. Coming to you in your nearest theatres this December... Or early next year.

EPISODE 12: KITSCH Slivers of light permeated through the slits in my orbs, and as they fluttered and opened, they opened groggily. My eyes bulged as my head turned and began roaming. The combination of my morning stupor and my sedentary posture, as I pulled myself to sit upright, wasn’t sufficient to quell the shock from where I sat. I held my eyes open to fully awaken myself and saw that I was back at my flat—an empty flat, so to speak. Once I regained consciousne

Around December or early next year.

You're so close. NOW, step away from the line sir. Cause I'm tempted to tell you the plot. 🤣 Oh he definitely will. We have free healthcare in the UK so he'll get a new lung, an ultra-powered bionic one, if that's the case. He'll be robocop for sure.