Will Hawkins

Finally, not just one but two breakthroughs, one with his power and learning how to control it and the other with his relationship with Taran. "Is this a date?" You bet it is and these two getting together will be good for both of them. I'll bet that when he finds out about it, Taran's father will be totally pissed off because there goes his last hope for a grandchild. On the other hand, there are many, many children out there in the real world who need parents even though they would have no mysterious powers they still would have the powere of love. Mister Will

Following Ronnie's progress through training is going to be interesting, especially as he learns to control his apparently growing talent. Mister Will

This chapter answers some of my questions about financial support for Ronnie's father… And it sets up the 'training period' for a new superhero candidate. I will not add 'can't wait for next chapter' as I know you, firstly, are restricted in what you can publish and secondly, real life always seems to interfere with an author's work, but I will say, 'I eagerly look forward to reading each new chapter as it is published.' Because I am reading in January-February, 2021, I do not have to wait between reading each new chapter. Okay, I am a pig to read an author's work several months/years after it was first published, but a an OLD man, if I cannot read subsequent chapters immediatly, my memory failure leaves me in the lurch. I am very pleased you have gone back and up-graded the grammar of your writing, first because it makes the reading so much more pleasurable, and second, because by doing so you can apply what you have learned to subsequent writing efforts. Mister Will

Does the superheroes foundation have any means of helping Ronnie's father, at least to relieve his pain somewhat? And Ronnie, in order to be able to devote his attention to being a superhero, is going to need some support 'to keep the power on' at home.

If Ronnie calls in to join the superheros training, who is going to supply the support, the money to pay 'the electricity' as you put it? There id indeed a big 'conflict of interest here. The money from his 'day job' may not be much, but it will surely be missed if he goes for superhero status. He is faced with a real quandry. Mister Will

You have done a good job in rewriting the story – there are no grammatical errors to interrupt the flow and the pacing is OK. Mister Will

I especially like the idea of an illustration for the story. Will there be a new one fr each chapter?

How about bright red – can you see that any better? Or is a font size of 11 easier to read? We can always try bolding the font.

Whoops! An alien creature invasion of a person does not bode well – It will be interesting to see what Garjah does to help Essell.

A tweny-one year old chihuahua! That age of a small dog is remarkable, to loose a pet after such a long companionship must be very depressing. Essell is learning Bouncer's needs and reactions rapidly, tht demonstrates his empathy very well.

Okay, that means I can now make comments that wil lbe visible, however, I have nothing to say at this point. A most unusual cindition for me.

Okay. that means I can now make comments that willbe visible however, at this point I have nothing to say. Amost unusual stste for me to be in.

I am adding this comment as a part of my testing.

If I select a print color, font and size, does my comment appear on the next page in that manner, or must I select a color each chapter?

Once again this is an experiment in colors to see what will show up.

I have been having trouble getting my comments to be visible. This is an experiment. red blue black

I remember those xray machines that you stepped on to have someone look to see how your shoes fit. Fortunately at that time, I was living in florida and had graduated from the heavy brogans with internal wedges to correct my flat feet, was going barefoot most of the time so didn't have foot xrays too often.

The rule here is never feed a stry kitten at your door. To do so means a 'friend' for life! Mister Will

Pacing is one of the skills of a good author, along with characterization. If those two are well done, small errors like wrong tense of words can be lived with, and you have those two parts of good authoring well under control. Keep up the good work, I am enjoying the reading.

It seems that some six-packs are begining to appear. Part of that is, I am sure, the restricted diet, but a lot would be from the hard physical work they are doing. From the history of each person, it appears that only Sakthi has been a muscular guy before crashing on the island. I believe that, as they get their living under control, all of them will end up lean, suntanned and muscular. One thing that could improve their life is, if the swimmers would teach the non-swimmers, it would be like an insurance policy because they are living under the threat of storms and flooding all the time.

I am still somewhat uncomfortable with the location of the island.

Earlier Sakthi discovered a pond with ducks, but that will not be much for four men so some other source of food must be found or developed.

I could make comments on the English mistakes, but I don't want to upset the author. He is being creative with the story so far and I am enjoying it. Let's just see where he is heading.

Except in the Bahamas, so that must be where they are.

The current version of the story is very obviously written by someone who is not a native English speaker, neither NorthAmerican, nor European (perhaps East Indian. Both the grammar and the syntax are confusing to a native American (USA). For example the narrator is obviously a male, yet he repeatedly uses the term 'handbag' for something he is carrying. In USA a 'handbag' is carried by women only. What is another term you could use? Briefcase might be possible, but I am not the author so I cannot choose words for him. The premise of the story is interesting so far, but the fact that there are a number of dead persons lying at various places on the beach is going to create problems when the bright sunshine starts them stinking. And I know of no island in the north Atlantic that has native coconut trees. (I have been using the old fashioned version of the spelling of that tree, but then, I am an old guy! A little more exposition (background) would be appropriate.