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Will Hawkins

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Everything posted by Will Hawkins

  1. Will Hawkins

    Flirt

    A 'Loonie' is Canadian coin with the picture of a Loon on it, gold colored value $1.00 Canadian.
  2. Will Hawkins

    Bedroom

    Shifter tales are not my usual choice of reading material, but your introduction to these characters has caught my interest. The polar bear is one of our world's largest bears and is a meat eater because of the necessity to keep warm in the frozen northlands. The panda, on the other hand, is a native of the central plaines of the orient, is a vegetarian and is normally half the mass of the polar bear. By making one of your characters much larger than the other and a meat eater as opposed to a vegan, you have kept true to the type of person they will change into. This implies a great amount of research on your part and creativity in working the two types of bears into the story, Congratulations are in order – you have been true to nature.
  3. Will Hawkins

    Dr Chapter 1

    Toby is very fortunate, people who are in a deep coma for a long period of time normally have a very difficult time time the they return to consciousness. He is lucky in that some of his memory has returned, that bodes well for a more significant pattern of continued improvement. Interesting beginning for a story.
  4. Will Hawkins

    IOR Chapter 21

    I agree that Kip is being a bit of an ass. The security guard is only doing the job he was hired to do.I feel that Kip is distinctly in the wrong here.
  5. Will Hawkins

    IOR Chapter 19

    “Eye- eye, Captain,” "Aye-aye, Captain,”
  6. Will Hawkins

    IOR Chapter 18

    If these were indeed sharks, a group of sharks is known as a 'shiver'
  7. Will Hawkins

    IOR Chapter 11

    As a former resident of the US State of Washington, which is located near the Canadian border, I have noticed that Canadian residents frequently end a sentence with 'eh'. That speech habit is almost a marker for Canadians in my part of the US. Is it also a part of the speech of Australians?
  8. Will Hawkins

    IOR Chapter 10

    Question: on the 24 hour clock used for military and naval times, one hour after midnight (2400 hrs, twenty four hundred hrs) is known as 0100 hrs. Is that called Oh one hundred hrs or zero one hundred hours? And what is one half hour after midnight (0030 hrs) called?
  9. Will Hawkins

    IOR Chapter 6

    There are thousands of uses for containers that are no longer suitable for transportation of goods, but the idea of placing two side by side and removing th wall between is new to me. It sounds super, increasing the space available for usage. The 'U' shaped arrangement of two big containers with a smaller one at the base of the 'U' sounds good also. It sounds like a series of very constructive ideas are being proposed.
  10. Will Hawkins

    IOR Chapter 1

    In the place that Bushman60 is speaking of you could also use 'are' instead of 'have' to make is sensible. 'Both are Welsh descendants'
  11. Will Hawkins

    DSA Chapter 4

    The fact that there was a suspicion that the Crown Prince had been kidnapped from the palace implies that there is a cabal organized in opposition to the present regime and there was a suspicion that they had kidnapped the Crown Prince. That implies that he is in danger, well, we will have see what develops in additional chapters.
  12. Such a simple story – a new razor and a willing barber, but it can evoke strong feelings in the reader. Excellent characterization and tempo - this can grow into a fascinating series
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  13. Will Hawkins

    The Stranger

    I know of only one Vlad in history and that was Vlad III Dracul a ruler and national hero of Walachia, a portion of Romania. He defeated an invading army (from Turkey in 1463?) and preserved his country's independence. He was known as Vlad the Impaler as he mounted the prisoners he took during the war by inserting wooden poles in their anal openings and lining the road with them as an exhibit to deter further invasions. His name was later used by the Irish author Bram Stoker for the evil character in his book 'Dracula',
  14. You know big cats well... tigers do not purr like a housecoat on the hearth. Their throat structure is different from a house cat. There is a flap of skin that is missing from their throat, it is that flap of skin that vibrates in a house cat to make the purring sound. House cats cannot roar only big cats like lions and tiger can roar. It is like the big cat traded their ability to purr for an ability to roar, Big cats do make a 'chuff chuff' sound. They use it to call their babies. It means, 'I am here, come to me,'
  15. the hollow trucks of trees the hollow trunks of trees
  16. Mister Johns should be in the unemployment line – a High School Councilor who is homophobic cannot be effective in talking to clients, male or female. Bree is so smart, by pretending that Jude is her date/boyfriend, she is making an excuse for him to be around for Quinn to talk to.
  17. Will Hawkins

    Crash and Burn

    We now know why Quinn is so fucked up stubborn – it comes directly from his mother. She is so busy being a big wheel at the hospital, she has no time to do her most important job, being a mother. If she neglected her hospital job, she might fuck up one life, her own. When she overwhelmingly devotes herself to her hospital work, she fucks up Quinn, Bree and Brad as well. Is Jude the only friend he has left?
  18. Quinn is obviously obsessive/compulsive in his passion for neatness in his surroundings and more importantly, in his life. If he had a little more 'go with the flow', he would be much happier with himself as well At least he is beginning to admit he is gay – I guess that is progress of a sort.
  19. Oh, dear God, a homophobic High School Guidance Councilor! He should have been fired when the Administration first found that out. Three days suspension hardly seems appropriate.
  20. Will Hawkins

    Struggle Part 2

    Alright, so this story is a reverse twist on the standard 'coming out' tale. But the emotions are just as strong going this direction as they usually are going the other direction. A fascinating twist on the usual 'coming out' story.
  21. Will Hawkins

    The Day After

    The hardest person in the world to come out to is yourself. It is harder than your mother, your father or any member of your family.
  22. I know that you are writing 'teen speak' and so I resolved not to pick it apart for grammar, but there is one thing I feel compelled to mention – there is no such word as 'anyways' and you have used it almost once per page. Okay. I know you are using bad grammar on purpose as that is the way teens talk, but if you just eliminate the 's' at the end of anyways, I would fold up my schoolteacher tent and steal silently away – please.just change it to 'anyway'. The story is superb and I will continue reading anyway (hah, thought you were going to catch me didn't you),
  23. Will Hawkins

    Epilogue

    a remarkably stress-free story of love between two young men. I especially enjoyed a return to a part of the country with which I am familiar. a real trip home for me.
  24. This chapter was truly 'a trip home' for me. I am a graduate of the University of Arizona and remember, (though it was a lifetime ago) looking to the North at the Santa Catalina mountains and at the 'cat', an out-cropping of darker stone in the shape of a sleeping cat at the top of the ridge nearest the city.
  25. Will Hawkins

    To Friendship!

    An interesting start to the tale of two men who have different forms of music in common. I am looking forward to reading.
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