Will Hawkins

I am sure the passenger is enjoying the drive, but the high temperature concerns me – it can speed up decomposition of the body and increase the odor unless he is pumped full of chemicals which, as the body was prepared by a professional mortician, he might be.

It has peaked my interest. It has piqued my interest. stimulated my interest he applied himself too he applied himself to.

Jimbo's father pointing a shotgun at him is a criminal offense (aggravated assault with a deadly weapon), as such it does not require anyone to file charges. That it was apparently hushed up implies a superior police or governmental relationship here. At any rate, Jimbo ended up being rushed out of that dangerous situation without anyone getting hurt. We are now faced with a need for much more information. I am resigned to being patient, though my curiosity bump is really itching!

Whoa! Talk about left turns, this one was made in heavy traffic without any signal lights. I am not even going to speculate on the 'puppeteer' who is pulling the strings for these two boys. Yes, they are boys, at sixteen a male child is still a boy. Well, there is nothing for me to do but sit back and enjoy the read! Or is it the ride?

swim trucks from the Middle Ages. swim trunks from the Middle Ages. Presenting the same story from the two different viewpoints of the people involved is a fascinating way of telling a tale The interest is not merely doubled, it is somehow rendered more complete. In this case it shows the maturation of them both. Do keep up the great writing.

I was one of those suffix kids, but I was in luck – I was named after my Grandfather so I was a II. But nobody ever called me 'Deuce' , thank you very much- But I was not a Jr. either. As the Grandfather after whom I was named, died before I was born so there was no necessity of coming up with a numerical name, I was just called 'Will'. The same as was he when he was alive.

I was especially interested in the comment by the reader from Zimbabwe, I am currently living in Brazil and find that the anti-gay attitudes of the Brazilian people is not as forceful as it is in other Catholic countries. Perhaps it is the climate here – normally it is just too hot to get passionate about anything, especially anything so meaningless as homophobia.

Any tale by this author is bound to be a treat. The fact that it includes contemporary references means that u will have to restrain myself in comments, not to violate GA's rules. So I may refer you to 'the Pit' from time to time.

Getting a screwdriver jammed in your ball-sack is a definite ouch, but it does get the point across. (Pun intended, hah).

I anticipate a problem with the Russians, especially Constatine. He seems to be a little hot~headed- Altogether an excellent start to a story,, Carlos. Even the reactions of the Russian brothers open up great story lines. I am sure we will hear from them, at least from Constatine, again.

Marco sprung into action. Marco sprang into action.

NO, NO, NO, Do not ever write the 'perfect' story. If you do, the Story Muse will abandon you. Your stories are fine, just the way they are. It is a pleasure to read a story that is completed and published without all the amateurish grammatical errors that creep into GA stories submitted by inexperienced authors, especially a first time author who needs to rely heavily on a competent Editor to polish his stories, but does not use one. I. for one, get tired of reading about young queers going through all the woes of 'coming out' That is not truly an original theme for GA. A superior story requires an author for its creation, and an editor to clean up the errors in presentation (and probably Beta Readers to help with timing and characterization). Just an aside comment to authors to whom English is not a birth language. Go ahead, tell your story as best you can, then have it polished by an editor. For many years I taught ESL students in a Community College and we worked together on improving their English writing skills- I discovered they had much to say and only needed a little polishing to remove grammatical errors. It was a great pleasure to see their writing skills improve with just a small effort on my, the instructor's, part. Sure, it was hard work for the ESL students, but in a short time they began to shine and their English writing skills improved greatly. And believe me, they had stories to tell!

In any mention of storms on land or at sea, I bless the memory of my mother. She loved a storm, wind, rain, thunder and lightning, it made no difference to her, She once, when I was just a tad and cried during a lightning storm, explained to me that by the time you see the flash of the lightning, it has passed and struck somewhere else. It is no longer a danger to you unless it breaks a tee limb over your head, or starts a ground fire, and even then you have time to move somewhere else as it has not hit you. Bless you Mom, you have passed on to me your love of a storm.

Just as long as they want to talk.

One problem with the story – is Damian a calico. like the one who has been drinking the milk, because calicos are almost always female?

Neko is the Japanese word for cat and Neko has calico ears and tail (no description about the rest of his fur). That reads 'cat' to me. Damian (cat) gets a free bed, but what's in it for Jordan, except a friendly roommate? Interesting start for a werewolf-type story.

After having read all the chapters of this story posted up to this time, I am very leery about the future course of true love. I am sure that Tom and Kat will have something to express their evil intentions. I can only hope their revenge is not too severe. Your excellent writing style continues to enchant me and I will be following the rest of the chapters closely.

Yes, conversation between separate persons, does read better if placed on separate lines, also to a reader the 'he said.' 'she said.' identifiers just disappear so they are good to include in the text as separators. Don't overload a conversation with them, but an occasional one tossed in can clarify a conversation. When I say they just disappear to a reader, I mean that they are so common in conversational writing, the reader's eye just skips over them, noting them subconsciously, but not interfering with the flow of the writing.

he had the rugged pulled from underneath him, he had the rug pulled from underneath him, he never left the house out anymore he never left the house out anymore

I believe this chapter marks a real split between Aubrey and Tom, not yet a Grand Canyon, but a crack in the surface between them which like a knife wound can become infected and fester. Where does Kat stand in all this? As a user of Andrew's writing skills, she has an oar in the water as well.

Yes, I too can see thunderheads on the horizon as far as Kat is concerned as she is relying on Andrew's name to make hew way in the writer's world and could become very negative if that support were to be jerked out from under her. Prince is the only one so far to recognize the relationship between Andrew and Aubrey, but then, dogs can recognize good relationships far quicker than their masters can. I'm looking forward to continued good reading. Pace, characterization and style are all going for you. The only problem I am having is two principal characters with similar names. Every once in a while I have to stop reading and say, 'who' to myself, but at my age I sometimes have to check my computer calendar to decide what day of the week it is!

could have went to prison! could have gone to prison!

a quick exist a quick exit had came by that morning – had come by that morning

I try to even out my breathes – I try to even out my breathing that must have candles that must come from candles

Interesting but confusing symbolism – some expressed in first person, some in second person implying two entities concerned. I am sure Juju will clear things up in time, Meanwhile, I will continue to enjoy. I am a fan of longer tales as they give the author time to develop interesting characters.