Will Hawkins

Q. You have a fantastic ability to express emotion in just a few sentences, and there is a great deal of emotion to be expressed in this series. Primo job, keep up the good work. I was having a little snit myself at one point, however. As a one-time US army signalman, I was concerned about poor radio practices in communication between the walkie-talkies, but then I realized that the low power type of transmitters built into the ones that the Captain of the charter boats is using would not require the jargon used by voice radio communications in the army, so I folded my tent to steal silently away with just a reminder that, if you communicate with the Aussie Coastal Protective Service you had better clean up your procedure or your Captains license may be endangered.

What with the recent findings by the Supreme Court in relation to Gay marriage and Sodomy Laws in various states, the attitude of the residents of the US is gradually changing, though I am not sure as to how that attitude is affected by the election of our current President. There are even several rather hidebound clerics who are now willing to perform gay marriages and a County Clerk who refused to sign her name to a Marriage Certificate for a gay couple has been defeated in the mid-term elections. Interesting changes are afoot.

"affluenza", what a wonderful word! By definition, it is a 'portmanteau' word combining affluence and influenza. It is the name of a disease that affects many young people who are related to 'persons of influence' that have the ability to get their youngsters out of situations for which the young people should suffer the consequences. I am hereby giving notice that it will become a part of my vocabulary!

There are two words similar in reference but with slightly different meanings: incident which refers to an event, and incidence which refers to the quantity of something. Quokka, you may want to check into the precise meaning of each of these words to select the one which has the exact meaning you intend. You have used incidence and its plural incidences several times in these chapters in referring to singular events. I feel that incident and its plural incidents would be the better selection. If you agree, you should inform your editor of the change.

Just as a suggestion, did you ever consider using more nautical terms while on board the yacht, like going below instead of going downstairs? It might add a little to the ambiance. I am so pleased with the flow of the story, both the author and the editor are doing a super job.

Hey there Q. Yes, the old troll is here too. I have enjoyed several of your stories and am looking forward to reading this one, even struggling through the Aussie-isms. I think I am getting used to Aussie slang - a little bit. I won't be making a lot of comments on this series as I see it was posted in 2017. So, I am just going to sit back and enjoy,

Ok, question: You have been using the abbreviation for Mister without a full stop, Mr which I understand is British practice, BUT in the abbreviation for Mistress, a married woman, you have used a full stop: Mrs. Why the difference? By the way, I like the British practice of displaying time with a full stop as 6.45am. It is much easier than American practice of using a colon. If giving a time in a military format, 0645hrs, what would the punctuation be?

Am I totally off base in wondering why citizens of Australia need passports to visit New Zealand? To me, that would be like U.S. citizens needing passports to visit Alaska! Ok, I know that both countries are independent members of the British Empire, but do English citizens need passports to visit Scotland?

This is the second or third time in this series that the Australian police have acted in an abusive and illegal manner. I cannot believe that this is an example of typical behavior by Australian police, Are they so unfamiliar with the correct procedure as to behave in this fashion all the time?

for the boys and I - for the boys and me Quokka this is now the most frequent grammatical error I see in your work. The use of a nominative case pronoun instead of the correct objective case. In this example, the pronoun forms the object of the preposition 'for' and should be in the objective case. Just say the phrase leaving out the other noun and it becomes obvious. Prepare a lunch for I, is obviously wrong; your ear is tuned to hear: prepare a lunch for me. Adding another noun into the statement does not change the required objective case. Each time wording like this comes up, just say the phrase without the other noun, By the way, I think the choice of the animals with which to populate the island is excellent. All Australian species and herbivores, and being close to extinction in other locations, though I will have to confess having to look them all up using google. The choice of a quokka family is especially apt, considering the pen name of the author!

walk in robes - walk-in closets

lean too shed - lean-to she dingo loader - a tracked front-end loader, either gasoline or diesel powered with available accessories for earth moving. mobile phone off, - mobile phone on, I began to did I began to dig Several confusing typos in this chapter, but I hope I was able to find enough of them to make the content clear.

We have been aware of Gres' alternative sexuality from early on in the story, but it is interesting to see that it is a comparative stranger who became aware of it too, Perhaps this is an example of the workings of 'gaydar? Just because Jack has two sons does not take him out of the possibilities altogether.

Hey Quokka, as you may be aware from past communications between us, I am super critical about grammatical errors in an author's work. I find I disagree with Firewall910 in reference to the grammar errors about which he is complaining. Yes, there are a few run-on paragraphs, but your writing is far above the poor standards set by many GA authors. I find the chapters easy to read and except for some of the OZ expressions, even understandable for a North American reader. Take heart mate, you are doing ok in my book. Keep up the good work!

Heard Island & MacDonald Island (HMI): is an Australian external territory comprising a volcanic group of barren Antarctic islands, about two-thirds of the way from Madagascar to Antarctica. It is a location on the earth that is probably the furthest point from any large land mass as it is nearly 2,500 miles from the shores of the Indian Ocean in any direction except Antartica.

Some translations of Austrailian terms for the benefit of American readers: Seabob: a battery-powered vehicle used to tow divers at speed under and atop the surface of the sea. Duntroon: Royal Military College, located in Canberra, Australian Capital Territory, the Australian equivalent to West Point. Rottnest Island is perhaps best known for its population of quokkas, a small native marsupial found in very few other locations. The island was originally named by the Dutch sea captain Willem Hesselsz de Vlamingh, as he mistakenly thought the quokkas he found there to be rats. We have since found that only our author fits that description and he has, therefore, adopted the name Quokka as a nom de plume. lol Just as a point of interest the name Aquaria is also the stage name of a female impersonator in the USA. Coincidence. maybe.

Rottnest is perhaps best known for its population of quokkas, a small native marsupial found in very few other locations. After which our author is named.

chest and taught physique - chest and taut physique I know this story was originally published 4 years ago and the author is probably no longer interested in making corrections, but just in case he is alerted to a new comment, I tossed this one in. the forum page is no longer available. So on the off chance that C. James is still paying attention to comments, I included this homophone. I am very impressed with the way the several threads of the tale are coming together; the wedding, the bachelor party, the General's extraction plans, etc. You are handling a complex plot very well.

“I’ll be back just as soon as I can. Be careful, Ritch.” “I’ll be back just as soon as I can. I'll be careful, Rich. Now, this is just a suggestion. I think it reads a little bit better with a pronoun subject-verb combination in here.

dime a dozen in a small down - dime a dozen in a small town Whoa, Cia, same problem in two consecutive chapters, tch, tch.

pick up some coffee when you hit down. - pick up some coffee when you hit town. Well, Cia, I finally found a misspelling or a homophone. Your writing is so perfectly edited, I have to tease you a bit about finding even a tiny mistake. I especially like this series and the developing relationship between Rich and Park. Its slow growth is far more common and realistic than the sudden moment of emotional involvement that so many authors practice.

I will not be commenting unless Cia asks me to. I am reading these chapters in 2018 and, by the time they are published, the typical author is so tired of the story that they don't even read the comments, especially this far into the future from first publication. It is a real pleasure to read a story with so few errors in writing. It means that the reading is not interrupted by a homophone or a misspelled word. Thank you, Cia for being such a professional author.

I notice that several of you commenters have dished you for leaving a chapter with a cliffhanger. I do not echo that reaction, I believe it is a good author who ends a chapter with a cliffhanger. It is like a free ticket to the next chapter and is an expected and approved part of the creativity of authoring.

In your response to Howzat you said, "I'm not too fond of him at the moment". speaking of Loz. That implies to me that your readers and you might become more fond of him in the future, possibly because of some change in attitude or behavior on Loz' part. That is encouraging as Daniel needs as many friends as possible if he is going to recover physically and psychologically from his present depressive state. Excellent writing with much characterization and creativity, Thorn.

I have the feeling that this story has been posted for so long that the author has ceased to refer back to the comments, so I will not be making any unless the author contacts me and expresses an interest in those I might make, but just for any American readers I will make an occasional comment translating British into American. For example. a 'housing estate' is a large building of perhaps 20-25 stories containing many small apartments built by the government to assist in slum clearance. These apartments are cheap to rent and not very desirable, but better than living in pasteboard shacks. They quickly developed a reputation as hotbeds of crime and dilapidation. There are a few 'housing estates' which are better designed and offered to higher end occupants.