Will Hawkins

My problem is my stupidity about computers. I can read the stories fine, but the comments are just too small for my old eyes. I don't know why the type in the stories is larger than that in the comments.

About the spelling of potato. you are totally correct. I was not wearing my glasses and without them, the print on the comments area is too small for me to see. My error, thanks for calling it to my attention

Crisps = Potatoe Chips

translation Service from OZ to American: truck tub = truck bed Truck cabin = truck cab. To convert the bed of a pickup into a hot tub is NOT a good idea - A pickup bed lined with a plastic sheet and filled with water is an extreme overload for the structure even if the truck is not driven. Don't even consider it!!!!

The butterfly in the jungle is as good an explanation as any I guess.

Translation of Aussie: Lounge or Lounge room = living room

where Tom’s places is. - where Tom’s place is.

and if I weren’t careful - and if we weren’t careful or and if he wasn’t careful got to me you - got to meet you

if there a good fit - if they're a good fit Mom and Dads - Mom and Dad's where that checklist - where's that checklist Cornbread’s and wings - Cornbreads and wings sorry cant - sorry can't this is going to be a fun - this is going to be fun or this is going to be a fun night.

taught me many, - taught me much, to the souls of his feet. - to the soles of his feet. digging into my pecks - digging into my pecs taught me many taught me much Beautiful characterization and pacing FSELL, There are a few homophones, but they do not detract from the storyline -- keep up the good work, you've got a real winner here.

I am normally a little leery about first chapters, but this one is really cool. Good work, John.

Wrap your arms around me waist - Wrap your arms around my waist

I I tell her as I - I tell her as I -- Too many I's.

Yes, that will work better.

A deuteragonist is like the second lead in a play, or in a story. He may be antagonistic or supportive to the principal. Dr. Watson was such a character in the Sherlock Holmes stories. He was an educated and supportive character but just did not have the quirky intelligence that made Holmes such an excellent detective.

superior dialogue, Cole. Thinking one thing and doing the other is a very human trait when a man is placed in a new and different situation. I am enjoying each new chapter as it comes up and especially because I do not have to wait for the further action to be posted. This is about the only advantage of entering into a story path late in the day. Apparently, the corrections you made to the flow of the narrative were correct as I did not detect any problem with following the storyline.

Obviously, I am continuing to read this story. I find the characterizations to be spot on, you are a master at showing character with just a few sentences between persons or a few internal thoughts. I am also pleased with the dearth of errors in the English. Your chapters are a pleasure to read because of that. If I go through just a few more examples of that ability I will relax, enjoy the story and stop looking.

I am just finding this story in mid-September, 2018, so I don't think my comments will mean anything to the author. I am famous or rather infamous for picking at the grammar and word choice in stories, but many authors who are really creative storytellers are not so good at English usage. Bad English eats away at a good story, interrupting the flow of the narrative and destroying the enjoyment of a reader, so, from time to time I make suggestions to authors about word usage. One of the most frequent problems is the use of homophones, that is the substitution of a wrong word that sounds like the correct one to the author. Spell checking programs frequently do not find these errors as the erroneous word is spelled correctly, it is just the wrong word for that particular usage, like using the word reign where the author means rein. There are at last count over five hundred homophones in English and their usage is an error that even the pickiest of editors are not able to detect. So, and suggestions I make as far as different words are concerned are just that, suggestions to the author intended to improve his writing, not be snarky or attempting to embarrass him. Please accept them that way. Hey, the fact that I continue to read the story means that it is a good tale, be encouraged, not angry.

She’s not trying Dad, - She’s not trying, Dad, missing comma. in a blue spangled dressed - in a blue spangled dress.

I am an old man and I had to look up what a dew rag was. First, there are several alternative spellings for the term: dew rag, du-rag, and do-rag are several of them. The definition I read is that it is a cloth worn around the head to protect a hairdo. So I feel that do-rag would be the preferred spelling. It is most often worn by young men, especially blacks though the use of the do-rag is creeping over into the white community also. I appreciate the sensitivity with which you treated the life and death of a very sweet person. Frequently we miss most those in our life who have passed so quickly but in many cases they left a glowing path of sparks behind them/ Excellent writing.

Button, I mean, Craig was - Button, I mean Craig, was' This was a hard sentence to punctuate -- do isolate the proper noun, but put the comma in the best place to have the pause. I have not been adding comments to the list as the story went along because I find those comments listed, and your responses to them, echo my feelings very well. I recognize the humor of a 'straight' sixteen-year-old boy 'coming out' to gay parents, the reverse of the gay boy coming out to straight parents. You have written it in a very subtle manner, but role reversal adds a veneer of humor to the process. Congratulations on a very well written tale. I have read each year's progress avidly.

the swags Natalie had sown - the swags Natalie had sewn I especially liked the response made to who gives these men -- having Button answer was perfect.

I was intrigued by the reference to Boy River., MN. Odd names for natural objects like lakes or rivers usually have a story behind them, so I googled and found a mention of Ojibwe youths who were murdered by Sioux and the lake and river were named after them. Is there an MN resident in computerland who can fill in the details of this story? If so, answer to misterwill2@live.com so I will not miss it. Thanks.

we sat at him counter - we sat at his counter kept at arm’s length by him mother - kept at arm’s length by his mother

We were expecting you until tomorrow! - We were not expecting you until tomorrow! poster of Ivan as the Raging Bull sighed by Ivan - poster of Ivan as the Raging Bull signed by Ivan Meals pretty lasted for hours - Meals pretty well lasted for hours