Will Hawkins

“I have the feelings about people, Mr. Burrows. The article the is not necessary here, the sentence reads just as well: “I have feelings about people, Mr. Burrows. I had a thought about Jerry (hey, treat it gently. a thought from me is a rarity!), Jerry has been a vampire a long, long time. Is it possible that he does not understand the modern English that is being spoken around him? Perhaps they should get a linguist in as a consultant, one who is experienced in a dialect with which a Lancastershire coal miner might be more familiar?

but I don’t think he could if he had something to say. This is in response to the question; 'Did he talk?' and might better be in the affirmative; 'I think he could if he had . . . We had worked to get George his equipment set up. We had worked to get George's equipment set up. Explaining the situation to the agent is going to be an arduous process primarily because of the governmentally oriented mind. I do not envy the gang besides they need to work with Jerry not to waste time with MI5 or MI6.

Yea, yea. s\b Yeah, yeah - informal substitute for Yes, yes. And you have you’re ID? And you have your ID? you're is a contraction for 'you are', your is the possessive form of the pronoun 'you'.

After we cleaned up and got dressed, Missing pronoun subject of the sentence. 'We made our way and we were in Kent, Use a simple to here. no one was there to greets us Use greet here, "no one was there to greet us. jump from and SUV at night, jump from an SUV at night,

Oh, no DQ. You are forbidden from ceasing your corrections for if you do that would mean that I have to take up the task again! And I was so enjoying the relaxation.

I don't know if he pays any attention to me either - the only difference is I highlight his errors in bold format, and I have a reputation among the writers of GA for being snarky!

Droughtquake is taking over my job and doing so well I am going to retire!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the word 'woken', but I have a personal prejudice against it. It seems to me to interrupt the flow of a narrative - I prefer the word 'awakened' in its place.

"Edwin went to his computer and taped the keyboard." In this case, I believe you mean tapped. Taped means to apply tape like 'the package was taped up'. "I found a think of petroleum jelly." This one's got me - I don't know what word is meant there. All these ingredient listings are making me hungry. I have never had faggots, but haggis is a real favorite, and chitlins are to die for!

I am going to hold off commenting about the storyline until we meet 'mommy dearest', but down here in Brazil we have both crocs and anacondas to feed her to.

I read your comments with more interest than anything else, except the story, you have the ability to capture the essence of the characterizations very well.

“Can I help you, sir?” It is probable that the butler, being as rigidly formal as he is presented, would use "May I help you, sir?" as that is the more correct, though stuffy, form. "there is far better-oiled wheel turning in the background.” either 'there is a far better. . . .' or, 'there are far better-oiled wheels. . . .' there is a missing article in this sentence, though, depending on the thrust of the sentence either form is possible, depending on the author. "in to your room.” Get you settled in your room would be satisfactory here, but if the author desires to use 'in to', it should be spelled 'into'. I do need to know how much criticism of language you wish. I am comfortable with words, but unsure of punctuation, though I shall try anything you desire. As far as criticism of the story is concerned; Drew is having a little trouble between his professionalism and the rather relaxed atmosphere of the house, but I am sure that will work out shortly. The story has the possibility of being a real 'page turner' and shows excellent potential. I look forward to reading it.

Attempted suicide is a crime and if Kells was to find a sympathetic judge, he probably could get a warrant to get into Josh's room on the basis of finding out if he was drugged by a second party.

Something I missed until I read through the first chapters a second time: Kells signed his texts with O.G. that means he knows Josh calls him Officer Goodbody doesn't it? Where did I miss that dialog?

A "peach' of a start for the story. It sounds like the author has been there -- done that!

And if I remember my limited fantasy reading correctly, wyverns are friendlier to humans than are dragons, sometimes even forming close relationships. Too bad Baby is not a wyvern, Torsten could use a friend just now. Well, on with the story -- good writing and cliffhangers are part of authorship.

Oh my God! A young man with a pet dragon baby that cooks its own meat! Not exactly something one would bring to school for 'show and tell'. I am enthralled. By the way, baby dragons love to lie on their backs to have their tummies tickled and they make strange growling noises while this is going on to encourage the tickler. Just be careful, if the back foot starts a scratching motion, let up on the tickling as that is a sign of impending panic. and a panicky dragon is a fearsome thing. I have a feeling that Fluffy is going to become a great confidant for Torsten. He?, She?, It is showing great signs on loving care for Torsten, curling up in his lap and around his neck. Those are gestures that can be developed beautifully by the author. I have to say, I am enchanted, beautiful characterizations and a great opportunity for plot development.

It is quite possible that "deleted" pictures can be recovered by someone who is tech savvy.

It seems that we are at a nexus in the storyline. I will have to wait with all the interested readers for a continuation. Meanwhile, I will put my name into the notification area so that when additional chapters are added I have the opportunity to read them.

"Terramancy is a form of magic that manipulates the earth - not in the sense of natural magic that utilizes flora - but directly with the earth: rock, metal, and mineral." Like most mancies, Terramancy originated as a form of divination. The earliest Terramancers used minerals within the dirt and soil to make predictions, obtain answers, and fulfill ritualistic practices. As was true of other types of mancers, once the Terramancers began mastering their art, they too began to channel their powers beyond prophetic abilities. Powers of the Terramancers evolved to include the ability to manipulate the earth, the ability to create small land masses, and for those powerful enough, the ability to shift the tides. As their manipulation powers progressed and Terramancers became something beyond diviners, Terramancy was provided its own symbol as its acceptance into the Dark Collective.

I have a question. You have described Elsior as being rather plain in appearance and unexciting in behavior before he was ejected from the palace and forced to leave the Prince's bed, not because of any general prejudice against MM relations on the part of the people or the royal family. My question is, why was he there in the first place? Surely a Prince of the blood royal could have had someone more interesting and prettier in his bed. Perhaps it was that the Prince was not allowed out of the castle to select a better bed-boy, but that marks the Prince as being too far under his father's thumb to be interesting.

As an interesting sidelight to your story - in cases of the application of fertility drugs in humans, multiple births are a frequent result, not twelve babies, but sometimes three. Unfortunately, it is difficult or even dangerous for a human mother to give birth to multiple offspring at one time and in the frequent case of twins or triplets almost always Cesarian birth will be a requirement to preserve the lives of both mother and children. I was a 'babe not born of a mother' - a euphemism for Cesarian birth, as my mother was at the upper end of the childbearing years, I was taken in September rather than waiting until early December, the normal due date, and even so I was a big baby, and while I do not remember the surgery, obviously - I do recall being told of the difficulties my mother went through in carrying me and in her recovery from the surgery. Okay, back to twelve dragon babies: that does indeed sound like an artificially high number when one or at the most two is a standard number for a dragon. I sniff out a relationship between the drugs on the sorcerer's wall and the multiple births, especially with his motive of having been kicked out of the kingdom for loving the Prince! There are knots in the tapestry of this tale you weave, Disjecta Membra.

A wall of spices - sorry, that doesn't ring quite true. Elsior seems to be very talented, especially in survival skills, though the excuse to call for a dragon slayer by contacting his old companion the Prince seems to show a care for the welfare of those around him. His pose as a simple kitchen drab is a little too contrived.

I guess we will have to wait for the appearance of Elsior then. But meanwhile, Daegon and Birten are in deep doo-doo with the townsfolk of the village.

As another royal being would say to a schoolmarm name Anna, in a mysterious land far away, "It is a puzzlement!" Birten is indeed wise to move slowly in a situation such as this. Here is an adventure that requires scouting, just as does a field before battle.