Graeme

I've just come across this newspaper article the UK's Daily Telegraph: Judge blames easy access to online pornography after boy, 12, rapes seven-year-old sister The part that made me post the link is this part: I recognise that the NSPCC probably has a reason to spin this case a particular way, but is the figure of 2,500 per year accurate? Does anyone in the UK know if this is correct? I also need to point out that the experiences of the pre-Internet generation isn't relevant here because we didn't have easy access to hard-core pornography. We only had easy access to soft-core porn like Penthouse or Playboy (or Cleo for the girls and,...er...gay boys )

Okay, maybe a little more action. I'll admit that the ending of that chapter is one of my favourites; Chris is a great guy

Being nervous/fearful because the unknown is pretty normal. Learning to overcome the nervousness/fear is what maturity is all about

To me, porn falls into the same category as almost everything else: it's fine in moderation and dangerous in excess. I would consider porn to be mental stimulation to achieve a sexual response (usually a sexual release). As such, it fits into the same category as other mental stimulations. For most people, these mental stimulations are harmless, and can even be healthy. But if someone is not mentally fit, then the mental stimulation can harm them, just like some forms of physical exercise can harm someone who is not physically fit. The analogy I would use is that of fantasy roleplaying games like Dungeons and Dragons (which I used to play). I remember some reports about how dangerous these games are because it drives people to doing extreme things. However, given my own experiences and those of my friends, I would say that the games triggered something in a mind that was already unbalanced, and that's the cause of those extreme events. It's not caused by the roleplaying games -- it's an inherent problem that was triggered by the roleplaying games. I see porn in the same way. For most people, it's not unhealthy. But for some, it triggers problems in a mind that already has issues. Having said that, there are categories of porn that, like Adam, I have a strong distaste for. One of those would be porn featuring women, but that's just me. I'm not saying that that sort of porn is wrong, but it's not a turn-on for me. There are also some categories of porn that I think are potentially unhealthy. While it seems to be popular in some quarters, S&M is something that makes me question whether there is a mental health issue underpinning that sort of porn. I'm not a mental health expert, though, so I'll reserve judgement. I will, however, try to make sure my sons don't get exposed to that sort of porn for as long as possible. In summary, I have generally disliked sweeping generalisations. (I originally wrote 'always' but that's a sweeping generalisation and I thought I'd be hypocritical if I said that ). Porn has it's good and bad points. It is neither universally good or neutral, nor universally bad. It is very much an individual thing. An analogy would be drinking or gambling. These are activities that can be good or neutral, but sometimes can be bad, but it all depends on the individual. The way they affect one person, or even a group of people, cannot be extrapolated to the wider community. We're all different.

Thank you! Deon's indicated he'll give Tony a chance. Charlie doesn't seem too happy, but he did agree to go out with Jarrod and Tony. As for Ty, Deon called it: he's crazy

He waited until the corridor was empty and then slipped into the office, closing the door behind him. He’d gone to the club for an early-morning workout in the gym, hoping for this opportunity. Tony was seated at a desk that faced the side wall. Beside him, the window overlooked the car park outside the stadium. Tony turned to face his visitor, his face expressionless. “I’ve been expecting you.” He opened his mouth to give his prepared plea but paused when Tony held up a hand. “I never saw yo

Rick's in a difficult situation as to what to do. However, the story title says it all: The Price of Friendship. How high a price is Rick willing to pay? The price just got higher....

Thank you! Rick's life does seem to continue to become more complicated, doesn't it?

Thank you! Trying to make characters feel real is one of my primary focuses when I write Rick is in a difficult position of his own making, but that's not unusual in real-life, either. He lied at the start for what he thought were good reasons, and now he's having to deal with the consequences. Coming clean isn't always easy.

Hmmm. Why do you say 'homophobic bully'? He didn't attack Rick because he thought he was gay. He attacked Rick because he thought he was straight and had stolen Phil's girlfriend. He appears to be homophobic, too, but that's not the motivation for the attack. Sorry, but I'm very cautious when it comes to labelling someone as homophobic because there are a lot of connotations with that word that are not always applicable in each case.

I don't think you can conflate the lies regarding his sexuality and the lie about being Claire's girlfriend. The latter is a conspiracy within the group, and therefore is a shared responsibility. The other is definitely Rick and only Rick's responsibility. Rick's an odd mix -- trying to be honest while living a lie. It is, unfortunately, very human....

“You’re clear on the plans for tonight, Rick?” I grinned. Drew had been going over those plans with me for most of the week. “Nope. Sorry, I’ve forgotten.” Drew rolled his eyes. “Dad’s giving me a driving lesson and I’ll pick you up near the end and take you to the shopping centre. Joe’s borrowed his mum’s car for the night, and he’ll take you home afterwards.” “Does that mean Sue is going to have to walk home?” I asked. It went right over Drew’s head that I was playing dumb, but I could see

Thank you!

Thank you! I don't want to comment any further in case I give out spoilers

Thank you! I'd probably argue the point about no morons, but otherwise that's a great summary of the story

How many of the Sharpe's series have you read? We had all of them for awhile, but then he wrote more We also have some of the videos made from the books, staring Sean Bean as Richard Sharpe The main problem with the videos is that they really didn't have the budget to include the amount of people that were in the books. The battle scenes just don't have enough people in them....

Thank you, everyone, for all of your thoughtful posts! It's really very much appreciated The real answer in a nutshell. Implementation is tricky, but I 100% agree with the guideline With neither boy have we made it be something dirty. The older brother got into trouble showing porn to one of his friends, but it was clear to me that he was doing it based on the 'curiosity' factor you mentioned. LOL -- too late on the 'not let him focus his time and energies on only one thing'. His computer is a large part of his life... but that doesn't make it alone time. He and his brother are very much into games that you can play together -- either in person, or online. I'm not happy with the amount of time he spends on the computer, but I don't think it's a completely anti-social activity, either. He's just interacting in a way that's different to my generation. We know the mix is not well balanced at the moment, but we're not going to push him too hard to change -- just enough to, hopefully, start the processing rolling. My concern is that Penthouse and Playboy are mild compared to what's available online today. Hardcore pornography was much harder to obtain in our generation, and that could be a crucial difference. The websites that I've blocked are at the Penthouse/Playboy equivalent level, I think, which is why I'll unblock them again in the future... I'm just trying to work out when. I'll probably follow Sasha's advice and do so next year. I deliberately decided to not activate parental controls on either boys laptops. Firstly, my youngest son wouldn't have a problem in finding a way around it -- he's very computer literate. That's why I've gone with a collaborative approach with him: a mutually agreed temporary solution. Both boys are still capable of surfing for porn. I'm not trying to stop that. I'm trying to keep things at a reasonable level, with 'reasonable' being a very hard to define term. Thanks again to everyone's comments. I noticed about half the comments were from my generation (50+) and half from much younger (17-27). I really appreciate the views from such a broad range of ages

Congratulations to everyone! Very well done

“Mum, stop fussing! I’m going to be fine.” I tried to glare at her, though I knew she wasn’t deliberately trying to embarrass me. I was glad there weren’t a lot of other kids around. My mum couldn’t seem to resist one more piece of unnecessary advice. “If you don’t feel well, just tell the teacher and go see the nurse. Remember, the doctor said to try to keep your ankle elevated as much as possible, so if you need an extra chair to rest it on, just ask your teacher. Don’t be a martyr, Rick.” “

Peter, your comment came through while I was doing my reply above. Yes, I trust him. His confession came about as part of a conversation where I was saying that I considered him trustworthy, and he thought that I was going to retract that because he'd been looking at porn It's things like what you said about making movies that I'm trying to make sure doesn't happen. That's unhealthy, because those things are generally made to be shared, and once they're shared, they follow you around forever

I'm happy with a moderate amount of porn access, though I have reservations in some areas. At that age, I wouldn't want any BDSM, bestiality or similar being accessed. Simply looking at pictures of naked people by themselves I'd be fine with. People indulging in sex is a maybe at that age, because I would be expecting them more to be looking at nudity, not sex. I'd also expect them to keep it to themselves -- not showing friends, for example. All in all, though, my major concern was when he used the word 'addicted'. A legitimate concern, but I think that sort of desensitisation takes a while. Given the constraint that they can't access the Internet in their rooms, I'm confident that while they may use the material in fantasies, they'd not using the porn to 'get off'. Also, I'm very confident that they're not watching movies. It'll be pictures, not videos. In this particular case, it's actually comics, not even photos. Sorry, but as a parent, I can't ignore my responsibilities. It's my job to make sure they're using the Internet responsibly. Krista mentioned cyber-bullying. As a parent, I need to make sure my kids are not being bullied or being bullies. I've got no doubt he's capable of finding something else. His comment to me was he knows he shouldn't be looking at these things, but he couldn't stop himself. I offered to block the access, and he's happy with that. This is not me being the big bad parent and blocking access against his will Sadly, yes, I'm going to have to play it by ear. Maturity varies considerably during the early teenage years, and the guide to use is the maturity of the people in question. On your disagreement with Krista, I need to point out that there's a significant difference in maturity between the ages of 13 and 15. At 15, I'm inclined to treat my boys as almost adults as long as they show the appropriate level of maturity. I'm not willing to do that for a 13-year-old. LOL -- the benefits considerably outweigh the headaches This is always going to get down to individuals. We're all different and we all have different levels of maturity as we grow up. Can someone become desensitised? The answer is definitely yes, given my own experiences with porn (which is why I'm trying my hardest not be hypocritical, though in my case porn was hard to get hold off before I was 16/17, because this was pre-Internet days). The question to me is not whether to do prohibition, but how to allow controlled access in a way that's not going to be dangerous. I know the boys will access porn (both have done so -- we know that for a fact). What I'm trying to work out is what's acceptable and what's not -- how much is okay? What's okay? What's not okay? None of these things are easy

In our case, my sons don't participate in most of the social media that's out there. The main online interaction they have with other people is in-game interaction. I remember once looking over the shoulder of one of my sons when he was ten or eleven and seeing an in-game comment along the lines of "I want sex". At that age, my son just ignored it and concentrated on shooting up the opponents. This was my concern when my son used the word "addicted". I don't think he's really addicted -- it's just something that's got a degree of fascination for him and at his age that's hard to control. It was why we discussed it between us and I offered to block the sites in our router -- an offer he accepted. Our compromise is that they don't have Internet access in their bedrooms -- only in the lounge room where someone could walk by at any time. They have free reign, but they can't do it in private. That obviously doesn't stop them from accessing porn (as witnessed by my son's confession) but it does help reduce it's impact. I've had a discussion along these lines with both boys. Relationships and affection are the things that don't come over very well with porn, but these are the things that are probably the most important at their age -- learning how to manage relationships and how to deal with expressing and receiving affection.

Hi, James. He's actually more upset than me. He thought I'd be angry -- I wasn't. However, I was concerned when he used the word 'addicted' to describe how he kept going back to that site (and another adult cartoon site). That's why we discussed it. He said he didn't know if he'd be able to not go back to the site, hence why I've blocked it in the router. I agree that the boys will access porn (his brother has already been caught). What's important is giving it some balance and making sure it doesn't become an obsession, or accessing stuff that could cause them harm. The reason for the confession was because he'd asked if he could download an MA15+ game (ie. one that technically he's two years too young to play) and I said we'd consider it on a case-by-case basis, depending on why it had an MA15+ rating. I made the comment about how I considered him trustworthy... and that's when he made his confession. He's a good kid I've told him he's not in trouble and that I'm not upset. Both boys have almost unrestricted Internet access. I say almost unrestricted because I haven't given them the password to the wireless network, so they have to be in the lounge room and access the Internet via a cable. Otherwise, up to until now, we've put not constraints on the access. My concern, as I said above, is to make sure it doesn't become an obsession/addiction, and to manage when they'll be able to view some things. I'm not bothered with what he's seen -- I'm bothered that he used the word 'addicted' when referring to it. EDIT TO ADD: As an aside, we've reviewed the MA15+ game he wants to download and he'll be able to purchase and download it next weekend. We're not bothered that by the rating he's too young

Thank you! I like characters to have motives and reasons for their actions. There's some 'teenage drama' in the story, but it's not the primary focus.

Basically, what's happened is my thirteen year old son has confessed to viewing porn. The porn in question is actually a pornographic cartoon that he found from a very popular webcomic website. At the bottom of the page is a section headed "Comics I Enjoy" and one of those is "OGLAF (NSFW)". My son, being the curious person he is, clicked on the link (at thirteen, he might not have known what NSFW means). His comment to me was that he "became addicted" to viewing that site. I can understand -- after he showed it to me, I found it amusing and addictive, too What initially surprised me was the comic for the day I checked was a purely gay-sex cartoon (though there's one nude female in it). My first reaction was that my son's gay (though he was only confessing to viewing porn, not being gay). However, a closer check of the site shows it's actually a mix of straight, gay, and lesbian sexual cartoons, so I'm reserving judgement for now. After discussing it with my son, I've blocked the site so he can't access it anymore (he's happy with that). What I wanted to ask the members is at what age they thought it would be appropriate to let him look at it again? I should state that my son has only just turned thirteen. I'm inclined to allow him to look at it from either fifteen or sixteen. What do others think? The above should be enough to allow anyone curious to find the site in question. I'd personally classify it as an adult comic, but it's pretty heavy with nudity (male and female) and sex. I'd be less relaxed if it had been photos and videos he was viewing, but it's easier to appreciate with comics that it's not real. What's the best way forward?