Mawgrim
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Everything posted by Mawgrim
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This is moving along nicely. Otto took a gamble there and it paid off. Wonder what other strange things are going to happen to Reza during the rest of the day?
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Very perceptive story. I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and regret what ageing and illness has done to my body, but you can't turn back the clock.
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I was thinking this was set in the past when you mentioned Reza having a Nokia phone, although he wanted to get one of the new iPhones, then meeting Gianni and Angelo confirmed it. I loved the description of the hotel breakfast. I always liked people watching when going on holiday to Europe, and avoided the attempts at an English cooked breakfast, or queuing at the very slow toaster. What's the point in going on holiday and eating exactly the same as you would at home? I reckon the German boy fancies Reza and his sisters are probably taking bets on whether he'll make a move or not.
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I’m so glad you are writing another Ravello story. Your descriptions always transport me away from real life and I’m already interested in what experiences Reza will have over the next few days.
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Nursheldor may settle down when/if he Impresses a dragon. He'd have to go a long way to end up as nasty as the character @drsawzall calls 'he who must not be named'! The last chapter will end just after the Hatching, so don't worry, I won’t leave it hanging on a giant cliffhanger.😄
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Jevikel is definitely too modest for his own good. He's brave, thoughtful and inquisitive. Kadin's age is a bit of a cliffhanger right now, although those who have read 'Gone Away, Gone Ahead' know how it turns out. Don't read that if you don’t want to be spoilered.
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D'gar knew that riding dragons would be a good treat after the hard work. He also needs them to know that all colours of dragon have a role to play in fighting Thread and it was a good way to demonstrate that. Many of them would have treated it a bit like a fairground ride, however Jevikel is a bit more thoughtful than that. The chapters just turn out the length they need to be to get in all the information and plot I have planned!
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All of the different dragon rides was what made the chapter longer - there was no way to split it up. Some people are put off by chapters larger than about 400 words, which is why I try to keep them around that, but in the end, I know what I need to put in to a chapter and if it means a longer word count that's how it is. The Weyrbred boys (and girls) will all have learned to read, however I'm sure in many Holds it wouldn't be considered necessary. Jevikel was only taught because he was destined to become Holder after Vikkel. I'm sure many of the other girls and lads of his age wouldn't have had that luxury. Likewise Germessont, who worked on a farm was only taught the bare minimum necessary to do his work.
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Another Fall had come and gone. D’gar now wore shoulder knots in the Benden colours rather than Fort, his position as Weyrlingmaster confirmed. ‘When are we gonna start training, that’s what I want to know.’ Nursheldor said, one evening after the meal. It was the first time he’d said anything much that day. Jevikel had heard he’d been turned down by a girl he liked. Apparently she’d told him to ask again when he had a dragon. It sounded like a good way to turn someone down. ‘Juggling b
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Sebastian is such a good liar he's going to end up with a career as a politician. I really enjoy the way this story isconstructed, with the excitement of a new relationship, planning first dates (you just know they are going to end up meeting Liam on the beach) and Blair's impending attempt to defend his good name.
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You've hit the nail on the head there. And Kadin will have a problem, too. One of the riders from Prideth's clutch is already called K'din, so he'll have to come up with a creative alternative.
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Lessa's shoes would be hard to fill, but I think that both Jevikel and Kadin, with their experience of life outside the Weyr, would be excellent dragonriders.
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Some of the Benden riders like to jump on examples of how they think the other Weyrs are less civilised in their behaviour than Benden. F'drun didn't really help in this case. Everyone likes to point at bad behaviour of one member of a group and imply all others are the same. I enjoy dialogue. It moves a scene along and tells you something about the characters at the same time. Jevikel needed to see D'gar's concern for others, rather than just be told about it.
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F'run's treachery was truly awful. It may well be his exact plans won't be fully revealed. Both Jevikel and Kadin try not to make any snap decisions based on gossip.
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That kid really deserves to be taken down a peg or two. Makes me wonder if all his straight 'A's are a product of bullying and cheating. Like any good sociopath, he knows how to suck up to those who can help you achieve your goals (like the teachers). Alex really is a bit of an idiot but as least he now knows how Blair feels for him. That whole awkward scene was so well done.
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The following day wasn’t too busy. Just the regular amount of garments and bedding had come in. Everything had to be finished by the end of the shift, though as it was Fall the next day and they’d been told the laundry crew would be helping out at the infirmary. ‘It’ll be mostly fetching and carrying for the Healers but you’ll get to see some nasty sights. Think you can cope with that?’ Bavi asked. ‘Can’t be nastier than what we’ve already seen.’ Kadin’s voice took on that haunted qual
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Hilarious. The awkwardness of buying condoms at the store, then trying them out at home was so well written.
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That's a good point. Now that Benden Weyr is beginning to settle down again, I would expect F'lar or Lessa to request a Harper be sent from the Harper Hall. C'gan was both Weyr Harper and Weyrlingmaster, but that isn't necessarily always the case. You could argue that it's better for the two to be separate, so the Harper can concentrate on teaching the younger kids while the Weyrlingmaster manages candidates and newly-Impressed.
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Don’t worry, he's only mentioned.
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Anne seemed to favour bronze riders, even though she wrote some as jerks!
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The revelations about F'drun will be coming next chapter. After that, L'cal and his cronies will be much more subdued. Maybe you could write one?😉 He's got the patience and the experience. A life without music would be so dull.
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The following day was an ironing day. Jevikel and Kadin were kept busy, folding the freshly laundered garments, then stacking them in the niches by size, or handing them out to riders and weyrfolk. The riders were meant to stitch their names inside the collar or waistband, but some had frayed and others just hadn’t bothered, so much of the time it was a question of assessing the build of a man and then finding an appropriately coloured shirt that might fit him. ‘That’s not my shirt. Mine’s
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It took me two years to make that decision. I still miss the cinema business, but I have sufficient distance now to realise I am missing what it used to be rather than what it is now.
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I think this is why the eighth Pass riders found it easier to get on with those who were raised at Southern. They both had that sense of time dislocation and not quite fitting in.
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So You Want to Write Slash
Mawgrim commented on Young Sage's story chapter in So You Want to Write Slash
Very well written tongue-in -cheek guide on how to write slash fiction. Let's hope none of those teenage female authors find it and take it as serious advice!
