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Mattyboy

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  1. Mattyboy

    Chapter 4 of 10

    Mattyboy commented on Invnarcel's story chapter in Chapter 4 of 10

    I like chaos, but this seemed weird (which maybe was the point?). Seth says he likes sports but he didn't seem that into either soccer or his teammates in the first chapter. I'm not into Deepak Chopra or crystals, but Chopra does talk about crystals a lot I think. Is Troy dissembling about his interest when it more hypnotism than meditation? I'm intrigued, but I feel I'm bumping up on the limit my interest if the narrator is going to be that unreliable.
  2. Mattyboy

    Questions

    Mattyboy commented on empath's story chapter in Questions

    "Qian was only now taking inventory of the overwhelming number of things that had gone in his favor," Team Liberty is pretty great, alright. They face some quite nasty opposition, but doing good and being competent has always worked for them in the past.
  3. Mattyboy

    Chapter 1 of 10

    Mattyboy commented on Invnarcel's story chapter in Chapter 1 of 10

    Yeah, it's a dinosaur thing to say now, but a generation ago I knew coaches who thought they were just being funny or teaching boys about masculinity or something. Coach did start with being encouraging even though Seth, by Seth's account, didn't do much.
  4. Mattyboy

    Chapter Two

    Mattyboy commented on Invnarcel's story chapter in Chapter Two

    Ew, Errol, I get the choice but not very nice.
  5. Mattyboy

    Chapter 1 of 10

    Mattyboy commented on Invnarcel's story chapter in Chapter 1 of 10

    Coach tried a couple of times and then dropped it. "Sissy" was a crappy thing to say at the end, but still feels like that nets out to maybe-positive?
  6. Mattyboy

    Chapter Two

    Mattyboy commented on Invnarcel's story chapter in Chapter Two

    "The wild where I was free to prowl, bush-walk and investigate the animals and fungi, a solitary untamed creature beyond the perimeters of civilisation but destined to return out of need." I like the contrast between this line and Corey's disinterest in the manufactured but worthless (to Corey, anyhow, but he makes a good case) stuff in the Corey's house. I had a warehouse job once where it was part of my job to manage a huge inventory of crappily-made ceramic flowers that some buyer thought was a good idea (or a way to get revenge on his boss), so I'm familiar with the category
  7. Mattyboy
    Oh I see from re-reading Ridley that it was spun off from what I guess is this project. Some of your comments kinda signaled that you had a lot more sorted out on Matt's backstory than Ridley made clear. I'm keen to read this after you can sort yourself out with Wild.
  8. Mattyboy
    I broadly agree with Chris on this. Some people define short stories as under 10k words, and novelettes as under 20k. Chapters 6-10 there on that list seems to be averaging over 16k. I don't mind long chapters when the novelette really is the storytelling unit, but if those four chapters became six they'd still be averaging over 11k words each. Ch46 of TBY I see was 18k, and that worked because it was all one day's events, but overall I really liked the pacing and sizing of your TBY chapters that were mostly 5-8k. Long can work fine, and so I think I'd need to know more before I made a call on whether your chapter 8 should split or not.
  9. Mattyboy
    Matt Ashby was a pretty interesting character that didn't get a lot of lines. Wild is likely correct about "don't cross the streams" but otherwise I'd like to hear a bit more about Ashby
  10. Mattyboy

    Entry 14

    Mattyboy commented on MrM's story chapter in Entry 14

    It was a Golden Age. Thanks
  11. Mattyboy

    Entry 14

    Mattyboy commented on MrM's story chapter in Entry 14

    What Billy episode are we at now?
  12. Mattyboy

    Advantage

    Mattyboy commented on Late to the party's story chapter in Advantage

    14. I really like the way this has unfolded in non-chronological vignettes, but yeah, that makes it hard to place episodes
  13. Mattyboy

    Advantage

    Mattyboy commented on Late to the party's story chapter in Advantage

    wow, that closes some open ends from the early chapters (and 14).
  14. Mattyboy

    Date Night

    Mattyboy commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Date Night

    Hurray, the boat floats! Basket Maker's Arms sounds nice (and characteristically vernacular).
  15. Mattyboy

    Aftermath

    Mattyboy commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Aftermath

    This was a boat that needed to be pushed out. Good work, Gray, maybe.
  16. Mattyboy
    And that slipping off quietly to out-of-the-way places where no one ever goes, is a bad idea when you have a stalker who fantasizes about violence. (And I agree about Val and Marina, but I think there's a good chance they'll come around.)
  17. Mattyboy
    hmm, maybe. I agree they hadn't thought it through deeply enough. Not convinced that Jasper knows for sure what he thinks he's doing stalking Toby, and possibly letting him know that he's been spotted and questions-are-being-asked means that Jasper will know that he'll be suspect #1 if anything happens to Toby. Which might back him off. (or not, because he's an idiot, but it's plausible). The cottage in Derbyshire sounds nice.
  18. Mattyboy
    If your pilot is ready to go, you gotta go.
  19. Mattyboy
    There was a local singer who covered this and sang some lyrics that aren't in the recorded versions; "Life on Mars, it's so much better than ours" was part of it I think. On a re-listen the Bowie lyric "fighting in the dance hall, oh, look at those cavemen go" I keep hearing as "look at those gay men go." I stand by my head-canon. And I'll look into My First Trip to Mars
  20. Mattyboy
    Yeah, seems like that's not what anyone else has ever thought. I've never paid attention to the non-chorus lyrics. Head-canon for me now, though. Yeah, Christine seems nice. They should be friends, at least.
  21. Mattyboy
    Is that what Bowie's Life on Mars song is about? TIL, feels like.
  22. Mattyboy
    That email might have been composed for brotherly consumption, but it sure didn't read like Vince was all that into her.
  23. Mattyboy

    24: Emmett

    Mattyboy commented on Celian's story chapter in 24: Emmett

    Yeah, I see that as a definite softener that Tony framed it that hoard will be #1, and you want to be #1 in a relationship. Maybe that business with the wards will help ease Emmett along that path, but yes, probably at least some medium-grade drama along the way. (Very fine quality drama, of course, since it's Emmett and @Celian but maybe a little less than the nearly worst-case scenario we had after the tiger incident.
  24. Mattyboy

    Finding Thomas

    Mattyboy commented on empath's story chapter in Finding Thomas

    You, sir, are in for quite a ride.
  25. Mattyboy
    Billy Morrison is a lot older than the other lost boys, but he probably needs the Academy as much as they do. (I had no idea the FBI had their own medals, but that's quite interesting that they do). Ugh, I feel I'm about to be disappointed by John Renkin, but that scene is unfortunately rather believable (maybe Harvey is there to discuss the Cisco IPO prospectus, but it doesn't feel like it). Feels like there might be a missing Spade loose in Chicago somewhere.
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