rich_e

The Veronicas - Leave Me Alone

Marion Raven - Thank You for Loving Me

Jennifer Lopez - Frozen Moments

So a lot has happened between me and the guy that I've developed feelings for in the past couple of months. Let's keep it short and say that I've slept at his place quite a few times, and we've cuddled and held each other and all that jazz. Nothing more, though. No kissing, and nothing beyond that. I found out through a friend that he likes me and kind of has a feeling that I like him. I should be ecstatic right? I'm not. Apparently he's worried because I don't know how to drive. I understand that that's an inconvenience because he works a lot and he would always have to be the one dropping me off and picking me up and what not. Still, it kind of stung to hear that. I just want to be with him. Of course, it wasn't just that--as my friend puts it, he's afraid of ruining a really good friendship. I was fine with that though. I mean sure, I like him a lot, but I can respect his feelings. So we were at disneyland yesterday hanging out and what not. I was trying to just be normal and friendly, but he was being really flirty and romantic and sweet and stuff. I was looking out into that lake by the raft or whatever, and he surprised me from behind with a hug. I LOVE that. If you want to make me a puddle, that's what you do. I think it even says that on my myspace. sigh.. I ended up staying over at this place last night, and we were watching a scary movie (he put it on). He came over at one point and said "this part's really scary" and he put is arms around me and we were just lying there cuddling. I've never felt so comfortable with anyone before. He just makes me feel safe. When I'm with him, it feels right. I'm confused, though, because I'm not sure what's happening. I'm going to sit down with him and have a talk hopefully really soon. I just need to tell him how I feel, because it's eating away at me. I need to let him know that I've developed stronger feelings for him, and that as much as I want to be his friend and don't want to risk damaging that, I can't help but wish there was something more. I don't know when I'll get the chance, though. The next blog will be interesting though, since it'll either be incredibly depressing or incredibly joyful. I really, really hope it's the latter.

I want to raise a gay child. Personally, I don't like the excuse "I wouldn't want them to go through what I went through." Having to overcome such an obstacle has had a huge impact on who I am as a person. It really opened up my eyes to the complexities and challenges of the world, and I think it made me into a more empathetic and kind person. Plus, it can't get easier unless it's made easier. As a parent, I think that I could provide a lot of much needed support to a gay child and make them comfortable in being who they are. I know what's it's like, so I know how it can be made easier. Yes, they might face discrimination, but regardless, they're going to come across hardships in their lives that I won't be able to shield them from. It's just a part of growing up.

Alicia Keys - No One

Okay it's sent.. but I'm not sure if it went through since it's not in my sent items.

Thanks for the link, Kevin! I'm really glad I read it; it's nice to know someone else knows what it feels like. Do you mind me asking what came of it? And thanks! I'll see if I can pm you a link to my new haircut... since I can't remember how I posted up pictures before.

la la la la la la... okay, I admit, I'm completely addicted to that song. Whatever, it's catchy. So I cut my hair. It's like an inch and a half long now. I was getting tired of the medium-longish length, so I it's gone now. I think I like it. It should be easier to maintain, so that's good. If I figure out how to add a picture at the bottom, I'll try that. In other news, I have this friend who I was on not so good terms with for the last couple of months. She apologized, and she wants to work things out. I've long since gotten over the situation, but we were at one point really good friends. The only thing is that she's muslim, and she said that the reason why she was so distant was because of her religion. She said that she felt she had to abide by her religion more and not hang out with guys. Yet she was asking for us to be friends again. Strange? Yeah. I replied saying that I respect her right to be religious, but I don't see how she expects to be friends and still abide by her religion since me being a guy is not going to change. It was really making me uncomfortable that we would be friends one moment, then the next she couldn't hang out with me because her religion says it's not okay. We're really compatible as friends, but seriously--I don't want to feel like I'm compromising myself just to be someone's friend. Work is coming along. I'm getting a little worn out since I've been working 40+ hour weeks. Still, I love my job. I'm getting promoted to fashion expert, which comes with a substantial raise, so that's pretty nifty. What's not so nifty is the fact that I'm working the next six days straight (eight hour shifts) and of the six, my crush is not working five of those. Not that he has to be there for it to be fun, but that's a long time to not see him. We're going to disneyland in a couple weeks with a couple of friends from work, so that should be interesting. I've been talking to this guy on myspace for a while now. He's really interesting and eloquent (and it doesn't hurt that he's gorgeous). We've talked on the phone a couple times. I think I have a small, irrational crush on him. He has a boyfriend, and I've told him about my interest, so it's not like it's something that was going to be pursued. He's really sweet though. I was telling my friend that it's funny that someone who's totally my type and completely well rounded (who admitted to wishing we had more felicitous circumstances for a relationship) is on the other side of the country, and with a boyfriend no less, while I'm completely head over heels for another guy. But hey, at least I know they exist right? They're just hiding out in the north eastern corner of the country. I've really been yearning to go out on a date lately. I think it might have to do with the last couple of movies I've watched lately, but I really want to go out on a date, damn it! Any takers? One of my close friends is actually in a love triangle right now, and I've told her that she's just showing off. It's hard enough to find one decent guy, when you take on two, that's just being greedy, in my opinion. Let's see, what other completely pointless thing can I talk about? Ahhh yes, I will hopefully be attending a handful of concerts in the next couple of months. With any luck, I'll be able to go to an Augustana, hellogoodbye, and Fall Out Boy show this upcoming quarter! Oh and we're going to a gay club in a week, so that's exciting. Well I think that's enough jibberish for one blog. Hope everyone is having a great time! Hugs, Richard P.S. Shoot. The picture is too big. Oh well.

Aly & AJ - Potential Breakup Song

AHHH you're so lucky. I LOVE the Killers, soooo jealous. hope you have (had?) a great time!

Happy Birthday! hope it's a good one.

I think the main thing wrong with her was her hair. It looked HORRENDOUS. The color is disgusting on her, and the cut looks like it was done by a four year old. If she had a light auburn shade, with a sexier cut and a better hairstyle, I think it would have distracted greatly from the mediocrity of the performance. The main problem performance wise was of course the lack of sharpness in her performance, which she used to have such a command over. It seemed more like she was trying to remember the steps rather than perform the song.

I saw him outside of work today and I didn't even have to initiate it! My friend wanted to come see him, so when she came by I introduced them and she absolutely loved him. She said we were totally flirting, so that's good. He brought up dinner with another coworker of mine, and when she mentioned that I got off at the same time, she said he sounded really excited and wanted her to invite me. We all ended up going together, and it was amazing. During the meal, at one point he kept referencing myspace. I wasn't really talking about it, but then after a while he blurts out that he was searching for me on it, but had the wrong last name. He just double checked today, and had mistaken mine for my friends'. When I got back, he had requested me. Oh man. So many little things happened, but I kind of want to savor it and keep it to myself for right now. I really, really like him, and I really want to get to know him more and spend more time with him. My coworker said that he said that he had a great time and wanted to do it more often. I really hope it happens. [/gush] I have my final in 2 days, and that's kinda scary. I have to get at least a B+ to maintain my A. It's ridiculous... a science course that's not curved. :nuke:

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

That's interesting, and you're right, this would clear up a lot of things. It might be a little too much for me to handle right now though. I think I might try this once my final is over. Although, for the "Scared" option... I don't think he'd be afraid of being outed. We're both openly gay. As adorable as he is, I don't think anyone would mistake him for being straight. Blind and deaf people would know he's gay. The other thing is... I don't really know how to cook. Hmm well I guess that could be half the fun, trying to make something together. Good ideas, bob! Thanks for everything!

Since Friday, I've seen him every single day. Today made me happy. He's just so darn cute! My friend (who's also a manager) kept telling us to stop flirting, and he never denied it. He just kind of smiled and looked down. At one point, I was folding shirts at the cash wrap and he was helping a customer, and he kind of pushed my stuff over and told me that I was invading his space. I retaliated with it actually being him invading my personal bubble, and when we were moving the stuff back and forth, our hands brushed for a couple seconds. I can't explain why the littlest things seem a lot more interesting and exciting than they sound (or perhaps really are ). All I can say is that even the stupid little stuff, like trying to trip each other, gives me butterflies. I really want to see him outside of work, but I still don't know how to go about it (see: too scared to try). Is there a way I can lead up to something more without just coming out and asking him? My friend told me to bring up a movie that I want to see, and see if he wants to see it too, and then just say something along the lines of "we should go see it together." Any other ideas? Keep in mind, anything to forward I probably wouldn't do. I had a dream yesterday that I asked him if he could drive me home from work when we had a meeting, and he brushed me off and said "good luck finding a ride." lol. But yeah, I think that if he were to ask me out, I would say yes. Thanks Kev for justifying it for me. No, but really, I do think that I've learned from my 8 months of no, and I'm in a much better place because of it, so I don't think it's absolutely necessary to miss up on something that could be potentially great just for the sake of technicality. The other day, I tripped over my chord and my laptop went flying, and my monitor no longer works. Right now I'm using my roommate's desktop, linking his monitor to my laptop, so I at least know it's only the monitor that died. Still, that's like at least 300 dollars to fix, right? GRR. In other news, I spent 270$ instead of the regular price of almost 700$ at Express. I <3 Employee Discounts. And I <3 how I spend more than I make at that darn store. Rule of thumb: if you love to shop, don't work in retail. It just makes the process all the more easier since you get first dibs, and you get to see it on people first. Hmm so last week I had my second chemistry midterm, this week I have my lab practical, and next week I have my final. I must have done something terrible in a past life. I think I did moderately well on my midterm, though, and I hope I'll do well on the practical. Pray for me. I'm currently obsessed with Goo Goo Dolls - Iris. Hotness to my ears, yo. I like how I can make any song into my current theme song. I can't sleep. I keep coming home from work, knock out, and am wide awake by 1-3. Eh, I still get my 8 hours of sleep, it's just separated by a gap. Odd, but I guess whatever works, right? My roommate isn't here, and my suitemate isn't here either. I love it. Unfortunately, they're coming back tomorrow. I've come to the realization that I need my own space and that I hate having roommates. I need to have a place where I can escape, and with walls as thin as paper and another person in my room, I just can't do that. I do believe that I'd prefer female roommates, since for the most part they're quieter and more considerate (and I would hope neater) than guys. Or maybe I need to find a gay roommate. Either way, straight guys are so done with. I'm not heterophobic or anything, it's just that it's so hard to get through to them. I'm NOT going to keep asking you to do the same thing over and over again, especially if it's something as stupid as having to tell you not to turn up the tv on full blast and bring people over and talk loudly while I'm TRYING TO SLEEP. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? I love A Walk To Remember. I watched it yesterday, and I fell in love again with Shane West's character. I admire Jamie Sullivan. My favorite part is definitely when she tells him that she's sick, and, while crying, tells him that she doesn't need a reason to be angry at god. Although I may not be religious, that part really hit me because she is religious and it just shows you how much he's affected her. Actually, when I watched the movie, I was surprised to see that the character makes religion almost appealing to me. Pretty much, I want to be her, only in a gay boys body. I think I've gone on enough tangents for one blog. Toodles. And I'd give up forever to touch you Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life Cause sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

Billy Corgan - ToLoveSomebody

Mika - Grace Kelly

Thank you for that. You know, you're completely right. The whole point of this thing was to clear my head and get out of bad patterns, and I do feel like I've accomplished that. There have been advances that I've just completely ignored and people who I didn't think twice about because I really didn't feel what I was supposed to feel. With this guy though, it's different. I really don't want to miss this chance if it could potentially be something amazing. Now I just have to convince the cynic in me that it could happen, and he could actually like me back. Thanks for your commentary, Kevin! Have a great one. -Richie

Hey! Thanks for your response. I've wanted to just talk to him about it, but I always think about the worst case scenario. We do work together, and it could get very awkward for him as well as me if this is one sided. This kinda keeps me from doing anything right now, since I really like my job and I really like everyone there. You know, I never even thought about it this way, and you're right. Although, I must be clear that when I say we flirt, it's not very sexual at all. Still, I get what you're saying and I'll definitely keep that in mind. Yeah. Idealistically, he would wait if he knew the circumstances, but I'm afraid of that not being too realistic. Thanks again for all your input, and I hope you're doing well! -Richie

Eh, I never call anyone young, it just makes me feel old. I will say this, though: KEVIN'S A HOTTIE! Happy Birthday!

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

Ahh I just missed it, but I hope you had a great birthday Kevin! You're awesome, and I think you're incredible for being such an amazing person. I hope you enjoyed your special day, and drinks on me if you ever pass by the OC.

So this isn't really worth reading, so I'd just skip it. I just felt like gushing, and since I feel like I do it every time the smallest thing happens between him and I to my friends, I'm going to let it out here. So the guy I really like at work is the most adorable guy ever. He's sweet, funny, really cute, and flirtatious. Oh. man. lol. Lately, he and I have been flirting quite a bit, but I don't want to read too into it because he just seems like a big flirt. (in a cute way though) I haven't seen him flirt the way we do with anyone else so that leaves room for hope, but still, I'd rather not build it up. Still, it's definitely the most fun I've had with a guy that I could potentially date, and I wouldn't change it for anything else. It's exactly the part i like most: the cool beginning part. you know, where everything is new and exciting, and you're constantly feeding off each other and the chemistry is just right. I've never felt this way before, so that's good... I guess i'm not as screwed up as I thought. Anyway, today we had a work meeting where we played little games. One of them was to show that we need to work together as a team to overcome an obstacle that seems impossible. We had 10 people in like a 5 foot diameter table cloth, and we had to flip it around without stepping off of it. I was bent over trying to see what I could do by twisting it first and having people step on the other side. Then I got up and almost fell, and a hand went around my waist. I was being hugged, pretty much. I turn around, and yeah.. it was him. I almost died. He placed his whole arm around me, and was just holding me there while people tried to flip it over. It was the best feeling in the world. I really couldn't stop smiling because here's the guy I think is so great with his arms around me. at one point i had to turn around and he almost fell so I grabbed him around the waist and held him. it made me realize how much i really like him, since all it took was a small (well not that small ) hug to make me tingly all over. i'm really into this guy, but i still don't know where he stands. eh, either way it doesn't matter. i really need to stick to my pact , so i can't just ask him out since i can't date until next january. My Year-Of-No sounded a lot more doable before I met him. I can't even express (haha) how much i like him, and how just being around him makes me happy inside. God, I'm pathetic.