SilentandBroken

Call me impressed.

I’ve been through hell for sure. But I survived. I fought those demons in my head and won. Some days it doesn’t feel like it but I know better

How: cruising Nifty and discovering Comsi’s works there. Some others as well. A few mentions to here and the ability to have discussion on the stories with other readers and the author intrigued me. I finally found a place where the content fits my need to feel heard and at times empathized with through the stories bc of my long history with trauma I’ve always felt alone. These stories fix that. Comsi’s especially. Sigh I miss him deeper than I should.

Whew this chapter really was done well albeit a tad ..fast paced. Because shit like what happened like this doesn’t happen quickly. It happens quietly. Slowly. Over time. Now that we know what happened to Nathan, he lashed out because he was scared. Pent up with unused energy and emotions he did not know how to control and the ONLY thing he knew what to do was bully Mattie. That’s what he was taught. That’s “normal”. That’s “safe”. Until it’s not. im not excusing his behavior. But I can explain why it happened because I know what it’s like. Unfortunately, i personally have almost the same history. I was seduced and raped multiple times by an older student over the course of 3/4 of a year when I was a freshman in high school. Vodka and weed got me compliant. But I was fucking 13. wtf did I know about what I thought I wanted let alone knew what I was doing? What’s worse, he was hot af. Why is it always the soccer players?! 😩 Anyway. I can relate to Nathan’s fear of telling someone because my abuser was the town star and popular student athlete. My folks ? Hmph..mom’s a narcissistic helicopter parent who means well but is extremely toxic. I did all I could to avoid her judgmental attitude and berating. Dad tried to be loving and present but since he grew up in a strict home, didn’t know how to really do that either nor was he a fan of “fags” as he calls them. So I stayed in the closet dating girls on occasion just to keep up appearances. And then I met Zeb. Sigh..I lost my mind . Sure I was attracted and did whatever he wanted me to do for a while. I rebelled in secret against my folks and we screwed around at his place whenever I could especially that summer before preseason fall sports practices and school started for the yr. Then, as fall ended, he kept wanting to go further and stopped being sweet about it. Stopped getting me compliant with booze and weed. Instead he didn’t stop at the word no. Shit he didn’t even ask. He took. After a while, into winter, he got really mean and I tried to avoid him. He panicked one morning before school and asked me to bike to his house before school so we could “talk”. Yeah. Sure. He was afraid I was going to tell someone, go to the authorities or something. The last thing he said to me was “I’m sorry” and put a pistol to his temple and pulled the trigger. 15 feet in front of me. There was literally nothing I could do. So I panicked. I bolted. I went to school. I didn’t say anything to anyone for fear of being arrested and outed. It makes shit sense now but again, at 13, we can barely tie our own shoes and feed ourselves (ok that’s a slight exaggeration). I. Just. Left. Him. There. I guess his parents found him that evening. I don’t really remember now. I watched the town and school mourn him that week while I hid in plain sight terrified of everything and everyone. Sigh. Sniff. Sorry. I didn’t mean to vomit post. Anyway, I guess my point is don’t hate on the parents too much. Mine still don’t know 30 yrs later. Kids can be masters at keeping big secrets if they’re scared enough. I know I was terrified. Jonah terrifies me. He’s a predator for sure. I think we’ve not seen the last of him yet. I’m glad Nate got out to the farm. Healing feels like it’ll happen some there. #cptsd #suicideisnottheanswer #itsoktobeafraid #tellsomeoneplease since this post turned into a testimony of sorts, if you’re suicidal, please..talk to someone. You are not alone.

Jesus Nathan is totally unhinged and is going to put Mattie back in the hospital. I hope he didn’t hit his head with that bat…😩

Damn these emotions. You had me teary eyed with little Noah. Then I literally LOL’d when Nathan got his.

At first I’m all like OMG.. and then. Awwwwwww. I can’t handle mY emotions rn ngl 😂

Holy shit a year plus?! wtf did that asshole do?! Most head bumps that knock someone out like that last maybe a day or so usually. A year plus though? Wow. I was right on Brody however. The jonah monkey wrench is a nice twist.

Hastings SHOULD be arrested but he likely slipped out before help arrived. Hopefully Mattie will remember who attacked him. Body..hmm… I’ve always liked that name. Now I need more details. He’s Mattie’s older brother’s best friend and a jock with blonde hair and he’s been over to the house a lot and I remember reading he was sent home last evening. Maybe HE will rough up the Principal. A hero. ♥️♥️♥️One can hope.

First story I’ve read of yours @AquariusGuy and so far, not bad. Some things took a little to work out like who was who and where they fit into the story bc it isn’t ever said outright. That’s ok. I worked it out..I think. I’m clearly missing something with this whole Blackhawk thing but I figure I’ll put it together eventually. As for the therapist, this guy seems pretty detached and doesn’t convey any sympathy towards Matt. Neither do his other brothers for that matter. Not a fan of the whole school and student body. The fact that the media gets to park right at the front door both to the school and the house was bull. I do like the pace and how the main character is depicted struggling with his grief however. Bravo

Wait what?!

Never heard of that one yet. I must find it

Smart move by Robbie bringing in Walter. I think he may still have back channel connections. I too must raise my voice for the continuing of this wonderful novel of a story. Great chapter

My thoughts are that Comsi had meant to finish this story before he got too sick to so. Might guy is that he was building another climax but unfortunately we’ll never know 😔

Ffs Shaun! Props to Gretchen yet again.

Exactly. I do not trust Kyle. I still think that dope is laced with something heavier. Good rebuild between Sam and Jesse. I hope that lasts. Jesse needs to be patient with Shaun. Let Shaun come to him with the first move. If it doesn’t happen after say a week, then maybe reach out.

Shaun’s biggest issue is emotional control. Absolutely anything that he dislikes or challenges the way things should be in his view and it’s either a growl or a complete meltdown. Absolutely petulant imo. I absolutely cannot stand how he treats his grandmother. It must break her heart every time. I’ve lost a lot of respect for her husband because he doesn’t do anything about that either. Just waves it off. I can say however I am totally loving Jesse’s fortitude and backbone after this chapter. He’s giving Shaun’s shit right back to him and I’m all for it.

Also, I’m really proud of Gretchen. She is absolutely what Shaun needs. A friend who will call him out on his shit and pick him up when he breaks…because he’s going to break. She’s going to save both of them. Not as a third wheel mind you. Her experience is going to show them how to adult with each other and be successful at it. Frankly, she’s probably the sanest one of them. Ben isn’t bc he’s going through with the cock blocking sister bitch and frankly it feels like he’s never been alone. Oh and I do have to agree, he’s not whipped if he ain’t getting any.

Wholeheartedly agree

I worry a lot about Shaun’s temper to the point of no return and he’s going to snap. He’s either going to take his anger out on Ruth or Jesse or God forbid, one of the kids.

I sense a storm brewing between Shaun and Jesse. Obviously there’s more than one conversation topic they need to address. I’d start with addressing Shaun’s antiquated view who who wears the pants in the relationship. At least if it gets heated Jesse can shut it down with Brian news. Either way they could break up due to Shaun’s petulant attitude. It was REALLY getting old quick while they were in Houston. So was his chauvinist mentality with the band. Sure it’s “his” band in that he’s the front man BUT if they (the band) doesn’t agree together on the vision, it’s gonna be short lived regardless how well they play together. There is waaay more to being in a band that Shaun’s view and both Gretchen and Harry tried to give him unsolicited advice that Shaun desperately needs. Unfortunately, his stubbornness prevented him from learning from those opportunities. Even Jesse with his limited mostly unbiased assessment didn’t survive. Shaun’s moods are going to kill the band quickly. Jesse is absolutely right about side income. Of course it fell on deaf ears. Ben and Gretchen getting in the sack will be another issue

My sentiments exactly. However, I’m not assuming they didn’t do the dirty.

You’re most welcome

Let’s try this to the correct story (Smdh just ignore me 🤪) I worry too about the news notification regarding deaths due to drugs a few days before. Plus what Kyle said that his brother is cutting a new blend…