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xander

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  1. xander
    Okay, I know the whole thing that everyone dreams every night, it's just that you don't always remember your dreams. But, I hate having to put that disclaimer everytime I want to say, "I dreamed last night," or "I had a dream last night," so for now on, if I say one of those two, everyone know that I know that already... Kay.
     
    Recently, I've felt really inspired to come out to some of my close friends. And that means like almost everyone in drama. However, a few of my brother's aquaitences are in drama. I say aquaitences because he kind of disowns them as friends if they are in drama. Anyway, like Jacob and Danie, the two openly gay guys who graduated this year, I'd like to become pretty much openly gay...I know it's a big step for someone who is only out to another gay guy, but I feel comfortable with myself and really don't care if other people don't accept it. I'm going to be a big advocate for gay rights someday because I get so riled up everytime I see discrimination or hear about it. And my feelings are kind of hard to explain....I've become more comfortable with myself...I'm not like I used to be, where I thought people were going to point and laugh and make fun of me for every little thing. I think it was being able to see how much some of my close friends cared and got, to be frank, pissed off on the Day of Silence when people mistreated them and everyone who wore a t-shirt, learning how it was to grow up as a gay teen, having to deal with that discrimination and mental and verbal abuse on a daily basis. It was really comforting, seeing my friends get outraged and wanting to get out there to make a difference. Hah...I got sidetracked. So if I were to come out to my drama friends...word would get around...to my brothers aquaitences....and eventually he would be told that I was gay...and would eventually tell my mom and dad. Another thing is that he might go around and tell everyone. But then again he might not....would he really want to be known as the guy with the gay brother? Prolly not...it would endanger his "reputation."
     
    So on to my dream...."I had a dream last night..."
     
    And it was kinda cool, yet kind of upsetting. I was like on a trip or tour or something with various people from school, some I knew, some I didn't. But there were couples holding hands wherever we went, and apparently I had a boyfriend . And we didn't care what others thought, so we held hands too. But one of the big debaters that I knew in like 5th grade was on the trip. My brother is also a big debater. The guy like came up to me and was like, "You're gay?" with an eyebrow up and stuff, and I kind of scoffed him away and yeah. And there was like another gay couple but I couldn't identify them. But I remember almost everyone not caring...like no one was staring at us or anything...the only real upsetting part was knowing that someone who knew my brother knew I was gay. And you know what the worst part of the dream was!?? I don't know who my boyfriend was! I don't remember one physical feature about him! All I remember was that we felt comfortable enough to hold hands. Stupid unconsciousness . I better remember who it is the next time I have a boyfriend in my dreams.
     
    So anyone a dream analyst? Know the symbolism in that? I thought my little precursor was necessary because I've felt that way before I had this dream. Please reply!!!! lol
     
    Ronnie
  2. xander
    Okay, so I know I always make this excuse, but I get busy with school and all the crap that I'm in that I seem to put off coming to GA on occasion throughout the year and then I feel really shitty when I come back how many months later and yeah .
     
    Anyway!
     
    Spring play! We did Peter Pan! I got a somewhat big part this time....Smee! You know, Hook's fat little assistant stupid guy . It was awesome! I got to wear this fat suit belly thing, lol. And our school doesn't have a fly-space, so I made the flying scene with green screen because I'm just cool like that , hah, lol. Our performances went great - better the first night though, because the second night, some freshmen were encouraging this one "special" guy to try and trip the fairies as they danced around down stage .
     
    Kay, so I've been wanting for a long time to come out to someone other than people I know online, whether it be Justin (more on him later), my current good friends, or the openly gay guys here. Well the one openly gay guy, Jacob, I've gotten to know better the last couple of years and I trust him as a friend and everything...so..................(drum roll please...) I told him I was gay!! Like I told Viv, I decided that if I didn't just do it and get it over with, I probably never would have, but you know, now that I did, I don't really see the big deal about it, because you know, another gay guy isnt going to care....that really didn't come to me until afterwards.
     
    So last year was when I learned about the Day of Silence, and I was going to do something myself for it, because I live in a completely right-wing town, there is no pre-established Day of Silence organization set up. Well....I got involved with something else, I can't really remember, but I completely forgot about it and it went by and I felt crudy that I didnt do something for it . But this year, Jacob heard about it (I'm assuming that he just learned about it this year, I don't know for sure) and he started to get names and stuff a while back. Well the other night I noticed that Day of Silence was less than a week away and I noticed that Jacob hadnt emailed any of us, so that was when I made my bold move to tell him I was gay, following it by saying that "I guess this kind of explains my interest in the Day of Silence, huh?" and asked him what was up with it. Apparently, he got really busy and involved with some other things (sounds familiar, no?) and that it kind of snuck up on him, but me and him have been emailing back and forth and we are working the whole thing out. Jacob had talked to the principal friday after school and he said that we more than likely would be able to (Jacob commented that he had knew better than say no, because he would have had a lawyer talking to him by the end of the day, heh) but that he wanted to talk about it to a few of the other head ones. So this morning, they called an all-staff meeting, which I thought was pretty cool, heh, explaining to them what it was all about and everything. I'm sure quite a few of them weren't too happy about it, because I know one teacher for sure that is anti-gay, because I had her freshman year. It was an Intro to Computers class and we had to do a final powerpoint project thing, and one of our choices was "Marry your friends" in which you would have it as if a couple of your friends got married, and you had to make a powerpoint and invitations and all that fun stuff. While the teacher is explaining it, she comments that she won't tolerate any same-sex marriage projects, because to her, marriage is a union between a man and a woman and that is the way it should be. Well how do ya like them apples? Gay-power! So I put posters up all around the school this morning with my and Jacob's email address, and we had a little planning meeting this afternoon after school, and we're going to have another tomorrow. We're having shirts made as well...I had made a design myself, which was the Day of Silence logo on the front, then on the back was the symbols for men and women....two girls, side by side, a guy and a girl side by side, and two guys, side by side, and above it, it said, "Support Love". Well Jacob told me that he had another design in mind, and I didn't really protest, because it is his senior year and his first and last high school Day of Silence organization, so yeah. So on the front of the new shirts, it says a quote by Martin Luther King Jr, which is, "In the end, we will remember NOT the words of our enemies, but the SILENCE of our friends." and on the back, it has an text explanation from the Day of Silence website, which says:
     

    Day of Silence


    Please understand my reasons for not speaking today. I am participating in the Day of Silence, a national youth movement protesting the silence faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people and their allies. My deliberate silence echoes that silence, which is caused by harassment, prejudice, and discrimination. I believe that ending the silence is the first step toward fighting these injustices. Think about the voices you are not hearing today.

    What are you doing to end the silence?

    Day of Silence Project

     
    So yeah, it's gonna be awesome. I am a little concerned about gay-bashers and such, as are the principals, because that seemed to be their top priority, but I guess if anything gets out of hand, we're protected under the constitution, and I guess that's what cops are for...to arrest dumb-ass discriminating hicks .
     
    Then about Justin...you know, I decided quite a while back, which you guys would have heard about had I been on here more frequently, that I'm done with Justin. Not in a way like telling him to f**K off, go die, but in a way that I don't really care what he does. I mean, I still talk to him and treat him as I always have, but I'm not tagging along with him anymore or begging for attention. I never hang out with him anymore, but he's okay with that, as am I now okay with it. I have better friends now...friends that actually care to be a part of my life and want to do things with me. Hell, like one of my best friends moved to Canada and I bet we talk more than Justin and I do when we have half of our classes together. But, I'm in a good place right now. Good friends, good people...smart people....people that don't get into trouble. Heck more than half of the people participating in the Day of Silence thus far are from my extended group of friends from drama and interp and such, so yeah. I'm doing great!
     
    Leave some comments! I haven't heard from all of you guys in so long!
    Ronnie
  3. xander
    Can someone please explain to me how two dogs can be tearing each other apart one minute, and care for each other's damage the next? Every once in a while, Xander and Jayne will get into a WAR and it is like hell getting them apart, most of the time one of us gets bit but not intentionally by either of them, it's just if you get in the middle of two fighting dogs, your bound to get bit.
     
    Anyway, back to the story. Tonight, I let them out by myself because my brother is like coughing his head off and it's cold out....heck we got snow!!! YES! . So I hook Xander up, give him his food, go let Jayne out and give her her food. Well she always has to prance around shitting and pissing all over the yard before she does anything, so she ate a few bites and went to do her business. Well I saw Jayne do a number two so I went and got the shovel to clean it up. My back was turned for one second, and apparently in that time, Xander walked over by Jayne's food, which Jayne took as a "Let's go!" and the war was on. I spent like 3 minutes trying to pull them apart, failing, and finally ran inside to get my brother to help me. We get them apart and they barked for a few minutes and then were calm and went over and literally "kissed" and made up. I don't understand this...if I get mad at someone, I usually hold a grudge for quite a while...heh. But come on! They were fine again within a minute.
     
    This fighting over food all goes back to Xander's days as a pup. We would give them each their food, Jayne would finish first having the bigger mouth thus being able to eat faster, then she would go take Xander's away from him, by snapping and use of fear. Now that Xander's bigger than her, and being sick of her "abuse" as a puppy, he stands up to her and fights. It's still an ongoing battle for dominance I think...she wants to be dominant because she's the mother of him, and he wants to be dominant because he's the male.
     
    Anyway, yeah...crazy dogs, heh..
    Ronnie
  4. xander

    I'm back!

    By xander,

    Okay, so I'm sorry that I like haven't been on in a long time...it seems whenever school starts back up, I seem to not have time to go on GA...I remember I did this last year but then got back involved again.
     
    Okay, I believe where we last left off (heh, it's like a story, isnt it?) was Justin and my 5th Anniversary....I like sorta promised myself that I was going to tell him that I was gay on that day, cuz that was the day that was perfect to and I kinda had the courage....then...his parents and sister came home and I couldnt really do it much then. So after that, to be honest, I've been forgetting to put out an effort to tell him. I'm involved in a bunch of stuff in school this year. Each year at the end of the year, they make us fill out a sheet and check all the things that we've participated in throughout the year and it's always depressing....9th grade it was simply Track and Field and Chorus....then after that I told myself I was going to make something of my high school career, make it memorable. So sophomore year, I was a little more involved, not much though. The summer before I lost a bunch of weight so that helped me be a little more positive about things, and so I went out for the play, joined yearbook club, and was in chorus again. But the same thing at the end of the year, and it was depressing. Then, we watched the senior video and it was so sad cuz a few of my senior friends were graduating last year and yeah, it was really sad and it made me actually get my butt into gear with the whole, "make my high school career memorable" thing. This year, so far, I've joined Video Club, Yearbook again, Oral Interp, I'm in the play coming up in November, I got involved in the Junior float for homecoming, I made an AWESOME Ron Burgundy impersonation on famous person day for Homecoming that EVERYONE, I repeat, EVERYONE, loved, hehe, so I made my mark there .
     
    So lets go back to homecoming. I don't know if you remember what happened last year at Justin and my little tradition, if not, read it here, it's about 1/4 into the second paragraph. Anyway, I told him like a month before school started that I didn't want Lorena to be there, and he didn't say much but agreed. So this year, me and him tie dyed shirts for homecoming days and I was sure to ask him "It's just gonna be you and me on Thursday, right?" and he said yep, but I had a slight hint of doubt, that she would somehow manage to persuade him to let her go. But, I met him at the stadium Thursday (by all means not this last Thursday, this was a couple weeks ago, I'm just using the dates) night and it was just him . So, then, it was just like the good ole days, without Lorena . Him and I walked around talking, me taking photos for the Video Club at the same time, but by no means having our tradition be any different, because I always took photos. So they light the "W" and everyone takes photos and the royalty gets their picture taken and then the magic is gone, the firemen put it out. It's dark, no one can see us, I grab the stick and Justin and I walk away like we own the place...."You don't need this..."....f**king fireman comes and takes it out of my hand . One of the assistant principals saw it happen and I asked him if he could help me get it back, cuz you know, I got connections all over the school apparently. I explained to him why and so he told me to break off the embering part of it and then we walked away and the tradition was relived .
     
    Justin's birthday was last Tuesday. I know I told a few of you about it but when I invited Justin along to my birthday supper, I pretty much recorded the whole thing, and well, I didn't really hear him at the time, but when I went back and watched it, he said "yeah my family doesnt really celebrate my birthday anymore" and it like broke my heart....I mean I've always done a little something for him on his birthday, like take him a piece of apple pie from Perkins and make him a card, but he's the kind of guy that acts like he doesn't want all that attention or to have the spotlight be on him, but he kinda likes it, I know it, he just doesn't, as with anyone, want to ask for it. So I decided that I was gonna make him have an awesome birthday . I made him a home made birthday cake and brought it to school. With all my connections lol, I thought sure that I could get persmission to light candles in the cafeteria, but the assistant principal told me that I couldn't in the cafeteria because there's so many people. He did say however that I could in like a classroom. Well me and a few of my other friends have ate in the chorus room before and the chorus teacher doesn't mind at all. So that day, I told our friend Lance what I did and to help me convince Justin that we needed to eat in the chorus room and I kinda made it obvious that I was up to something so I think he was up for eating in there, but after we got our lunches, I'm like, alright, let's go to the chorus room, Lorena's like, "No, I'm not eating in no f**king chorus room, you go eat in there yourself if you want, Ron". The f**king whore must of known I was up to something and thought that she must have foiled my plan right then and there, but f**k her, I wasn't going to let her ruin what I had planned to make Justin have a great day. So after getting yelled at by like 3 out of 20 teachers for "not knocking" on the faculty lounge door, and then being forced to go back outside the door and knocking over , I got the cake out of the fridge. Although, now I'm sorta wondering what the teachers do in there... So I got the cake, got my camera, and returned to the table, putting the cake in front of him. His face like literally lit up. "You made me a cake? I could tell that I succeeded in making him happy, but from the beginning, I wondered how Lorena would react. Last year when I had brought him a piece of apple pie, she got all pissy and depressed and made an ass of herself. This year...uhh...you know how history tends to repeat itself? chyea....you know what? Yep. She did it again. Justin was sitting there all nice and happy and eating his cake, and Lorena started throwing a little silent fit and Justin was trying to calm her down...so anyway, yeah, by time lunch was over, she had stormed out of the cafeteria, almost knocking him over on the way out. I don't know exactly what it is that she get's so pissed about....I don't know if in her sick little world I "out-did" her or something or if it was the fact that my recording of Justin and the cake ordeal, shows almost 10 minutes of him not saying a word to her...I don't know, she's just a f**king psycho whore . Anyway, since she did partially foil my plans, I went over to his house after school and his mom was there and we lit the candles on the 1/4 ate cake and sang him "Happy Birthday". When I was there, they gave him some gifts, so I'm sort of confused as to what he was referring to on my birthday...maybe he meant like cake-dinner-par9ty wise or something, in which case I succeeded. After that, Justin had to leave for work (he forgot to tell them it was his birthday...) and I had a nice talk to Justin's mom about Lorena and what she did and yeah. Apparently they had planned to open his gifts right after school since he had to work at 5:30. His mom told me that it got to be like 4:30-4:45 and Justin isn't there yet. He was over at Lorena's, my guess, patching things up with the spoiled selfish jealous whore. Anyway, I want to do a few other things for him....I had planned on taking him out for supper on his birthday if a ) he didn't have to work and b ) the whore wasn't hogging him, but he had to work, so I'm going to tell him to tell me the next time he has off and I want to take him out to supper, just him and me.
     
    Okay, yeah, pretty caught up there. I'll try to stay checking in on GA cuz I hate being gone for a while and coming back to changes ...lol.
     
    Later guys,
    Ronnie
  5. xander
    Okay, so Sunday the 27th was exactly 5 years ago that school started in 6th grade and my life was made better by the love and friendship of Justin. We've had some bad times, none of which I'd like to mention were n the B.L. (Before Lorena) days, but yeah. Soooooooo, to honor our little "anniversary", I wanted to do something special. So, I bought this friendship frame at Walmart and then I went back into my photo archive and made a photo collage of photos of him and me together. There were 4 pictures...one was from 6th grade, me and him giving each other bunny ears, with paper reflective stars on our face that we had taken off the wall, lol; another was from 6th grade as well, on "Pirate Day", heh; another was in 8th grade when him and his family invited me along to Valley Fair with them. Those I have slightly in the background, motion-blurred together, then in the lower-right-hand corner, I have a larger picture of us from on my birthday this year when we invited him along. My mom sucked at getting me a picture so I had to photoshop a smile onto me because every other photo was blurred...I think I had a weird look on my face because she was taking forever to take a fricken picture, lol. So that one is slightly overlapping the edges of the other ones, then I have text at the bottom, partly helped by Viv but inspired by a thing that added a little "us" (me and Justin) to it...."Five years since we met, Five years as best friends, Five years of getting that thing where you laugh so much your cheeks hurt." Hehe, that last part is part of something I asked him back in middle school....we had been hanging around together for most of the day and he made me laugh, and my cheeks literally hurt from laughing/smiling so much. So I asked him "do you ever get that thing where you smile so much that your cheeks hurt?", lol. I kinda planned to tell him that I was gay after I gave him the gift, which he loved , but then his family got home and then he had to be to work shortly later so that's gonna be postponed till sometime this week. I really want to tell him because I've wanted for so long for him to be accepting of me or to be able to tell him when I think a guy is hot, lol, and who knows? Maybe he can convince me to go talk to a guy or something.
     
    Kay, now for a sad story . One of Xander's brother's has already died cuz he killed a cat and their hicks for owners shot him as a result . Now recently his other brother, Hugo, playfully bit his owner's son's leg too hard and punctured his leg and he ended up needing staples in his leg, so the hospital notified the animal control and they were contemplating putting him down . Well, I hadnt heard anything on that in a while, but their other dog Wizard, who's a shih-tzu like our Oreo, is kinda mean and so they were gonna get rid of him. Well I kinda feel sorry for him and we've been wanting to breed Oreo anyway, so we were gonna be taking him from them here shortly. Well, the other day, Wizard and Hugo were playing out in the yard, and they ran out into the road and both got hit by a grain truck . Wizard died like right away and it broke Hugo's back and he was in a lot of pain, so they shot him to put him out of his misery....I know this kinda sounds like Old Yeller but these people live out in the country kinda so yeah. I feel really really bad about it....I mean that was Xander's brother! And that was Oreo's boyfriend, hehe...that she didn't like...lol.....she doesnt like any other dog. And Xander's two other siblings we arent too sure where they are....his sister Bebe was taken by some family in our old trailer court but we think they moved, and his sister Precious was adopted by some guy in some small town near here. Oh, it's just so sad about the poor doggies .
     
    Also, homecoming week is coming up towards the end of September and if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that last year we had some 'whore'ilogical difficulties which resulted in me getting pissed at Justin and missing the homecoming game for the first time in how many years because I just stayed home and slept off my depression/anger. So I already more or less told Justin that he's mine on the 28th and 29th, hehe. I just need to let him know that I don't want Lorena there.
     
    Kay, later guys!
    Ronnie
  6. xander

    Coming out to my mom

    By xander,

    Okay, so I havent been that close to my mom for the last year, year and a half for various reasons. First, about a year or more ago, my mom and stepdad had separated, and I was fine with this, because I hated the f**ker's guts and he was just a sick weirdo. Well my mom was thinking about getting back together with him and I'm not trying to be the 'kid who rules my mom's life', it's just that he was a sicko and an asshole...hell he left her in the hospital when she had blood clots in her legs a few years ago, and she was stupid and got back together with him then ...so I wouldnt give her hugs or hardly have anything to do with her when she was seeing him again and I told her if he moved back in and she got back together with him a third time that I would move out and Justin said that they would take me in, had I needed the place to stay. So she finally came to her senses and they got the divorce finalized and we're done with the f**ker.
     
    Then, she's going through menapause right now and it is almost completely unbareable to live with her. I mean she just rants and rants about the most minor things....one of us goes to the bathroom and we forget and leave the light on..."GOD DAMN, SON OF A BITCH!!! f**kING SHUT THE LIGHT OFF!!! ARE YOU PAYING THE f**kING UTILITY BILL!?! YA f**kING WILL BE IF YOU GUYS KEEP LEAVING THE LIGHT ON!!" She does this with like everything! We make a sandwich and havent gotten a chance to put the bread away....she bitches....we go outside and leave the door open like 2 inches...she bitches...I can barely handle it, it's just so stressful living with her. I spend most of my time in my room for that reason, because I'm trying to get away from it all. Then, lots of times she tries to fight with me, and I don't like to fight with her... I mean I dont start fights but if she hits me for no reason, I'm not gonna just stand there and let her hit me and I'll hit her back. And then, like my brother, she has this attitude where she always has to get the last punch in, and so until my brother pulls her away, we keep at it, lol. Then when she 'gets hurt' (I've never really hurt her, maybe made her arm a little red...she's done worse that that to me) under her own fault, she calls up my aunts and uncles and stuff and tell them that I'm abusing her and more or less what a bad kid I am and they believe her. But they also know what a psycho bitch she is most of the time, so I don't know if they believe her 100%.
     
    One of the most prominant reasons why I havent been close with her is because of her gay-bashing remarks and attitude. It hurts me each and every time she says something like "I think it is just disgusting!" or something like it, and I know that I havent told her yet or maybe given her a chance to understand, but this is just showing me how she really feels and I doubt after I DO tell her, someday if EVER, she'll have changed, she'll just be in sense wearing a mask, covering up how she really feels to put on a good show. In fact, I've kinda prepared myself for telling her in my days of becoming further and further away from her, especially after she tells my aunts and stuff 'what a bad kid I am'....one day I told her that I don't care at all what she thinks of me. I honestly feel that way...her opinion of me means nothing to me nowadays. If she wants to think good of me, that's fine, but I wouldn't care at all if she thought I was the most dispicable person in the whole world. And this also will help me if I ever come out to her, because if she still has that gay-bashing, gay-hating attitude, or even an insincere 'supportive' mask, it means nothing to me. The people who I would feel disappointed or let down if they freaked out or had a negative reaction about it would mainly be Justin, my friend Meghan, and a few friends that I met through the musical. I know that I prolly sound like an asshole when I say this, but she's caused me to feel this way.
     
    So the reason I'm complaining and going on and on about this is this...she has a thing with hugs. She wants a hug from me like every night and I find myself subconsciously getting mad at her and pushing her away when she wants a hug from me and deep down, I guess it's because I know she doesnt approve of gays and that pisses me off and so I don't want her giving me a hug. It's not her lack of acceptance that makes me do this, it's how she can be a regular old bitch to me and say shit about gays, if it comes up, one minute, then want a hug from her GAY son, the next. So last few nights she's been coming in here and giving me a half hug and I've been tolerating it, but she had been a bitch last night and I had been thinking about it and she comes in and puts her arm around me and I push her away and got mad at her. Then she being emotional, started in crying and asking me why I do this to her...that everybody needs hugs and shit. I like hugs , just not from her right now. Then she asked me if there was something that she's doing or something that she did that makes me not want to give her hugs and I actually thought about telling her right then and there that I was gay, but I wasnt ready for it and I was mad. So today she told me that I couldnt take her (it's actually in my name thank you very much ) van to work if I didn't tell her what the problem was and she didnt want to let me go without telling her first and it took about 5 minutes for her to comprehend that it's not something that we can talk about in 5 minutes. She hasnt brought it up since this morning and I'm kinda contemplating about telling her. I mean, I'd like to be close to my mom like I used to be, and I guess it WOULD be better to have an accepting mom than a non, even though it doesnt matter to me. But I just don't think I'm ready. I mean, I know a few guys here that are out to there mom already but theyre mom's have open minds, unlike mine, and from what I understood, are supportive. Hell, my mom would probably have a nervous breakdown and then I'd be at fault for her having a heart attack, lol. I dunno guys...another thing is that I kinda wanted to tell the people I'm the closest to first, like Justin, before I told her. And I know Viv's been hounding me to tell Justin that I'm gay so that I can get over him, like has been long needed, but I just don't have it in me, and I would probably break down crying to him I spose . What do you guys think?....
     
    Ronnie
  7. xander
    Behold...the ultimate doggy Birthday cake, made up under the creative mind of your's truly .
     
    For those of you wondering, here's how I made it .
     
    First find a little kettle with a removable handle (use a screw driver ). This will be the cake pan. Spray with non-stick cooking spray thusly (why thats a cool word now isnt it? I've always wanted to use it too...).
     
    As for ingredients...
     
    Cake
    3 cups of Iams Large Breed Dog Food, ground up fine with a decent meat grinder
    3 large eggs
    3 heaping tablespoons of whole wheat flour (doggies cant have that All Purpose crap so dont try it!)
    8 ounces of butter or margarine (about half of a little tub), plus 1 tablespoon to be mixed in with the peanut butter as it melts
    3/4 cup of peanut butter, melted down with 1 tablespoon of butter
    1/2-3/4 cup of milk
     
    Frosting
    A lot of peanut butter
     
    Writing and Decor
    2 tablespoons of peanut butter
    A little food coloring
    2 doggy treats
     
    Combine dog food, eggs and softened butter. Melt peanut butter down in a separate kettle and add 1 tablespoon of butter to it. After it has a creamy consistancy, stir in whole wheat flour until mostly integrated. In a large bowl, combine dog food mixture and peanut butter mixture. Based on dryness of cake, add enough milk to result in an almost cake-batter consistancy. Spoon 1/3 of the mixture into the sprayed kettle and bake in a 350 degree oven for about 15 minutes, or until the cake gives a little with a fork and said fork comes out clean. Bake the remaining 2 layers as did the first one, cooling each one after coming out of the oven. Once all three layers are baked, put the 2nd-best layer down first to be the foundation. Frost the top of it with a decent layer of peanut butter. Place the cruddiest looking layer in the middle and frost that one the same way. Then place the best looking layer on top, frost the top, then frost the entirety of the side of the cake. Then to write on the cake, take a little thing off of your standard Bic pen that you can blow air through, slightly snip off a corner of a baggy and stick the pen tip in the baggy and voila! a homeade pastry bag! Then, add a few spoonfuls of peanut butter and about 10 drops of (I used blue) food coloring and mix it up by squishing the peanut butter around inside the baggy, being careful not to squirt any out the tip. When ready to write, chances are that the peanut butter at the very beginning didnt get integrated with the food dye, so just squirt out a little on a plate until you see a difference in color. Write your canine-buddy a birthday greeting, garnish with the treats, and you're done!!
     
    Yeah I've pretty much lost it but I love that dog!
  8. xander

    Xander Video

    By xander,

    Okay guys, courtesy of my new camera, here's a video clip of Xander being Xander .
     
    [url="http://s68.photobucket.com/albums/i29/ronf89/?action=view
  9. xander
    Okay guys, so if you've read Viv's blog, you may be wondering what she meant by:
    Hehe, well something really weird happened to me the other night . I get this thing every so often where I'll have sat on the computer too long, and I'll stand up to stretch and then for some reason, my vision like goes black for a second or two and then goes back to normal and I'm fine. I've obviously thought to myself that it shouldn't be happening, cuz it's not normal, but I've always kinda shrugged it off because it only happens for a few seconds and it only happens after I stand up to stretch or get up real fast. But the other night, I had been sitting for a while and got up to stretch and I was looking at my TV and I felt the thing coming and again, didn't think anything of it. The next thing I know, I'm on the ground feeling as if someone was waking me up by beating me over the head . Here, I had fallen and hit my head on my bed frame and the bottom of my computer chair. Later I realize that I must have hit my desk on my way down as well because my wallet, my toothbrush, and a bunch of other things I had sitting on the side of my desk were on the floor. This was really freaky because I've never fainted before and nothing has ever resulted from my vision going all weird, not to mention me getting a big ole goose egg on the side of my head . Nate suggested that maybe there was something in the air vents that I was breathing in that could be causing this, but I doubt it because it's been happening for a few years and we haven't lived here for a year yet. Another interesting point is that my brother gets the vision thingys too, and like me, until the other day when I fell, he's never fallen either. 
    Xander was naughty yesterday!! We had been on a really long walk, we had been gone like 2 hours, and we were almost home, like 2 blocks away from home. We see this old guy walking his dog up ahead and as usual, Xander pulled me towards the dog because he likes to mingle with other dogs and I've never had a problem with him being aggressive with other dogs or people. So he pulls me towards the dog and he sniffed the dogs face and within a blink of an eye, Xander like started a fight with the dog!! He's never done anything like that before and I have no idea why he did it! The dog was friendly and didnt do a thing to him! Xander does have a problem with rabbits and cats tho so unless the dog had just gotten in a fight with a cat or beat a rabbit in it's race for life, I dunno what came over him. The old guy just kinda pulled his dog back with a look like "oh, it happens" but my brother, as usual, being jealous of my normally-good dog, he tried saying that the guy looked all pissed and like wanted me to hit Xander! I did scold Xander (I know that he feels bad when I scold him and it gets to him if he's done something wrong and he'll try and love up to me to say he's sorry so I know it works because I have very little trouble with him) and because of what he did, I did 'tap' his nose a few times, not hit him tho, I don't believe in that unless the circumstances are different, like the day that Jayne was trying to tear Xander apart when she couldnt get at the stray collie .
     
    Also, the last few days, Jayne has been sick with like the diarhrea and threw up a few times, and now she's fine and she's given it to Xander . So today Xander threw up a few times so I hope it passes in a few days like it did with Jayne.
     
    Also, I kinda made my decision for Xander's middle name. I don't want it to be Zoe because my mom's been calling him that just to piss me off, and I don't want to give her the satisfaction of that being what I pick . Of the ones suggested by you guys, I like Alexander, Daniel, Nathaniel, and Matthew the most. There's a few others that sound good but they don't really fit with my last name, which is gonna end up making the decision of those 4, and that name is Matthew. Matthew also kinda gives it a ring that makes it seem as if he were a person had you not known he was a dog . So thanks for your help guys!
     
    Oooh! My camera got here today !!! It freaking rules!! I'm having so much fun messing around with it . And me having not used them in how many years, I forgot how much alkaline batteries suck!! lol, some alkalines came with my camera in the manufacturers box and I've taken a decent number of photos but that's nothing compared to the specs found on the internet for good rechargeables. I do want to like start a little photography business here in time but I want to become a pro at using this camera first, so I can work with any shooting conditions. I've done a little research on photography businesses for when I do start my own. I also hope to be the main-yearbook photographer this school year . If you guys remember from my past entry, I kinda have trouble with the yearbook lady thinking I'm irresponsible, but I'm gonna send her an email here in time and explain what happened this last year, and this year if I have a problem I'm gonna come to her and just speak my mind instead of being intimidated by her getting mad when I ask a question.
     
    And one last thing , this camera can also record pretty decent video, so here in time I'll have some video clips of Xander for you Xander fans .
     
    Ronnie
  10. xander
    Okay, I never really gave Xander a real middle name...my mom calls him Xander Zoe...cuz it sounds cool when you say "Jayne Joe and Xander Zoe" but I dont really like that and it pisses me off each time she calls him Xander Zoe because I tell her not to and she does anyway and I havent confirmed that that's his middle name and yea.
     
    Anyways, I decided to let you guys come up with names that sound good following Xander, and then if one really sticks out to me that I like, I'm gonna pick it, or if there's more than one that I really like, I'll create a poll in the Lounge, but as of now, courtesy of Viv, I like Xander Matthew .
     
    Make me proud guys
    Ronnie
  11. xander
    Okay, so today I had to babysit my lil cousin Bailey (she's 4) for like 11 hours. Well that gets to be an awfully long day...don't get me wrong, I love my lil cousin to death but yea. I had asked her mom if I could take her to the park later today and she said that would be fine. Well apparently there was a park a few blocks over, which I didnt know about... ...so I walked to the other park which was like 19 blocks from the house. And...I couldnt expect her little legs to walk that far, and she loves me giving her piggy back rides, so..lol, yes, I walked that far with her on my back. Well, the other day when I walked Xander, I walked over to Justin's house and he wasnt home , so his house was kinda but not really, by the park, so I walked there too . On my way, his dad drove by and saw me and waved at me...I spose he didnt even realize I was going to their house, even though I'm sure he knows I have no other reason for being on that road, but oh well, lol. So I get to his house and his mom is leaving in her car and Justin and his sister are leaving in his car . I didn't walk another 8 blocks for nothing, so I asked him if I could go with . This was also the first time I've seen or talked to him this summer so I was glad to see him . Well, his mom had to be at a meeting, but also had to get these things handed out for new cable subscribers, so she was paying Justin and his sister to do it, . Well, there went some more walking...the street that needed to be done was like 7 blocks long...well he parked his car at the beginning of the route and we walked down the first side and then at the end turned around and came back the other side. When we got back, Bailey was getting tired and even though I would have liked to spend more time with Justin, I had a responsibility on my hands and then Justin offered to take us back to Bailey's house. So I walked about 40 blocks total today, all but maybe a block total (when Bailey wanted down for like a second to see something), with a good 30-pound kid on my back, lol. That is a lot of walking, but besides the kid on my back, it doesnt really phase me at all because I've been walking a lot lately, mainly cuz it's good exercise and Xander needs the exercise too, but I've gotten where I like walking a lot .
     
    Btw, no word on my camera and it's pissing me off , lol.
     
    Later guys ,
    Ronnie
  12. xander

    Photography!

    By xander,

    So a while back, I was talking to my Uncle about me getting a different job, and he came up with like a really good suggestion for me...he told me that when they were growing up, my other uncle used to do Videography and Photography for events like weddings. Okay, so I don't know how clear it is that I'm sorta really like ( ) into photography, but I am , so to me this was a freaking awesome suggestion!
     
    Well back in the day, lol, my uncle charged like $80 bucks for a wedding video, but these days its worth a lot more. Plus, I'm good at digital editing and stuff, so I could easily make a really impressive DVD of a wedding. All's good and fine that I could do this...he said that I'd prolly just have to go and get a business license and I'd be good to go...cept...at his birthday party a couple months back, I was reviewing a few tapes to make sure I didnt record over Xander being born, when I accidently opened the tape door...well you have to open it like half way for it to trigger the tape holder to come out, and I didn't realize I had triggered it and closed it *slaps self*. Soo, it tried opening while the door was shut, so now it skips . To send it in to Sony with no warranty, it's like $146.00, but if my mom would ever find the reciept or get something with Best Buy settled , all it would cost to get it fixed is like $45.00.
     
    Anyway, like I said, I'm like really into Photography , sooo...I decided that I'm gonna start my own little photography business . One of the things I wanna say that I specialize in is Pet Photography ...I'm really good with animals (hell, I even got Jayne to smile for me the other day! ), so hopefully I can get some good shots of pets. I'm also gonna do weddings and stuff like that .
     
    In fact, I have a camera and stuff ordered...Thanks to Natey ...I never thought of looking on eBay. I found this super great deal on an eBay store. The camera I was originally gonna buy costed $424.00, but this hot deal includes: The Camera, a 60" tripod, a table tripod, a 2x telephoto lense, a wide angle lense, a set of 3 lense filters, a 5 piece lense cleaning kit, a 2GB SD card, a USB SD Card Reader, a soft carrying case, and a hard all-metal carrying case, all brand new, never opened, all for only $627.99!! Bought seperately, that would cost over $1100!!
     
    Another thing I'ma do when I start my little business is try and offer a few other services. Like, I've recently tried my going at editing and touching up old photos...I can turn black and white to color (as long as somebody tells me what color is which, cuz I'm colorblind, ya kno ), I can get rid of scratches and stuff (thas easy..) and recently I got a wild notion to get rid of that ugly chain in Xander's picture where he's sleeping....it kinda sorta makes him look as if he was vicious in his non-sleeping hours ....soo..
     

    Original




     

    With Chain and Paper Removed




     
    Ooo, and I could even have a service to turn a photo into a pumpkin pattern carving .
     
    Oh, and for those of you who have never seen the cute but naughty dog that gets us into trouble and is mean to Xander on occasion that I got to smile the other day , this is Jayne:
     



     
    Wish me luck guys
     
    Ronnie
  13. xander
    Okay, so Xander is now on Iams, which I've read still isn't that good for him, but in my book, it's waaay better than Ol' Roy.
     
    So we were eating dinner today and Jayne just started barking like crazy...we look outside and there was some collie wandering around by the kennel. Well Jayne being such a bad dog, you guys know, was just going psycho, doing all she could to try and get at the other dog. Well I don't see Jayne's logic in this, but for some reason, she thought that she should take it out on Xander, that she couldnt get at the dog . I look out the window and she had chased Xander into the dog house and had her ass sticking out, prolly biting at him inside . Then, Xander had come out and was standing by the front and Jayne just went f**king crazy and was biting on his back and like pulling and shaking her head!!! I ran outside without the keys to the kennel, ran to the back, climbed up the tree and jumped into the kennel and onto the dog house and gave Jayne what she deserved. I feel bad when I have to, because she looks so innocent, like she never does anything wrong, but she could seriously hurt him some day . Then, when I had taken care of Jayne, the f-ing collie had ran in our house and ran throught the living room, into the bathroom, and into my room at which point my brother chased it out the front door again. My mom called the number on the tag with no answer, so called the animal control to come pick it up. About 2 minutes later, a sherrif car pulls up to our house to get the dog. Apparently it was his dog, and it spazes when it thunders (which it had started doing like 15 minutes earlier) and runs off. We asked him if he heard it on the scanner, and he said no, that someone heard it on the scanner and got a hold of him, figuring it was his. Okay, so it's not that big of a deal, but this kinda burns me. Like 2-3 times when Jayne has ran off with my dog, we've gotten fines for 'dog at large'. But, being a cop, you don't see his ass getting a ticket, the freaking law should apply to everyone.
     
    Anyway, tonight when we were outside feeding and spending time with them, I felt like treating Xander and kinda refreshing his bank of tricks. Well waaaay back when he was little, like 3 months old, I taught him how to speak, and he would do it on command. But then for a while, Xander would bark too once in a while, when someone walked by or something, so I discouraged him barking and got him a barking collar so we wouldnt get in trouble had the neighbors called the cops if he was barking. Well about 2-3 months ago, his collar stopped working so I took it off him and I havent had a problem with him barking, cuz he's a good boy . Well I've tried the last couple months to get him to speak but he doesnt remember and/or is afraid to, even though he should realize by now that he doesnt have the barking collar on anymore. Well I decided to try again tonight to get him to speak, I tried for like 10 minutes, but he didnt do it. Then, out of no where, he sat back on his back legs and put both front paws up in the air and gave me a look that said "Aww, please just give it to me? " OMG, I almost crapped my pants, that was so cute!!! I of course gave him the treat even though he didnt speak, but he opened up the door to teach him that trick, which he pretty much got down in 5 minutes .
  14. xander
    Okay, so you guys know how my mom is always such a gay basher. Well today we had it on MTV while we ate and "Next" came on and it happened to be a lesbian version, and my mom just started spazzing out, how she thought it was so disgusting and freaky. I try telling her that she cant be saying shit like that because it's gonna get her in trouble some day and whether that's how she feels or not, she shouldnt be expressing like she does and making such a big deal out of it; just keep it to yourself. Well she shut up and then the girls kissed or something and she started again. Well, I don't know if some of you guys know, but my boss, Sheryl, is a lesbian, and she's kind of a big woman, and so is my mom. My mom just was pissing me off so bad, I'm like, "Hey mom, Sheryl told me that she thinks you're cute." Well my mom started having a fit and keeps asking me if I'm serious and well, it's provided plenty of entertainment for today and what makes it so funny is that she's such a gay basher. Well, I dont care if it's being mean or not, she shouldnt be so gay-bashing, ya know?
     
    Hehe, Ronnie
  15. xander

    TOTALLY Psyched!

    By xander,

    Okay, so last summer our outdoor pool was closed for the entire summer cuz they were tearing down the old pool and building a brand new one . This one is equipped with 4 slides, one of which is an intertube slide, a lazy river, like 3 pools, a diving board and everything. So anyway, tomorrow is the great unvailing of the past year's work and I'm psyched because the pool is gonna be sweet, and mostly because...HOT GUYS SHIRTLESS IN SWIMMING TRUNKS!!!
     




     
    OMG I'm soooooo excited!!! It opens like at 12:30 and I'd like to stay longer than this, but I have to work at 5:15 so I'm gonna have to leave early, about 4:45. But OMG I sooooo hope there are really hot guys there tomorrow and that there aren't too many little rascals to spoil the fun , lol. Hopefully the hot guys make a good show tomorrow cuz I'll be going every day if so .
     
    Ronnie
  16. xander

    Yearbook lady...

    By xander,

    First off...I'm back! lol, I didn't actually go anywhere, just havent really had time to come on.
     
    Okay...so I'm in the yearbook club. The lady that directs us is this older lady that is the wife of one of my 6th grade teachers. Well.....like last fall, she assigned me to do a story for freshman and sophomore football . I've never been all that into sports and I didn't really know what to write about and I also kind of forgot to do it anyway. You ever forget? It happened to me. Also, this was my first year on the staff and I didn't know how to do some of the things, and when I would ask her how to do this or that, she would kind of snap at me and seem to get mad for me not knowing what to do; consequently, I was hesitant to ask her if I had a question.
     
    Soooo, a couple weeks ago, we were assigning/volunteering for deadlines. "Who wants to do the story on Annie?" "Ooo, me, me!" You know how much I loved doing that, I thought I could reminesce while doing it . She's like,
     
    "Now Ron, if you say you're going to do it, are you actually going to do it? Because in the past, you've volunteered to do things and then not did them and I was stuck doing it myself."
     
    RIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE . I felt like telling her to go you-know-what herself. First of all, I didn't VOLUNTEER, she assigned it to me...it's not like I said, "Oh I whole-heartedly promise that I will do this one." People are more likely to get something done if they enjoy doing it. Second, that was like the only time; she shouldn't base it on a single event. Third, she could have kinda shown me the ropes or maybe guidelines on how to write a story for a yearbook, considering it's my first time and all.
     
    So she's like, "we'll come back to that." Then later we got to Vocal Music....well as it turns out, I'm the only person on the staff in choir, so she told me that I could do that one, and that 'Sabrina' and I could do Annie. Well I know she knew it and so did I, that Sabrina is kinda bossy so I was pretty much guarenteed to not be a part of it . So yesterday, I was typing in my story for Choir (see that Mrs. B? I DID what I said I would do) and the yearbook teacher was typing on the computer next to me when I notice SHE was typing the Annie story. Here 'Sabrina' didn't get it typed like "SHE SAID SHE WOULD DO". That really pissed me off because I would have loved to do that one, and I told her that too and she didnt really say anything.
     
    So today at our actual meeting, I get there and she had had plaques made for all of us with our names engraved on them and everything. Now that really made me feel good . I finished up organizing a couple double-pagers to be sent, and everyone was looking through the various extra photos we had when she had to ruin it. I happen to ask her if we knew the people in the photo, if we could take it and give it to them. "Now Ron, if you take the photos, will they actually get to the person? Because you've told me you'll do things and then not do it." GOD! Everyone makes mistakes! She fricken acts like I'm the most irresponsible person in the whole world. If I was, would I get almost a 4.0 on my report card? Would all my teachers tell my mom such great things about me at confrences? Next time she says something to me about it, and especially in front of everyone else, I'm gonna blow and tell her that I'm not so freaking irresponsible, and that it was one freaking time. And whether Sabrina is there or not I'm gonna say, "And you know what? If you would have let me do the Annie story to begin with, you wouldnt have had to spend till 4:30 here typing it yourself. Because with the few exeptions that YOU keep bringing up, I am a very responsible kid."
     
    Had to get that out, she just pisses me off. Oh, and I'll tell her they're called Tic Tac's .
     
    Ronnie
  17. xander

    Life after Annie, hehe

    By xander,

    Sooooo, Thursday, Friday and Saturday were our performances for Annie. Each night a sell out. I think Thursday was our best night, it all went along smoothly and perfect. Friday and Saturday were a little less perfect, but we still got standing ovations. It was great, really it was. Thursday night we went out to this restaurant and celebrated, and Friday night me and a few others did the same thing. Saturday night, we had the cast party at one of the servent girls' house. We got done with the play around 9:30ish and got all done tearing down the set and stage and cleaning up around 11:00ish and we all headed to her house for the party at around 11:30. That party was awesome! But before we went, I was planning on going to buy a few waters because I dont drink pop and tap water ya know, but I didnt know how to get to the girl's house (and she lived out in the country so I needed to follow someone) so I just went without my water. Well after I had some pizza (oh, there was pizza galore), I was thirsty and went and asked the girl if she had any bottled water. She had one 16.9 oz (oh geez that bothers me...lol, leave me alone ....why not 17 oz? I have searched and I can't find a conversion that makes sense for it to be that, so it bothers me) bottle of spring water (I drink reverse osmosis filtered water ) but I drank it and then later I got really thirsty and they had nothing for me to drink, so I left and went to town to buy a couple 1 liter bottles of water and came back because I wasnt ready to leave at only 1ish! I get back and they were playing different question games and we just talked among ourselves and stuff.. I ended up staying there till 7:15 in the morning. I got home like at 7:30 and as I was opening the door my mom opened it and is like "you trying to give me a heart attack?!". She wasnt mad, just paranoid. So I slept most of Sunday...I woke up at like 1 pm to feed the dogs and stuff and then went back to bed and slept till 7:00 that night, hehe. So today after school, I go to Moulton's room like I have been routinely doing for like over a month and gather my things that I had brought for my parts....after I did that and filled out my tshirt order form and thespian point page, I found myself just wondering around her room looking for something to do, lol. I'm so depressed with out this, lol. I loved doing this and now it's done and over with . Anyway, now I'm gonna either gonna go back to KFC so the college people dont steal all the jobs resulting with me jobless thi summer, or join track late cuz my brother says its not to late.
     
    Later guys
  18. xander
    Hey guys, sorry I havent been on in a while. With that Justin thing and family things, I've had way too much stress lately so I've been trying to work against it by exercising and stuff and staying off the computer. I figure I don't need to be sitting on my computer for 6 hours a day and not doing anything, because when you're stressed, you gain weight and I'm not gonna go and gain weight, lol. Plus, we've been busy a lot with the play - been rehearsing till like 6:30 on some nights and it's gonna probably be getting later when we run both act 1 and 2 together.
     
    Sooo.... for those of you who are wondering how my little world is doing...
     
    I had said a while ago that I wanted to befriend that gay guy in the play, Danie, but he kinda seems stuck up. I've tried talking to him like 3-4 times but he ends the conversation after only saying a few words. One day I was wishing I could like maybe come out to all the people in drama or like everyone but my family because everyone in drama, everyone, is tolerant of Danie being gay. I noticed they tease him every so often with jokes but its all in fun. It could be that all the drama guys are gay, lol, that's a thought. A lot of them seem "gay", if you will. It was funny, because one day me and a few guys were talking about this website joke...."dude, you ever been to pen island . com??" They type it in...penisland.com...yea, haha, you get it...so this girl walks up and hears us talk about "penis" and she's like, "God! Is there not one straight guy here?" And no one stuck up for their sexuality with the typical "I ain't gay!", so that's curious to note.
     
    I did meet this one guy from the play . He's another Justin...lol, so 2 out of my 2 friends named Justin are hot, heh. He's kinda buff from lifting weights but not too heavily. He's about my height, a little shorter and has a HOT body. He seems like he's always smiling too. He's in the servant scene and he just does it so damn cute. I love sitting there watching him, me smiling the whole time; then I noticed he would smile back. He kinda acts gay too...Ooo, then today, Moulton told us to get up and have a big group hug...everyone started hugging everyone else...he hugged me and damn was that cool...he's got such a strong but gentle hug, hehe.
     
    I've also made quite a few more friends in drama since the play started. My mom is sorta crazy and sometimes she embarhasses herself and me in public...one day someone said something about their mom, I'm like, "Well my mom is crazy" and then this Mike I've known since grade school was like, "Yea, yea I'm gonna have to agree with you on that one". Then a few people told their witnessed account of how they saw my mom speak her mind in public, and I'm like, "I'm sorry...lol". This one girl says, "It's okay Ronnie, we won't count it against you for what she does" lol, "Heh, thanks".
     
    Then I'm gonna be getting confirmed this Fall and I told a few of you that I'm gonna have my confirmation name be "Sebastian", because ( a ) it's a cool name and I like it ( b ) there's sort of some hidden symbolism in there (Saint Sebastian was a Roman Soldier and the Romans found out that he was a Christian so they strung him up to a tree and shot him with like 20 arrows. He miraculously didnt die, and was nursed back to health. They found out he was still alive and they beat him to death. So, if you will, he was persecuted once they found out "what" he was). Well I planned to ask my uncle of whom I'm named after to be my Confirmation Sponsor. Well, me and my mom havent been getting a long all that well for a long time. She's a bitch, if she wants to be a bitch, I can be an asshole right back. I don't necessarily try to start fights but if she wants to go, let's go. Well if she hits me, I'm not gonna just stand there and take it. I'm gonna defend myself. One night, me and my brother were wrestling (we normally do once in a while) but it turned ugly and we were like killing each other. So "good ole mom" decides she has to get involved so she comes at me with the broom and starts hitting me with it! WTF?! She had me cornered in the bathroom trying to hit me so I slapped her face like three times, pushed her out of the way and went down to the basement to be alone. So she calls up my aunts and turns the rest of my family against me, saying "you should see how he's treating me" and adding tears to get them on her side. Of course she doesn't say what she did. So that was about a month and a half ago. My mom and dad go out of town today for a doctors appointment for my dad, and they stopped to see my uncle Ron, because he lives in the town of the appointment. He comes out to the car with a baseball bat and looks for me in the backseat (even though I wasnt there, they told me about this later). "What's this bullshit I hear that Ronnie is mistreating my sister?" Then he hits my dad in the leg with it and tells him "What are you letting him treat her like that for?" Well my mom and dad got divorced like when I was 3, so he's more than aware of what a pain in the ass it is to live in the same household with my mom. I'd like to tell the rest of my family how it really is but they probably won't believe me. I'm thinking about having a microphone ready for when she starts her bitch spells out of nowhere so they can see that it takes two. My mom said that I better watch out at Fourth of July...we always go to this small town east of here on Fourth of July, my family's been doing that since before I was born; she said that he said something about beating the shit out of me . I didnt do anything! So now she turned my uncle that I was gonna ask to be my sponsor, against me.
     
    Quarter 3 ended yesterday (got a 4.0 ) and 4 began today, so there's a little less than 45 school days of school left, 63 days total with weekends, left before the summer. I think I'm gonna go back to KFC after the play gets over with because otherwise all the college students around here are gonna take all the jobs and I need a job because I've gotta get my own car. I'm sick of her taking the car whenever she wants when I plan to use it.....it may be her car but I think I should be able to use it when I want to because I had about $1600 saved up last summer (I had to spend about $300-400 for Xander and Jayne, I'll be getting half of that back from my brother when he gets a job) and SOMEONE had financial troubles and guilt tripped me like ump-teen times to help "us" out. She told me she would pay me back with income tax whenever she borrowed money from me, but evidently, she made other plans for that, so I won't get completely paid back till like August .
     
    Well there's all my little quirks and complaints, later guys .
     
    Ronnie
  19. xander
    I'll start out with the sad so we got something to look forward to...
     
    Like Thursday at lunch, I come back to our table from dumping my tray to see Lorena reading a little pamplet about a recorder or something, like one of those things spies wear. I didnt ask and then after we got rid of Lorena and started walking to our class at the building across the street, he shows me that he's wearing this recording thing, or heart monitor . I ask him what for and he said that his mom took him to the doctor because he every so often would have minor pains in his heart (glad he could tell his best friend about this AFTER he's being monitored). He told me that he's also seeing a counselor and that they figured out that he has anxiety problems and is thus kinda paranoid sometimes, so now they have him on these freaking pills that make you 'not paranoid' if you are and 'paranoid' if you arent . He told me that the counselor more or less tried to get him to admit that he was suicidal and that he wouldnt , though I highly doubt he's suicidal. I'm really worried about him and you guys know how I feel about drugs, especially psyciatric drugs (it's curious to note that almost all cases of violent crimes commited at schools were acted out by someone who was currently on or had been on psyciatric drugs .) I KNOW, would-bet-my-life-on-it, KNOW that this is all caused by the stress Lorena puts him through. So first she steals my best friend in the whole world, that I love, and now she's killing him off . So I think it's either time for me to talk to him about Lorena or inform his counselor about Lorena so she can maybe get somewhere with him and so that I don't end up having to go to a funeral for my best friend in the near future .
     
    Okay, *sniffles*, on to the happy. You know my friend Meghan that I tried out with...we've been friends since like 5th grade but have just started to get closer. Well she sits next to me in math, and yesterday she was gone for math because she had an appointment or something. I did miss her cuz she's one of my only friends in there... So after school, she was back for play practice. She's like,
     
    "oh my God Ronnie, did you miss me today in math?"
    "Yea I did"
    "Because when you are gone Ronnie, I'm like soo depressed. People like ask me what's wrong and I'm like 'ehh leave me alone!', lol...because you are like the only one that's nice to me in there. Not even Lauren and Leslie.."
    "Aww , but you and Leslie have been best friends since like, what? 4th grade?"
    ...
     
    Anyways, that really made my day . I knew she cared about me, but when her best friend sits on the other side of her and she's depressed if I'm gone, I know she really does.
  20. xander
    So this morning I didnt have time to eat breakfast and we were out of milk anyway so I planned on eating at school. This was fine with me cuz I had been craving a blueberry muffin for a while, lol. Well the last few days we had been on stage during chorus because we have a concert monday night, and when we're on stage he keeps us a little late. Well the breakfast line closes at 8:25, and it was like 8:21 so I tried to hurry out of the auditorium. I jump off the stage and someone was like right in front of me so I put my hand down to direct my body where to fall. I didnt even feel it till after I raised my hand...there was a loose nail where I put my hand down and it had ripped a little gouge in my hand! By the time I got all my stuff together and got out of there, I had a handful of blood but I knew if I went to the nurse first, I would miss the breakfast line. So I go to the breakfast line and get my blueberry muffin, string cheese and milk and ask the lunch lady to punch in my number for me since I had my food in one hand and blood in the other, lol. So I go to the nurse and set down my muffin, string cheese and milk and show her my hand and she fixes it all up for me...and boy, she was the furthest from stingy with that triple antibiotic ointment, she like put a tablespoon of it on my half-inch wound, lol. So I got my muffin and ate it too ....with my non-wounded hand.
  21. xander

    Hmm..that's curious..

    By xander,

    First of all, a little update on the play...Annie is back on.....Moulton (drama teacher) worked her magic so we get to do it now .
     
    When I found out it was back on, I decided to email Justin...I knew he wouldnt, but just for the hell of it, I asked him if he had changed his mind and if he was gonna try out with me. "nope." I think he's just being an asshole when he says it like that. Would it kill him to say something like, "I know you really would like me to try out with you Ron, but I just don't want to."
     
    Anyway, the "curious" thing is that after he said "nope.", I didnt reply to him and so he must have assumed I was mad at him again because after chorus each day, I get up and go over to him and we talk on the way out of the huge classroom....when he know's I'm mad at him, he just gets up right away and goes out pretty fast and he did that today but was somewhat "stunned" to see that I was coming towards him. I wonder if he's getting where it's not bothering him when he hurts other people (aka, ME) ....well I guess I shouldn't say "getting where"....I think he's already there, where he dont care if he hurts anyone else, just to make Lorena happy. Like around homecoming (not sure if I told this story cept to a few of you), me and him have a tradition that we go to the stadium on the night of Burning of the W and we steal the stick they light it with...we've done this for like 4 years. This year I go over to his house cuz he said he would drive...right as we're walking out the door (adding to my belief that she has cameras outside his house to know when I'm there), she calls and says "shes not feeling good"...aww, poor baby ....so we have to stop at her house on the way there so he can give her a hug ...he tells me to wait in the car, he'll be right back. I sit in that freakin car for more than 15 minutes and finally go to the door. Here, Lorena suddenly felt better and I found out that she was coming with . I decided to just deal with her, that we could still let our tradition work out. We get to the stadium and sit down for a while and it gets dark enough, and they start to light the W. I let it burn for a few minutes and let the senors do their thing and told him, "come on, let's go get it". He tells her that he'll be right back and she puts a pouty look on and tells him that she doesnt feel good and wants him to stay there with her . I literally BEGGED him for like 5-10 minutes to come down there and get it with me and he said "I cant"...when he said that, I saw a satisfied smile on the f**king whore's face....I finally said "f**K ya" and went and got it myself. Then after all that, he expected everything to be okay and for me to get in his car with him. I was hoping my dad was still there cuz he brought my brother there, but he wasnt. Justin saw me across the street from them walking as they walked to his car...he motioned for me to come over with them. Then Lorena told him to just come on so he did. He got his car and drove slowly by me for a couple minutes and then just drove off. Do you think he could get out of the car, away from Lorena and come talk to me? No. So I walked 19 blocks home that night. We didnt speak for about 4-5 days and probably would have longer had I not stepped forward and sent a gut-spilling email to him and told him what I thought about Lorena. He replied vaguely but things like that just continue to happen because "he doesnt care if he hurts other people, as long as Lorena's happy". End of story.
     
    Kinda got off topic there...sorry for the 'language' but I just get so ticked off when I remember and think of what she's done between us....
  22. xander
    You all know and are probably in love with my dog Xander. Well every so often, Jayne (my brother's dog and Xander's mommy) gets loose and runs off. Xander never having to toughen up from being taken from his mom like the rest of his siblings, has always been a mommy's boy. In being so, whenever Jayne runs off, so does he, but only running for his life to keep up with her, and usually crying as he runs . Otherwise, if he's not on a leash, he just stays in the yard like the good boy he is. Well sometimes when they get out, we're not home, finding them to not be there hours after it happened. Then we have to go out in the car searching the neighborhood up and down for them. Half the time we can't find them, then we call the police or the humane society to tell them to look for us. Well three out of four times they get loose, we get dog at large fines and other bullshit like that. This isn't the only part I'm fed up with. Every time Jayne pulls this bullshit, she's putting my dog's life in danger. I should not have to be worried sick when she does this, that my dog could possibly get hit by a car or something. We live in between two somewhat busy highways so I'm always really nervous. I want Xander to be a house dog now. I'm sick of this bullshit. If Jayne wants to run off, fine, but don't put my dog's life in danger. But....the landlord barely wanted to let us keep Xander outside so I don't think he's going to be able to be inside. He would be a good boy, I just know it. It would just take teaching him to go to the door when he had to go to the bathroom and to not drink out of the toilet. Simple tasks. He never chews on anything outside except for sticks. I don't think that would be a problem. And most of the time he could be in my room, so I don't see what the harm would be. I already plan on doing this when I go to college anyway. He's gonna be a dorm-doggy . But for now the only things that are stopping me is my mom, Oreo and the landlord. Jayne is going to get a remote shock collar or something, mean as it may be, because I'm just flat out sick of this.
  23. xander
    Well, I don't know if she's behind it this time or not but I'm mad at Justin right now....
     
    Our school is having the Annie musical and auditions are after school yesterday, today and tomorrow. Since I saw the last one and saw how cool it is to perform, I wanted to be in one, but one little dilema...I have stage fright . Well yesterday after school I had to make up a test and take care of a yearbook page and I got done around 4:30. I was kinda mad cuz my mom needed the car yesterday morning and I had that stuff to do so she expected me to walk home because it was pretty cold out. I walk out the front of the school and Justin and Lorena are standing there. Evidently they had watched yesterday's auditions. Well he was waiting with her for her mom to come. Her mom eventually comes and then I ask him if he could give me a ride home. He said he was already planning on it.
     
    On the way to his car I told him that I was probably going to try out for the play but they do auditions in groups of three and that I didnt know anyone else who I could try out with. He says that he probably was gonna try out too so I expected him to. Today he started that bullshit again that 'he doesnt want to' in an assholey tone . I barely ever ask him to do anything and I tend to step aside for Lorena so when I do ask him to do something, I dont think it hurts him to do it for me. Especially when he's always asking me favors and to make him graphics for his site. So here's the little email convo of him being an ass:
     
    [Me] so are u gonna try out wit me?...if so ill sign us up where theres that open spot...
     
    [Justin] i dunno
     
    [Me] pweeeease?
     
    [Justin] lol, not again......
     
    [Me] like i ask u for so much...
     
    [Justin] lol
     
    [Me] no, seriously
     
    [Justin] nope, but when you do.......
     
    [Me] you say no.
     
    [Justin] yeeees
     
    [ ]
     
    [Me] why?
     
    [Justin] only to things i don't wanna do
     
    [Me] of course, the things im asking you to do
     
    [Justin] i just don't want to try out for a play
     
    [Me] then why did you tell me yesterday that u were probably gonna try out?
     
    [Justin] i have noooo idea. it's proble cause i have a low self esteem that can be brought up for maybe a couple minutes, but as soon as i realize it, it's back to where it was
     
    [Me] or doesnt lorena want you to?
     
    [Justin] no, actually she does, but i said no to her too
     
    [ YEA RIGHT!]
     
    [Me] watever...
     
    So I was gonna try out after school tonight without him anyway, but I'm tired and stressed out (depressed) so I'm going to ask my friend Megan (who wants me to try out) if I can do it with them tomorrow instead. Forget him. I don't need him.
  24. xander
    Okay, it occurred to me that some of you don't know the whole Justin and Lorena story.
     
    Here we go...
     
    *Vroosh!* Back to mid-eighth grade. I'm sitting in chorus class. A girl passes a note to another girl who passes it to me. I open it and read it:
     

    Will you ask your friend Justin if he'll go out with me?


    *Lorena*

     
    I immediatly start laughing my ass off. I couldnt help myself...in the entire time we knew each other we never really talked about girls and I didnt really see him going out with a girl. My laughter of course draws the attention of the entire men section of chorus. Justin sitting next to me asks me what's so funny. I show him the note, and he looks at the girl with a somewhat disappointed smirk. Back then, me and him called each other every night and talked for a couple hours at least. For like the next week after school and on the phone at night I would ask him what was going on with that girl. He just responded that he had it taken care of. I just shrugged it off. Then a week or so later, she adds me to her MSN list. Hmm...kind of a nice way to find out my best friend is going out with her, dontcha think? This was back when she was okay to me. She hadnt done anything wrong to me and I didnt yet realize my feelings for Justin. Well a few days pass and she changes her display name to 'i wuv Justin'. Obviously, this puts peer pressure on him and pretty soon his name changes from 'Justin' to "i wuv lorena'. This sorta pissed me off. They've known each other maybe two weeks and shes 'making' him say he 'wuvs' her. About another week passes and she changes her name to "i love justin'. I figure at this point that Justin no longer has a mind of his own, especially when he changes his name to "i love lorena". Then Lorena asks me in chat, "do you think Justin really loves me?" I just wanted to smack her!! They've known each other a little over two weeks and she expects him to love her! First of all, in most cases, when going out as teenagers, it's only puppy love. But shes expecting him to love her after two weeks... I for the most part stayed out of it because I didnt want to get him mad at me. Maybe I should have stepped in and maybe that would have saved me a lot of heart ache but it's a little late for that now. I noticed at this point that he stopped calling me as frequently as he used to, as it was him that most of the time beat me at calling him. I still called him but it seemed the time he talked diminished each time I talked to him. I know, I know, he's got a girlfriend now, less time for friends but I'm just saying. After a couple months of primarily talking to him on MSN with the disgusting display name "i love lorena', we were talkin late at night. It was maybe 2 in the morning and he starts telling me that he has something he needed to get out. Me being his best friend tried to comfort him and assured him that he could tell me. He tells me that a few days after going out with Lorena that she had told him that she was feeling suicidal and had been cutting her wrists with a razor or something . My reaction at first was of course shocked and I even sent a few emails to our school counselor to try and help her. It didnt take me much longer to figure out that she wasnt suicidal. That was simply all an act to get Justin trapped emotionally. For if he ever considered breaking up with her, his caring compassionate heart would be afraid of her doing something to herself, and of course it would be 'his fault'. I sooo bad wanted to suggest to him that if he wanted to break up with her to go ahead, that he had no obligation to stay with her had she been actually suicidal...that it wasnt right of her to immediately tell him that, that it was obviously a trap that he walked right into.
     
    This of course went right up into 9th grade where mid-December a girl asks me out. Great, right before this I had started to have feelings for Justin. I felt that I would never find anyone more compatible (which was later put into context perfectly by Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corolla on the Adam Corolla Show) than the connection me and Justin had before Lorena came into the picture. But.....she was a friend of mine and I dint want to hurt her feelings by saying no, and plus, I wasn't for sure of my feelings, they were just there so I figured it didn't hurt accepting her proposal. Well we went out till a couple weeks after Valentines day, when it seems that I had started to somewhat ignore her a little. She emailed me and proposed that we break up which was a great relief to me because of my feelings for Justin. I now wish I had simply told her that I saw her more as a friend to begin with to prevent hurting her later on, and making her and me still be pretty good friends. At this point, I still didnt get to talk to my friend on the phone much anymore. I started noticing that Lorena tried excluding me or tried pushing me aside in every day school things. I wasnt about to let her, I mean he was my friend first and I wasnt just gonna give him up. Well apparently she has more amo than did I so he still spent almost all of his time with her and talk to me and the rest of his friends less. See thats another thing...its bad enough that she pushed me aside, but she also wanted to push aside ALL of his friends so she could have him all to herself. Our friend Lance saw it too once I laid it out for him. He didnt care as much as I did, most likely because he doesnt have 'feelings' for Justin. Summer comes and I did maybe 3 things with him the whole summer. We're not exactly rich so I couldnt invite him places like he used to me. Tenth grade (this year) comes along and her fighting strategy dramatically improved as proven in my past blog posts. I would also like to point out a few things in relation to them going out. 1) Justin ALWAYS used to be happy...he always had a smile on his face and thats what put a smile on my face...now he's every so often depressed . 2) Kinda related to number 1, he has started to listen to kinda gothic like music...he used to listen to punk rock which we both loved. 3) He every so often kinda talks to me like I did something wrong, until I try to get him to laugh. 4) Some of you may wonder where 'Whorena' comes from... well, this happens quite frequently, at least 10 times, I kid you not. We'll be talking at lunch and a random guy's name will come up...she says, "Oh, I went out with him, hehehe"....right in front of Justin!! But wait, that's a slut, not a whore...well guys, Slutena just dont fit...but Whorena... fits like Cinderela's glass slipper. 5) He has never previously gotten into trouble...every so often somebody disses Lorena about her being a bitch or what have you, and who can help it? She's a bitch to everyone except a few of her close girlfriends and Justin. I know a guy should stick up for his girlfriend when he's going out with her but I don't think its worth getting into serious trouble such as getting in trouble for punching someone. He hasnt gotten in trouble yet but he most likely will soon unless Lorena stops being a bitch to everyone and I dont think that will end anytime soon.
     
    So there ya go. That's pretty much the entire Justin and Lorena story. I just want my best friend back the way he used to be and Lorena-free. And trust me, even though I'm a little pussy when it comes to telling how I feel most of the time, if the opportunity ever came along that he broke up with her or vise versa, I would tell him that I was gay in a heartbeat to possibly have a chance with my best friend .
  25. xander
    As you may have noticed, my last blog entry was a long time ago....reason for being that my life turned boring and that I was really busy with finals, lol.
     
    Anyway, YES!!! I knew it was coming, but alas it's finally here....second semester and finally some school time with JUSTIN! Before now, the only time I saw him was in the morning for Chorus (which I didn't even get to sit by him in, and still don't ) and during 1st quarter lunch. Come 2nd quarter and I was reduced to Chorus and no lunch, occasionally seeing him in the hallway. Sure we talked in email but I like seeing him too, ya kno? But now...now he has the same lunch as me (and so does Lorena and a few other people that seem to try to push me away from him ) and for 3rd Block Computer Hardware (an hour and a half class) over at the Tech School across the street, so that's a bonus talk as we walk time ......Anyway, it'll be like this for the rest of the year!
     
    Also, for all you Xander fans....today is his (and mine ) half Birthday.....exactly 6 months till his 1st birthday. Soooo...I thought I'd post a little time line of him, hehe..
     





    Xander at about 2 weeks old.

     



    Xander cutely covered up in my bed.

     



    Oh come on, you know I had to.

     



    Xander taking a few of his first steps.

     



    Xander having a "oh, turn that camera

    off...I don't have my face on yet" moment.

     



    Xander playing with Oreo's apple squeeky

    toy...no, he's not chewing on those wires, lol.

     



    Xander's ever-famous pose, at about 3 months.

     



    Xander's sleepy-head pose, about 4 and a half months.

     



    Xander, what it looks like, singing in the snow, lol.

     



    Xander about a week ago, with his big cute eyes.



     
    If some of the pictures don't show up, you can blame Geocities...just try back in like an hour because they have a KB/hour rule and if it exceeds it..yea..
     
    Later guys
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