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x Trevor x

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About x Trevor x

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    I'll Never Let Go
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  1. Thanks for the comment lol, means a lot to have it read after so much time. This story is written in a very soap opera sort of way so it does take some more attention to detail. I think this is around the part with Melanie and the medication bottle, I had someone say they were confused at that point before lol. Thank you again so much for your comment! 😊
  2. x Trevor x

    Fading

    Thank you and I also agree, especially as I reflect on this one. All of them have, if not all of me, then some part of me and some have more parts than others. For me this was a very real experience. Imagine being raised in such a sheltered environment, you have suffered a great loss at a very young age and the person raising you shelters you and in a sense preserves your childhood for you even beyond its time, in a sense keeping you infantile in a way, trying to compensate for the loss. So the only way you learn anything about life is through movies or television shows which don't entirely reflect every aspect of real life, and the details, the small details can get lost in the bigger plot. You form a dream in your head, and for you, because of all of this, the dream is very real. It's going to happen and it's going to come true, this is how it's going to be. Then once you are out there, you find that nothing is what you thought it was, those tiny details suddenly matter so much more. Then the dream that you had for your life, it was created based on fictional reality and crushed by actual reality. That is pretty much what this is about and I completely agree that it is sad and very cruel and a hard thing to have to go through.
  3. Maybe I was never much but at least once I was something, at least once I had the hope to have a dream and at least once I did have a dream, well that was all shot straight to hell. Might as well have aimed a gun to that pretty, vivid, dream like paradise, I saw inside my head and blasted a bullet straight through it, rip the dream to reveal the ugly reality outside of it. Then you find me as I start to lose myself with every emotional kick and punch, I find myself just wanting to lay the
  4. All he had was a dream and more than that he had hope. Unlike many, he still had his childlike wonder He had no idea of what life was all about. He didn't want to be tied down. His dream was to be free. He wanted to see the world. What little bit of it he saw... He had no idea it was so bad The child inside was killed and with him his dream. mFar from free he would be. After years of feeling alien, and more than that going through hell Sometimes he was noticed...and he was treated le
  5. One thing you should always keep in mind is that I like to paint pictures, I like for people to see things that are in actuality something completely different yet exactly the same. An Illusion maybe? But then isn't that what all murderers should be good at? Making you see what they want you to see? That's what I do, I paint pictures with words to make you see what I feel. My first victim would be called sadness, the one who lives in tears, drying up as it wastes the bodies water on things t
  6. How can we all appear so open, so happy, and so connected? It's as if time and technology are bringing us so close together when really, some of us are more lonely and disconnected than anyone could ever know, or admit to knowing. Why wouldn't one admit to knowing something that is as common as disconnection? Especially in our time. It's because if you admit to knowing we are disconnected, then all the hard work in trying to really connect falls apart, it is then that the superficial illus
  7. What is life if there is nothing to reach for? Not a goal, not a dream? Not a friend? Not a life? What is existing when it is merely existing just to be? When it is only because you are only afraid of what is beyond? When it is only because you know that you could never turn back if transcending is worse than merely being? It's nothing. It's reaching for something that's not there. Like a hunger, a human hunger to feel alive for a human is supposed to be alive so long as they
  8. It's like a fork in the road, it's fall time and the leaves have all changed into different shades of oranges and yellows and they hang so delicately to the trees that forever stand in the forest that surrounds you, like the innocence that so delicately clings to you as you stand there and whether it falls depends on the decision you make. Both paths lead to the real world, a world that you were forever until now sheltered from, a world that you were blind to. A world that would be not
  9. Cody does offer a much needed good guy in Miracle's life, especially with all the bad guys in his life but really it's not so much good vs bad but rather a black and white with a spectrum of grey in between and all of the characters have their place in that spectrum, either right in the middle or leaning closer to the black or the white but it is also easy for these characters to change their places on this scale because they were written very much like Miracle, they have their own psychological issues and their own flaws and motives and intentions so it is a lot to play around with really. I also agree at this point he is handling situations better especially when you compare it to his actions in chapter 9. I think how he chose to handle the mess created at the party was a lot better and he avoided something even worse possibly happening. Self centered is a new perspective, the situation put into example, he didn't so much dump Jaemin in favor of Cody as he didn't look at Cody in that way but I think it was a decision made to step out of the situation completely and to explore his thoughts and feelings when no one else was around. He did go with Cody so as not to be completely alone but I think the choice was made solely on the fact that he just so happened to meet Cody and he was someone that wasn't tied into all the drama and the mess that had been created. I think there have been plenty of times where he may have put his feelings above others, I won't go into any kind of examples but this one really sticks out because it takes the cake. It was when Miracle out right expressed his attraction to Jaemin while in the process of slowly entering a relationship with Sterling and it had been Sterling that he had expressed this to, not at all considering how he felt about a comment like that which is a slap in the face to him. It's just that time that comes to mind the most but there are others, I'm sure. That is true, his motivation to sleeping with someone was either because he needed to forget emotional pain or he needed their love, he could like someone as a friend but when it comes to trying to get love through sex he doesn't care who it is and so really it's more of the fact that he's in love with the idea of being in love because he has truly never been in love. The twisted fantasy world David had created doesn't really count but it's the only experience he can draw from. David had done major damage as it resulted in him believing not just that sex would get him love but his understanding of love was far from realistic as he had essentially been made to feel like everything was about him and that his happiness was the ultimate goal and that it was all Disney wonderland filled with sugar and candy and I think it does mess up his understanding of a real loving relationship and that influences the way that he sees other people, he didn't have to be concerned about David, it was all about him, so that must be how it really works, that is his thought process and Jaemin only feeds to that. In the scene you mention, he thought he had obtained that perfect relationship and could not understand why he was experiencing anything other than good feelings and his reaction was to get away to try to understand it and to try to make some sense of himself and everything around him. It was a self centered reaction but it was influenced by how psychologically damaged he was. But! he's put himself first more than one time and not every single time can it be excused by his past, like the example I have given of the comment he made and to Sterling of all people while they were attempting to be together, that was very careless and while he had not always cared who it was that would love him it was in this instance that he had a preference and he voiced it to Sterling regardless.
  10. Thank you! This is where dramatic really begins! I hope you enjoy what is to come, it still amazes me how things begin to branch out and a spider web of sorts begins to form, everything connected in one way or another. 😉
  11. Bipolar? That's quite possible. There are definitely some psychological issues going on here.
  12. Lol that is one of the greatest things I got out of writing this story and putting it out there. I used to do a lot of reading and the stories I read the protagonists were always the good guys, always did the right thing and were just generally very good. This is not to say Miracle is bad and the story is surrounding a villain but it expresses the flaws of human nature, that we all do things wrong sometimes and we're not all perfect and really the world is filled with many more shades of gray so the thing with this character was that he was made to be flawed and the challenge was for him to make mistakes and do some bad things without getting completely thrown in the villain category. Yes the protagonist destroyed an engagement back in Australia. Yes the protagonist stole his mothers credit card. Yes the protagonist blackmailed someone and it wasn't the first time he had black mailed someone. What makes the difference in all cases is the intentions, he is no stranger to being vindictive but in some cases he has taken steps to attempt to protect himself and despite these things, he is still a good person without having to be squeaky clean. I am really glad you brought that up, it was a thought that had crossed my mind as I knew I was writing a character that was very less than perfect compared to characters I read about in the past and that was part of the surprise to see how readers would react to these types of things and through out he never got placed in the villain category, his intentions and thought processes and his psyche were well understood, the good guys can be bad sometimes and do the wrong thing and have their moments where they just can't take the high road but that didn't necessarily make them evil. I was really happy to be able to do that and in a way most of the characters do find themselves in that grey area and they transition and change places and it really just all makes for an interesting story. 
  13. Does Miracle actually confuse sex with love? That is a good question, as I think of it now I think there is a process where he doesn't confuse sex and love but rather feels like sex is the way to obtain it so when it doesn't turn out like that it leads to incredible disappointment but rather than seeing that he went about it the wrong way he views it as the other persons preference not to want to be with him, for whatever their reason, he still goes on believing it will eventually be someones preference and that he will get the expected reaction at some point. Of course truth is if someone were going about it like that the chances are slim as they would likely run into a lot of the hook up type of people, which is what happened to him a lot in Australia where we see one of these exact encounters in chapter one. What is fortunate for him is that now he is connecting with people who are not exactly the take it and run type and while the reaction still might not be what he expected, connections are still being made in one form or another that begins to shake the pattern.
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