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Johnathan Colourfield

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  1. Johnathan Colourfield

    Summer

    By Johnathan Colourfield,

    So I was searching for stuff to actually do over summer because i'mma have 14 weeks with not much to do.
     
    Then i saw a thing for a summer school in London, and I applied. And I gots it!
     
    I'm going to be an Arts Activity Leader (Drama, Art, Music) at a centre in central London - and I get accomodation! A whole summer in London How amazing is that gonna be?
     
    Also, they asked me to interview for a Management position - which is scary. They've asked me to interview for Welfare and Accomodation Officer, which is the second in command! I only report to the Center Manager and the CEO of the company...
     
    All because i knew about Safeguarding and Behaviour Management principles and been on a course last week about them.
     
    I mean it's only seasonal work, but considering the work that I am in, it is fluctuating anyway with no work during the summer holidays. Note - We don't have a 14 week summer in the UK, just that they've told me supply teachers basically don't get work in Term 6 (June-July), so it would be a good idea to search for work in that period anyway. Which i've done!
     
    So new summer job - either Activity Leader or Welfare and Accomodation Officer Then in September, back to my regular Supply job.
     
    Life is good. Terminally single. But good
     
    **
     
    By the way - I LOVE my supply teaching job - so much variety and different subjects, groups and schools. Really my sort of thing. I'm going to be in a school for 7 weeks, as a Resident Instructor - which means i've got 4 days guaranteed work a week for a short period. And if i don't like the school, I'm basically done with them after 2 months lol
     
    Means i'm going to be even more busy than I normally am, but who cares! It's work and money to pay for stuff I want LOL
     
    Like my doctorate...
  2. Johnathan Colourfield
    So I quit my job this afternoon and I feel great about it. I wasn't really all that happy with teaching stuff that sort of got treated like a 'spare part' in their education and some classes were just badly behaved.
     
    But! I had an interview on Friday and I got a new job as a Supply across different years:
     
    Drama Instructor (Year 7-Year 13)
    Cover Supervisor (Year 1-Year 13)
    SEN Teaching Assistant (Year 7-Year 13)
     
    Its better paid, it's in my home town. After 10 days I get a extra days pay bonus for staying with the company and after 10 days I can transfer office so should I move, I can just move to wherever I go to.
     
    I was due a change in my life because I was getting blah about my experiences in the job I had, but i'm so glad that i got the chance to work for this new company
     
    Positivity YAY
  3. Johnathan Colourfield
    Warning: Totally depressing post here. I'm actually okay, just needed to put this somewhere because if I didn't I'd scream. Merry Christmas Everyone!
     
    **
     
    My mother is officially pure evil. I know i've had my problems with her over the years, but this morning has really taken the cake. She's had a cough for a few weeks, but she's got friends round at the moment.
     
    She's telling her how she was on an oxygen mask, went into hospital for a week, hasn't been able to move off the sofa and hasnt eaten for weeks. NONE of these are true. She had no oxygen mask, never went inot hospital, has been out every day this week and has eaten 3 meals a day...
     
    She has made them up to show off to her friends.
     
    And the worst thing of all? She has been broadcasting to everyone how she tried to kill herself, which is a total lie because we would have known.
     
    It's just out of order.
     
    I'm sorry but you do not joke or make light of things like eating disorders, suicidal tendences and oxygen masks. It's just out of order. She is truly a monster if she's making these things up to show off to her friends.
     
    If you are suicidal, you don't say to every tom, dick and harry in the street. I work with seriously vulnerable children and adults and KNOW that they are serious issues people don't talk about until they are ready. It angers me that she makes light of such serious issues.
     
    Also, she's blaming everyone else for not carrying on with her lies.
     
    I just dont understand it. She's obssessed with lying to everyone and with being the most ill out of all of us, which makes those of us with genuine mental health problems shut down even more.
     
    I wish i felt anything more than disgust for her right now, I really do.
     
    What a way to start Christmas
  4. Johnathan Colourfield
    So after a pretty disastrous September, October has started out really well!
     
    Launched our own company, with which we have three projects under our radar which I thought i'd blog about
     
    PROJECT ONE: The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo, July 2016.
     
    I'm casting for a new 50 minute version of the above novel with a multiroling cast. It's going to be great fun and a wonderful production. I'm in the directors chair for this one and it's partially devised, so it will be nice getting back into my roots again.
     
    PROJECT TWO: Diary Entry Number Fifty Two, Jan 2016.
     
    This is an experimental project i'll be doing with a local arts gallery. We are going to gather diary entries from the distant past, the past, the present and the potential future. 52 to be exact. Then assign them to a card in a pack of cards.
     
    Then this is our open rehearsal process. We pick four cards. We make a show. We have 4 afternoons to do it in, and we perform on the fifth Sunday in January. It's going to be great fun. I'm in the performer seat this time, with two other performers. It's going to be great to experiment again.
     
    PROJECT THREE: The Final Letter by S. Jordan, August 2016.
     
    This is a new play that i'm working on as a performer/assistant director about suicide and suicide prevention. We are developing it as a promenade performance around a house/building and hope to put it on the next 12 months. It's nice to be back on the performer's side in a project again.
     
    So three experiences and three opportunities to revisit my different skills as a director, collaborator and performer.
     
    I love my work sometimes
  5. Johnathan Colourfield
    So an update. The company I was working for decided to let me go with no notice - which sucked. Their reasons were that I was defaming the company at every opportunity with my cast. Which was 100% inaccurate, I never called on the company at any point in the process. I stated quite openly that the production was unsupported and in the private conversations on how to handle this with my assistant I was quite harsh - but I never publically showed my frustrations. That would be incredibly unprofessional.
     
    My number one focus in community theatre practice is to create A) a happy cast a cast that had fun C) a good show. I achieved all of these with my most recent project, and i'm very proud of it. Even if certain people in the company aren't happy with my style of working, it's just that everyone works in different ways - and the introduction of a different style (a more professionally aimed style in my cast's view) just didn't function with the group. Which is good to know
     
    I think they felt threatened myself, but that's beside the point. I know that I'm leaving them with my head held high, knowing that artistically I directed two quite good shows for them. It is a shame that they let me go, because I have got a hold of the script for the new show I was going to direct for them - and it is frankly dreadful. They're doing nothing more than what I would call a very bad mish-mash of words, in comparison to JM Barrie's fantastic original script. Why do you think it keeps getting revived? Because it's a bloody fantastic piece of writing, for a younger cast. They've retracted into an overly simplistic, boring style - which doesn't work with kids. The script went from 52 pages to 23 pages. And it's apparently going to be the same length... I genuinely don't understand it. But it's none of my business - I just care about the cast and the kids I was going to work with (who I cast darn it.)
     
    But as i said in my other blog. It is a huge learning curve, and I know how now to work as an artistic director of a company. It's almost as if the last 10 months have been a 'How Not To...' Guide for me. Which is fantastic for my development as a director.
     
    I was going to carry this blog onto another topic, but i'll leave this here for now and I'll do that one in a seperate one in a few days
     
    Onwards and upwards!
  6. Johnathan Colourfield
    Hi Everyone So i haven't updated this in a while so I thought I would.
     
    Life is going very well - I'm about to finish my Masters, just achieved an Associate Fellowship of a national teaching organisation (and have been asked to apply for full fellowship) and i'm sort of seeing a nguy - not sure what will happen with him, but we shall see. Keep you posted
     
    But that's not the purpose of this blog. So I am currently volunteering as a director for a local theatre company and I wanted some advice.
     
    I to the best of my ability try to avoid conflict because I just don't like it. I have a co-director and she also hates conflict, so that doesn't help. She is going through some mental health issues at the moment, as she normally handles the drama, I can't put that on her at the moment.
     
    We all signed a piece of paper stating our responsibilities, because I don't have time to be marketing a show or stage managing a show. I did that all with our most recent show and it was far too much for me, especially when working alot, which I will be doing from this month. I also did this to protect myself legally because I know he breaks the law frequently - and therefore I am indemnified from all legal responsibility (I was clever when I wrote it )
     
    So here is my problem. I spoke to a girl who i know makes costumes, and asked if she would be interested in making some costumes for our production of Peter Pan. She brought in some work she'd made and I thought it was wonderful so I said we can approach the artistic director to ask if he could add some funds to the produciton so she could purchase fabric to make select costumes.
     
    I also said to the regular costume lady that we won't need her help with this show, as we are asking the cast to source their own costumes - so she can focus on the other shows (as they have two shows in November, and one in October).
     
    Now i'm not sure if she took this the wrong way, because when the girl approached the artistic director he turned around and said 'That's not John's decision to make, it's a production decision, which has to involve the whole production team.' Now, that's my problem. I did consult my production team and we do have specific slots that we talk in (Mondays at 8.3) FYI) about production issues. He doesn't realise that he's not a member of the production team - and I did discuss with them.
     
    It just seems whenever I try and do things for productions, He instantly says 'Oh it's John's idea I should say no.' Also, he hates creative ideas. For example, our Peter Pan is going to be very very different from the tradition. Hook is a woman, Peter is a Girl, Michael is a girl. The pirates are the Government, The Lost Girls are the Street Urchins and it's the Urchins overthrowing the Government of The City of Neverland. Very original, very different. And I already know that he's going to hate every second of it because it's not a traditional boring adaptation of a show. I'm sorry, I hate doing what is expected, it's not me as a director.
     
    In my work, I rejuvenate existing work into a context of the subliminal, grotesque and chaotic world we live in. <- Bit of an extract fro my Artist Statement for you there
     
    I'm just fed of the he said, she said environment that he produces. I've had every member of my cast from the most recent show saying that this show has been the most relaxed and fun environment of any of the shows that they have done. Which is exactly what you need to do in community work - make it fun, but also keep it serious about the work - which I know I achieved.
     
    One other thing that upset me, was that he didn't bother to turn up to the opening night of our most recent production. And also, he openly stated in front of several people that for the performance he turned up to: 'Well the pressure's much more on now because I'm here, I must give them a bit of a boost.' Oh and also at the very start of our rehearsal process he in no uncertain terms said 'We take too many breaks and you don't get enough done in your rehearsals.' and continued to talk. At this point, I essentially said to him 'How dare you. I'm insulted that you think that we piss about in our rehearsals, you were at ONE rehearsal where it was our first one. We wouldn't take that many breaks normally, and if you don't like how I work then fire me.' I just wasn't having him insulting me or my cast. I draw the line there.
     
    All of these things, I dont understand why he does them. And i'd love to know is it something I did? something I said? What did I do to deserve such horridness? I'm nice to everyone, I try to keep a good rehearsal
     
    I just wanted to share the air on this because I just think his behaviour is simply horrid and I don't understand why he is like it.
     
    We are all there to make good theatre, but he just seems so stuck that it has to be the him show all of the time and if he's not taking the credit then it's not right. Example: There was an article in the newspaper, and I didn't get mentioned more than once. It was all about my co-director because he hadn't directed before and about how this guy helped him throughout the process. He was at one rehearsal at the start! It's just upsetting because i NEVER get recognised for the work that I do for this organisation.
     
    I so wish I could drop out of this company now because i'm unhappy doing work with them. It's not the cast I work with. I adore working with my casts that I choose. It's the ego and the nastiness of some people that ruin my hobby/professional work, and that isn't right.
     
    Sorry to have a massive rant, I'm just fed up of his narcissism.
     
    In other good news, I have the rights for an English premiere of a play and also am gathering a cast for a summer production of Note Dame de Paris by Victor Hugo. I'm also now an Elementary School Drama Teacher
     
    So life is good at the moment - it's just the drama with my extra-curricular stuff that makes it not good. But after December that all changes.
  7. Johnathan Colourfield
    So I teach in a Middle School, one day a week. Been working there since september with the same group of kids.
     
    One of the boys I work with, lets call him Jack. He's very socially awkward and a bit of an outcast from the rest of the group.
     
    He reminds me ALOT of me at that age (12).
     
    He came up to me at the end of the lesson today and asked if we could speak privately about something personal he's going through and me being the good Samaritan that I am said sure let's go in the staff office - don't worry I made sure there were other staff members in there with us!
     
    He then came out to me and told me there's this guy in his class he likes but doesn't know how to tell him. He then went on to say he was scared to come out because all the girls make the 'gay boys girly' at this school and told me about how he just wants to be an average person - who isn't defined by who they like.
     
    I was really honoured because he trusted me with this and enlightened by his really mature attitude.
     
    It just touched me because I'm now in a position where I can be that senior listening ear. I've depended on them so much myself through my life - it's nice to finally be one.
  8. Johnathan Colourfield
    So a little update, and a freak out
     
    The thought of moving home freaks me out, on many many levels.
     
    But I look forward to it at the same time, it’s really weird.
     
    Let me give some context.
     
    So about a month ago, I booked a trip to go and see mikie again, because I had the money from my student grant, plus I’d earnt a lot at work to afford the trip. So all is good.
     
    However, I hadn’t told my mother yet. As many of you have heard, my mum can be a bit of a nightmare. She has a lot of mood swings, and many of them unexpected.
     
    I’v ebeen trying to tell her but with my nan going in and out of hospital, herself getting pneumonia and making a swift recovery it’s been difficult. So I asked my dad two weeks ago to tell her. And he didn’t. Until last night.
     
    Example of my last visit home (last weekend):, I moved some stuff back in. I put the boxes in my room, in my own space. Then just before I leave she grabs my arm and twists it and proceeds to yell at me saying that I treat our house like a hotel…
     
    Umm… I come to visit sometimes? Of course It’s like a hotel. But I don’t. I do all the chores when I’m home and I go the extra mile so that my parents don’t have to do as much (my parents are full time carers to my grandma who has early dementia, with my dad also working a full time job, it’s really hard on them).
     
    But anyway. So I go upstairs to grab my bags before I leave, and then I notice all my boxes are gone. And my bed had been moved.
    Now the bed I had in my room was one way for a reason, because if I had it the other way then it would be impossible to get into the cupboard where my clothes are kept. So it’s logical. And I always move it back that way when I come back home. But for some reason, she has this obsession with the bed being the other way. And then she yelled at me over that, saying its her house and its her rules.
    At this point, I burst and I yelled back at her. For one of the first times. I yelled back saying she treats me like I’m 12 and that I don’t have my own space and I feel claustrophobic in my own home because of the restrictions she sets.
     
    Back to the story, essentially dad told her last night and said ‘don’t text back’ and this scared me. And I woke up to
    two missed calls from him. Which freaks me out even more. I just get really really scared she’s gonna yell at me. I hate confrontation. I just hate doing it. I don’t understand why people can’t just be nice to each other lol I’m nice to pretty much everyone I meet lol Unless I dislike you, then you know it lol I’m just easy to read as a person LOL.
     
    So that freaked me out.
     
    So, why I don’t want to move home. It plain and simply rests with her. I don’t want to move back into a house where I feel totally uncomfortable. I mean I’m uncomfortable in my current house, but at least I have my own space, and its how I want it.
     
    Why I want to move back? I get to be closer to my immediate family and I can see more friends, more often. But I have less freedom.
    It’s a hard conundrum. I mean I’m moving back no matter what, it’s just hard to think about.
     
    So, another thing I needed to talk about lol
     
    Next year. I’m at a point now that I don’t know exactly what I want to do for my masters. And It’s too late now to apply for it.
     
    I had a really stressful time Jan-May with my final projects in my thesis class and theatre company class. I just didn’t have time to think about my applications. It just makes me anxious because everyone is expecting me to just do stuff and just go with it.
     
    Like for example, if I get an A in my degree, my university offers a fee scholarship to study. However, they only offer an MA by Research in Theatre. Now, I’m going to spend 3 years of my life independently researching a topic. I need something more than just one tutorial a month lol (which is what the MA by Research would be)
     
    So that closes that avenue. And the other avenue is at a school that is ridiculously expensive without any financial support. And when I spoke to students, they were very sketchy on the topic. Like they were all in huge debt. There’s a career development loan I can get, but its dangerous. Really high interest a month after graduation from the MA and it’s not a financial risk I’m willing to take.
    So, I need a scholarship. So, it’s a point now where I’m thinking waiting is the best option.
     
    I’m waiting on one other course which is like a bridge from BA to MA, A PG Cert in Applied Theatre for Young People and it would be great if I could get onto that. It's just perfect for what I need. Part time. A Stepping stone. Opportunity to explore other things at the same time. Low cost.
     
    So, I’m a little stuck on what to do til Sep 2015. It feels like I should just look for opportunities for a year and see what comes up. But it’s so insecure. And I hate that. I really don’t deal with insecurity very well, because I am already very insecure about myself.
     
    Maybe I need to spend this year getting to know myself, go travelling maybe…
     
    Anyone got any ideas what I can do with a gap year?
     
    It’s just a hell of a lot to deal with at the moment, with mother, stress, masters and figuring what to do for a year. It’s just difficult.
     
    It seems to me alot of people are going through a rough time at the moment.
     
    Love to everyone and may we all find the right path.
     
    JC
  9. Johnathan Colourfield
    Hiii everyone
     
    This is a blog mainly aimed at those of you that have considered, are doing or have done postgraduate/doctoral study.
     
    I'm at that point now where i've pretty much decided I want to become an academic in the field of theatre.
     
    I have a rough topic for my postgrad study and a rough idea of where I want go with it.
     
    But thats what scares me.
     
    Everything is rough. I dont know for certain.
     
    For example, I emailed the research department about 3 weeks ago and its making me anxious that they've not answered yet xD Am i just being impatient? lol
     
    Have any other postgrads felt this way before starting? I really want to do it but i'm not sure how to do it or even how to start.
     
    Funding is a huge issue for me as well. I have an appointment with the careers lady at the uni to discuss funding and the future next week and i'm hoping she'll shed some light.
     
    Okay this turned into a ramble. Any words of reassurance would help right now xD
  10. Johnathan Colourfield

    Hmmm....

    By Johnathan Colourfield,

    So i wanted to get some help from you guys. Or even just advice.
     
    I'm having a few problems around the house and in my life that I don't really know how to deal with. I've spoken with my bf about these things and I just wanted some other ears.
     
    firstly. My mum. She is... unique. Just she seems to be under the impression that i'm not gay. For example, i bought this beautiful scarf in Camden the other week and its probably my favourite thing i've ever owned. And today she turns around to me and says 'What is that? It's a womans scarf. Why the hell are you wearing womens clothing. You look like... a pumpkin. (her phrase for fag). Long as you live under my roof you wont be wearing that again. Clear?!??'. What made this worse was this was in the middle of the street. In front of the neighbours. I just ran upstairs and hid in my room.
     
    What should I do about her? It's just really upsetting for me because honestly i've only truly accepted who I am in the past 12 months thanks to a certain someone hehe
     
    Other issues. I feel like i've made hardly any friends at college. They say that when you meet your lifelong friends - but I just havent. And is that normal? I feel weird lol
     
    Just all the little things have built up on me and I feel crappy lol I only have 5 months left of school and that terrifies me. There is no certainty in the future. And that freaks me out. I'm so used everything being certain having stuff step by step...
     
    Another thing is. I know this is kinda weird. Mikie's been going through a REALLY rough time the past few months since I left America. I wonder if people could tell him that its not all bad. That things will get better. I reckon he'd really appreciate people telling him that, frankly, he's awesome lol.
    Onwards and upwards I suppose lol
  11. Johnathan Colourfield
    So I got some good news today
     
    I've been commissioned to create a short piece for a performance festival in February I'm beyond excited.
     
    Only problem is xD I need to actually write the show in two weeks. so i can do a scratch performance before christmas lol
     
    I'm screwed. LOL
     
    The title of the blog is because of my two shows coming up
     
    Unfinished explores what we see and what we don't see in our every day lives. It is a non walking promenade game (promenade is walking theatre). I'll more than likely post it up on GA when its finally written. I have the structure - but i'm not it will make sense without the game being played live lol Oh well...
    This is the show i'm going to be doing
     
    Another show I just started working on is Unrehearsed. Which is literally different plot points/characters - all created by me on stage - Provided by several boxes, envelopes, folders and rooms. There are 10 of each leading to a chance of 10,000 different shows being produced.
     
    I LOVE MAKING WORK.
  12. Johnathan Colourfield
    So I havent updated my blog in like ever.
     
    I spent my summer teaching arts and crafts at a summer camp in northern michigan It was a great experience and I learnt alot of responsibility and leadership skills.
     
    After that I spent what can be described as some of the best weeks of my life so far Went to New York, Detroit, Philadelphia, Cedar Point Had so many great memories ^^
     
    He's hopefully coming here in March to come see me and meet my family
     
    I had such a great summer where I was happy. Just happy with being myself and content with life.
     
    Then I got back to England and moved back to university. And then everything just seemed to go meh at home.
     
    I won't lie. I don't really think i'm happy here. Its just... I feel like i can't be myself and the only time I am myself is when i'm talking to him :$
     
    I've been going through a real rough patch with my disability lately and I think that might have an influence on it.
     
    I work in my theatre company with people who don't understand that I do suffer from a disability which limits my motor skills and limits my memory skill.
     
    It's bloody hard work because what takes a normal person 3 times to remember, it takes me 6. I run about two seconds behind the average person and it hurts.
     
    I'm just glad that the people who I really consider to be my friends don't care about that. This summer and the past few weeks have taught me who my real friends are and that I should try to make more effort with people who deserve it
     
    I have alot of thank yous to say to people
     
    I wouldn't be sane right now if it wasn't for Aj or Jammi listening to me going crazy over people.
     
    And the same to anyone who has listened to me rant and all that over the past few weeks. I want you to know I really appreciate it. You guys are the best.
     
    Mikie has been a rock for me over the past few weeks, even though he's been going through his own shit - he never fails to be there for me if I need him <3 If you're reading this babe, thanks
     
    We celebrated our Anniversary a few weeks ago He got me a little chain with glass attached to it with 'slipper' imprinted on it. I was a bit like 'huh?' because that arrived before the second half of the gift. He got me a DVD of Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella. The same musical we went to see on Broadway - which my profile picture comes from So cute And i just waiting on one more package for it hehe
     
    I got him a pocket watch with a very cute inscription inside
     
    I had the most romantic experience in the world this summer. I planned it down to pretty much the last detail. We went to dinner in New York, then we wandered around Times Square and then went up the empire state building. On the observation deck, I took him to one side and told him that I never wanted this to end. That i never wanted to lose him because i've never been more like myself than I have been with him. And then when we got back to Michigan - something we ordered for the both of us arrived.
     
    Matching rings with dragon insignia. Dragons hold a very dear place in our hearts Now don't panic. We're not like engaged Just a little promise to each other
     
    University is fucking stressful. way too much to do this term. I'm looking forward to next term and not having as much stuff to do lol
     
    To put it in perspective: I have 4 units this term worth about 55/90 credits, next term I only have 35/90. lol
     
    I'm taking a research paper to three conferences this summer across England Its on the topic of environments in theatre and how one can create and produce environments for an audience. For example i created a piece where i influenced an audiences environment through heat. Then i have created a piece where i influenced an audiences environment through touch. I'm going to now create two short pieces that will be disseminated at a lecture in February. The first is going to work through influencing an audience through visual instructions, creating a task based environment. The second will experiment with the real experience.
     
    I'm taking this paper to the National Undergraduate Research Festival, The Junior Research Symposium and hopefully The University Conference. Then onto my MA and then my Doctorate EXCITED :$
     
    But it's all good. Writing this has reminded me that its not all bad My life is pretty good - I may be stressed now but its all worth it
     
    Come to the conclusion that I do like life I just hate people
  13. Johnathan Colourfield
    Um... wow.
     
    I'm actually coming to the States. It just hit xD
     
    7.30 tuesday morning
     
    Its actually happening.
     
    OMG! eeeeeeeee!
     
    I cannot wait
     
    9 weeks work, 2 weeks travelling with the bf and meeting people, 2 weeks with just the bf
     
    YAY!
     
    *moment of excitement still going, but over for this blog*
  14. Johnathan Colourfield
    So I haven’t updated my life in ever. So here I am J
    I broke up with Ben, it just wasn’t working for me. A big step for me really.
    But then a few months down the line, I realise something.
    There was someone I’ve liked all along. Back when he was having issues, I was there to comfort him and well, I guess you could say I tried to deny my feelings.
    Well that didn’t work. Thanks to alot of matchmaking from Jammi and Nephy giving me the actual man balls to do it. I asked him out in October.
    We’ve been together ever since. I love him and that’s all there is to it.
    We are spending our summer holiday together and its going to be amazing <3
    So in other news. I have grown to hate idiots.
    I feel surrounded by idiots and I don’t feel intellectually stimulated in my day to day life. I can be stupid as can everybody, but I’m just fed up.
    I get to a point where I can’t even have conversations with people here without feeling awkward, shy or introverted.
    And that’s not who I am anymore.
     
    It was me 6 months ago. Not now. I’ve changed. For the better.
    I have confidence in my ideas and I have confidence in defending myself in a debate.
    I feel like an academic before my time. And that’s exactly what I want to be.
    Professor in Theatre, Film or Literary Studies.
    One day.
    That’s the dream.
    American education or british education would do me fine.
     
    I get the feeling that one of my class friends is following my author page, so this is a direct message to her. It's not just you. It's everyone. I need to get away from everyone at university for a while. Clear my head and lower my expectations of the world in general.
    I expect too much from people and that’s why I get annoyed.
    Let me explain to GA.
     
    I had a presentation this year.
    My section was full marks.
    The rest of the group brought me down.
    And it annoyed me.
    I freaked out.
    I haven’t had a proper conversation with them since…
    Awkward cuz I’m living with one of them next year. I’m already kinda regretting that decision, but I know we will grow together again next year. I hope.
    Otherwise I’m living in the library studying or on Skype skyping.
     
    So, I decided my final project idea For next year. I have to submit a 10k thesis about three quarters of the way through the second semester.
    I’m going to look at 1930’s musical and animated cinema and look at them as individual social and political texts. But then also reflect on how Hollywood is entrenched in Hollywood.
    Focus Texts:
    Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs – Walt Disney
    The Gold Diggers Sequence – Busby Berkeley
     
    Otherwise. I’m great. I’m really great. Happiest I’ve been in years.
    I honestly never thought I would be happy again, but I am
     
    And I’m proud of that. I’ve made myself more ‘me’, more myself. Something I was missing.
    I wasn’t really me for years.
    I was always ‘someone’s boyfriend’ or ‘someone’s friend’. Now I’m ‘Oh, that’s John he’s like x, y and z!’.
    I feel like a real person, rather than someone trying to just fit in with everyone else.
     
    I love the person I’ve become.
     
    And its all thanks to that one special someone for making me realise that I’m good. That I’m not a bad person, that I shouldn’t be discrimated against. He loves me for me. And me only.
     
    Not a picture. Not a dream. Just myself.
     
    You’ve helped me with ‘Me’ no end babe. I’ll never be able to repay that.
     
    Thanks for reading guys!
     
    Oh wait!
     
    I’m off to camp! I’m working at the oldest boys camp in the world teaching art, design and drama craft Should be tonnes of fun! Then I get him afterwards so double bonus!
     
    Bye!!!
  15. Johnathan Colourfield
    Sooooo
     
    I haven't written anything on this blog in a few months.
     
    I had a phrase of like zero writing. I just didn't have time or motivation to write.
     
    I'm going to try to get back into the groove though. I'm putting time aside as often as i can to write.
     
    What's in the works?
    'House No. 654: London's Best Little Whorehouse'

    Pearce takes pen to paper and decides to tell his story. He didn't know how anyone would take it; but it was time for the world to know what happened to him inside House 654.
     
    This story is for posting on GA
    'Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic'

    'Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic' is a novella following the themes of Love , Betrayal , Hope and Deception. We follow mainly the lives of Erica , Tony , Ivan ,and Mellissa. I never said this was a happy tale , i didnt say it was a sad tale either. Its just not for the faint of heart..
     
    This is a story I wrote for several months a while back here on GA, but I never finished it. I'm going back to finish it now and clean it up. Hopefully, this story is going to be published
    The Valley of The Kings

    A war has been waged for centuries. A war that has repeated and repeated and repeated. And who exactly are the Beings Above?
     
    This was a short story for the Mentor Program Fall Project. This is a story to be written on GA.
    LIke Dust

    In 3012, the world was invaded by a mysterious alien race. And why did an umbrella change the world?
     
    My creative writing short story piece. Will be posted as soon as my portfolio has been finished.
     
    So i have a few things coming! Just will post when I get them done
     
    Thanks for reading <3
  16. Johnathan Colourfield
    More of a focused update here.
     
    Womans Game 2: Posting begins 23rd September for 7 weeks (Nov 4th - Last week)
     
    After November 4 - i shall be posting a BRAND NEW story!!
     
    Its title is:
     

    'House No. 654: London's Best Little Whorehouse'


     
     

    Pearce takes pen to paper and decides to tell his story. He didn't know how anyone would take it; but it was time for the world to know what happened to him inside House 654.


     
     
    The plan is for the story to be finished by November 1st and then have it edited so I can start posting it on the 18th November for 10 weeks (January 20th 2013 - Last Week).
     
    So lots of new updates for GA in terms of my work and for a longer period
     
    In addition to this, I shall be posting a short story towards the end of October with help from a few other authors. I also plan to participate in all of the 2013 anthologies.
     
    Also, I shall be posting the results from my creative writing class at uni on GA
     
    So all good news and so excited to share what I have with you all!
     
    Love
     
    Johnathan Colourfield xx
  17. Johnathan Colourfield
    Hello There Guys
     
    I thought it was time i did an update on my writing blog on GA
     
    Good news! I have decided to plow ahead and post the second half of the woman's game when i arrive at university so that will be 8 weeks worth of posted stuff for you The story comes in at around 24k
     
    In other news, I'm taking a creative writing class this semester so I'll be posting the results from that and submitting some of my work from GA for my portfolio
     
    I have 3 stories in process which I will finish eventually Each will roughly amount to 20,000 words
     
    Not much more of an update I can give really
     
    Just gotta get motivated with writing Someone motivate me xD
  18. Johnathan Colourfield
    What a month.
     
    So, i started using a dating website. And it worked
     
    There was one guy, but he was just after fun so i was like 'thanks but no thanks'.
     
    Then there was Gary. He turned out to be a douche. He is from my town but still a total douche.
     
    But then at the end of last week, I started talking to a new guy. He seemed pretty nice and kept complimenting me. His name was Ben.
     
    So i responded and then we added each other on skype.
     
    When i added him we sat there and spoke for 4 hours into the early hours of the morning.
     
    This was something different. I hadn't felt anything near to what i was feeling then...
     
    I was confused and I really didn't know what was going on.
     
    So the weekend went by, and we started to get closer and closer.
     
    Then on Monday, he asked me to be his boyfriend.
     
    I said yes
     
    Then we arranged to meet today.
     
    I was very nervous. I got on the train and then arrived in Leicester.
     
    He was a bit late cuz his dad hadn't left for work yet. Which is fair enough (He's not out for a variety of reasons which I wont divulge)
     
    I didn't mind, I just took a walk. Then found my way to the street where he was meant to get off the bus. To you know, surprise him.
     
    Then i get a phone call from him.
     
    We then spent half an hour on the phone, before he arrived, then we met up.
     
    My jaw dropped. He is goregous. I blinked, I double checked. It was really him. I couldn't believe it.
     
    He is alot taller than I thought he was. Much taller. I love it!!!
     
    We then got on the bus back to his house, I thought he was just being awkward at the bus stop and I got really worried. But then something reassured me. We were crossing the road and he grabbed my arm as a car was coming in the distance. It was so sweet
     
    On the bus, we were talking, and getting to know each other more and it was just perfect. Just was
     
    Then we went into his house and we went up into his room and he hugged me. Now, there's a hug then there's a clingy hug. This was of the latter.
     
    I could feel he didn't want to let go. We ended up cuddling on his bed, then he muttered those three words (I love you) and my stomach dropped. I was so happy. i couldn't believe it.
     
    Then we started kissing and i'll leave it up to your imagination as to what happened next. We had alot of fun
     
    We stayed there for a few hours, until I had to go.
     
    He really didn't want me to leave. He admitted he has issues with admitting his feelings, and I really hope he can open up with me and get to know the real 'him'.
     
    One thing that really touched me. His middle name is his name from his home country and he said 'I only let special people use that name, If you want to use it, you can because you really a special person to me'. I couldn't believe it.
     
    He has a stutter, and it really affects his speech. But his voice is just so beautiful that I can listen to it all day, just sometimes (in fact, ALL the time) he speaks so fast or too quiet; I cannot zone out when I speak to him or I might miss a question or anything. Not that I wanted to zone out in the first place
     
    He couldn't come back to the city with me, but led me to my bus stop. I smiled, he didn't want to kiss me in public which was fine. He says he a very confident person, but I think he is just incredibly shy and doesn't like to show it to anyone. I send him a text - I was a wreck, I didn't want him to go.
     
    Then i get another surprise call from him He told me he loves me and that it wont be long until i can be in his arms again and don't allow myself to cry.
     
    So then he goes off and says call me when you get to the city so i can guide you around
     
    We do exactly that and as i arrive at the station he says on the phone 'I love you loads you know. Have a good night".
     
    I get on the train and I head home.
     
    This was something I really hadn't felt before. It was so weird.
     
    It makes me think: Was i really in love with Jason? or was i infatuated with him? Who knows
     
    So i'm sat here, thinking over what happened today and going "What The Hell?". How has all this good stuff come to me now? I don't get it!!!!!
     
    So thats my freaky June and I bet you can understand why i call it my "What The Hell" June
  19. Johnathan Colourfield
    Well, I haven't written any thing like a personal blog in a long time and I'm highly due to.
     
    My life has changed so much over the process of the last month or two.
     
    At university, i've gone from a C grade student to A's across the board and looking at an average of a B+ for this year, which is amazing My grades has drastically improved and i'm finding myself even speaking in clearer more educated language. This is what university is for.
     
    I still am shy though. That crippling self loathing kicks in every now and then. For example, last monday was the big night out for the course. They peer pressured me into wanting to go. I said yes, reluctantly. I felt like I was about to cry. I went back to my flat and cried for an hour. I phoned my best friend up and she said it was fine - ignore them. And so i did, I felt better after that.
     
    I've become more emotional and this is the point where I feel like a horrible person.
     
    My boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago. He said that he just didn't love me anymore and that everything had changed.
     
    I never changed.
     
    I'll admit, He abused me. Badly. If i said something wrong he'd go crazy and the last time, he went psycho and i collapsed and pretty much died. That is a hard pill to swallow.
     
    Plus i then found out he was planning to cheat on me and was flirting with another guy, with intent to meet up. He broke up with me on the tuesday, they were a couple by the wednesday. Go figure eh?
     
    I disconnected myself entirely from him. I only look every now and then on his blog. Just to see how he is doing. But I know this is stupid because I just cause myself pain every time I do it.
     
    So here I am, shattered into several thousand tiny little pieces. I tried to move on, One guy wasnt interested and another guy stood me up. Makes me feel like an unattractive person
     
    He said on his blog: 'I'm happy that J has moved on. (green heart) I couldnt stay in an unhealthy relationship. Besides it was mostly his fault'.
     
    This broke my heart. I did nothing wrong. Sure, I was a little needy and I was interested in what he was doing. Like any other normal person. I wanted to know what he was up to as a conversation starter and he didn't like this.
     
    I loved him and paid just under £500 for his 21st birthday present. He was a materialistic bitch so i thought he would like that. And even after that, 3 months down the line he tells me he hates me.
     
    I phoned him the night i found out about Martin. I said one sentence 'I know about Martin. You are a liar. I never want to see you again.' He then asked me to repeat. He then had the cheek to respond with 'Well thats the trust issue isnt it?' Then he hangs up.
     
    My dad got my stuff from his house. Jason sends me an email saying 'I'll expect you to return my stuff to my house when you come back from uni'. I sent him a fuming reply saying he is picking his stuff up when he gets here.
     
    So yeah, I was ripped to shreds. Thank goodness for Brian (houdinii), Justin (Jacob) and Tom (Kiltie), without them to talk to for the week afterwards, I don't know what i'd be like.
     
    He made me suffer, like no one should. He lied to me so many times. Lots of big lies and lots of little lies. Recently, I have been discovering stuff that I didn't even know when we were together. It hurts. It hurts ALOT. I detest liars. I don't even lie myself, I was brought up in a house where lying gets you things. And i dont want to be that sort of person. I never want to be that sort of person.
     
    I just finished uni. I now have 4 months of doing nothing. I'm tired of doing nothing already and its only been half a week. I've been to friends and stuff but its not productive. I hate not being productive. I plan to edit and write a bit more over summer.
     
    Get an entry done for Secrets, finish my book for the publisher (by the way, i'm getting help with some publishing YAY) and finish one of two of my other stories. I hope i can do it.
     
    So i'm gonna stop writing now, i feel like i've been going for hours. In short, i'm in a slump. A really big slump. But if i believe in the theory of economics, i'm due a rise. I had a big rise for 2 years, then a little slump, then a little rise, then a huge slump.
     
    Here's to the rest of my life.
     
    Going to try and audition for Disney next summer. Or harry potter world One of the three (the third is Euro Disney).
     
    Four months...
     
    I'm scared. I'm scared of being alone. Before him, I was so depressed and lonely. Then he came along and brightened up my existence. Now he's gone, sure, he was a b*****d to me but he made me happy. For a short amount of my life, I was happy.
     
    I want someone to come along, sweep me off my feet and love me for the person that I am. Not moan about me behind my back, Not turn to my friends and talk about me. And most importantly, DOESN'T LIE!!!
     
    *phew*
     
    Thank you whoeever reads this, remember there is always someone out there that loves you. And they may be in the most awkward of places
     
    If you find love, cling onto it, cling onto it with all of your might. There was nothing I could do about mine.
     
    He ripped me apart. But I am stronger than I once was. I am a strong individual and I will get through this.
     
    Someone magic me the boyfriend fairy... I'll pay money...
  20. Johnathan Colourfield

    University!

    By Johnathan Colourfield,

    Hello everyone!
     
    Now, i'm not dead (as some people have been led to believe ). I'm in fact very much alive.
     
    More alive than I ever have been. Ever since the meeting in August, i've been feeling more... appreciative of myself. I have a horrible fear of embarassment and I realised that I could be myself. Then university came along and i found out not everyone is out to spite or hate me. Some people are genuinely there to care and be a friend. Before coming to uni, i never really had any true friends. Only people that would pick on my faults or just generally not be very nice...
     
    I moved to university in September. I'm studying English and Theatre Studies (with creative writing being a major part of some of my modules). Now i had issues with my landlord (which i'm yet to sort out) but i have my own little flat with four other people and my own double bedroom <3 with a HUGE ensuite bathroom. So happy about that.
     
    I'm also on a direct train link to pretty much anywhere Bedford is one of those stations that is very connected or I am about 20 minutes away from an exchange.
     
    Now, I will admit that I was afraid. I was incredibly scared. One person I'd want to thank is Kiltie. He talked me through things and made sure I stayed calm and tends to listen alot with my issues GO YOU
     
    I miss everyone here, I really do. But when you have an exam, a performance and two assignments due in the same two week period, its a bit much.
     
    I had a bit of a breakdown this week, I couldn't cope with the workload and was ill because of it. But i've re-assessed my life and I feel much better now. i'm going to have a whole week where I don't stress!
     
    I got two A+'s in the performance and the first assignment (both for drama) i get my result for the exam tommorow (english) and i'm using my mitigating circumstances for the second assignment. I've got dyspraxia so i qualify for a 2 week extension on every assignment. Which is a nice feeling also.
     
    So guys, i'm never ignoring you. If you want to speak to me, email or pm me and I will get back to you!
     
    Writing I've written my anthology (thanks to Lugh giving me a good kick) and i'm also about 3/4's of the way through Woman's Game 2. My aim is to have that text finished by December. Then I will continue my secrets can kill anthology entry Which is great! Not able to do nano this year just cuz of all the november deadlines
     
    Theatre I am also starting up my own theatre company with the assistance of my personal tutor. She is great. Everyone else thinks she is miserable but she's been nothing but nice to me haha. My lecturer for The Actor in Performance scares the living daylights out of me. Could just be her greek accent... I dunno.
     
    So thats me over the last two and a half months. Hope everyone is okay! Would love to be more active here but i just simply don't have the time. But i'm often in chat in the evenings though! Rest time...
     
    The only time i get to rest these days
  21. Johnathan Colourfield
    Well its been a while since i visited here.
     
    Thought i would update everyone simply because everyone else is doing it.
     
    Took A Levels in the summer and passed with three 3 C's which was excellent for me considering i pretty much screwed up my english and theatre exams (2 D's). I love coursework. Its my saviour
     
    Moved to university last week. I was admitedly terrified. I didn't want to go but I had to force myself. But now i'm here. So much has changed in my life. For example, when my mother is rude to me; i stand up for myself. I'm also getting used to social situations and how to react to them. I don't go out drinking on the student nights because i know I wouldn't enjoy it. My housemates are amazing people and i get on okay with some and really well with others.
     
    Lectures technically begin later on today and i'm really looking forward to it. Its the routine i desire and I can't wait.
     
    Also, at the end of August i met a very strange bunch of individuals at a museum and wandered round watching them grope boob. Now that was amusing. I met some people I never thought I would meet. I hope to continue meeting them as often as financially possible. You are all so special to me. Without GA, I wouldn't be as confident in myself. GA gave me that little bit of support when lets face it, when i didn't have many friends.
     
    I'm meeting possibly hundreds of people (hence the title of my blog: its from Company one of my favourite musicals ) and i love it. I would normally be so scared but i'm kicking myself to do these things. I can do it. I have faith in myself. internally, i'm absolutely shitting myself but i can do this.
     
    Is it bad that I am enjoying the education more than the student life itself? I adore learning and I always have done. Learning is hard but the reward at the end of it all is amazing.
     
    Then there is Jason. I have been with him for nearly two years. he has been such a great support for me and on top of GA, you have really developed me. i'll always be grateful to him for listening to me rant about my mother and how he puts up with my issues. baby
     
    Okay, mushy moment over. I've seen so many romances develop over the years and it makes me glad that I have someone to care for and be there for. *whistles* I have you two... Dumb gay moments. Guess the show Paya and Westie perfect for each other, Mark and Stu perfect for each other. Everyone is pairing up and i'm so glad. Everyone deserves someone and people are starting to find their matches. so proud of you all.
     
    I've grown as well. I'm more mature and i'm handling the world better. I have come so far in a week and two days since i moved to university.
     
    My writing has gone a little downhill just because of time restrictions whilst being at uni. I have been writing but in little chunks now and then and never as much as I did in the summer holidays. We are all allowed breaks; i'm still posting. Hopefully no-one forgets me cuz i'm not around as much as i used to be. I know becoming a great author doesn't come overnight and it takes work. I need to find that balance. University should be where i work and study and i need to make writing more fun and I need to start writing for me. Write the stories that I want to tell, not the ones that I think people would like to read. Authors seem to do better when they write for themselves; take Nephylim or Comicality. They just started out writing stories for their own entertainment and look how big both of them are now. Well, Comsie on a larger scale but you know what I mean.
     
    just sigh. I'm happy. Happier than i have been in a while. I can truly relax and be myself and i can say screw the consequences of my actions. I shouldn't even be up now but i wanted to write a blog; so i did. I'm getting better at spur of the moment.
     
    I'm just getting better at handling everything and it fills me with a rush of joy.
     
    I love you guys
     
    So anyone want to share a memory of our interactions? Would be nice Been here for over 3 years now Makes a guy feel old but satisfied. So glad i've been here for so long. I've seen members come and go and it saddens me. But we are a tight knit group. I hope the attackers stop soon. GA is a beautiful place and I would hate to see it destroyed by some unappreciative arses.
     
    YAY I do feel great about myself. YAY
     
    I should sign off now. Night guys and don't forget, no matter what happens there is always someone out there that loves you. Even if they are thousands of miles away... They will still love you.
     
    I sound like such a hippie...
  22. Johnathan Colourfield
    Hello guys
     
    Well, its been a tough couple of weeks with writing.
     
    I was having some SERIOUS issues with getting the words out and onto the page.
     
    However, I met a certain author called Nephylim on Saturday and that was when I realised i was lacking a certain amount of passion when I write.
     
    Plus my angle of approach was all wrong. I dont need to do Lugh's method later, I need to do it now.
     
    I just churned out 700 words of a scene in half hour using Lugh's method and Nephy's idea of just splurging words onto a page and stuff. Plus i stepped forward in the plot to add in little bits that i wants to write in
     
    Having met everyone from GA on saturday, it has sparked that fire in my writing that i so desperately needed. A physical recognition of being able to have a good collection of readers is brilliant. Just brilliant.
     
    I started Womans Game Part 2 this last week and it is going very well, i have 5k already and i'm not even onto Chapter 3 yet. All going well.
     
    Just polishing Woman's Game and it will be ready for publishing on here soon. Hopefully 2-3 weeks
     
    Angel is in the corner waiting Hehe My beta is moving house and is incredibly busy so i've just said do it when you have the chance Hopefully i will get it back so I can write the second half of Book 3 and then get it edited and bobs your uncle hello end of a trilogy **shock** I nearly have a triology of around 100k *shock**
     
    Then my other two projects i have put aside until a time when i have finished Woman's Game 2. I was spreading myself WAY too thin so i wasnt able to concentrate on the characters of one story, I was having to concentrate on them all, which made my writing go down hill. Quality vs Quantity. I'm going for Quality now, not Quantity I'm hoping at one stage to get to a point where i can use both!
     
    I'm also having issues with writing my Anthology Play 'Any Human Heart' for December. I haven't written a play in such a long time, I'm finding it difficult to get the format and the dialogue correct. Also, portraying the characters as 3-D is incredibly difficult in the Drama field. Ah well i will soldier on... I suppose.
     
    I just get so excited when I come to write. I had to stay up to write this story just because its working and the plot is making sense and I love it when a plan comes together!
     
    Also, i'm visiting museums more often! They give me a plethora of ideas.
     
    Plus museums are shiny, dont you think?
  23. Johnathan Colourfield
    Hello everyone
     
    I haven't done much writing lately because i've been taking a lesson from Lugh
     
    He's been teaching me about Planning and Plotting All very good
     
    I was very heavy on planning spending a third of the text planning which is stupid.
     
    But now I use only around 10% to plan something so YAY
     
    Very proud of myself.
     
    I have my amazing beta's still wandering through my work They work wonders <3
     
    From Lugh's writing lesson i have two new stories that i've developed. A HP Fan Fiction (Around 30k planned) and then a Whore House story (Around 27k planned).
     
    I also have a story with a writing class that finishes next week
     
    So all in all i'm doing well I submitted my Legends Anthology
     
    I still need to write my Aftermath, I'm doing a stage play. Which if i'm unsuccessful i'll just change it into a short story There is always a back up
     
    I dont have a question this time
     
    Thanks Lugh
  24. Johnathan Colourfield
    Errr entry four.
     
    I kinda went all out over the last three days and i finished Woman's Game 1: Book of Genesis. Wrote just under 6000 words in 3 days... I have a serious case of the Nephys.
     
    And the word count comes round at 29691. I'm amazed. 691 words more than i expected.
     
    I need to develop the plot (aka rewrite the plot) of Book 2 in order to completely round the story up and the dreaded plot holes, which relates to my question this week.
     
    I will definately have this with Cia before the end of the week Hope you enjoy your gift dear!
     
    Just amazed at myself and how productive i've been since setting up this blog. <3 for GA Blog System <3
     
    Word Increase Since Last Time: 5962
     
    Question
    Plot holes are funny little buggers. As an author, how do you handle them? What I mean is, when you spot them in previously published chapters how do you develop around them or does it just fuel you to write more of that particular story?
     
    And as a reader, how do you react when you find them in stories?
  25. Johnathan Colourfield
    Wow
    What a week I've produced a fair bit in the last week.
    I've focused on The Woman's Game this week and i've completed just over 2 chapters. I've gone from 18089 to 23729 which was fantastic and I am about to finish Chapter 10 which is way more than i predicted that I would have created. I may have this with Cia before the end of July
     
    Frosty is still looking at Angel for me So no writing on that one
     
    No questions this week just happy about having produced nearly 6000 words
     
    Cannot wait to get posting more
     
    Word Increase Since Last Time: 5640
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