methodwriter85

So, I'm stuck in this blizzard hitting the East Coast right now. I'm alone in the house, as my mother is staying at the nursing home she works at. I've got some beef stew roasting, thoughts of brownie-making in the future, and a belief that I will likely chase some shots of rum with hard cider while I watch some movies. Alone with my thoughts, I thought I'd go over where I'm at right now, as a newly-minted 30-nothing, and where I want to be, and the general confusion I still have. First of all, I feel closer to myself than I have in a long time. I got hit with such devastatingly depressing things in a very short time period- unable to get a job for all of 2013, my very close friend dying at the end of 2013, the humiliation of my failed internship in summer 2014, the turmoil of the weekend where I went to my friend's memorial in August 2014, and watching a hospice get set up in my house while my mother's elderly live-in boyfriend died of cancer at the beginning of 2015. (And then watching as my mother realized that he left absolutely nothing for her and didn't do anything to help her get past it.) That took A LOT out of me. I'm still not the happy-go-lucky, cheerful guy thrilled at all the new life experiences that I used to be, but I'm getting a lot closer to him than I was for a solid year and a half of my life. I joke around again. I'm able to be silly again. And though I still get these little grief attacks, when I get sad thinking about lost friends and lost opportunities, I'm able to get past it after a few hours as opposed to just staying in my house refusing to go out or live. I feel so much more like me than I have in a long time- a little wiser, a little more weary- but still me. It's a relief after feeling like Pod Jeremy for the past year or two. As for my current state of life, working in a movie theater retail job kind of sucks. I'm being bossed around by teenaged managers, and when I'm cleaning up some garbage spill, I just think to myself, "I'm using my 80k education for THIS?" On the other hand, it is steady work, and I'm keeping up with my bills. It's also kind of fun, in some ways, to be around so many young people. I get a kick out of being the "old guy" to a bunch of those whippersnappers who were born in the mid/late 1990's, and I love getting to see so many movies for free. I also think it's been great "social training", because on some days you have to deal with a big mass of people and you need to make pretty quick judgements about reading their mannerisms and facial expressions in case one might be a bit testy. I'm making some tentative plans for employment that actually fits a grown-up, but eh. I don't know. That's where my confusion is. I still really want to work in a museum, but I know that in order to do that, I need to leave Delaware. And I'm thinking a lot about what alternative plans I might be able to make. Right now, I'm thinking about two paths- either finally deciding to go for the PhD in history and going on the professor track, or perhaps considering a career in something like urban planning, a topic that has always interested me. I don't think I can bring myself to go for another bachelor's degree- it'll be either a master degree or finally going for that PhD. I'm just not sure yet. And I feel like I should have this figured out at 30, but I don't. I look at my old high school and college friends who are settled down, with careers and families and houses and mortgages...I don't know. Some ways I envy that, but in other ways, I'm glad that my life path is still kind of a big unknown at this point. Sometimes I feel like a dried up, old man who is stuck in some dead-end life because of so many things that he screwed up, but other times, I feel like a young man still with a lot of his life ahead of him, even though his 20's are now in his past. A little while back, I had this really great conversation with a random stranger at the bar who basically told me, "You don't know what you want to do with your life yet, but you're young and that's okay. At 45, you won't be, but for now, you're still young and you've got a lot ahead of you." I do know the life I want for myself- I'd love to live in some efficiency apartment in some city, maybe a microcondo, I actually love the idea of living in something like the Arcade in Providence: Not sure what else...I just know that I'm not really jonsing for some kind of happy suburban existence with a husband and 2 kids and a dog. Not really my bag. I want something difference...just not sure yet. I think it's okay that I'm not sure yet, despite a lot of people who tell me that I need to have a "real job" and "real life" now that I'm 30. I'll figure it out. I think, anyway. In the meantime, I just want to enjoy where I'm at and do what I can, in little ways, to prepare for whatever's next. I've got a whole new decade ahead of, you know?

Yeah, University of Delaware houses did NOT have the kind of budget for that. It's kind of amazing when I see schools that have a much bigger frat life there- IUP's frat row was huge.

Mark, it's late 2003 now. We should be seeing trucker hats and Uggs now: The important thing to remember about the trucker hats is that they weren't usually worn backwards, like baseball caps. You might see it tipped to the side, but for the most part, they were worn facing forward. I can see JJ being willing to wear male Uggs. I didn't see guys wearing them until 2005, but as Private Tim likes to point out, I'm from the DL, not the OC.

Jason Mraz interview from 2003: He's basically how I imagine most Californian dudes. Although he's actually a transplant. Anyway, the aesthetic he's rocking is dead-on for what I used to call the Guitar God in my List of 99 Percent of the People You Will Meet At University of Delaware: Was not surprised that Jason Mraz started in a San Diego coffee shop. Not at all. San Diego sounds like a great place to live- people say it's very laidback and friendly. Unless you're Betty Broderick or that crazy rapist cop. In any event, John Mayer was bigger back in '03, but I feel like Jason has had better staying power. Also, he's got fucking cute feet. As a guy who likes feet, I feel fortunate that my college years coincided with when every guy was basically wearing flip-flops like everywhere.

The only kind of fraternity I could see Will joining would be something that wasn't a social frat, but like an honor frat like APO or something, with a pretty limited initiation process that made them do like volunteer work or something. And yeah, I've heard frat and sorority people talk about how they get around the hazing rules with things like scavenger hunts, which Will would still think is stupid. If John doesn't do lacrosse in college I can pretty much see him as a frat boy, probably in whatever frat his father was in during college. (As long as it's not TKE. The UD chapter of it allegedly murdered a girl back in the late 90's or circa Y2K and they've been off campus ever since.) Finally, JJ can't stand drinking, rowdiness, or uncouth behavior and I think he'd last about 5 minutes at a keggar before leaving. I can see him mayybeee liking the artistic hipster crowd, which he should start running into if he's going to attend high school (and beyond?) in Brooklyn. He'd probably think that their fashion sense is hideous but he'd like that they're edgy.

Because of that story, I've always walked past frat houses and wondered just how much gay sex has occurred in there along with the straight encounters, LOL. I've always wished that John would update the story, but from what I understand, it was heading towards when he got outed, which at a conservative university in the mid-1990's wasn't very pretty. (He never specified the college, but I always figured it was some conservative, preppy college somewhere on the East Coast. Maybe Penn State?) To bring it back to CAP...I love that Darius joined a frat. It's just so him. I can't see that with either Will or JJ when their college years hit. (Zach being in sports basically takes the place of a frat.) Will would never put up with being told what to do during the initiation process, and JJ at his core is basically a loner.

If I had know this tune was 1981 and not 1982 like I thought, I totally would've used it for Be Rad: Such a great tune. The U.K. was sooooo ahead of American music circa 1979-1982.

I've been waiting about 12 years to find out what happens when John finally gets fucked by Kevin in Fraternity Memoirs.

Dude, it's Del. or DE. Geez. DL is a slang term for black males who live straight lives but secretly have sex with other men. LOL. Philadelphia fandom is pretty crazy, but there's also a sense of humor to it. Pittsburgh people, however, are pretty damn serious. Geez. Anyway, I hope this pays off for Los Angeles. Also, that St. Louis gets another team to fill their stadium.

Do you think that there's going to be support for the team now, or not? I mean, again, aside from college football, California really does seem like a basketball state. Is there really going to be demand for an NFL Los Angeles team? As for St. Louis, it's just kind of sad given what they did to get the team, and the fact that it was only successful for a very short period, but they still showed a lot of support for it. Also, that St. Louis is a struggling rust belt city. That's always sad. (Although Pittsburgh and Philadelphia are doing pretty nicely right now!)

Isn't your county still massively wealthy from the real estate boom that Mark lovingly detailed in The Land Whore? In any event, it sounds like the Raiders are trying to jump ship back to LA, too. It just seems kind of dumb to spend that much to lure back some mediocre teams that the city didn't seem to appreciate to begin with, especially when you're a city dealing with a major historic drought, a cockamine plan to turn your concrete ditch into river real estate, and other things Blue has talked about that seems like there's some shakiness to the L.A. economy.

The L.A. Rams Are Back! I know our author is a long-suffering fan of them, so I thought that might be of interest. I wonder if L.A. people are going to be really that into it, because the impression I've been continually given is that this is a basketball state, save for the fans of college football. (And I guess 49ers fans in NorCal?) Was there ever considerable support for the Rams back when it was a Los Angeles team? Do you see the city giving its support to the team again? I do feel bad for St Louis.

I've always loved this tune, and thought if I could nominate a tune that defined the decade of the 1980's, it'd be this one: R.I.P. Bowie!

First Gay Kiss on Kiss Cam at LA Kings Vs. Maple Leaf: I loved when they got to the second (gay) couple the people just cheered. As terrible as the 21st century has been in some aspects, the fact that this can happen now and the guys don't have to be worried about getting gaybashed because they were seen kissing in public is pretty cool. Anyway, I thought Mark as a native Californian and a hockey fan would appreciate this. On a completely different topic also pertaining to L.A., hope you guys are enjoying El Nino...you guys desperately needed it! Los Angeles River Gets $3.6 Million in Funds to Shore Up Against Floods Prolly a nice reminder to the Friends of the L.A. River that they do need to keep the flood mitigation aspect of the river going. I wonder if there are going to be any idiots that decide it'd be fun to try and raft it.

This is an exceptionally cheesy British pop video from 1989: "You'll Never Stop Me From Loving You" by Sonia No decade did cheese better than the 80's. Wow. And the entire time I'm watching this Sonia chick, I just keep thinking, "Umm, barking up the wrong tree there, girlie." I think his sneakers are even lavender.

Officially in your mid-20's now! Have a happy birthday!

Chapter 25 -When JJ looks outside his limo and realizes that something is wrong, learns about the blackout, and immediately decides to turn his back on the masses and head back to his condo. "Summer in the City" by the Lovin' Spoonful -When Brad and Stefan get stuck in an elevator during the blackout. "There is No Electricity" by Memory Boy

Eh. I'm just saying that Mark's pic doesn't really jibe with how Darius has been described- he's never been described as a beefy gym bunny with bulging muscles. He's not a jock, and while he undoubtedly keeps in shape, it's probably more of a lithe body shape.

From reviews: Re: The parallels between Zach and JJ...I remember when Daisy and I first wrote up JJ's career (which was supposed to go until 2006 but whatever), I had envisioned JJ as a guy who would say and do anything to get further in his career and be at the top. You've had other ideas about that, and the theme has been that while JJ is willing to play the game, it's only to a point, and he reached that point during the Alex scandal. JJ was fine with keeping a prim n proper image, but with the caveat that he'd be able to do whatever he wanted in his private life as long as he kept it private. His limit was being told to deny everything about Alex, and that's where he refused. Meanwhile, Zach would as written totally hold a press conference where he denied everything, and pay someone to be a beard. It'll be interesting to see how true that remains. Which makes sense. He's coming off of five years of devoting his life to figure skating. I can't see him really wanting to devote himself to something else where he's also hugely responsible. I can see him just deciding to sample this or that, doing various things he finds fun, at least for the next couple years. Although if he's really done with skating, I can see JP and the family pretty much telling JJ he's going to college in 2004, so that's gotta be next up. (I'd go with NYU for him. Or maybe Fordham?) You never told me that you were in Toronto when this happened. That's pretty cool! I was content to watch it on 6ABC News. It sounds like a blast. I always thought this Erica Kane (All My Children) exchange summed up JJ pretty fucking well: Guy: Erica, why don't you get off your high horse and come down here with the rest of us? Erica: I don't want to be down anywhere, with the rest of you. I want to be special, and I'm going to be. THAT is JJ to a tee. I've always seen JJ as a male version of Blair from the Facts of Life with a bit of Erica Kane from All My Children mixed in. Also, add in Gossip Girl's Blair Waldorf's neuroses.

This is closer to how I pictured Darius's body:

Have a good birthday, Greg!

Chris Evans is and always has been hot, but he was especially hot in this 2004 Flaunt Magazine shoot: While I was gawking at these photos on a throwback post on Reddit, I also realized that these jeans are a REALLY good example of the aesthetic during the time period- distressed, low-riding on the hips, and a look like they're been run over by sand paper. I'm pretty sure that these are Diesel Jeans and probably cost 200 dollars or something. He's also wearing what looks to be a trucker hat, pretty popular circa 2003-2005-ish. The only thing that's not really endemic to the time period is that his chest isn't shaved. We're in the Metrosexual Era right now. I gotta admit it, I kind of miss the days before guys were walking around with their arms completely covered in tattoos and big, bushy beards covering their faces. (God, I feel like an old fogie.)

Mark really liked this pick I had for JJ...Dylan Sprouse, best known for him and his twin starring on The Suite Life of Zach and Cody on Disney: I do remain convinced that JJ should look like he's a refugee from the Disney Channel. Also, Dylan does have a great twink look to him.

JJ would fall for an Anderson Cooper type, not a big ol' Texan. I thought it was hilarious when JJ was annoyed that he has all this drama that seems to follow him. I just thought, "JJ, unfortunately, you're a protagonist in a drama serial. The only way you can have a nice, calm life and a happy ending is if you ride off into the sunset and are never seen again, or you become a recurring character that is either seldom seen or just a tertiary character." The funny thing about JJ is that he's NOT like Will- he doesn't court drama the way Will does, but for whatever reason, dramatic stuff just keeps happening to him. I also thought JJ's musings about his future staff was pretty funny. As for Will and Zach, at this point, Zach's season pretty much sounds like it's over before it even started. He'll probably have to redshirt.

As a 30th birthday present to myself, I bought tickets to see the Delaware Theatre Company production of Diner, a new musical written by Sheryl Crow. It's based on a 1982 movie called Diner, which starred such young up-and-coming actors as Kevin Bacon, Tim Daly, Daniel Stern, Paul Reiser, Ellen Barkin, Steve Gutenberg, and Mickey O'Rourke. Taking place at the end of 1959, the movie/musical follows a group of friends, all in their early 20's, as they navigate through the pitfalls and concerns of young adulthood. The musical has Broadway hopes for 2017, and it was pretty amazing to watch something like this in Delaware...I think the show's beginning needs to be tweaked, but it picks up the further you go in, and I found myself really immersed in their stories. The show is narrated by Boogie (Derek Klena), a pretty boy and tough youth who bit off more than he could chew with a bet about the Baltimore Colts. He tells us about his group of friends that meet at the local diner, and we learn about their various problems and concerns. Shrevie (Noah Weisberg) is a newlywed to Beth (Erika Henningsen), and their marriage is on rocky ground as they're finding that they have nothing to talk about. Eddie (Ari Brand), nervous about his impending wedding to Elyse (Tess Soltau), has demanded that she pass a football trivia test in order to marry her. Billy (Aaron C. Finley), the one who moved away for graduate school, learns that his one-night stand with a platonic friend Barbara (Brynn O'Malley) has resulted in a pregnancy. Modell (Ethan Slater) is the group's comic relief. Finally, Fenwick (Matthew James Thomas) is a rich boy and constant screw-up who can't seem to figure out what he wants to do in his life. The show is based around the idea that change is just around the corner- we're at the end of 1959, so the fifties are ending. These men are at the end of their childhood/beginning of their adulthood, wrestling with universal questions about whether to settle or not settle down, what they should do for a career, and whether or not their current life path is something they still want to be taking or if a change is needed. As for women, we see the hint of Women's Liberation that was to come in the 1960's. Beth struggles with her dissatisfaction over being a housewife, and wants to work outside of their home as a dance teacher. (She also contemplates having an affair with Boogie, who she once dated.) With Barbara, we see her conflict about her pregnancy with her desire to become a t.v. news anchor, as well as Bill pressuring her to marry him. It's the end of innocence, in more ways than one throughout this show. I think the beginning of the show lacked a little bit of energy, but it picked up, especially once the women were introduced to contrast their stories against the men. In one memorable scene, Beth watches in shocked wonder as her husband goes off on how to properly catalog her records. In a funnier scene, we watch as Elyse tries to pass her football test to get the marital green light. With Barbara, we see her try to gently but firmly explain to Bill why marriage isn't the simple solution to her being "in trouble." (To use the parlance of the time.) The group camaraderie between the guys feels authentic, which carries the show very well. I completely believed these guys were friends, and made me think about my own youth and some of the packs I ran around in, which guys that age tend to do. (Also, the diner that I used to hang out at when I was 21/22.) Sometimes, the best thing in the world is sit down and eat disco fries and talk to your friends late at night over anything and everything, and that's a feeling that show captured well. My favorite characters were probably Boogie and Beth. Both were characters that were in a rut, and needed to change something about their life. The scene where they contemplate having an affair was pretty well-done by both actors, and the reasoning for it (Beth wanting to feel wanted, Boogie getting a plan B for a bet he needs to win) were well-communicated by the actors. My biggest complaint of the show is that I think some of the songs need to be a bit more memorable. It's a retro pastiche of late 50's, quite a few of which are very good, but I found myself longing for at least one actual popular song from that era, . If Footloose can do it, why can't this? I thought Modell was a pretty underdeveloped character (I guess that was kind of the point, but it almost seems pointless to have the character), and I wish I could've seen more with Billy and Barbara's characters. Also, some of the choreography was a little clunky, but that's something that can always be fine-tuned. All in all, it was a pretty fun experience and I'm thinking about trying to see the show again. (If not this production, another one.) I really do hope this one can make its way to Broadway!