Enigma II. Fighting the Man - 5. Chapter 5 - The Telephone Call

This should have been the best afternoon we have ever had. Silver strolled in the park, looking in wonder at everything... the trees, the plants, the lake, the ducks, the children in the playground. Everything astonished him. He astonished me.

He was very hesitant, constantly looking back at me for reassurance. I so wanted to be there by his side but Sandi dominates that position. Doesn’t she see how scared he is? Whenever people came near, and in the warm sunshine there are a lot of people around, he shied away and tried to pull his arm from her. At those times she just tucked his hand more firmly under her arm and called out pleasant greetings to the people in question.

More than once they stopped to exchange a few words with her and I moved up to stand next to Silver, putting my arm around his waist or shoulders. He was always shaking and always turned his face away, into my shoulder. When the people moved on I would ask if he wanted to go back and he would nod with wide eyes but before I could do anything Sandi would drag him away. He’d look back with a desperate expression and I would grind my teeth wanting to strangle her.

After about an hour of this Sandi stops again to talk to a group of young people she clearly knows. There are five of them, three girls and two boys. They all stare openly at Silver, for clearly differing reasons, and he isn’t coping well. Sandi seems to have forgotten him as she is deep in conversation with the two boys, leaving the girls to stare and giggle.

I put my arm around Silver and I can feel him shaking. It breaks my heart. I can't believe that Sandi can be so blind. Maybe now that she’s occupied I can get him away. This time he takes matters into his own hands... in a manner of speaking.

As soon as he feels my arm around his waist he turns to me and throws his arms around me, burying his face in my shoulder. He is shaking so hard it worries me.

“Take me home River. Please... please take me home.”

I stroke his hair to calm him and whisper. “Whatever you want. Don’t worry. It’s alright. I’m here.” I lift my head and glare at Sandi. “We’ll be going now then.”

“No. Don’t go. I was going to take you to see the band. They have a live group this evening. We won’t have to wait for long. There’ll be loads of people there. I want to introduce you to my friends.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed.” I say in a voice that I hadn’t really intended to be so cold. “Silver’s more than had enough. Weren’t you listening when I told you he’s nervous of people?”

“What’s the matter with him? Is he mental?” One of the girls pipes up with a smirk. I barely open my mouth before Sandi rounds on her.

“What’s the matter with you? You don’t say that about someone, especially not my friend. Silver is the best artist I have ever met and one day he’s going to be famous. Then you’ll be the person who is famous for asking if he’s mental.” The girl looks stunned.

“Why don’t you go on to the concert and I’ll catch up with you.”

“Yeah... whatever.”

The group wanders off and Sandi turns back to Silver. “Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah... he looks it doesn’t he?” For the first time Sandi stops and she looks contrite as Silver clings to me, too frightened to lift his face.

“I’m sorry. I thought... I thought it would be good for him. He seemed okay. I thought...”

“No. You didn’t think. You knew that Silver was scared. Every time you stopped to talk to someone he was scared. He was shaking Sandi but you wouldn’t stop. You had to keep pushing.” I stop, an uncomfortable feeling sliding into the back of my mind. She’s not the only one who doesn’t know where to stop.

“Silver... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t want... Are you okay?”

Reluctantly he raises his head from my shoulder and gazes at her through his hair. It’s what he always does when he’s feeling scared or nervous. She reaches up to brush it aside and he flinches, turning his head away. He’s still shaking, if anything worse than ever and he doesn’t want to face the world, any of it.

“I think I should just get him back to the car. Thanks for everything you’ve done for Silver today but he’s had enough now.”

“I... I didn’t mean to upset him. I thought it would be nice to walk in the park.”

She looks so crushed that I feel sorry for her. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know. This is what Silver’s like. He’s scared. He doesn’t do people well.”

“I’m sorry. I...”

“You didn’t listen. You wouldn’t let him tell you and you wouldn’t let me tell you. It’s alright. It wasn’t your fault. But I really need to get Silver back to the car now.”

“I’ll help.” I don’t want her to help. In fact it’s the last thing I want. Silver is moaning softly in my ear and I’m scared he’s going to collapse... and it isn’t even as if I like this annoying midget. But she is staring at me with that earnest little face and the wide eyed enthusiasm that I have never been able to resist.

“Alright.” I concede wearily.

She strokes Silver’s back and takes his hand, crooning at him. “It’s alright Silver. You’re going home now. Hold my hand and I’ll help you. You don’t have to be scared of me.”

This time I don’t think he even hears her. I give Sam a look over the top of his head and he nods at me. Carefully he puts his arm around Silver’s shoulders.

“It’s me Silver, Sam. Come on now... we’re going back to the car but you need to walk there.”

Silver raises his head and stares at me. His eyes are blank. I groan inwardly. This hasn’t happened for ages.

“Sandi... I really think you ought to go now.”

“But...”

“Sandi... Look, I’m not angry with you. I’m very grateful for everything you have done for Silver. He hasn’t been outside for a long time. But he’s not well. He’s not ready for all this yet.”

“What’s wrong with him?” She was staring up wide eyed at Silver’s beautiful, empty face. “He doesn’t know me now does he?”

“He doesn’t really know anyone right now. It doesn’t happen often any more but... I suppose he runs away and hides when things get too much for him to cope with.”

“I... didn’t realise he was so hurt. I would never have pushed him if I had known. I thought he was just a bit shy. It thought that getting him out here in the sunshine and introducing him to some of my friends would be good for him. I didn’t know he was so... so...”

“He’s just scared Sandi. He’s not a freak.”

She looks genuinely shocked. “I didn’t... I wouldn’t... That’s not what I meant, not at all. I was just trying to say that I would never have hurt him if I had known. I know I haven’t known him for long but I think he’s the kindest, sweetest, most beautiful person I have ever met. I would never hurt him River, I swear it.”

She looks so serious, what can I say? The anger and... okay... envy I was feeling melt away and I have to smile at her. “I know. I’m sorry. I suppose I am just very protective of him.”

“I understand. Why is he like this?”

“He went through... He had a bad experience and his way of dealing with it was to hide inside his head. I’ve been working with him and he’s getting better but there are still... problems.”

“What happened to him?”

“I don’t think that’s for me to tell Sandi.” She nods gravely. Then she reaches out and takes Silver’s hand. He doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t react at all, but he does look at her. She smiles a very gentle smile.

“I’m sorry I hurt you Silver. I didn’t mean to. I like you, I really do. I hope that when you are feeling better you will let me come and visit you. I really would like that. I’d like to see you work.”

She smiles at him, the same bright, open smile that Julia has and, as he always did with Julia, even at his darkest time, he can’t help but respond.

As much as I am grateful to her for everything she has done for Silver today, I can’t help but be incredibly relieved when, after stretching up on tiptoes to kiss Silver she presses a piece of paper with her telephone number on into my hand and races away in the general direction the group of young people had taken before her.

With a sigh of relief I turn Silver towards the exit and, still with my arm around his waist lead him along the path, keeping his face turned towards me so that he doesn’t see the people around us. I keep up a steady stream of calm conversation and by the time we get back to the car he is beginning to react again.

Even so he is very quiet and seems exhausted. As soon as he gets into the car he rests his head against my shoulder and closes his eyes.

Sam looks back in his mirror as he pulls out of the car park. “It’s been a hell of a day for him.”

“Yes. I wish we hadn’t met that girl.”

I see Sam’s smile flash and roll my eyes. Sam’s grin widened. “Actually I liked her.”

“You would!”

“You would have liked her too, I think, if you hadn’t been so jealous.”

“I was not jealous?”

“No? Then why have you spent the whole day with that badass scowl on your face when you should have been happy that Silver was enjoying himself so much?”

“I was happy... kind of.” I sigh hugely, which only makes Sam chuckle. “Alright... I admit. I was a little jealous. It’s just that I have worked myself up so much organising this. I have worried that it would go wrong, that he wouldn’t like it, that it would be too much for him. And then... when he saw the painting and I saw the look on his face I knew it was going to be alright. I was so relieved and he looked so... beautiful. I was excited about seeing his face when we took him into his own room.”

“And then along came a complete stranger and stole your thunder.”

I sigh again. “It sounds so petty when you put it like that, especially as she did make it more special for him. But she was... annoying.”

“Yeah... she was wasn’t she?”

I can’t help but smile at that. Whatever else she might have been she was most certainly annoying, like that fly that keeps buzzing around your face when you are trying to drink sweet lemonade.

“Is he okay?”

I turn my face to the shining black hair spilling over my shoulder. I push it back to look into his face. He looks very pale but as I stroke his cheek he stirs and opens his eyes. They look heavy and dull, the silver lost in stormy grey, but they blink at me and he gives a small smile.

“Are you okay babe?”

For a moment he just stares then he sighs deeply and nods before letting his eyes close again, his head getting heavy on my shoulder.

“He’s exhausted Sam. He always is when this happens. He needs to sleep. Will you take us straight home?”

“Are you sure? You can still come round to ours if you like. Silver can lie down in our room.”

“No. He needs his own bed. He’ll be scared if he wakes up in a strange place.”

“No problem.”

All the way home I rest my cheek on Silver’s head and talk to him a low voice. Occasionally he moans softly or stirs sluggishly otherwise he might have been asleep or awake but he makes no move to communicate or respond.

“I thought he was over this now?”

“He pretty much is. It hasn’t happened at all for a couple of weeks. But this was too much. I knew it was but she wouldn’t listen. I was waiting for this.”

“How.”

“I could see the signs.”

“Then why didn’t you stop it?” Why indeed? How can I admit to Sam that part of me wanted it? Part of me wanted to get back at Sandi, to show her that she didn’t know Silver, that he wasn’t what she thought him to be, that she didn’t know what was best for him... that I did. And I was prepared to use Silver, to let him fall into the chasm to prove a point.

“I... didn’t know how.” It sounds lame even to me and I can’t hold Sam’s eyes in the mirror.

When we pull up outside our front door I gently rouse Silver and, although he looks tired, very tired, he is able to smile at me and walk into the house without help. I thank Sam and can’t wait until he leaves. Every time I look at him, I feel a stab of guilt.

It doesn’t get any better when he leaves because I feel the same guilt every time I look at Silver. As soon as the door closes behind Sam, Silver pulls me into an embrace and lays his head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? What are you sorry about? You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“I... I don’t know why I was so scared. You.., you did such a wonderful thing for me and I spoiled it. I’m so sorry.”

He is shaking again and I can feel tears soaking into my shirt. I feel horrible. Gently I push him away, so that he has to move his head away from my shoulder. He won’t look at me.

“Silver...” I raise his head and he looks me in the eye for the first time. I feel sick. I did this. “You didn’t spoil anything. I should have stopped it. I know you get scared when there are a lot of people around. I knew it but I didn’t do anything. I thought... I thought that... I’m the one who should be sorry.”

Silver gives me a shaky smile. “The... the... um...place...the... paintings...” He frowns looking confused.

“The exhibition?”

He smiles again. “Yes... the exhibition. It was wonderful River. I never thought... My paintings look so good there. Are... are... people... are they going to see them?”

“Lots of people. Is that a problem... because if it is I can get them back?”

He frowns for a moment and then the smile that breaks over his face sweeps away all my fears, guilt and concerns. “It’s not a problem. It’s amazing. I love you.” He takes me into his arms again and kisses me. It’s a gentle sweet kiss, so different to the urgent, polished ones he has been losing himself in recently. My heart swells and I am practically lifted off my feet.

“I’m tired.” He whispers after a while and I can see it for myself. He’s always tired when this happens. I know that he is going to crash at any time and sleep for hours.

“Come on. Lie down for a while and when you wake up I’ll cook you a special meal.”

“Chilli?”

“Okay... extra special, mega hot chilli. I’ll get the fire extinguisher ready.”

“Not that hot.”

“I know how you like it.”

“Yeah, I always have liked it hot.”

He is teasing but slurring his words now so I steer him up the stairs. He sinks onto the bed with a sigh and before I pull the covers over him he is fast asleep. I watch him for a while. I have always loved to watch him sleep. He is so incredibly beautiful when he is totally relaxed that it almost hurts to look at him. I can’t believe that this incredible creature is mine.

If I have ever chaffed at his lingering difficulties, the effect they have on our lives and the fact that we can’t have a more ‘normal’ life... they are swept away in that moment and I am lost in a feeling of love so strong that tears burn my eyes for no other reason than that I’m here, and he’s here and we are together.

I spend some time checking emails and then go into the kitchen to prepare the chilli, humming to myself as I do so. It doesn’t take long and it can simmer until Silver gets up. It’s a nice day, if a little chilly and I take a coffee outside. I am utterly content. The smell of the chilli wafting through the window mixes with the sweet scent of flowers and the sharp tang of coffee as I sip and I close my eyes, as happy as I have ever been.

As I stand there, drinking in the silence, the scents, the breeze and the coffee, hands slide around my waist and down the front of my jeans. Of course the coffee cup goes skywards again.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that.”

“What? This?” He removes his hands from my jeans.

“Noooo.” I moan. “You know that’s not what I mean.”

“So you like it then?” He purrs replacing his hands and gently biting my neck.

“Mpf.” Is the only thing I can say as his questing fingers slip under the waistband of my pants. I sigh and lean my head back against his shoulder as he does what he does best. This time he takes his time and my legs are exhausted and trembling before he lets me cum.

When it’s over I stay exactly where I am, feeling... wonderful. For a moment I am not aware of the insistent buzzing in my jeans pocket. Answering my phone is that last thing on my mind, but it goes on and on, and then when it stops it immediately starts again. Groaning I fish out the phone and glance at the screen. I am not familiar with the number.

“Hello?” Silver is running his hands over my chest, tweaking my nipples and it is very hard to concentrate on what the caller is saying. And then... and then...

“Silver... please... just a minute.” I push his hands away and take a few steps away from him, pressing the phone against my ear with numb fingers as I get more and more shocked with every word.