The Confrontation - 1. The Confrontation

"Damn, I hate this frozen Yankee hell-hole," I said to myself, maybe even out loud. "Fuckin' cold wind in the fuckin' winter." A girl, all bundled up and on her way to her car, turned and looked at me funny, so I must have said it out loud.

This was crazy. What the fuck was I doing here?

You know damn well what you're doing here, the Voice inside said. You know the Voice; the one inside that always busts your balls when you've been a prick. You can only hope and pray that you didn't drive all this way for nothing.

A couple of guys were walking slightly ahead of me, laughing and talking. When they entered the dorm, I walked in right behind them. Although I hadn't seen the age of nineteen in a dozen years, I'd still pass for a college student; a grad student, anyway. So nobody else was giving me any notice. Just another college boy. Nothing to see here.

We'd met online; you know, one of those sites where you can cam a little, chat a little, get a little nasty. I pointed him to my online story and told him about my life; he told me about his. We got close; I'll admit it. We'd tossed e-mails back and forth for a year or so. We could talk about playing football; about school; about guys, about girls. He liked them both; so did I. He had a best friend who developed into something more; so did I. But he wanted more of me...and I just couldn't head an inch farther in that direction without fucking my life up for good. It hurt him, and he got angry, and he started putting some distance between us. I knew he wasn't walking away; but I was hurt by the arm's length he was keeping me at. So I'd emailed him saying, "I guess I don't mean enough to you to bother with. Enjoy your life."

There'd been one last e-mail from him. Short and to the point:

"Eat shit and die if that's all I'm worth to you."

Just like that, the little bastard had reached in, torn out my heart, and ripped it up. When I received it, I sat staring at the words on the computer screen for five minutes. Well, what the hell did I expect? Then, with a sigh, I pressed "delete" and went about the process of shutting down the account.

I didn't like it, but you know, life isn't always a joyride. My world was complicated and getting more complicated by the month. By the end of the year it promised to be chaos if I didn't clear my head. I needed to simplify things and try to get a grip. And I needed to get completely away from online contacts, especially contacts I'd fallen for.

Easier said than done, of course.

And anyway, part of me knew it was a sorry-ass thing to do, just walk away like that. But when he pulled away I was hurt and pissed. Didn't he understand that I wanted more than we had together as badly as he did? In the end, my anger won out, so I bailed. I told myself it was just a part of a general online housecleaning. I didn't have time to deal with all this internet shit at this stage of my life. Beyond this hopeless love story, there were "fans" I just didn't have time for anymore, people who expected me to take up serious online friendships with them just because they fell in love with the Me in my story. They could all go to hell.

But to just walk away from Jay like that? What the fuck is wrong with you?

"Shut up," I said to the voice. "I'm here, ain't I?"

Obviously, I'd had a change of heart. I couldn't go through with writing him off. So in a lovestruck moment of insanity, I said to hell with everything, resigned to drive up and give him what he wanted. My life would probably go to hell, but whatever. So I got in the car and drove north. For a long, long time.

When I finally got there, I sat in my car with the engine running, its heat insulating me from the ugly weather outside. What was the plan? I had no idea. I knew his room number. So, maybe, just go up there and knock on the door? He'd be shocked to see me, but he'd recognize me. Would he let me in? Would he let me explain? Would he even let me talk? "Eat shit and die" doesn't leave much room for negotiation.

I didn't have a plan. This was all impulse. I was just going to have to play it by ear.

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I knocked; his roommate answered the door.

I stood in the doorway, looking at him as he stared right through me. Finding my tongue, I thought I'd better do the introductions.

"Hey, I'm--"

"I know who you are," he said without smiling. "Kensington, right? Scott Kensington. He showed me your picture."

I didn't know what to say, so I just stood there for what felt like forever, as he drilled holes into me with his eyes. Finally he said, "This is none of my fuckin' business, but you're a real jerk, you know it? He thought you were a friend."

"I want to make it right," I mumbled. Then I looked up at him and snarled, "Look, are you gonna let me come in or not?"

"I was just leaving for the weekend and he's out at Hooters with a bunch of people. Probably won't be back until after midnight."

"Can I wait for him in here?"

"Whatever," he scowled, moving out of the way so I could walk in. "I don't care, I'm leaving. But don't use my fuckin' bed. Don't even sit on it."

I came in and sat down in the chair at Jay's desk. "I'm just gonna sit here and wait. I won't touch your shit."

He grabbed a backpack and a small overnight bag. Before he walked out the door he turned back toward me and said, "I hope he tells you to fuck yourself."

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I sat there thinking for the next half hour. It was hard to think straight. This was a bad idea, maybe. Hell;"idea"? It was more like an impulse. I had no plan and hadn't thought out shit. But I was here now; might as well play it out.

I slept for a while, my elbows resting on his desk, arms up, and my head propped up in my hands.

Around one in the morning, the sound of the door being unlocked and opened woke me.

I sat there staring at the door as it opened. My heart was beating eighty miles an hour. As he walked in he said, "Hey, I thought you'd be gone by now. You should have come with..."

About the time he glanced over and realized I wasn't his roommate, he froze in mid-sentence. He drew in a sharp breath, and I watched his whole body tense in an instant.

"What the fuck?"

Still seated in his chair, I steadied my own breathing and tried to smile. "Hey, Jay."

"Scott?" I saw seven different emotions struggle to express themselves at the same time on his face. Not all of them were negative. It gave me some hope.

He continued. "What the fuck are you doing here? How did you get here? How long have you been in my room?"

"I drove," I said. "My car's parked right outside. I got here a couple of hours ago. Your roommate was on his way out. He said I could wait here."

Jay's face was pale; he dropped to a sitting position on the bed and asked again, quietly, "What are you doing here?" Then, seeming to get a little more pissed off with each word, he added, "What happened to us never meeting in person? And what happened to 'I'm done, have a great life'?" He spat the words back at me; his delivery dripped with bitterness.

It felt like a fuckin' knife wound. Several of them. But I was gonna have to tough it out; it was probably all I had left.

I stood up and walked over to him. I put a hand on his shoulder. He knocked it away, snarling. His eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"I'm here," I said.

"No shit," he said, wiping his hand below his right eye. "Why?"

"I...I didn't know if you'd open another e-mail...I didn't even know if you'd answer an IM. And I...I couldn't text. I figured you'd just ignore me. I just had your dorm name and your room number."

He looked up at me without saying anything. He hadn't tossed me out, so I decided to continue. "I'm here because I had to try to make you understand. I can't let go. I'm ruined now, but...but here I am. I'm sorry if everything...if it made you feel bad."

He stood up and squared off opposite me, glaring. "After all this time?" He paused for a half a minute, never breaking eye contact with me. Finally he said, "I'm fine. I got friends here. I got studying to do. I got my roommate. And I got Jack. He just left for home. I don't fuckin' need you if you gotta keep me at arm's length all the time."

He paused and moved in a little closer. "But if you want to know how it made me feel, it felt like this." Without warning, he slammed a fist into my gut.

It wasn't brutal or savage, but it was still a punch, and it knocked the wind out of me. I doubled over and as I was working on recovering, he put his arms on my shoulders and helped me to a sitting position on his bed. He stood next to me, staring at me, silently. "I guess I deserved that," I said when I could talk. "I just wish you understood."

"You hurt me," he said. "I fell so damn hard and you just didn't care. It felt like...maybe like you just felt."

"I know," I said. "I figured it did. I'm fucked, Jay, but I couldn't pull it off. I couldn't leave it like it was between us. I had to come up here and try to make you see that."

I looked up into his face as he said, "Was I asking that much? I liked talking to you. I never asked for anything but for a little more of you. When we talked sex stuff that was pretty cool. But that was just a little part of it. Mainly I just loved to read what you had to say sometimes. It helped me know there were other guys like me out there. And it was more. I told you it was more. We said 'love.' Both of us. I don't need to be a lover, I told you that. And I didn't mean it like...well, like you got with John. But you were important to me and I thought you felt that way too. I never understood why you won't step just a little closer."

I stood up. "God, Jay, you are important to me. So much so that I've probably fucked up my life by coming up here. But I did it to try to fix things and to show you, and not just with my words."

I reached out and put my hands on his shoulders and tried to pull him into me. He pushed my hands off him and backed away from me.

"No. Fuck, Scott, I wanted this. I've fantasized about it. You know we both have. But you fucked me over."

I stepped closer again, and put my hands back on his shoulders. Looking into his eyes, I said, "So let me make it better."

A minute went by as his eyes searched mine. His face was expressionless. I couldn't tell what was going through his mind. Finally, he sighed deeply, and I saw just the hint of a tired, hurt smile. "Damn you, asshole," he said, and laid his head on my shoulder. "I can't stay pissed. I'd like to; you really deserve it. But I can't just push you away." He put his arms around me and his body relaxed. I held him close, stroking his back with my hands. I kissed him on the cheek, on the neck. God, he smelled so good and his skin was so warm and smooth.

"I never meant to hurt you or piss you off, Jay," I whispered. "I just wish you understood how badly this is gonna..."

I stopped, shaking my head; there was no way he could. He was only nineteen. And anyway, at this juncture it was a moot point. And I wanted him so badly; that was, in essence, the problem, but I'd made my decision. Nothing to do now but ride that wild stallion.

Cautiously...slowly...I began to move my face closer to his. My lips needed to touch his. He must have felt something of the same need, because he closed his eyes and moved in closer until our lips met, so tenderly, so gently.

I kissed him, then pulled back and looked into his eyes. A conversation was taking place between us. Silent, wordless and incapable of translation, it still said more than we could have communicated in an hour of speech. He was breathing was slow and deep, his expression serious.

He brought his lips back to mine; when they met, he moaned slightly.

I felt something like peace surround us and wrap us in itself. But there was an urgency underneath the peace. He kissed me again, and this time opened his mouth against mine. I opened my mouth and let his tongue search out mine. When they met, a jolt of lust flooded through me, centering itself in my dick.

Still kissing him, I lowered him onto his bed on his back and positioned myself over him. "Fuck," he whispered, in between kisses. "You're making me fuckin' crazy." Our dicks were straining to do what our tongues had been doing. I could feel them both through our jeans, steel-hard and rubbing against each other.

I rolled off him and got up off the bed. "Come here," I said.

He stood up and I pulled him into me. Kissing him fiercely, I began unbuttoning his shirt. His breathing got deeper. As I undid each button I pulled open a new section of his shirt and kissed the bare skin I'd just uncovered. When I had his shirt completely off, I draped it over the back of his chair, then I took my own shirt off and laid it gently on top of his.

I pulled him back into me. The heat from his skin against mine almost burned me. Our mouths and tongues came together again, and our bare chests made love to each other.

I pulled away from his mouth and moved my lips to the tender skin of his neck. As I covered his neck with kisses, he moved his hands down to my ass and pulled me tightly against him.

Gradually, I made my way down to his pecs.

I pushed him gently back down on the bed and eased myself over him again, licking and sucking his nipples as I ground my crotch against his. As I made my way down his torso with my kisses, I spent some time on his abs and the thin, sexy happy trail that led right to his waistband.

"Let's lose the clothes," he said. I went to the end of the bed and took off his boots and socks. Then I opened the button of his jeans and kissed his fabric-covered dick before zipping them down. I pulled his jeans down to his knees. His dick was straining against his boxer briefs and I could see a wet spot. I kissed him there and tasted the precum on the fabric.

I pulled his jeans completely off, and stared at him for a moment. God, he was beautiful. Very slim; but nicely cut and toned. I couldn't stop staring.

Finally I stood up and undressed myself down to my boxers. I got in bed next to him and held him in my arms as we kissed and explored each other's bodies with our hands. I felt his hands rubbing up and down my back. He pulled down the waistband; I shuddered as his hands stroked my bare asscheeks. I slipped all the way out of the boxers until I was naked. I wanted to get him naked too, and I started to pull his boxer briefs off, but he said, "Wait."

I looked up at him. "What?"

"Stand up. I wanna just look at you. I been thinking about it ever since you told me you were uncut."

I felt a little...well, naked. But I was rock-hard and hell, I'd have done anything he asked me. So I stood there and let him run his eyes all over me.

"Your skin still covers your dick when you're hard," he said.

"Yeah, unless I pull it back."

"You're big," he added.

"You knew that; I told you that," I said.

"Yeah, but it's different in person," he said.

He grew silent for a minute. I watched his eyes take me in.

"You're hot," he said.

"Shit, boy, so are you," I said. "Now it's your turn to step out of the underwear."

He stood up and shucked the boxer briefs, facing me. His big hard dick pointed at me.

He was perfect. He took my breath away. And he was such a great guy; I'd realized that over the months we'd been e-mailing.

I needed more than sex with him; I needed to love him, and I needed him to feel it.

"I want you, Jay," I said. "Get over here."

We came together again. He pulled my mouth against his and thrust his tongue into my mouth once again. He'd become aggressive, dominant, in his kisses. It was almost as if he was fucking my mouth with his tongue. I put my hands on his bare ass and pulled his crotch into mine. Our dicks rubbed together, smearing our precum around. A moan escaped from my lips.

I reached down and touched his balls, caressing them, holding them gently in my hand. He gasped, and I moved my hand to his shaft, wrapping my fingers around it. Then I repositioned myself slightly and reached down to my own dick. I skinned back the foreskin a little and pulled his dick close to mine. His eyes got wide and his body shuddered. Slowly I positioned our dicks until they were end to end, and pulled my foreskin back up over mine, and stretching it a little, pulled it over his dickhead too. I stood there, docked with him, my foreskin covering the heads of our dicks, uniting them.

Bringing him inside my foreskin like that made me feel so close to him. It was almost as if we'd melted together into one body. The precum from our dicks mixed together and intensified the sensations as I stroked us both.

"Damn, Scott...so fuckin' amazing...you...I can't..."

He was having trouble talking and his breathing was ragged. After a few minutes he said "I can't take much more. It's too intense. It's incredible. But I don't want to cum like that. I want you inside me."

Fuck.

My dick stiffened up even more. And my heart was about to burst with love for him.

I said, "You got condoms?"

He said, "Yeah." He reached into his nightstand drawer, pulling out a wrapped condom and a bottle of lube. He tore the package open, saying, "Let me put it on you."

He knelt down and put his face against my pubes, breathing in my scent. Then he began licking my balls and kissing up the shaft of my dick. When he got to the head of my dick, he pulled the foreskin back up over it, and stuck his tongue between the foreskin and the head of my dick, rolling his tongue around the circumference. I thought I was gonna jet a mouthful of jizz into him right then and there, but he stopped in time and pulled the foreskin back once more and rolled the condom down over my dick.

I eased him back down onto the bed and said "How clean are you back there, Jay?"

"Clean enough to eat off of," he laughed.

"Oh, yeah? Let's test it out then," I laughed, and pushing him back onto the bed, I took the lube from him and rolled him up on his back a little with his legs up, so that his pink hole was an easy target. I got my face down there and sure enough, he was squeaky clean. I began licking around his hole while I jacked him. He was squirming and moaning and I could tell he loved it. I thrust my tongue up inside him a couple of times, and he yelled out in pleasure.

I put some lube on my fingers and on his asshole, and stuck my middle finger in gently, thrusting up and down. He closed his eyes and was breathing heavily. I put in a second finger. He tensed up and gasped a little, but gradually he relaxed and I could tell he was ready.

I got over him and put his legs over my shoulders. I adjusted my body and moved my dick toward his hole, until the head of my dick was right up against his pucker.

I looked at him and said, "You ready?"

He smiled. "Do it."

Slowly I eased the head of my dick into him. Damn, he was so tight! He gasped and I watched as he concentrated on keeping his muscles loose.

I put my mouth against his. His tongue sought out mine. As we were kissing he moaned a little bit while my dick was invading him. Soon I was in all the way to the hilt.

"That's all of it, Jay," I said.

"Thank God," he said, gasping. He grimaced and began breathing in and out through his mouth, concentrating on relaxing.

I was a little concerned, and asked him, "Are you okay?"

A smile lit up his face and he said, "I'm perfect. Fuck me, cowboy."

Who was I to argue?

I began thrusting in and out. His asshole gripped my dick with an intensity I almost couldn't believe. He ran his hands over my back and all over my ass while I fucked him.

I kissed everywhere I could reach. His mouth, his face, his neck, even his nipples a few times. The expression on his face touched my heart. All kinds of thoughts and feelings were going through my head as our bodies talked their intimate talk. But mostly I was glad I'd met him; I couldn't even bring myself to worry about tomorrow and the devastation I'd surely face.

I was getting close. He was jacking himself as I was fucking him.

Then he reached in between my asscheeks and invaded me with a finger.

That was enough to send me over the top. I yelled out and slammed into him. Cum exploded out of my dick in spasmodic bursts, flooding the condom. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over me and I collapsed on top of him. My vision got blurry because my eyes were a little extra-moist; the experience was too overpowering to me. As I was coming he stroked my ass and kissed my cheeks and lips.

After I recovered a little bit he started jacking himself. I had wanted to pull out and finish him with my mouth, but he wanted me inside him while he finished himself. So with my dick buried deep in Jay's guts, he stroked himself furiously until I felt his asshole clench my dick, while his body tensed up. He shot seven or eight jets of cum out of his dick. Three of them hit me on the face and the others painted my neck and chest. I scooped some up on a finger and put it in my mouth. His cum tasted like him: Young and masculine and so damn sexy.

He pulled me back down on top of him and we slipped and slid a little on the cum spreading all over our joined torsos. I pulled my dick out of his ass and pulled off the condom, tied it in a knot and tossed it in the trashcan next to his bed. I held him in my arms and we kissed gently a few times. Things got real mellow. Finally, he pulled the covers up over us, and right before he fell asleep, he said, "This is all I was asking for. Was it so hard, so bad?"

I smiled and kissed him; what could he possibly know of the mayhem that now waited just down the road?

We fell asleep in each other's arms, sated and--for this brief interstice--at peace.