Damphir - 10. Chapter 10

Rover has been a better friend to me than I could ever have imagined or hoped for. Sar left the same night and no one seems to know where or why. Well... I know why of course but I’m not telling. Although I have to admit that I was relieved that he had gone and I didn’t have to see him, it wasn't without its issues. For one think there was a distinct increase in hostility from Valentine, especially, I think because Sar had words with him about the Circus incident.

The others have been slightly less frosty, except for Pixie who is definitely a Valentine sympathiser. Meh, I don’t care. I rarely leave my room these days. Initially it was because I couldn’t. The pain from my wings and ribs was excruciating and for two days I was so doped up with Fougue’s herbal concoction that I barely knew what day it was and didn’t get out of bed.

Not that it stopped the pain. That was there all the time; in waking life, such as it was, and dreams. In fairly lucid times Rover fed me soup and held me when I cried.

But Fougue is right, I do heal quickly and by day three my wing was working fine again and, with the help of strong painkillers, the pain in my ribs had dulled enough to allow me to get out of bed and sit in the chair or lie on the rug before the fire.

It was then that Rover’s devotion really came to the fore and I will never forget the times he just sat and listened or held me in his arms while I went over and over what had happened and how I felt – feel about it. The thing is that I don’t know how I feel and he has to listen while I swing from love to hate; hurt to anger. Of course I was angry with what Sar did, especially when the pain was bad. I screamed curses at him which both Rover and Fougue accepted but took no notice of.

But as time went on my memories and my dreams changed. The violence faded to be replaced by memories of dark eyes looking at me with tenderness, soft lips pressed against mine and hands exploring my body. I may have dreamed it but somewhere in the middle of the pain and confusion of that night three words hung in the air; I’m not even sure I heard them, but somehow I felt them.

I recognise too that I was a snivelling bitch and I pushed too hard, like I always do. He was right; I should have been grateful for everything he’s done for me. It’s not an excuse for the violence but I was fighting back too wasn’t I? What if I hadn’t? What if I had simply surrendered myself to him? What if I hadn’t freaked out when he bit me? In my dreams I did just that and there were times when I woke from such dreams sticky and strangely satisfied. Those were the only times when I woke without Rover at my side.

And now? Now I don’t know where I am, what to do, what to think. He’s in my mind all the time, making me feverish. If only I could see him, speak to him. In the beginning I was glad he had gone but now I want to be with him so badly, even if only to talk. Surely we would be able to get something sorted out.

I just want to look into his eyes, see his smile, punch him in the face.

I have never been so confused in all my life.

“Why don’t you go for a walk outside?”

“No,” I sigh, pressing my forehead against the cool glass of the window, “I don’t feel like it.”

“You’ve been cooped up in this house for weeks, not including your break for freedom.” He’s trying to make a joke of it but I’m not in the mood. I’m restless and listless but lethargic. “Oh come ON. You’ll be glad of the air once we’re out of here.”

“Oh, alright.” With a marked lack of enthusiasm I let him help me into my coat. My back is still a little stiff and I wince when he tugs it over my arm and shoulder.

“Sorry,” he says gently and leads me out into a beautiful crisp winter day.

He’s right. It does make me feel better. I’ve spent most of my life outside with nowhere inside to go even if I had wanted it, not counting the cafe. I hadn’t realised what a huge effect being stuck in the house has had on me until I get outside again.

There is a lake in an incline off the main drive. It isn't very big but it is very beautiful, surrounded by trees. Our feet crunch on the grass and I can’t help remembering the night he found me; the frost crystals on the gatepost. I’m warmer this time.

A feeling of intense melancholy hits me, making me sigh deeply and bow my head. Rover moves close to me and puts his arm around me drawing me in to his side. He is so warm. I lay my head on his shoulder and sigh again.

“What’s wrong?” Now isn't that a loaded question? What is wrong? I feel sad but if I’m honest I don’t really know why. Oh who am I kidding, yes I do.

“What am I going to do, Rover? What’s going to happen to me?”

“Nothing is going to happen to you. When Sar’s had time to calm down and think about things he’ll come back and you’ll work things through.”

“What if we don’t? I’m scared that he isn’t going to come back; and scared that he will. What am I going to do?”

“You’re going to do what you always do Glory – survive. Whatever happens next you’re a survivor: and whatever happens next I’ll be right here at your side. You’re not alone now, Glory and you never will be again.”

What...? Why...? He is looking at me with an intense look in his eyes. I know he means it. He means it absolutely. “Why?”

“Because I love you Glory,” he says simply and the words hurt.

“Rover I...” I can’t look at him but he pulls back until he can cup my chin with his fingers and force me head up to make me look at him. It hurts to look at him. I know he loves me. I’ve known it all along and I’ve used him. I’ve abused his love by trampling all over it in my stupid, childish... “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Soul Brothers, remember? I love you and I’ll always love you but it isn’t conditional on you loving me back, it never was. You’ve never led me on Glory. I know how you feel about me. I know you love me in your own way; it’s not the same way as I love you. I know you’ll never love me like that because... because you love someone else.”

“No... no I... I don’t...” Oh who am I kidding? Of course I love him. Maybe I’ve loved him since the first moment I set eyes on him when I was running from the wolves. It’s crazy. How can I love someone who I don’t know, who hurts me every time he sees me? How can I love someone who can’t be in the same room without ending up fighting? But I do. I know I do. That’s why I’ve been so torn, so confused. I’ve been admitting it without admitting it, without really feeling it, or at least allowing myself to feel it.

My head is aching with everything that’s spinning through it. It feels good to rest it against Rover’s chest. He puts both arm around me and cradles me gentle. “It’s alright Glory. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

I think he thinks I’m crying, but I’m not. I don’t feel like crying. I feel like... I feel like giving in. His face is serious. His words are totally heartfelt; he means every single one of them. I don’t want to hurt him. He smiles his beautiful, solid, reliable smile and tucks my hair behind my ear. “It’s alright, Glory. I know.”

“I love him Rover. Just that.” And now the crying comes, oh hell does it come. He holds me with his big, strong, safe arms. I wish it was Rover I love. He’s safe and reliable and he’s not dangerous. I know he won’t hurt me. But you can’t choose who you love.

The air is brittle and clean; sound carries a long way. The sound of a car takes me by surprise. Is it? Can it be? Who else would come in a car? It could be anyone I suppose, but I know it isn’t. I don’t know how I know but I do.

“It’s him.”

“It could be anyone Glory. Don’t get into a state when...”

I shake my head violently. “No. It’s him. I know it’s him. What am I going to do?”

“You’re going to go and talk to him, that’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to talk to him and you’re going to keep your head and not throw yourself at his throat until you’ve worked out all the things that have been tearing you apart.”

“Do you think...?”

“I think you should go.”

I think he’s right. I’m practically flying over the grass before I’m aware I’m even moving but although I run as fast as can there is no sign of the car by the time I reach the house. I don’t know what to do, where to go. My room. Of course. Surely he would go to his room first.

He doesn’t. Shit. I throw my coat on the bed and run full out to the office where Fougue usually hangs out. He’s sitting in front of the fire staring into the flames as if he would find the answers to all the world’s problems in there. Why is he alone? “Where is he?” I didn’t mean to let that much feeling leak into the words but my heart is pounding and it’s a struggle to get words out.

Fougue looks up and frowns at me. He doesn’t ask ‘who’ or comment on my sudden change of heart. He simply looks at me with a strange expression on his face that makes me feel very uncomfortable.

“Dinner at six,” he says finally. My heart almost chokes me, thudding in my chest. I almost hug him. Hmmm, I wonder what would happen if I did. Maybe he would spontaneously combust.

“Glory.” Looking over my shoulder I get almost a smile from him. “He says wear what you like.”

I feel as if my face is going to crack I’m grinning so hard.

Rover is keeping out of the way, but he shows up while I am scattering every stitch of clothing I possess onto the bed. There isn’t much and what there is was given to be by Fougue. One way or another I’ve spent most of my time here naked. Yeah... it’s not much, but it’s all I have.

“I’m having dinner tonight Rover. What shall I wear?”

Rover grins at me. “Sometimes you can be such a woman, Glory.”

I throw a show at him then look at the clothes again, critically. I can't help but smile, feeling warm inside. It’s so exciting.

At precisely 6pm I am standing in front of the door to the private dining room. He’s let me be to get ready this time and so I actually make it all the way to the door. Should I knock? Hell no.

He’s breathtaking, lounging in one of the chairs at the table, popping grapes into his mouth like he’s bored. I know he’s not bored, I can see the tension. His eyes rake me and I can’t read them.

“You said they made you look like a whore.”

“Sometimes I like to look like a whore,” I murmur in what I hope is a seductive way, as I lower myself into a chair at the other side of the table. It’s quite exciting. I have never tried to be seductive before. Mostly I try to be invisible. “if it’s on my terms.”

“Terms huh?”

He watches me with veiled eyes, toying with the stem of his glass. Pretending to ignore him I turn my attention to the grapes: they are huge. I put one in my mouth and roll it around for a while, my eyes half closing with pleasure as I pop it and flood my mouth with the sweet juice in a heady rush. I really like grapes, especially red ones. I actually get lost in the experience and genuinely forget he’s there.

“Aw.” Something hits me on the side of the head and I look up just in time to get another grape in the middle of the forehead. “What the hell...?”

“I’m not used to being ignored.” Arrogant shit. Goddamn it! And to think I was actually excited about being here. How could I have forgotten that infuriating smug smile?

“Ignore this.” I can flick grapes too, with just as much speed and accuracy as he can. With lightning speed his hand comes up to catch the grape out of the air... and misses. The look of shock on his face as the grape hits him between the eyes is priceless. Growling, he reaches for another grape, which I catch and send back, again catching him on the forehead.

He leans back in his chair and looks at me with veiled eyes. I eat a grape, savouring the sweetness. I can see the anger simmering below the surface. Good.

“Maybe we can stop playing childish games and have dinner now.” Haha he’s pissed because he’s losing the ‘childish game’.

“I’m easy.” Uh oh. Wrong choice of words. He’s sneering at me.

With a snap of Ser’s fingers servers appear, apparently from nowhere, with bowls of steaming soup and trays of hot bread rolls. How dare he not ask me what I want and just assume... Mmmm this soup is wonderful, and the bread seems freshly baked. Wow.

“Enjoying it? It’s my own recipe. It has a bit of a kick doesn’t it?”

I narrow my eyes and peer at the soup. It looks just like normal soup and, although it does have an odd flavour, it really is very good. What’s he done to it? More important, what’s it going to do to me?

“It’s blood soup,” he supplies much to my relief. My eyes widen again.

“Blood.” So that’s why it tastes so good and has both cat and vamp out sniffing the air. “Mmm, I’ve never tasted anything like it.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” What? He sounds as if he actually means it. “You look surprised.”

“I...” The mocking smile vanishes. Then he sighs.

“We haven’t got off to a very good start have we, and I accept that much of that is my fault. I’m very sorry for that. I didn’t want it to be like this.”

“How did you want it to be? What do you want from me?”

“I want you to be my friend. I want to get to know you.”

“And then?”

“And then we’ll see what happens?”

“But you must have an idea. You must know what your plans are. What’s going to happen if it doesn’t work out and we can’t be friends?”

“I don’t know.” He looks down at his plate and I start to boil. Easy boy, give him a chance. “It’s complicated,” he says eventually. “Can’t we just say that from the moment you ran into me that night you’re all I’ve thought of. You fascinate me.”

“I do?” Now that’s a shock. It certainly wasn’t what I was expecting him to say. I know that I’m staring like an idiot but what can I do?

I feel like I’m 15 again, with my hormones going crazy and a huge crush on an unattainable hero. Of course when I was 15 everyone, hero or not, was unobtainable. There was no way I could have risked talking to another boy let alone trying to have a relationship with one. The slightest slip and I would have been dead meat. And now suddenly my hero’s turned around and said ‘take me’. On the other hand I also feel that I have my head in the mouth of a lion waiting for the jaw to snap shut.

“Yes,” he says softly, “you do.”

I’m blushing. Oh God I’m blushing. How embarrassing. I can’t look at him. Suddenly this plate looks very interesting.

The soup is replaced by a main course which is equally delicious. We eat mainly in silence. I think he’s as embarrassed as I am. He seems somehow uncertain, and therefore more approachable.

“So what happens next?” I ask cautiously, my eyes still on my plate.

“I suggest we have dessert.”

My head snaps up. I finally find the courage to ask the question that’s been burning me out and screwing with my head for days and he mocks me. “You know what I mean you bastard. You’ve taken me from a life of running away, living on the streets and always looking over my shoulder. No, in fact you snatched me away from certain death. And then you dump me here in...this. One minute you’re kissing me and the next almost killing me. Just because you’re being nice now it doesn’t reassure me one bit.

“Where do I stand? How do I know you won't hurt me again? And what if it doesn’t work out? Will you hand me over to the hunters, or drop me back on the street where you found me, with the same end result? Where do I stand, Sar?” Fuck; I will not cry. I will not look at him. I will NOT cry in front of him.

I just about jump out of my skin when I feel the soft touch on my shoulder. I look up into soft, sad eyes. “I’m truly sorry Glory. It was never meant to be like this. I didn’t want to hurt you. You have no idea how much I didn’t... don’t want to hurt you and I promise – no I swear to you that you will NEVER be handed over to the hunters and you will never have to go back to the streets. I will look after you, no matter what.”

“You... you’ll look after me?” Fuck and double fuck; I AM crying now. I can’t stop it. I can’t speak; I can barely breathe. “No one has ever looked after me before.” My hand goes to the crystal earring. “Well... not for a very long time.”

Sar reaches out his hand to me and I take it. I’m in a dream world. I don’t know what I’m doing, what’s happening to me. I rise to my feet like a puppet with all the strings cut. He puts his arm around my waist and draws me closer, tucking an errant strand of hair behind my ear. If I was breathless before I’m drowning now and when he kisses me I stop breathing altogether.

Wow, this is it. This is so... “Oohhhh.” The sigh comes from the root of my being and is followed closely by a deep purr as cat comes storming to the fore. I’m so happy right now. Nothing can spoil this feeling.

“You’re beautiful Glory; my glorious, glorious boy,” he whispers in my ear and cat mewls, melting into his arms with half closed eyes. “Do you like this?” he whispers again, gently brushing my ear with his cheek. Cat is coming to the fore big time. My ear is decidedly furry and way more sensitive. My legs are trembling and...oh god don’t think about what’s going on between your legs Glory; just concentrate on your...”Oohhhh. Mmmm,” I purr, rubbing myself against him.

“Oh God, you inflame me little cat. I’ve never met anyone like you before and I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you. Do you want me too?”

I can barely speak but manage to whisper, “yes.”

He lifts me and I wind my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. As he strides from the room I cling to him with my head nestled into his shoulder. I’m purring happily listening to his heart.

“Oh how sweet. Sar’s been petting the kitty.” A smooth sarcastic voice lashes out from the shadows.

“Be careful, Valentine,” Sar snaps. “You’re skating on thin ice and you’ve already fallen through once.”

“What the hell is it with you Sar?” He snaps. “This little bitch has you twisted around his finger. Can’t you see he’s just a piece of street trash trying to cash in on...”

He can’t say any more because Sar haspried my legs loose, deposited me fairly gently on my feet and now has his hands around his throat.

“No Sar. Please.” The last thing I want is for Sar and Valentine to fight. I know that Sar can’t be at my side every moment and I don’t want Valentine to hate me any more than he already does.

I spring after him and try to pull him off Valentine. Blind with fury he hits out to shake me off. His hand connects with my face and sends me slamming back into the wall. Oh HELL. The pain from the blow and the pain from my barely healed back freeze me totally and I’m gasping. I am kind of aware that Sar is trying to say something to me but as soon I touch down again I send him flying as hard as he had done me.

“Get away from me. God, you can’t help it can you? You can’t help hurting me. Well I’m sick of it, so stay away from me. I hate you. I hate you all.”

I barely hear Valentine make some smart remark because I’m running.