Figuring It Out - 1. Story

"Dude, you're acting all giddy, like some chick. What the hell is going on with you? Get a little estrogen in your vitamins this month?"

"Shut up!" Kiron said. He folded his arms across his chest and glared at his roommate, annoyed at the description. "I am not."

Ramiro just snorted. "Whatever. Let me know if you're going to start dancing around again after you check your email, I swear you ran over my toes twice before I got away from you."

Kiron flipped him off. "Did not."

"Wow, all that college sophistication and your comebacks have dwindled to rude hand gestures and pre-schoolesque responses." Ramiro raised one eyebrow and tented his fingers in front of him. "I, on the other hand, have soaked in the intellectual ambiance and enhanced my natural genius for sarcastic quips."

He snickered when Kiron's second finger joined the first. "Yeah, you've been spending way too much time with those jocks you tutor."

Kiron rolled his eyes. "Whatever Ram. You're still the same guy that went to high school graduation in a pair of elephant trunk novelty underwear under your robe and nothing else. I swear, if they could have snatched your diploma back and expelled you on the spot Mr. Widcut would have. You’ll be sophisticated when I have a boyfriend.”

“Good thing I don’t really care if I’m ever sophisticated,” Ramiro laughed, “because you won’t ever have a boyfriend if you don't even talk to other guys."

Kiron looked over and him and then looked away. "Can you at least learn to stop scratching your nuts in public?"

"We're not in public, we're in the elevator."

"Same difference."

"Is not."

"Yeah, genius sarcasm there, Ram." Kiron snickered at him

He shrugged and stuck out his tongue. "Everyone has their off moments. Want a push?"

"Nope." Kiron gave a hard push to get up a little speed and shoved hard on his wheels right at the doors to shove his chair up to get over the lip. "You know, I think I've complained three times about that elevator dropping below the floor level. I wonder if they're ever going to fix it."

"What? Spend our lovely tuition and dorm fees on fixing things so they actually work? Yeah, right." Ramiro dug around in his backpack, pulling out his meal card as they crossed the quad. "I'm heading over to get some breakfast. You coming?"

"Nope, I had a blueberry pop tart before we left."

"Well I'm going for some rubbery eggs and soggy toast. I'll see you after classes."

"Uh, I might not see you until after lunch actually. I have tutoring after class." A faint blush of pink spread across Kiron's cheeks but he looked down and away to hide it from his roommate.

"It'll take that long?"

Kiron shrugged. "It might."

Ramiro waved and walked away, muttering as he wondered out loud if complaining about the food would do more good than the elevator. A freshman girl walking by looked at him sideways and Ramiro winked at her. Kiron watched him, shaking his head at his cockiness. Then again, Ramiro's favorite phrase was God favored the bold when it came to the ladies.

His best friend was a little crazy, but they had known each other for a long time so Kiron didn't care. When they both got into the same college, they'd requested a room together for their freshman year. Kiron got one of the handicap rooms so it was a little bit bigger than the usual shoebox sized dorm room and had its own bathroom, but it was still a tight fit for two people. In their sophomore year now, they still spent most of their time together.

Sharing a room with a stranger who might stare at him had been one of Kiron's biggest fears about college. The accident that had left him in a chair had also given him some pretty bad scars. Ramiro had been in the car with him, he'd seen the wounds and the scars they left behind when they were still red and raw.

He didn't care and his first words to Kiron were about how he needed to cut his dark, curly hair before he started to get mistaken for a girl with his pretty face.

Of course, that told Kiron just how much his best friend understood and cared about him. When other people stared at him or offered overly familiar sympathy, including the freshman cheerleaders who had ignored him in high school to fawn over the football players, Ramiro treated him just as he always did. He offered to push Kiron on occasion but that's usually as far as he went. He let Kiron do the asking if he needed help.

Kiron hadn't realized until he was stuck in a wheelchair how people treated anyone different from so called normal. He couldn't ever forget that he wouldn't walk again but it only made it worse when people had made it so obvious by their pity or thoughtless comments. He had gotten used to it over the years, for the most part, but Ramiro accused him of being closed off. Ramiro had made it clear that getting him out of the dorm room and joining in on college social life was one of his main goals this year.

Kiron had his own goals. He spent the calculus lecture thinking about his tutoring session. He was focused on a degree in biostatistics. He loved math and the idea of working with a research company to help heal people suffering from serious medical conditions. After he was hurt his parents had enrolled him in quite a few experimental studies. He’d asked as many questions as the doctors would answer. None of the programs had worked for him but there was a lot of good a statistician could do to help fight cancer or genetic diseases.

Kiron's body was limited but his mind wasn't.

His advisor had suggested he take a position with the college as a math tutor. It was just basic algebra, a class typically taken by entering freshman students, but Kiron liked seeing the look on someone's face when they realize they could actually understand the material. As good as the professors were, some people just learned better when they worked with someone their own age.

Plus the money was decent.

As soon as Professor Velester finished going over differentiation rules, Kiron slung his laptop bag over his shoulder. If he hurried he'd have time to get in some studying while he waited for students to show up for tutoring.

For John to show up.

***

John wasn't sure what it was about the new tutor but he had a hard time staying focused on the words he was saying and not just how his wide, expressive mouth moved. It was a good thing the guy was a phenomenal teacher. His approach to the equations was so much easier to understand than the professor's. John was finally getting it.

He scratched out a problem he got wrong, frowning at the page and then up at the correct problem on the board the tutor had put up as an example.

"Do you need help John?"

"Yeah, I'm just stuck on number eight."

"Bring it on up." John's heart raced a bit as he picked up his book and notepad. The small study room was actually empty other than them for a change, probably because it was the first sunny day they'd seen in months and there was a baseball game scheduled. He casually sat down opposite Kiron at the desk at the head of the room.

"Are you going to let me see the problem?"

John blushed and handed over his book, pointing to the spot on the page. When Kiron's head bent over it, he inhaled, drinking in the clean spicy scent of his tutor's cologne while the man read the problem. He smelled so damn good!

His dark hair was slightly curly, the waves just hitting his ears. It looked silky and soft and John wanted to bury his hands in it while he plundered those soft pink lips. His pale skin set off his dark eyes, the irises the same smudged blue color snow gets at dusk when the shadows lengthen and the sky darkens.

"John!"

"Huh?" John realized he'd been staring at Kiron while he was explaining the steps for figuring out how to factor the trinomial in quadratic equations.

"Something wrong John? You're staring."

"Oh, uh..." John thought quickly. "Sorry, just already out playing a round of flag football with the guys I guess. We're meeting up at one." He fiddled with his pencil, looking at the scratched up table.

"Maybe you could join us? If you like football, that is. "

Kiron's eyebrow rose before his eyes narrowed. "I like football but I won't be playing with you and you know it!"

John recoiled from the anger in Kiron’s voice. It felt like his stomach dropped right to his feet. He must be straight and figured out that John had a crush on him. It probably wasn't that hard to figure out considering John had been staring at him like a school girl.

"Are you really that clueless?"

John was shocked. He didn't really know Kiron that well but he didn't seem like the homophobic sort. The bitter thought that you could never tell about some people crossed his mind. He grabbed his book and notepad and stood up abruptly, knocking his chair backward.

"Sorry I made you uncomfortable. I won't bug you anymore. Sorry I offered, I didn't mean anything by it." It definitely wouldn't happen again because John would find someone else to help him with his math. He hurried back over to his chair and reached for his backpack. His hand was shaking and he clenched it in a fist around the black strap, his knuckles white.

"Shit! John, wait."

John froze halfway to the door. He cursed himself but he couldn't resist that voice.

"I'm sorry. I'm just sensitive about comments like that still I guess. You wouldn't think so after six years, but I am. The teasing shouldn't bother me but it does."

"Teasing you?" John started to turn around. "What are you talk..."

He trailed off, staring at Kiron who had moved away from the desk to stop him from leaving. He'd always been sitting at the desk at the head of the room when John came in. He had been so focused on Kiron's beautiful face and sculpted chest that he'd failed to notice that he was sitting in one of those low back wheelchairs.

"You're staring."

John's eyes jerked up from the skinny legs that didn't fit the muscular upper body. Kiron was frowning at him again.

"Sorry," he said reflexively. "I just... I didn't know. I'm sorry."

Kiron looked confused. "How could you not know?"

John shrugged a little, embarrassed. "Wasn't paying that much attention I guess. I really didn't mean anything by my offer to play football though. I wouldn't tease anyone for being different." He sank down into a char and set down his backpack before starting at Kiron earnestly; hoping he’d read the sincerity in his eyes and know he spoke the truth.

Kiron seemed disappointed for a minute, which confused John but he forgot all that when Kiron rolled up to him and his cologne washed over him again. The man really did smell amazing. "If you weren't apologizing for making a joke about me being crippled, then what were you saying sorry for?"

John felt his face catch on fire. It had hurt when he thought Kiron was rejecting him for being gay and that was a pain he wasn't really eager to feel again. It hadn't been this hard since he told his parents.

He looked down at his bag, fiddling with the straps. His gaze shifted to Kiron's shoes, a comfortable pair of brown slip on chucks. "Nothing." He'd promised himself he wouldn't lie about being gay but he figured that didn't mean he had to admit to anything if he didn't feel like it was right.

"Bullshit," Kiron said, his tone stating just as clearly as his words that he didn’t believe John for a minute. His feet moved and John looked up as Kiron maneuvered his chair so that he was in front of John but facing the door. He twisted a bit in his seat and leaned closer. The blue eyes were more intense from just a few inches away.

"Does it have anything to do with the way you always seem to stare at me?"

John swallowed hard and nodded.

"If you didn't know I was in a wheelchair, then why were you staring John?" Kiron asked quietly.

John's mouth opened and closed a few times but he didn't say anything. He wasn't exactly in the closet and he wasn't exactly out either. His parents knew, a few friends, his boyfriend in high school of course, but he didn't exactly shout his sexuality from the school rooftops. If he told Kiron, would his life change here at school?

"Is it because you're gay John?"

The whispered words sent a shudder down John's back. He closed his eyes to block out Kiron's expression because no matter if the man was a homophobe or not, he didn't think he was brave enough to say yes and watch Kiron's reaction. It took all his willpower to force his head to nod once.

Kiron's lips were just as soft as they looked. At least, that's what ran through John's mind as soon as he felt them pressed up against his own. His breath caught and his eyes shot open as he jerked back.

"What was that?" John asked. His voice was hoarse and a little breathless. He cleared his throat.

"A kiss? Well, sort of. I kissed you but you didn't kiss back. Was I wrong about you liking me?" Kiron's voice dropped to a whisper at the last question, as if it were hard to ask.

John studied Kiron's face, trying to figure him out. He'd always seemed so confident, easily interacting with the football players, lacrosse guys, and other jocks that seemed to make up the majority of his tutoring session. He'd confronted John about his sexuality and kissed him for heaven's sake. But now he seemed shy, a blush creeping up his face as his hands toyed nervously with the brakes to his wheelchair.

"Is it the chair?" It was Kiron's turn to look away from John as if he were afraid of the answer.

"No!" John shook his head vehemently. "I was surprised but it doesn't matter. I didn't kiss you back because I was just too surprised I guess. You're right; I do think you're hot. I've been watching you these past few weeks but I never seemed to get past your face and chest. Plus, you're just..."

Kiron tilted his head as he looked back up at him. "I am just what?"

"You don't know? Seriously?" John wondered if Kiron was really that oblivious. "Dude, you're fucking gorgeous." He waved a hand down his body. "I'm average. Mousy hair that's not brown or blond, flat brown eyes and a big nose. You're confident, you seem to know what you're doing, and I'm just about as clueless as it gets. I've been crushing on you since the first tutor session and I was just staring at you like a teenage girl. I wasn't even brave enough to ask you out, much less make a move like kissing you."

John didn't expect Kiron to laugh. "That's funny, my roommate Ramiro said I was acting like a giddy school girl this morning. See, I was excited about coming here; I hoped you'd be here since everyone else contacted me to say they'd be coming to the Thursday session.

"You know, you couldn't be more wrong. First, you're not average. I think you're really cute and you have a great body, probably from that football you like to play all the time. I'm not normally the type that goes out on a limb to meet someone. I have few friends and I've never had a real boyfriend. I haven't been with anyone since this came into my life as my primary mode of transportation." His hand tapped the low arm of his wheelchair. "Most people can't see past it and really see me."

That floored John. Kiron was an amazing person and the fact that he was in a wheelchair wasn't something that detracted from that, if anything it just made John admire him even more. "I really don't mind that you're in the chair," John said.

"Why? Why doesn't it matter? It changes a lot of things. You asked me to go play football with you and your friends. I can't do that. So what are we going to do together that won't be affected by my wheels?"

"Okay, I know that I suck at math, but do you really think I'm just a stupid muscle bound jock that only knows how to play football because I'm on the school's team and like to play in the off season too?"

Kiron shrugged a little.

John blew out a breath, a bit irritated. "You know, your assumption that I would be the type of person to ridicule you based on your wheelchair was insulting but that's worse. After all your talk about people not seeing you, just your chair, you then go and judge me just because I'm a jock."

Kiron's eyes widened. He went to speak but John held up a hand.

"I'm a twenty year old freshman literature major. I like to write. I've even had a few poems published in some anthology books. I suck at math and excel at football. I'm addicted to historical fiction, I've a decent tenor voice, I like to spend hours playing x box with my roommate and I'm gay.

"There's a lot to me you don't know. I'm pretty sure there's tons more about you than what I know. How about we check our assumptions at the door and get to know the person in front of us, not the image we both built up in our minds?"

Kiron's serious look lightened as a wide smile slowly spread across his face. "That sounds like a good plan."

"Glad you think so." John's heart was starting to pound but he leaned forward anyway.

"What are you doing?" Kiron licked his lips with a quick swipe of his pink tongue and John almost groaned when he left a shiny wet sheen on his bottom lip.

"Kissing you back." John closed the final inch between them, pressing their lips together. This time they both leaned into the kiss, their hands caressing and exploring as their tongues twined together.

***

Ramiro stared at Kiron who was putting on cologne. He'd been watching his best friend for a few weeks. When he was paralyzed a lot of Kiron's self-confidence disappeared. He changed and pulled away from people except for a special few.

Then the routine on Tuesday and Thursday changed when he started tutoring the jocks right after his Calculus lecture. To top it off, a few weeks ago Kiron returned after lunch with a dreamy expression on his face. His hair had been messed up and his lips were red and a bit swollen too.

At first Ramiro been hurt that Kiron hadn't trusted him enough to tell him about a boyfriend but then Kiron had just about jerked his arm off pulling him out of bed and then shoved him to the window to point out John, the guy he'd apparently been too embarrassed to share that he'd been crushing over. For over an hour Kiron rambled on about how they told each other the truth about their mutual attraction. He was more excited when he went on about the walk they had taken after getting kicked out of the library when their tutoring session was up.

Secretly really happy that his best friend had found someone that saw him and not just the wheelchair he was stuck in, Ramiro still found it hilarious to tease him about his behavior before each tutor session. Now he was finally getting to meet the man who had caught Kiron's eye and made him step outside of his comfort zone.

They met up at a local pizza place Kiron and Ramiro found their freshman year, like thousands of other freshmen had probably done before them.

"Hey, Pete," Ramiro said when he walked in. He took a deep breath. "Smells good in here."

The gray haired man behind the counter waved at him. "Hey Ramiro. Haven't seen you in here in a while."

"I know, classes have been keeping Kiron and me busy. I'm meeting him and a friend of his here for lunch though."

"Well it's good to see you. Your usual?"

"Sounds great. I haven't been able to get home and have some of Mom's homemade tacos in a while but your taco pizza is almost as good."

Pete laughed. "Yeah, nothing is quite like home cooking. My mother used to make this chicken picatta that was to die for. I'll start a taco pizza and a pepperoni with mushrooms for you guys."

"Thanks Pete, I'm just going to watch the game." The pizzeria always had sports on the TV’s that littered the dining area.

"Hey Ram!"

Kiron's voice pulled Ramiro's attention away from the great triple on the TV. "Hey man. This must be John."

Ramiro eyed the guy who was walking beside his best friend. He was fairly average looking, tall but not too tall, with a muscular body. He wasn't stacked like an egotistical gym bunny, just enough to fill out his shirt. His brown hair was cut short but it was his eyes that Ramiro noticed as they got to the table. They were big, light brown surrounded by a dark ring. Even more, they were shining as he looked at Kiron.

"Nice to meet you." John held out a hand for Ramiro to shake.

"Ramiro, Ram to my good friends. It's nice to meet you too. Honestly, I thought I'd never get to meet Kiron's 'after math secret' in person."

John looked at Kiron with one eyebrow raised.

"It's not like that," protested Kiron. "If anything I was protecting you from him."

Ramiro laughed when Kiron glared at him. "True. You should have seen how excited he was the first time you walked him back to our dorm. I thought he was going to tear my arm out of my socket jerking me out of bed to point you out as you walked away."

Kiron's pale skin turned bright pink as he blushed before he hid his face in his hands. "See what I mean?"

John and Ramiro laughed.

"Hey guys, your pizza is ready. Wanna come give me a hand?"

"Be right there." Kiron unlocked his chair.

John stood up. "I can get it."

Kiron flashed him a look Ramiro had seen before. "I can do it."

John sat back down. "Sorry. Got it."

They weren't going to last long if John did that too often.

Pete slowly made his way over with their taco pizza and Kiron followed him with the pepperoni balanced on the arms of his wheelchair. There wasn't much talking as they ate, typical college guys filling their stomachs and watching baseball, there were some catcalls for bad plays and a cheer when their local team scored the winning run.

Kiron's phone rang and he looked at the caller id. "I've got to take this."

"Sure thing, man." Ramiro watched as Kiron stuck his blue tooth into his ear and then rolled toward the door to escape the noise that had gradually grown as the afternoon crowd thickened.

"So, John, you and Kiron met at tutoring, right?"

John was wiping his hands on a napkin. "Yeah. I suck at math. Kiron's sort of a genius at it, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he always has been. Drove me crazy in high school."

"He told me you guys have been friends for a long time."

"Yep. Met in middle school. He's my best friend." Ramiro rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward. "In that role, can I offer you some advice?"

John leaned back, his face blank. "Okay."

"Don't offer to do things for Kiron. He used to be really bad about not asking for help because he had to prove to everyone he could still do things, even himself. The accident was really hard on him and he hasn't let anyone in for a long time."

John sighed. "I know. Kiron yelled at me the other day and I get it, I do, and I'm trying to stop. Kiron's being really patient. Ever since he told me how everyone reacted after you guys were hurt, it really hit home."

"He told you about the accident?" Ramiro couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice. Kiron didn't talk about it with anyone.

Nodding, John rubbed his hands on his legs. "Yeah. It has to be hell, being able to feel your body but unable to make it move. Add in the scars on his chest, stomach and back and I'm not surprised he's never been able to let anyone in. But I'm not afraid of the chair and I'm not going to rush him into anything."

Ramiro was impressed. Not only had Kiron told him about his actual spinal injury and the details with it, but he'd brought up the scars.

"If he's talked about all of that with you, he must really trust you. When Kiron lets someone in, he doesn't hold back but he's been shut off for a long time. With you, I see the guy I used to know, before the accident made him close himself off from almost everyone.

"He's happy."

John leaned forward, his expression earnest and open. "I'm happy too. I really do care about Kiron."

"Good," Ramiro said. He saw Kiron pulling open the door to come back in. "So, I'm just going to say this one last thing. Don't hurt him. Because I may be smaller and shorter than you but I will end you."

John smiled. "I don't plan too."

They fell silent as Kiron rolled up to the table. "Sorry about that. It was my mom and you know what she can be like."

Ramiro laughed. "Just wait until you meet her, John. She's this tiny little bit of a thing but she rules their house."

John's eyes widened.

"No, she's really nice," Kiron assured him. "Just a little overprotective."

"Hmm," John said, giving Kiron a heated look. "I guess I'll just have to take extra special care of you so you make sure and tell her how happy you are."

Kiron made a soft sound. "Anytime." He leaned forward and kissed John, their lips meeting and moving together. Ramiro looked away. It didn't bother him to see two guys kiss, though he was straight. Instead he was hiding the tears in his eyes.

"You guys want to get out of here and go do something?" Kiron said when they finally pulled apart. "I think there's a dorm soccer competition at three.

Ramiro pulled himself together. "Yeah. Sounds great."

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