Never More Lonely - 1. Chapter 1

On 09/20/2012 05:42 AM, LJH said:

I read this story because the title Never More Lonely hooked me. Then the first word of the first paragraph hit me, and I couldn't stop reading, not for a second. It tells the story of Owen who met Connor online and this line sums up the entire story for me. Maybe it's the fact that my inspiration isn't someone I know in real life. My sunshine is someone I've never even met.The pacing is fast and there is an element of suspense to the story. When I heard the bangs, I really thought there could be robbery or a murder taking place next door, but boy was I pleasantly surprised. The story grabbed me emotionally, and as you well know, emotion does it for me. I didn't cry or anything like that, but my beaming smile made even my yorkie smile, such was the effect.

A great flash. It has all the elements of good story telling.(Anything less from Cia would be a disappointment). All the elements are there. Plus, I felt it was a good character building exercise. The descriptions of Own and Conner mix well with the dialogue and narrative.

First Impressions: I loved the strong, fast pacing. It held me glued to the screen straight through.

Characters: Both are equally well developed and realistic. Intense personalities.

Plot: Strong, well planned with a beginning, middle and end. realistic.

Dialogue: Authentic. It gave me details of place and character.

Content: Well, placed. Precision and clarity abound. Easy to follow. It catches and hold the reader with flair.

Emotion/Imagery: Strong emotions from me towards the end, adds drama and realism to the characters.

Likes: Skeevy, geeky,sleek,

Suggestions/Typos

Well, us. I mean, we've been chatting for a year and we've said how great it would be to meet face to face. But if it was just a visit, could we do it, you know? Could we resist this between us and stay friends, because I don't want to lose that." (needs an open quotation mark)

Final thoughts: A delightful, interesting read that I would certainly reread (and I have). Amazing characters by the way!

Thank you for sharing this, Cia.

I'm really glad you enjoyed this. I did want it to feel 'complete' in a way, so that if my readers on my blog chose the option of starting a new story each week, or continuing one for the duration of a month, I could go either way with this. I've not yet done so, but I do plan to use the weekly prompts to continue the story. I hope that the next chapter is equally as strong.

The elements you mention, the descriptions interspersed throughout the story, along with the emotional climx, were exactly the elements I focused on. You really do pick up on things! Thank you. It's gratifying to know that what I am trying to accomplish is actually working. As for the pacing ... well, I had 1k. Can't dawdle with that few words available. This actually was 1k on the dot (without GA Stories additions for the submission fields added) LOL. I used every word that I could.

Again, thank you so much for reading and for the lovely review. It made my day when I first read it and again when I've come to reply to it.

On 09/23/2012 04:37 AM, unlikelyu said:

When i read this i already like it. First that come to my mind is how similir the situation with me.. an online friend for 4 years and going to meet face to face next month for the 1st time.. scared.. nervous to think of it.. hehe.. i want more n everything about them. can't wait for next chpter. Thxs Cia

On 06/06/2014 06:27 PM, Suvitar said:

Last year I met some of my Facebook friends, some of them I had known for many years and never met before, everybody from different countries and it was so much fun. Some people in my real life didn´t think it´s a good idea to go to a foreign country to meet people I did´t actually know and others thought it was a great idea. I thought it was a wonderful idea.

 

There´s always a risk when you meet new people, you might not get along with them. Reading on to find out how things develop with Connor and Owen,