Unexpected Liaisons - 5. The World of Normal Porn

Zupan sat in front of his computer staring at the browser home screen, tapping the body of the mouse with two fingers, thinking. He had put off following through on Bay’s suggestion all day. He’d gone to the gym, done some weight lifting, done the physiotherapy exercises that he always forget to do, put the laundry on and cleaned his half of the kitchen. After that there were no more chores to complete, his brother was out at the South Alaska for the night and unless Zupan decided to call a girl or teammate, he was alone in the house until four in the morning.

Calling a girl… the thought sent an illicit sensational of guilt like icy cold slush down the back of his neck. It would be easy: grab the phone, dial one of any dozen numbers, hook up for the night. He could get his rocks off, have a good time, stop feeling frustrated. It would be easy: he would know what he was doing, it would be familiar and good. And he would feel nothing.

Sure all the physical stuff would be great, but afterwards there would be nothing. He would feel nothing. When he thought about Zander, it was everything and nothing, a mass jumble of emotions, each crackling like lightning, burning like fire. The sensation was all consuming, totally confusing and with the image of Zander’s candy floss pink lips in his mind, Zupan didn’t want to trade that feeling for all the pretty girls in his phonebook.

He sighed and typed on the keyboard with two fingers on his right hand and one on his left.

“Fuck me…” There were seven hundred and seventy six million results for ‘gay sex’ displayed, the list was endless. Zupan gulped and scrolled through the first page. There was a Wikipedia page called ‘men who have sex with men’ but the font was small and words were boring. He clicked away.

The next link down was gayrawsex.net and Zander clicked the link. Really high definition close ups of cocks and balls, anus’s, fucking and piercings made him blanche slightly. He closed the window. OK, too much in the other extreme. Be a bit more specific with your searches you idiot. ‘Gay sex for beginners’ just turned up a lot of stuff about how to be a ‘bottom’ and the image search wasn’t much more use. There was nothing to be found on what to do about gay sex if you were a quadriplegic, so that was no use either.

Zupan exhaled and slumped against the desk, then began to idly click on random links and pictures. Bay had told him to find out what he liked, and to find out if the idea of gay sex was going to freak him out. He switched tabs to videos. On screen was an undoubtedly pretty boy, all bendy and supple, laid out on a bed with his butt in the air, a pillow tucked under his hips. He glanced back at the camera with a cheeky grin. Zupan sat up and took notice, is more ways than one. Laid-out doggy style had been his favourite way to have sex before driving like a maniac and not wearing a seatbelt had landed him in a wheelchair. Zander would look great like that… Zupan shook himself down at the thought. Of course Zander would look great like that, but he would be able to do anything about it.

The boy was grinning at the camera man, and then there was a hand, slick and wet, and Zupan found himself leaning back in his chair as the boy on screen began to moan as the finger pressed into him. Alright… that looks good. Zupan reached to his crotch and adjusted the bar of steel pressing into his abs. The scene switched, and then it appeared that guy-holding-the-camera was either sitting or lying down while the totally-fucking-gorgeous-boy lowered himself onto his cock. Did two cocks together freak him out? No, definitely not. Zupan resisted the urge to stroke himself to the video, and that knowledge alone was enough to make him sure that this was what he wanted. Before he’d really realised it, he’d gone and typed ‘gay blowjobs’ into the search engine.

When he’d first been in rehab, he and bunch of other guys had sat around talking about sex and one phrase had always stuck with him in the years after when he’d starting going out and dating again. Guys in chairs, because of our… position, tend to get really good at cunnilingus. And Zupan decided after watching three or four videos that made him hot and heavy under the collar, that maybe the same rule applied to giving blowjobs. Sure, the idea of receiving a blowjob from Zander was awesome, but there were guys online who were buff and manly who seemed to love sucking dick. And they seemed good at it too. Somehow ‘giving a good blow job as a gay man’ made it into his search engine and Zupan found himself leaning over his keyboard, fascinated by what he read.

‘Sucking cock is a core sexual activity for most gay men…’ Well getting his cock sucked had been a fairly prominent part of sex both before and since the chair, so that was sort of a given. Zupan read on and found that apparently there was more than one way to suck a dick. Most girls he’d been with had just used a combination of sucking like a hoover and groaning until sex had either moved on or until he’d finished off. According to everyone on question sites, getting head from a guy beat being sucked by a girl hands down. The idea of going down on Zander… Zupan flicked and scrolled through a hundred graphic images of guys giving head, watched a few videos, then went back to the dozen or so advice pages, half of which were written by men and aimed at women, and absorbed all the information he could. Teeth, lips, saliva, hand action, gag reflex…

“Huh?” The sound of his own voice was weirdly loud in the silent house. Zupan almost never didn’t have music playing when he was home alone, a nice excuse to listen to the stuff that he and his twin didn’t have in common, but the stereo lay forgotten in the face of so much new material. Gag reflex. Apparently the gag reflex was different for everyone, and before Zupan had given himself time to process the action he’d stuck his best two fingers in his mouth to see what all the fuss was about. Coughing and spluttering five seconds later he decided that doing that was probably about the fifth or sixth stupidest thing he’d even done in his life, especially when everything he’d just read said ‘don’t dive right in.’

Zupan examined the guy on screen carefully, then rewound the clip to the moment when bloke-A had fallen to his knees and efficiently stripped dude-B from his jeans and underwear. Watch carefully… the guy doing the sucking didn’t just jump on in and swallow the guy. He stroked the skin of the inner thighs and sort of nuzzled the other guy’s crotch for a bit before his hands crept in. Zupan found his hand in his own crotch, and decided that he should let nature take its course and settled back in his chair. Licking followed the nuzzling, the guy in the video held the base of his partners cock and lapped a line of super wet kisses from base to tip. The other guy groaned in time with Zupan.

Zander, biting his soft pink lower lip. Looking down on him, but not looking down on him, blue eyes super bright under his hair, rose blush staining his cheeks. He would run his hand across the short hair on Zupan’s scalp, his stomach would tense and he would make some little drawn out groan while Zupan tongued the underside of his cock…

Zupan was jolted out of his half lidded lust dream by the clip ending abruptly half way through with a scrolling adverts for some pay per view website. I want to try that, Zupan thought to himself, And I wanna see Zander make that face. Zupan shut down the computer and started wheeling himself to bed. He was sure that he could deal with the fact that Zander was a guy.

Now all he had to do was get a second date.