Four Letter Words - 1. BRAT

Yup. Tears. Totally lots and lots of tears. Fuck you very much.

...

On 09/16/2013 07:09 AM, Thorn Wilde said:

Yup. Tears. Totally lots and lots of tears. Fuck you very much.

...

Now that's a speech!

BRAT begins with a line of dialogue that would typically occur in the kitchen over the cookie jar or out in the pool during or in the hall walking to the cafeteria. It then pulls the rug under our feet, licks it, says, "I love pulling rugs, don't you?" and reveals that this is a speech being given to an audience of people.

Through the carefully-directed dialogue of the speaker, we see how the way a person speaks about themself and those around them can actually work a change on the individual internally. Words are not just words, but at the same time, the story also demonstrates how words are just words, because these aren't the words we are "supposed" to use at occasions like this. I know I would make a speech like this, because I too am a total brat, so I can sympathize with the main character and his brother and see how the author brought in a subtle nod to the bratty similarity of the brothers.

I liked how there wasn't a clear reference on how the characters came to be in this situation, but one thing I would have enjoyed even more was a more deft touch with the dialogue. I figured out very quickly exactly what type of social situation this was, and if it were a little more vague, then the reveal at the end would have actually felt more like a surprising reveal and not a confirmation of what I was thinking. Nevertheless, that may have been the author's point and the work has no major flaws, at least in my estimation.

I like the idea of a four-letter anthology of short stories. The surprisingly original details of deadbro's comic abuse were refreshing as well. Usually, I see a lot of writers crap out only general examples of pranks, and I'm glad you didn't, because I'm going to have to keep that blue hair dye one handy for the future when my roommate pisses me off. Perhaps I'm just emotionally broken or something, but I laughed and smiled more than I felt sad while reading this. I love dark humor.

On 09/16/2013 09:36 AM, thebrinkoftime said:

Now that's a speech!

 

BRAT begins with a line of dialogue that would typically occur in the kitchen over the cookie jar or out in the pool during or in the hall walking to the cafeteria. It then pulls the rug under our feet, licks it, says, "I love pulling rugs, don't you?" and reveals that this is a speech being given to an audience of people.

 

Through the carefully-directed dialogue of the speaker, we see how the way a person speaks about themself and those around them can actually work a change on the individual internally. Words are not just words, but at the same time, the story also demonstrates how words are just words, because these aren't the words we are "supposed" to use at occasions like this. I know I would make a speech like this, because I too am a total brat, so I can sympathize with the main character and his brother and see how the author brought in a subtle nod to the bratty similarity of the brothers.

 

I liked how there wasn't a clear reference on how the characters came to be in this situation, but one thing I would have enjoyed even more was a more deft touch with the dialogue. I figured out very quickly exactly what type of social situation this was, and if it were a little more vague, then the reveal at the end would have actually felt more like a surprising reveal and not a confirmation of what I was thinking. Nevertheless, that may have been the author's point and the work has no major flaws, at least in my estimation.

 

I like the idea of a four-letter anthology of short stories. The surprisingly original details of deadbro's comic abuse were refreshing as well. Usually, I see a lot of writers crap out only general examples of pranks, and I'm glad you didn't, because I'm going to have to keep that blue hair dye one handy for the future when my roommate pisses me off. Perhaps I'm just emotionally broken or something, but I laughed and smiled more than I felt sad while reading this. I love dark humor.

The entire short is a balance between dialogue moving the emotional transformation forward and deceiving the reader. It was a really challenging balance to maintain, but I think I did it well enough.

Yeah! Words really are more then just wonders sometimes. As this character is giving the eulogy, he's having fundamental realizations about his brother. That was another big point as well, this isn't the type of eulogy that you'd give at ANY funeral, ESPECIALLY your little brother's. I tried to make that point by having the couple walk out half-way through. That's not really something that would normally happen.

I like to keep it vague! The vague you are with needless details, the less likely you are to trip up with continuity or bog the story down. I like to keep it light and to the essentials.

I like that you figured it out, haha. But glad that most other's don't seem to. Like I said, it was a difficult balance to maintain, between moving the story forward and deceiving the reader. But thank-you.

I like the idea, too. I actually found a Scrabble-approved list of all 4-letter words. It was a little over 5,500 words long. It took me several hours, but I narrowed it down to about 500. From those 500, I picked words that I had some sort of vague story idea about.

I have another one ready to go, and am in the process of writing another one. I have ideas for half a dozen more that I just need to put onto paper.

You and me both.

You know my comments. Lovely.

On 09/17/2013 05:41 AM, Kitt said:

You know my comments. Lovely.

Excellent, lovely, thoughtful. Loved it.

Oh my God, I got so caught up in thinking about the pranks my brothers pull on me that when I reached the end and found out it was a funeral, soooooooooooo sad. But, a great little story, you totally reeled me in and then dropped a bomb on me, good job.