Advent - 1. Chapter 1 - December 1st - St. Alexander Briant

December 1^st - St. Alexander Briant

From Wikipedia:

“With six other priests he was arraigned on 16 November 1581, in Queen's Bench, Westminster, on the charge of high treason, and condemned to death. In his letter to the Jesuit Fathers he says that he felt no pain during the various tortures he underwent, and added: "Whether this that I say be miraculous or no, God knoweth." He was twenty-five years old when he was executed.”

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Danny couldn’t figure out why he was so obsessed with this guy. It seemed over the past month he’d see him everywhere. Sure, the guy must work in the same building as he did but there were over a thousand people in the skyscraper in downtown Minneapolis. Why would he keep bumping into him again and again?

Well, truth be told, they’d never actually “bumped into” one another. The guy would be in line ahead of him when Danny went to get his morning Chai latte at Caribou or outside when he’d step out for some air. He wasn’t even that good looking, this guy he kept seeing. Why was he so fascinated by him?

First of all, he smoked. Danny couldn’t stand the smell of it. Brian had smoked when they first got together but he rid his husband of that disgusting habit pretty quickly. But for some reason, when this guy smoked Danny found himself strangely excited by it. Not aroused really, but it seemed to fit the guy, smoking did.

The guy was painfully thin and looked dangerously young at a distance but Danny had noticed as they’d passed by that he only looked young from afar. He’d looked at his face and there were wrinkles and lines that matched his own.

Not only was he incredibly thin, the guy was terribly fey, if that was the right word. The way he’d hold his cigarette in an outstretched hand was quite feminine. When he walked by Danny could see he wiggled his hips a little, swaying from side to side. Not that the guy had much in the way of hips. His flanks were as spare and lean as the rest of him.

And Danny was simply fascinated by him.

They’d never met. He didn’t know his name or even where he worked in the building. When the guy was out having a smoke, he didn’t do it with anyone else, ever. He was always alone, smoking his cigarette and looking intently at his smartphone. Danny had a smartphone and couldn’t imagine what was so enthralling on the stupid thing that he would open it up and stare at it like this other guy did. It was weird. Okay, not weird. It was mysterious.

That’s the word. Mysterious. What was he looking at on his phone?

Danny shook his head and realized it was pointless just speculating what the guy had on his phone. What’s more, it was ridiculous to be consumed by the habits of some random guy who smoked, drank black coffee without sugar, and was addicted to his phone.

Danny walked back inside the building and took an elevator to the eleventh floor and his boring job analyzing electricity usage by area. He worked for the biggest power company in the state and it was his duty to anticipate future needs using raw data from all kinds of sources. It was too tedious to even try to explain to people. He usually just told them he planned electrical grids, which was NOT what he did but people could understand that.

He sat back at his computer in his cubicle and woke it up. Danny heard a small ‘ping’ and something popped into his email box. An annoyed grimace crept onto his face. It was that idiotic “Saint of the Day” calendar his mother had signed him up for. What a ridiculous thing for her to do. They weren’t even Catholic for heaven’s sake. He was raised a Lutheran and his mother was Methodist now so why did she do this?

She was a strange woman. He did read them, just out of curiosity more than anything else. Well, maybe he read them because he was bored as well. He might as well read about some dead person’s strange life than get back to plugging building permits into a spreadsheet. This one was about a guy who was tortured but didn’t feel any of the pain. Yeah right. Like that could ever happen.

Danny went back to his spreadsheets and his databases. After an hour or so, he noticed the formula entered was wrong.

“Oh shit,” he swore a little more loudly than he’d intended. “This job is torture.”

“Danny, were you talking to me?” he heard Carol ask from the other side of the partition.

“No, I was just yelling at myself. I put the wrong equation in and now all the entries have been corrupted.”

“That’s life as we know it,” she called back.

This job was torture and then Danny thought about the saint. His job wasn’t really a pain, but it was torture. Hell, his life was torture but had very, very little pain in it. Or pleasure for that matter. It had been this way for eight months. Yep, it had been eight months to the day since his life was changed forever.

He didn’t feel the pain any longer but there was no pleasure either. His life was a void.

Danny chewed on the end of his pen. He was losing his mind today. He was comparing his life to dead saints, stalking random men in the courtyard, and noting the exact date of the accident. Sure enough, you are losing it Danny. You’ve finally hit the end of the line buddy. It was time to call the people with butterfly nets to take you in a padded van to the funny farm.

Danny chuckled to himself. He could just imagine people in white coats wrestling him into a straitjacket while he called out, “But it’s been eight months. Of course I don’t know his name but I want to.”

Did he? Did he want to know that painfully thin smoking man’s name?

After fixing his computing error and reconfiguring the data, he decided to take a break outside. It wasn’t to see the smoking man. It was a lovely December 1^st day in Minnesota with the sun shining and a nice temperate fifty degrees. That wouldn’t last much longer. It would be cold and snowy and icy soon. Experience taught him to appreciate good weather when you can. Before you know it, winter’s here. Darkness falls early and stays longer and longer with each passing day.

Danny took the elevator down and walked out to the courtyard. Lots of people were enjoying this nice day as well. He paused and found he was looking for the smoking guy. He didn’t see him, not at first. But then he noticed the guy was over on the other side smoking and looking intently at his phone as usual. ‘What is he looking at on that blasted thing,’ Danny thought and started walking over towards him.

‘I bet his name is Scott,’ he thought biting his lip. ‘Or maybe his name is Jordan or Kyle.’

Before he knew it, Danny was standing right next to him. The other guy looked up from his phone and jumped a little.

“Can I help you?” the smoking guy asked looking a little rattled. Danny saw his eyes were amber, the color of honey, such a light brown they almost glowed. ‘I’m losing my mind,’ he thought as he realized he was staring and hadn’t answered the question.

“Did you need something?” the guy asked him again. His voice wasn’t at all what he’d expected. The guy’s voice was a deep bass that almost rumbled as he spoke.

“A cigarette,” Danny said breaking free from his surprise. “Can I bum a smoke from you?”

The smoking guy just looked at him and then smiled. “Sure, I can give you one.” He was digging in his pocket and pulled out a crumbled package. Danny carefully pulled one out and just held it in his hand. He’d never smoked a day in his life. Why had he asked for a cigarette? Now what was he going to do?

“Need a light?” the guy asked.

“Um, yeah. I don’t have matches on me,” Danny heard himself say even as he fake-patted his pockets.

“Here then,” and Danny was holding a lighter and a cigarette. He put the filter in his mouth and lit it. His hand was shaking so much he could barely keep the flame to the tip. Finally, the damn thing lit and he took a toke. That started him choking and coughing.

“You alright there?” the guy asked looking at him oddly.

“I just *cough* really should *snort* quit these things,” Danny was hacking up a lung and his eyes were running from the effort.

“Maybe you should just not start,” the smoking guy said with a grin.

“Huh?” Danny asked looking up at the smoking guy’s eyes on him, amused.

“Instead of quitting smoking, maybe you should just not start smoking in the first place,” he said reasonably exposing Danny’s invention.

“How’d you know?” Danny asked and put his smoldering cigarette out crushing it in a nearby ashtray.

“For the past year I’ve been coming out here for a smoke and I’ve seen you. You sit on those planters and just stare into space. I only noticed because you seemed so sad,” the smoking guy explained.

“You’ve seen me out here?” Danny asked looking at him differently. Why hadn’t he thought about how this guy was also seeing him? It wasn’t like Danny was the only one with eyes and a memory.

“Yeah. I’ve never seen you light up, not once.”

“I don’t smoke,” Danny said almost forlornly now that he was busted.

“So, why today?” the smoking guy asked crinkling his nose.

Danny just stood there and wondered the same thing. Why was he walking up to a complete stranger and asking him for a cigarette just to what? What prompted this?

“Your name,” he finally croaked. “I just wanted to know your name.”

The smoking guy grinned and took a deep puff. “My name is Cayden,” he said blowing out a lungful of smoke. “You didn’t have to bum a smoke for me to tell you that.”

“I guess I didn’t know how to ask you,” Danny pouted and kicked at a pebble. He felt like he was twelve years old and meeting a new kid on the playground. He was a thirty three year old man but that terror of meeting someone new was still there playing tricks on him. “I’m sorry I wasted a cigarette of yours.”

“Don’t worry about it. Filthy habit. I should quit, but then I think of some excuse not to,” Cayden said and his long fingers brought the cigarette back up to his full lips. He pursed them dragging deeply on the filter and Danny once again felt a little twinge in his stomach. Cayden’s voice also did a number on his nervous system. Its rich bass tones tickled his nerves and made them hum. Danny hadn’t felt that kind of hum since, well, eight months ago.

“So why’d you want to know my name?” Cayden asked him. He’d put his phone away. Danny hadn’t seen him do it but it was no longer in his hand. That too was a good question and one Danny hadn’t the foggiest idea of how to answer.

“I wondered what you were looking at on your phone,” Danny said instead of remaining wisely silent. Where did that come from? Now he sounded like a stalker AND a nosy Parker.

Cayden just laughed a little, a deep syrupy laugh that hit Danny’s stomach even harder. “I just read a chapter or two of a story from this website I found.”

“What kind of stories?” Danny asked.

“You are inquisitive aren’t you,” Cayden continued to chuckle. That didn’t sound quite as deep but it sounded good anyway.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t…” Danny fumbled and could feel himself trembling.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s just a site that has gay stories on it. Some of them are quite good,” he interrupted the embarrassed man.

“Is it porn?” Danny asked. First, he’d sounded like a school boy asking him his name out of the blue. Then he’d asked him what he looked at on his phone, like a buttinski. Now, he’d accused the guy of reading porn in broad daylight. If Cayden didn’t tell him to fuck off, he’d be surprised.

He was surprised.

“No, silly,” Cayden grinned and kind of waved at Danny. It was a very flirtatious and girly. The gesture didn’t go with the low voice that hinted of things raw and filthy. “It has love stories and mysteries and even science fiction stuff, only with gay people as the main characters. You wouldn’t find it interesting but I do.”

“Why wouldn’t I find the stories interesting,” Danny asked, confused.

“Well, because you’re a straight, married man,” Cayden took his last drag off the cigarette and crushed it out in the ashtray.

“I’m not straight,” Danny laughed at the other man’s assumptions. “Not even a little bit straight.”

“Really?” Cayden said and giggled which really sounded odd considering the deep pitch and tone of the voice giggling. Cayden was smiling at Danny and hugged himself. He was like a kid. Well, more like a little girl than a little boy but then he was being silly.

“I guess I should be getting back to work,” Danny said but it sounded sad. Talking with Cayden, even with his faux pas and discomfort, was preferable to finishing his day. Then, after work he’d go home and then see Brian. He liked feeling the fear and the butterflies and the edgy nerves more than the numb feeling he usually felt. There was danger to feeling things. He’d forgotten that. Danny figured he needed to remember that.

The day ended more quickly than he was used to. He had things to think about. Danny replayed the uncomfortable embarrassing scene over and over in his head. He’d even had less trouble with the figures. Work flew by and he even got a head start on the next day’s work.

Danny climbed into his car and started it. He sat there and thought about his day. It was too quiet. Why didn’t he listen to the radio more? Some music would be nice. He hadn’t listened to the radio in so long. Brian always had the radio on and sang loudly and terribly to the songs. Brian always inserted Danny’s name into the love songs and changed the lyrics to tease him.

That’s why he didn’t listen to the radio.

Danny drove out of the parking garage and pointed the car toward home, supper, and Brian, in that order. He was so excited to tell Brian about his day. He’d tell him about his stupid mix up and lunch with Carol and Ben. Ben got written up for that late report and he’d called Milner every name in the book. Brian hated Milner too. He’d get a kick outta that.

How would he tell Brian about the best part of his day? Cayden. How would he tell his husband about a guy he met that made him feel alive again? How does one do that? Not that Brian would mind. He wouldn’t. But Danny couldn’t tell him about that part. No. That wouldn’t be right.

Danny figured he’d just keep that little piece to himself, for now.