Advent - 5. Chapter 5 - St. Lucy

December 13^th – St. Lucy

From Catholic Online:

“Lucy's name is probably also connected to statues of Lucy holding a dish with two eyes on it. This refers to another legend in which Lucy's eyes were put out by Diocletian as part of his torture. The legend concludes with God restoring Lucy's eyes.”

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Wednesday night is an odd night for a first date, but neither Danny nor Cayden were bothered by that. Their relationship had started as friends so they were already comfortable together. Now came the part where they got to know each other better. Pizza and bowling were on the agenda for tonight and over a pepperoni and green olive pie, they were swapping life histories.

Cayden explained it was just him and his mom. His dad had left when he was quite young, three years old, and had started a New Family, as his mother put it. As a result, he didn’t really know him at all. The brief every other weekend thing fizzled out when Cayden was four and summers with his dad ended at the ripe old age of six.

“My mom always said ‘it’s just you and me kid’ and I guess it never bothered me. Lots of people I know don’t live with their dads so it was normal to me,” Cayden shrugged and smiled at Danny. “How about you?”

“My parents are together. I guess we were a pretty average family. I have a brother and two sisters, all quite a bit older than me. I was kind of an afterthought. My dad called me the ‘welcome surprise.’ Mom said I was her little ‘second chance to do it right.’ My brother’s in prison and my one sister, Sandy, got knocked up in high school. I have a nephew that’s about two years younger than me. We were like brothers, at least as kids. He didn’t take my coming out too well.”

Cayden took Danny’s hand. It was obvious this was a sore subject. “I never really came out,” Cayden said looking deeply into Danny’s baby blues. “I was always so obvious, I never did tell my mother. I think she just knew and kids at school all knew before I did.”

“Yeah, coming out was hard for me. I used to think that if it was easier for people who couldn’t hide being gay,” Danny said looking down at their hands. “I don’t know why I thought that.”

“Oh, it wasn’t easy for me. I was teased and tormented endlessly in middle school. By high school, everyone already took it for granted but I didn’t have many friends who were boys. They were scared of me I think,” Cayden laughed. “Think about how silly that is. The boys were all afraid I’d jump them or something.”

“My dad wasn’t happy but he never said anything about it to me. My mom was cool and when my brother was sentenced he joked he’d be like me in a week. I think my family felt sorrier about it than anything else,” Danny said. Cayden just looked at him oddly.

“Why would they feel sorry for you?”

“Because I’d never be a dad and have kids and a wife and stuff. They just thought my life would be some kind of endless orgy with gay bashings in between sex partners. I just think my family didn’t think I was normal.”

Cayden nodded. “Yeah, the only thing my mom said about my being gay was I’d never knock up a girl and have to pay child support. I thought when she said that it was a joke, but she didn’t laugh. I think she thought I was lucky somehow.”

“Strange how people react to something like being gay. I just don’t think my parents saw me settling down with a guy and buying a house as an option. When Brian and I bought the house and then went to Massachusetts and got married, they practically fell over from shock,” Danny remembered but it was a good memory.

“How did they feel about Brian?” Cayden ventured to ask.

“They liked him, I mean like him I guess. They were always pretty civil but we had our own life to lead,” Danny tearing up a little but soon recovered. “Mostly, we just had our life together and got with the ‘rents and sisters on holidays.”

“Are you spending Christmas with them this year?” Cayden asked.

“Christmas Eve is at my parents. Christmas Day was always with Brian’s family but Christmas Night was special. We always had a party on Christmas night. Not this year. Everything’s different this year.”

“If you want, I can keep you company on Christmas Day,” Cayden said softly. Danny could feel that low rumble and the day with him would be special. It was Brian’s day though. He couldn’t answer.

“Scratch that. I shouldn’t have asked,” Cayden apologized.

“No, that’s nice of you to ask,” Danny said smiling bravely. “I’ll just have to see when it gets closer. I’m not sure I even want to go to my parents and I’m sure I don’t want to go to Brian’s family. The next day…”

“Let’s talk about something a little more cheerful,” Cayden interrupted. “Like, tell me about how you and Brian met.”

Danny smiled. He loved the story of Brian sweeping him off his feet. “Well, if you’re ready for a weird story, that’s the one to hear.”

“I love weird stories. I have a few of my own,” Cayden grinned and nodded to Danny. “Go ahead. I can see it makes you smile.”

“That it does.”

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Danny couldn’t get out of the classroom fast enough. That stupid professor had given him a “C” on a paper he’d worked so hard on. Why did professors grade on a curve anyway? It wasn’t fair to grade papers comparing them to others in the class. He was so angry, he couldn’t see straight. He rushed out of the hall and into the quad where a pep rally was beginning. Maybe he’d just go to the library for some peace and quiet.

“Whoa, buddy. Watch where you’re going,” he heard the guy he ran into say. He looked up and this big dude with a beard and wavy black hair was laughing at him. “Kinda in a rush, huh?” The man’s voice just boomed over Danny’s head.

“Sorry. Just trying to go somewhere,” Danny muttered.

“Yeah, where?” the guy had a hold of his arm. Danny tried to pull away and he wouldn’t let go.

“I’m just going to the library. Let go of me,” he whined trying to get away from the giant.

“I think you need to learn some manners,” the black haired man said still laughing. “Don’t go barreling into people.”

“I said I’m sorry,” Danny groused. “Now let go of me.”

“Fine,” the guy said and let go of his arm. Danny was pissed at being treated like a child by that overgrown ape. Who was he to ‘teach him a lesson?’ Danny had calmed down by the time he got to the library.

He read some textbooks for a while and found he was getting hungry. So, he bagged his books and headed over towards the edge of the campus. Several small restaurants were in a strip mall and catered to the college crowd. Danny figured he’d get a cheap sub sandwich and eat in the nearby park.

“Thought you were going to the library,” he heard that infernal voice behind him.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I did. Now I’m getting some food. Is that okay with you?” Danny snarled at the big lug.

“Wanna eat together?” Danny heard him ask. He didn’t respond because it had to be someone else he was talking to. He felt a hand on his shoulder. “I said, do you want to eat together. I don’t like to eat alone.”

“I don’t think so,” Danny said. The guy was really bugging him now. Why couldn’t he just leave him alone?

“I’m asking because I think you’re adorable,” the voice said, and it wasn’t spiteful or mean. The voice sounded kind of lonely.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” Danny turned and looked. The guy was grinning, but in a humble way, eyes pleading with him.

“I said, I think you’re adorable. You’re really cute and I wanted to sit with you and eat. My name is Brian,” and the oaf extended his hand to Danny.

Danny didn’t know what to make of that. This guy was coming onto him. Was he that obvious? No one else seemed to guess his sexual orientation. Did the guy…

“I recognized you from the Rainbow Alliance meeting last week. I thought you were cute then and you’re even hotter when you’re angry,” Brian said and blushed.

“You really are coming on to me?” Danny whispered.

“Hell yeah,” Brian said and leaned over and touched his cheek. “I think you’re the one.”

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“He really said that to you,” Cayden screwed up his face questioning it.

“Yeah. He really did. Brian is, was that forward. He was never afraid to talk about being gay or loving me. He was an open book. What you see is what you get. That’s how he always was.”

“Wow. So much better than my story,” Cayden said. “I’ve never had someone love me like that.”

“No?” Danny said softly.

“No, my ex didn’t love me. He just thought of me as his buddy with benefits. I was so blind, I thought it was love. It wasn’t much more than a casual friendship where sex is an option. For three years I thought of Hank as my boyfriend even while he stepped out on me with other guys. Trouble was, he never lied to me about it. I just thought if I did everything right he’d fall in love with me. He never did.”

“That sucks,” Danny said and watched Cayden closely. The man looked positively grim as the memories flooded back. “I’m sorry.”

“Worst part was he’d be so into me around Christmas. All year long, we’d get together on Friday nights and have some fun, tumble into bed together. Have a laugh or two out at a bar. But when it got to be Christmas time, Hank was completely different. He’d call me every night. He’d stay over for days at a time. We’d decorate a tree and I’d bake fucking cookies for heaven’s sake. Hank would buy lots of presents and we’d spend all of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together. He even went over to my mom’s with me.

“I felt like at Christmas, Hank and I were a family. Then, the day after Christmas, he’d disappear. No calls. No visits. He’d just vanish into thin air until after New Year’s Day. Then, I’d see him on Friday nights and that was it.” Cayden stopped and rubbed his eyes. “I really was blind, you see.”

“So he was really only your Christmas boyfriend,” Danny said. That sounded so sad.

“Yeah, I guess that’s right.”

“What opened your eyes?” Danny asked.

“I got sick and he didn’t come and see me.”

“What? What happened to you?” Danny asked, concerned. If there was something wrong with Cayden, he couldn’t bear to think about it.

“I got pneumonia. After Christmas four years ago, I followed Hank to see where he disappeared to. I sat in my car outside some guy’s house for a whole night and I got a cold. I was so upset, I didn’t take care of myself and it settled in my lungs. I got so ill, I finally called my mom. She took me to the hospital and they admitted me right away. I almost died.” Cayden said coolly. “My mom called Hank and I talked to him. He said he would come to visit but he never did. I was in there for over a week and he never came by.”

“I’m so sorry Cayden. That’s so shitty,” Danny gripped his hand.

“You know what the worst part was. That Friday, after I got out, he showed up at my house and just let himself in. He asked me if I was ready to go out, like I’d never even been sick. I told him to fuck off and I haven’t seen him since.”

“No wonder you wanted to get rid of those ornaments,” Danny said. “I would have thrown them in the garbage.”

“That’s part of the problem. Hank was so wonderful at Christmas and I know he spent a bundle on the ornaments. Like I said, it was weird. After I gave you that one, I didn’t feel bad about them. When you put Bugs Bunny on the tree and said you’d think of me when you saw it, it purified it somehow. Now, I don’t think of Hank when I look at it. I think of you,” Cayden said looking happily at Danny.

“They are nice ornaments,” Danny conceded. “They’re beautiful things from a beautiful man,” and he meant it. Inside, Cayden was the most beautiful man he’d ever met. Well, except for Brian. He still thought Brian was beautiful too, but in a totally different way.

Cayden and Danny finished their pizza and went out to the car. During the drive to the bowling alley, they held hands. It wasn’t something either of them really even thought about. It just happened and it felt right, comfortable.

Cayden was a terrible bowler but Danny didn’t mind. They weren’t there to win trophies or awards. They were just two guys on a date, a first date that was going so well. Danny wished he could share this with Brian but that just wasn’t possible. But, he was starting to feel like he could share things with Cayden instead. Their lives had been so different but now seemed to be coming together.

Christmas was going to be a challenge; especially knowing the day after would be so hard. It was what he had to do. He was glad he’d finally seen the light.