Advent - 3. Chapter 3 - St. Nicholas

December 8^th - St. Nicholas

From Catholic Online:

“That night St. Nicholas appeared in a dream to Constantine, and told him with threats to release the three innocent men, and Ablavius experienced the same thing. In the morning the Emperor and the prefect compared notes, and the condemned men were sent for and questioned. When he heard that they had called on the name of the Nicholas of Myra who had appeared to him, Constantine set them free and sent them to the bishop with a letter asking him not to threaten him anymore but to pray for the peace of the world.”

*********************

Danny stared at the tree sitting in the corner of the living room. There weren’t any decorations on it, no lights, no trinkets, and no garland. It was just a plain old Fraser fir, Brian’s favorite, sitting in a stand for three days without a decoration on it. Danny couldn’t bring himself to decorate it, by himself. Brian was always the one who was crazy about Christmas. He’d walk around the house singing carols off key and hinting at the gifts he’d bought for his husband.

Brian was gone so there was no one to help him trim the tree or festoon the house with lights and swags of evergreen branches. Danny couldn’t bring himself to do it alone. He got out of his chair to prepare for the party and relived his conversation with Cayden earlier that day. It was Friday and ever since his revelation to the other man in the coffee house, he went out morning, noon, and afternoon to stand with Cayden as he smoked. Cayden never brought up Brian or Danny’s telling of their story. They just talked about things, favorite foods, colors, music, movies, anything to pass the time. Danny couldn’t go a day without talking to Cayden and the thin man hadn’t said anything about his presence in the cold until this morning.

**************

“Why do you come out to watch me smoke? We could just get coffee and talk inside if you want,” Cayden suggested as he got close to finishing his cigarette.

“I like being outside,” Danny shivered as he lied to the other man. It was fucking freezing out this week. December in Minnesota isn’t a time to stand out in the weather and chat. He just needed Cayden’s presence and to be with him as he smoked felt right somehow.

“I think you’re nuts. I wouldn’t be out except for this disgusting habit,” Cayden laughed but his eyes sparkled as he took one last hit.

“Say, I’m having a tree decorating party tonight,” Danny said abruptly. “Would you like to come by?”

They hadn’t met outside the office building even once. They didn’t even have each other’s phone numbers though Danny had tried to ask more than once. Every time he chickened out. Cayden never thought to ask.

“Sounds like fun. I don’t have a tree at my condo. Too small and I’m never there anyway,” Cayden said casually. “I do love Christmas though. We always had so much fun growing up. Yeah, that would be fun.”

“Great. Let me give you my address then,” Danny said and pulled out a piece of paper he’d prepared ahead of time. It had taken him two days to get the courage to do this. “My number’s on here as well, in case you have trouble finding it.”

“Here, let me put my number in your phone,” Cayden said reaching out towards Danny. Danny dug in his pocket and pulled out his phone. Cayden reached over and took it, their hands brushing. Danny felt a wave of sparks travel up his arm into his brain. He felt lightheaded. Cayden felt the shock of static electricity as well. It was cold and dry and the air was filled with it. He put his name and number in the phone. He couldn’t help but notice the phone had a lot of entries.

How big would this party be?

“Okay, I’ll see you at lunch then,” Danny said flashing a big smile at him.

“Not if I see you first,” Cayden teased and stuck out his tongue. The piercing in his tongue glinted in the street light.

“Your tongue is pierced?” Danny asked quietly. He’d never noticed that before. It surprised him but he really didn’t know Cayden that well.

“Relic of a misspent youth,” Cayden said cryptically. “I’ve got a few more of those relics elsewhere.” He winked at Danny who felt himself blush.

Danny waved and rushed away from his friend. The thought of other piercings in other places on Cayden’s body had excited him. He felt himself aroused and adjusted his pants. Where else was Cayden pierced? Did he have a belly button ring, or nipples, or even a Prince Albert. The idea of Cayden’s other piercing was too much. Danny banished those thoughts from his head. Too much like cheating, he mused. I can’t go there. Not yet at least.

But, he now accepted that Brian was gone. Maybe his body was still lying in wait in the hospice but the Brian he knew and loved had left the building. Just like Elvis. Never to return.

******************

Danny blinked off the memory of earlier in the day. He was entertaining thoughts of Cayden’s body again. He didn’t want to do that. He looked at the clock. Only half an hour until the party started. Well, half an hour until Cayden was supposed to be here.

Danny took the platters of meats and cheeses out of the fridge and put them on the side board in his dining room. His dining room, not THEIR dining room. Not anymore. He cut bread putting it in a basket and opened two boxes of candy leaving the lids in the kitchen. Cayden loved chocolate. He learned that about him this week. Danny bought two boxes to make sure there was enough.

Danny went into their, no his bedroom, and pulled out the boxes of ornaments and lights. He placed them by the tree and looked around the room. It looked naked, plain, compared to everyone else’s house at Christmas. Well, tonight they’d take care of that. He was sick of moping around, creeping about his own home. Time to make Christmas bright, as the old adage goes. Time to get on with things. Tonight would be a start.

He hoped.

Danny chewed his thumbnail nervously. Maybe this was a big mistake. It was one thing to hang out and chat Cayden up but quite another to do all this.

He heard a knock and the doorbell. ‘Guess it’s too late now,’ he thought and steeled himself to face opening his door, his heart. Where did that come from?

“Howdy,” Cayden said cheerfully as he walked into Danny’s house. “Nice place,” he commented looking around the living room.

“Let me take your coat,” Danny said touching the edge of Cayden’s leather coat. He felt sparks and warmth again. Cayden’s cheeks were flush from the cold and Danny could hear the tiny clink of his tongue piercing as he spoke. It gave him a rush and he wanted to hide it from the other man.

“Am I the first to arrive?” Cayden asked brightly. “I’m usually the last person to get to a party. Damn gay genes.”

“Um,” Danny croaked. Suddenly this didn’t seem like a good idea. He’d thought it would be fine but Cayden’s expectant look made it sound a bit weird. “You’re the only one coming.” There. He said it and it was strange.

“You said it was a party,” Cayden looked uncomfortable. He looked away from Danny and saw the large platters of food and even a bar with an ice bucket and six glasses sitting there waiting for others.

“I was going to invite others but then, well, I didn’t know who else to ask,” Danny said quietly, still standing there holding Cayden’s coat. He waited for the other man’s reaction. Would Cayden grab his coat and leave or stay and spend the evening with him?

Cayden sighed and turned to Danny. He gave him a grin and shrugged his shoulders. “Party of two it seems.”

“I, I mean, Brian and I always decorated the tree together and with him…” he couldn’t finish the thought.

“Don’t get upset,” Cayden said warmly and hugged Danny, his thin, tight body wrapped around him. “Let’s get started then.”

Danny put the leather coat in the hall closet and offered Cayden a drink. Cayden asked for a gin and tonic and Danny made it quickly. That was Brian’s drink of choice as well. Used to be.

“Do you mind if I make myself a plate?” Cayden asked feeling Danny’s discomfort and trying to get past it. “I’m starving.”

“Go right ahead. I guess I got too much food for just the two of us,” Danny said biting his lip. Cayden didn’t answer him and filled a plate with meats, cheeses, and bread.

“Cheers,” Cayden said lifting his glass. Danny raised his own rum and coke and smiled. Cayden wasn’t mad. Thank God.

After noshing a bit, Danny pulled open the plastic crates and untangled the lights. As a team, the two men strung the lights around the tree. Cayden plugged in the string and the tree gleamed in the low light of the living room. It was a happy, welcoming glow of light in the shadows of the room. Danny felt better somehow with that cheerful light piercing the darkness. Cayden gave him another hug and this time Danny let himself blend into him. He felt so good, warm, firm, and steady as Danny’s mind cleared for the next hurdle.

Their ornaments.

Over the years, Brian and Danny had given each other special ornaments to suit each other. As a Vikings fan, Danny had little football ornaments in purple and gold. Brian was a Bears fan and had black, red, and white ones with the mascot of that Chicago team.

Brian loved horses and several horse figures were in the mix. Danny loved angels and there were plenty of them in the box. How would he separate them? Should he still have the little bell painted with the Chicago colors hanging next to the Vikings’ helmet with the horns? He didn’t know. Danny hadn’t even considered that part. Now, he was.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Cayden said, releasing Danny as he stepped back. “I brought a little gift for you. Where’s my coat?”

“In the closet,” Danny said fighting back tears as he fingered Brian’s ornaments. Maybe he should just throw them all out and start fresh. The memory of when Brian opened that Arabian glass ornament with the Christmas colors was still there, locked in Danny’s head. It had been three years ago when he gave Brian that ornament. He’d yelled and pumped his fist after opening it. The kiss Brian gave him was imprinted on his lips.

“Here, for the host with the most,” Cayden said cheerfully pressing a small box in Danny’s hand. “Are you crying?”

“No. I mean, yes but I just. I didn’t know this would be so hard,” Danny sobbed and looked at the little wrapped box. It was so sweet of Cayden and now he was making this night so painful with his tears and his memories.

“Don’t worry about it,” Cayden said bringing Danny back into another hug. “It’s gotta be hard for you. I’m really glad I came. I can make sure you’re okay with this.” Cayden pulled Danny’s head onto his shoulder. His tears dripped onto the other man’s shoulder.

“I’m getting you all wet,” Danny said trying to pull away. He didn’t try very hard though. He felt better with Cayden pressed against him.

“I’ll dry. In the meantime, open my gift,” Cayden stepped back and Danny looked at the box again. With trembling fingers he ripped off the paper to see a box that check’s came in. He slowly opened the lid and inside was an ornament, an impossibly fat horse with Bugs Bunny in drag sitting on it, a Vikings horned hat perched on the rabbit’s head.

“How did you know?” Danny said losing his breath as he pulled it out and admired it.

“You told me “Kill the Wabbit” was your favorite Bugs Bunny cartoon. I got this ornament years ago and I thought you’d like it.”

“But, someone gave it to you?” Danny’s voice betrayed him.

“Yeah, but I don’t like him anymore. I figured this way someone I do like, and who has a Christmas tree, could use it. I didn’t screw up did I?” Cayden’s low voice sounded unsure, totally unlike him.

“No, it’s perfect,” Danny wiped his eyes again, but this time the tears were joyful ones. “I love it. Let’s put it right here in the middle. Every time I see it, I’ll think of you.”

Cayden swallowed hard. He figured this would be emotional for Danny but it was becoming so for him too. He couldn’t stand seeing the other man so upset. It hurt him. He’d noticed the ornaments had set Danny off. Maybe he could help.

“How about I go through the ornaments and you tell me if you want it on the tree or not,” Cayden said lifting Danny’s chin with a single finger. Danny looked at the other man’s honey brown eyes and nodded. That would help. He could decide which ones to keep and which were too painful.

For the next half an hour, Cayden did just that. Danny would nod or shake his head and he found it got easier with each ornament. Brian’s ornaments were placed in the box lid and Danny didn’t put any of them on the tree, except the glass Arabian one. Otherwise, it was just the ornaments Brian had given him and some family and friends had given to them both. Those didn’t bother him as much.

Cayden never said a thing about his choices, though it became an easy pattern to distinguish. They worked silently until the tree was decorated beautifully with the lights gleaming off the glass, gold, and silver. Danny stepped back and looked at it. The resident frog in his throat threatened to croak but he battled it off.

Cayden stood up and hugged Danny again. Danny hugged back and without thinking, he kissed him on the neck. Cayden didn’t react except to hold him more tightly. He didn’t dare speak. Emotions were running too high.

“I’m gonna go outside for a minute,” Cayden said releasing Danny. Danny told him just to smoke in the house but the other man refused. He got on his coat and stepped into the darkness. Danny looked at the tree and smiled. Brian would love this. But, Cayden was here now.

Danny got on his coat and stepped outside. “What are you doing out here?” Cayden chuckled.

“I missed you,” Danny said looking him in the eye. “Would you go out with me?”

“Sure, do you need more lights or something,” Cayden smiled and took a puff, his long elegant hands splayed out and his cheeks rosy in the brisk air.

“No, I mean, would you go on a date with me,” Danny said, with far more confidence than he felt.

“I don’t know about that,” Cayden frowned. “Don’t you think it’s, never mind.” Danny waited as he watched Cayden think. Maybe it was too soon, but he had to try. He felt what little poise he’d dredged up fade as the other man considered his proposal.

“Yeah, I’d love to go out with you,” finally Cayden answered. “Hell yeah. I think that would be fun.”

Danny found his face grinning but he wondered if he was being hasty. Cayden smiled, bent down, put out his cigarette and nodded toward the door. “Can we get back inside now? I’m freezing.”

Danny smiled and opened his door. As Cayden came in he could smell the tobacco smoke come off him. He’d probably taste like an ashtray right now. Danny wondered about that as he took off his coat. Cayden put his coat back on a hanger and closed the door to the closet.

“Maybe we could have something more to eat…” but Cayden’s words were cut off. Danny stepped up and kissed him, on the mouth, his tongue sneaking inside his mouth. Cayden put his hands on Danny’s temples and kissed back.

Cayden did taste like an ashtray and Danny couldn’t care less. He finally pulled away and looked nervously at Cayden, gauging his reaction. Cayden was short of breath and his face was flushed. He looked surprised but even more excited. That had been some kiss.

“Just don’t get any ideas about more than that,” Cayden stuttered. “I’m not that easy.”

“No, I’m sure you’re not,” Danny said and ran his hand along Cayden’s chiseled face. “I don’t think you’re easy at all. But, I think I like the challenge.”

“Where did that come from?” Cayden asked but he was grinning from ear to ear. Cayden’s voice set off Danny’s nerves again but he’d feed the beast within for now.

“Let’s have some more food and then I’ll pack some up for you to take home.”

“Okay.” Cayden felt like whiplash had just happened. Danny’s sad mood was replaced by a kind of determination. It was pretty hot actually. Cayden wasn’t expecting to get asked out or kissed, but he liked it. It was an emotional rollercoaster but he loved rollercoasters. They got the blood pumping.

Later, Danny packed up some of the food and Cayden got on his coat. As he was about to leave, Danny grabbed his shoulder and pulled him around. “One kiss for the road,” he growled.

The two men kissed deeply, more deeply than before and then parted just as suddenly. Cayden left and Danny collapsed on the couch. He looked at the tree and admired the glow of it. He fixated on the fat horse and the Bugs in drag ornament Cayden had given him. It was all he could see before he fell asleep in his clothes where he sat.