Not made for each other - 16. Scarred Souls

Chapter 16: Scarred Souls

For the next two days I was in my bed. Lauren visited to check on me from time to time. Most of the time, I found Brown Eyes…Nine standing in the doorframe, staring me with a remorseful look on his face but he never came inside or said anything.

Angel was on my side whenever she had no clients. She took very good care of me. Throughout these two days she kept trying to make me smile, to make me say something, but to no avail; I wouldn’t open my mouth.

After two days I was able to walk on my own. Lauren told me I was doing well but instructed me to carry on with my medicines. For a change Nine was nowhere in sight, and as Angel had no clients scheduled for the day she decided to show me around. She filled me in with each and every detail she knew about this place.

Ma’am was herself a prostitute but about fifteen years ago she began trading the dignity of others instead of selling her own flesh. As per Angel’s words, Ma’am and mercy couldn’t possibly be used in a single sentence together. She has no soul and no feelings for that matter. She’s just a ruthless bitch. Ma’am had many pimps working for her and I was sure Tattoo Guy…Mitch, was one of them.

In this brothel, using your actual name was forbidden. No one’s allowed to do that here. That’s why Ma’am gave everyone a new name. This place has a special set of clients; even they never mention their names. Those special clients are allotted a specific name with their so-called membership card. The bodyguards of this brothel are also not known by their names, instead they are identified by numbers like Nine. Hell, no one even knows the real name of that witch called Ma’am.

This shithole was divided in four parts. The first part was the main level which was for the regular hookers, who were called ‘Eagles’; those were the prostitutes who never leave the premises. In fact, their clients came here. Eagles serve numerous clients in a single day for an extremely low amount of money in which they get no share. The only things they get from this brothel were meals three times a day and clothes to wear. Apart from these two things they were not allowed to have anything else. There’s no day or night for them. They had to be ready to get fucked whenever they had a client. Their wishes mean nothing to anyone here.

Eagles’ living conditions were far worse than mine. Five of them were cramped in a room smaller than Angel and I shared. There was no bed or wardrobe in their rooms. In each room there were just five mats that were lying on the floor with an equal number of old and torn pillows. Unlike Angel and I, they had no separate bathroom for their rooms. There was just a single bathroom at the end of the array of rooms for the main level. They were living their lives like this whorehouse was their whole world.

The second part of this brothel was on the first floor which was for prostitutes other than Eagles and for Mandy, the make-up artist, who works on making our faces pretty for our clients. The prostitutes on this level used to be known as ‘Fairies’ and now I…I was one of them. Fairies only attend some special clients and get paid a lot more than Eagles but like Eagles, even Fairies weren’t entitled to get anything out of it. However, some of the things Fairies wanted were provided to them but for that they needed Ma’am’s prior permission.

Fairies’ clients never come here; generally, they book a lavish hotel room. Fairies get their schedules weekly with details like day, timing, place, and the fictitious names of their clients. Ma’am gathers an assembly of Fairies on every Monday and distributes this schedule herself.

Fairies were allowed to have some perquisites over Eagles like nice clothes, better food, and above all, Ma’am treats them in a more humanly way compared to Eagles.

Maybe the living conditions of Eagles and Fairies were different, but our fate was very much similar. For everyone, we were nothing more than a cage of bones void of any emotions.

In the back of this brothel there was an elongated open area with a number of large Banyan trees around and there was another main level and a first floor. The first floor on the backside was the third part of this shithole which was for bodyguards of this brothel, for Lauren, who’s a nurse, and for Ma’am.

The fourth and last part of this whorehouse was the main level on its backside which was for Eagles’ cafeteria and Fairies’ cafeteria and for those old prostitutes who were not in this business anymore either because of their age, or because they may have diseases. There were also many intersex people living with them. They are used as servants for the brothel. Their living condition weren’t any better than Eagles’. As Eagles’ and Fairies’ had their own cafeterias, they weren’t allowed to mingle with each other. They had to stay in their own cafeterias. Unlike the Eagles, the Fairies had a color television in their cafeteria. The food and seating arrangements for us were a whole lot better than in the Eagles’ cafeteria.

This whole brothel building was bordered with tall walls around. No one in this brothel was permitted to have any connection with the outside world except for that witch Ma’am and her bodyguards. Life here was worse than a prison. No one here had any idea where this hell was located. According to the speculations, this place was situated at the secluded end of an unknown city. I had no clue how far I was from my house, but still somewhere, I had a little hope inside of me that someday, someday, I would breathe in freedom again.

The rest of the week I spent in my room. Thankfully, I was not sent to anyone else again but I knew my relief was short-lived.

It was Sunday and I was sitting up in my bed. Tomorrow we were about to get our schedule for the week and I was terrified even thinking about it. I couldn’t think of anything that would save me from this situation. I was constantly wishing for a miracle to happen which could lead me out of this hellhole.

“What are you thinking?” Angel asked while rummaging through her wardrobe for something. I never responded. I heard her huffing and moving towards me. She sat beside me. I could feel her gaze on me.

“Swan, you know you can’t keep quiet forever. This-this fucking silence is not gonna help with anything.” A hint of annoyance was quite clear in her voice. I kept quiet, staring ahead at nothing.

“You are not the only one who doesn’t want to be here, who-who could do any fucking thing to get out of this hell. Look around this brothel and believe me, you will find that even in the situation where death seems a better option than life, everyone here is trying to smile even if they have no reason to. Everyone is making efforts to be happy even if their souls are scarred. Everyone is doing their best to keep their dreams alive in a hope to be able to get outta here someday and fulfill them, knowing well that chances of that happening are next to nothing.”

I listened to her every word but didn’t say anything. Angel gently slipped her hand in mine with a gloomy sigh and led me towards the outside. I was gazing at her with an emotionless face and she was staring ahead. She took me to the main level, let go of my hand, and briefly looked around.

“Everyone around here has a dream which helps them to survive in here,” Angel uttered sincerely, looking directly at me and then shifted her gaze to a small group of girls sitting a few steps away, right in front of us, “Look at that redheaded girl.” She pointed towards one of the girls in that small group. She looked around sixteen and had a really pale face. She was saying something while making some funny faces and the other girls sitting around her were laughing hysterically. “She’s Rachael, one of the Eagles. She’s been here since she was born. Her mother was also one of us. Rachael has been a whore since her eleventh birthday. At the age of fifteen, she got pregnant and she had no idea who the father was. Five months ago she gave birth to a dead baby. She was devastated, but now look at her; she’s still not only smiling, but making others laugh.”

How could someone be smiling after going through so much at that young age? I kept staring at Rachael’s angelic face in complete awe, and unintentionally my eyes brimmed with tears.

“You know what her dream is?” Angel paused for a few seconds, gazing at Rachael and then continued. “She wants to see the ocean. She has only heard about it; she has never seen it with her eyes. She wants to feel the wet sand beneath her bare feet. She wants to play in the salty blue water. This is probably not a big thing for you, even I don’t understand what’s so fucking interesting about the ocean, but this small dream is the reason she’s still alive. She lives every moment of her life wishing that someday her dream will come true.” I had been to the seashore a million times but never in my life had this thought crossed my mind that that could be someone’s only dream; a dream which was larger than life. I blinked away my tears and inhaled a deep breath. Angel shifted her gaze to me and then again took hold of my hand and we walked a couple of steps before stopping a few feet away from another group where several boys and girls were giggling and gushing about something in hushed tones.

“Look at the guy with the big blue eyes and long black hair tied in a tight braid.” I looked ahead following Angel’s gaze. The guy she was talking about was my age. He seemed to be immersed in his own little world even though he was sitting with the others; it was as if were alone in that crowd, but still, there was a small smile tugged to his lips, a smile of hope.

“His name is Jamie. He’s one of the Fairies, like us. He’s very shy and introverted. When he was fourteen, not only did his own drunken motherfucker father rape him along with his fucking friends, but that bastard also traded him to Ma’am for just a thousand bucks.” Just from knowing the reason for Jamie being here, at this brothel, my heartbeats quickened and I felt a stinging pain in the back of my eyes. How could a father do that to his own son? I was surprised to see him smiling. If I were in his shoes, even thinking about smiling would be impossible for me.

“And you know what his dream is?” Angel asked, still staring at Jamie. She continued without waiting for my answer, “Jamie’s one and only wish is to once again see his mother. His mother doesn’t even know that Jamie’s own asshole father had raped and then traded him to a brothel in exchange for money. Every morning Jamie wakes up with a stupid, false hope that this will probably be his last day here and then sleeps disappointed at night, but he never loses his hope because this tiny little hope of being able to meet his mother once again, is the only thing that helps him to survive here.” Angel finished talking and began looking towards the open sky. I was sure she was trying to hide her tears and she was actually doing a pretty good job at that. A few seconds later she glanced at me with her wet eyes. “You know Swan, whenever I feel low and I remind myself how shitty my life is, I think about these people. I’m not the only one here who has a haunting past, a screwed up present, and a hopeless future, but you know what, despite all the pain we are going through, every one of us wants to fucking live; death is not an option for us. Despite the odds not being in our favor, we never stopped dreaming in a hope that someday we will be outta here to fulfill them, because at the end of the day, our dreams are all we have.” She gave a dismayed sigh.

We stayed there for a few moments in comfortable silence and then Angel put her arm around my shoulders and led me towards the backside of the brothel. She kept sharing the life-stories of many people here who were also trapped in this shithole. She was constantly using the ‘fucking’ word continuously as if it were her favorite word. The girl definitely had a big dirty mouth.

Later on she took me to meet Casey. Casey was a sixty-five year old intersex who had AIDS. She started here as a cook but as Ma’am came to know about her disease, she banned her from coming out of her room. No one comes here to see her except Angel. Ma’am had nothing to do with her illness. She even commanded Lauren not to waste her time on Casey.

Casey was in very bad shape and living in even worse conditions than the Eagles. Her room actually needed a broom. There was nothing in her room except an old bed and a torn pillow. Her clothes were very dirty and she smelled. As Casey’s eyes fell on Angel, they twinkled, and a smile crept over her wrinkled face.

Angel and Casey were talking like old buddies. They were even cracking jokes. Angel told her about me, and Casey seemed sad. Angel helped her to stand up and lead her to the bathroom for a bath. When they were there, I opened the window. As the sunrays hit my face, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Everything around me felt surreal. The people living here were in even worse conditions than me but they still had the courage to talk, to smile, to make others laugh, to live. Somehow I felt ashamed of myself.

This brothel was a world of dreams, dreams which were innocent, childish, and unreal. After looking around me, in some way I was feeling lucky myself. I had read somewhere that we always think our pain is the biggest in the world until we peek into someone else’s life; this is so true. At that moment, standing by the window, feeling the heat of the sun’s rays on my face, I felt enlightened inside and I promised myself to smile, to dream, and to hope of getting out of here and going home, hugging my mom, kissing Kev, and laughing with my friends. I slowly opened my eyes and smiled.

Angel and Casey were still in the bathroom when I cleaned the room. When they got back, Angel smiled, gazing at me in appreciation.

Angel, Casey, and I talked and laughed until Casey fell asleep. Angel brought a blanket from our room and covered Casey with it carefully. Later on, Angel and I washed Casey’s clothes, bed sheets and pillowcase.

Angel told me that Casey also has a dream. When Casey was a child she ate a piece of chocolate. That was the one and only time she ever had it but she still remembers its creamy taste. She wants to eat it one more time. Casey usually says that the moment her wish is fulfilled, she will not regret dying after that.

When we returned to our room I was feeling much better; it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest.

In the afternoon Angel and I went to lunch in the cafeteria. Some old movie called ‘Psycho’ was playing on the television. Angel and I preferred to talk instead of watching that movie; it made no sense to us at all.

After lunch we wandered around the brothel and I found Nine behind us. He was constantly glancing in our direction. I shook my head in hatred and quickened my steps.

“Hey, where’s the fire?” Angel asked playfully as I began walking faster.

“That asshole is staring me in a weird way,” I answered in a whisper.

She looked back while walking hastily to catch up with my pace, raised her right brow, and then shifted her gaze to me.

“I guess you have an admirer,” she joked, curling her lips. I stopped immediately in my tracks.

“What do you mean?” I asked confused.

“This is not the first time he’s stalking you. Since the day you told him to ‘rot in hell’, I’ve always seen him somewhere near you,” she divulged with a suggestive smile on her face.

“Why would he do that?”

“Probably he…he likes you,” she replied hesitantly.

“WHAT?! Like me?” I nearly shouted, narrowing my brows. She nodded. “Well, I don’t fucking care.”

“Hey, you can’t use that.”

“Use what?”

“The ‘fucking’ word. It’s my patented curse you know.” She smiled crookedly and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling either. Neglecting Nine’s presence, we got back to our room.

Angel and I were lying on our backs on our respective beds quietly staring at the ceiling “During the whole day today, you kept telling me about others, but what about you? How did you end up here?” I asked her out of the blue, rolling on my right side so I could look at her.

Angel chuckled and turned on her left side to look at me. There was nothing but sorrow and pain in her eyes. After gazing at me intently for more than a minute, she began to speak. “I was born into a very poor family. There were eight of us in my family: my parents, five siblings and me. I was the oldest among my brothers and sisters. It was my thirteenth birthday and I was alone in my house. Two men barged in, kidnapped me, and brought me here.” Angel paused for a few seconds and blinked away the tears forming in her eyes. “Somehow I was able to run away from here and find my way back to my house, to my family. They made me eat some food and told me to rest for a while. I went to my bed to sleep and when I woke up I was back here. Later on…later on I came to learn that…that my fucking parents were the ones who sold me to this brothel in the first place.” Angel completed her explanation with a constricted throat and averted her gaze to the ceiling again.

I climbed out of my bed and joined Angel, lying down on her left side. She leaned her head on my shoulder and I softly pressed my lips to her forehead. She couldn’t hold back her tears and began crying. I just repeated the words she said to me two days ago. “I know.”

We remained there lying silently against each other, until it was time for dinner. Nine was the one to call us for dinner. He was constantly staring at me. I totally ignored him while Angel couldn’t stop grinning. I rolled my eyes making my way to the cafeteria, leaving both of them behind. Soon Angel caught up with me.

“You know, he’s not that bad,” Angel teased me.

“Then go and tell him that you’re the one who’s interested in him, not me,” I advised squarely.

“I don’t fucking like him in that way.”

“Well, good then. That makes two of us.”

Nothing much happened in the cafeteria; it was a pretty quiet meal tonight and we went back to our room right after we finished. It didn’t take us long to fall asleep. In the middle of the night, my eyes snapped open after I had another nightmare. I was sweating and panting heavily. I looked at Angel’s bed. It was empty. Angel hadn’t had any clients tonight, so where the hell was she? I rolled out of my bed and walked over towards the door. As I opened the door the icy air made me shiver. It was damn cold out in the hallway. I walked to my wardrobe, pulled out a maroon-colored bed sheet and wrapped it around my body.

I stepped out of my room. The atmosphere out in the hall was as usual, obscenely busy. I checked bathroom but Angel was not there. I started ambling to my left, trying not to draw any attention to myself. Angel wasn’t on the first floor or on the main level. I decided to look for her in the backside of the building.

It was quiet here. A breeze of air was making a few wasps of my hair to fall on my face. I tugged them behind my ear with my trembling hands and continued to search for Angel. I even looked in Casey’s room for her but she was not there. Casey was alone in her room, sleeping soundly.

After walking for more than five minutes in the backside of the brothel, I finally found her. She was sitting under a large Banyan tree with widespread branches, just a few feet ahead of me. The way she was sitting there, I was able to see only the left side of her face. She was definitely not aware of my presence. I was very surprised that she was not sitting there alone; there was some guy with her. They were talking, laughing, and…kissing each other. What the hell? Who was that guy? Sulking, I took a few more steps in her direction. The guy was in the same uniform that the bodyguards wear here. So the guy was one of the bodyguards who work for the brothel. ‘Are they together? Do they love each other?’ Questions began to nag in my mind.

“They love each other.” I jumped out of my skin as someone’s warm breaths touched the cold surface of my ear. I put my right hand over my heart while breathing heavily as I turned around. It was Nine.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m really sorry,” he genuinely apologized. When my breathing subsided I looked at him angrily.

“Are you stalking me?” I asked sternly. He ducked his head down instead of answering me. “I asked you something,” I reminded him gruffly.

“I-I-I was just…yes, yes, I was stalking you but…” I didn’t give him a chance to utter another word.

“Look, you are nothing more than a pimp in my eyes so don’t even think that I will ever fulfill your disgusting fantasies. You are a poor excuse for a human being and I don’t want anything to do with you, so just-stay-away-from-me,” I warned him in a dead serious tone, giving him a death glare.

Nine stared at me unblinkingly with a hurt expression on his face. He inhaled deeply as if gathering his courage and then confessed to me in a single breath. “I like you.”

“WHAT?!” I bellowed, taking a threatening step towards him. Soon Angel and the guy with her were standing by my side.

“Swan, what are you…” It was Angel, but Nine cut her off looking directly in my eyes.

“I-I like y…” Before he could repeat his words, I slapped him across the face.

“Swan, No. Don’t…” Angel tried to stop me but I didn’t give her a chance. She definitely didn’t expect that from me, neither did I.

“Even if you were the last guy on this earth, I’d prefer to die rather than be with a pimp like you.”

“Swan, let’s go to our room,” Angel requested while taking hold of my right elbow. She began pulling me away from Nine but I looked back and continued to insult him louder in anger, “You can’t like or love anyone for that matter. Guys like you would never even hesitate to trade their loved ones to anyone for money.”

“Swan, please,” Angel begged and I gave in. I averted my eyes from him and looked ahead with burgeoning frustration.

Minutes later Angel and I were back in our room. I snatched the maroon bed sheet away from my body and threw it on my bed in anger.

“What the fuck was that? Why would you do that?” Angel asked angrily. I turned around and stared at her in disbelief.

“Are you serious? Are you FUCKING serious? That bastard just said he liked me and you are asking me why I did that?! How dare he!”

Angel let out a sad chuckle, folding her hands against her body. “Actually, you are right. How dare he like you? Even if he has something for you, how dare he confess his feelings? He’s just one of the bodyguards who takes us to our clients to get fucked. He has no right to like someone. Right?” She asked nodding her head continuously.

“What do you wanna say?” I asked irritated, reading sarcasm in her voice.

“I just wanna say that among all the other details, you forgot to consider the fact that he’s a human being. He has emotions. He can have feelings for someone…for you. There’s nothing wrong in that even if you can’t reciprocate his feelings,” she clarified calmly.

“First of all, he’s not a human being because if he was, he would have never ever dared to do what he did to me and God knows to how many other innocent people. So in my eyes he’s a pimp, just a little less cruel and inhuman version of Monster,” I retorted bitterly.

“Do you really think he likes his ‘job’? He’s as helpless as we are. It’s not his choice, Swan, and you have to understand that,” she paused, took a deep breath and then continued, “He was seven when Ma’am brought him here. Since that time he has been the most faithful henchman Ma’am has and you can’t blame him for that; how can he not believe and follow whatever shit Ma’am has taught him since his childhood? In fact, even Ma’am trusts him the most out of all her bodyguards. If there’s anyone who can get through her, it’s Nine. But despite all of his loyalty and shit, he’s the most sensitive guy around here. In this brothel most of the people don’t give a fuck about others but Nine does, he’s different. He’s kind and helpful. He understands other people’s fear and pain. He connects with their feelings,” she explained in a genuine voice.

“He’s still an asshole to me,” I barked.

“You are being judgmental and illogical.”

“After what he did to me, I guess I do have the right to be judgmental and illogical.”

We stared at each other, holding back the storms forming inside us for many long moments. A few minutes later Angel let out an exasperated sigh, grabbed my shoulders and took me to my bed. We sat on the corner of my bed against each other. We remained silent. I leaned in and put my head on her shoulder. And then she broke the silence.

“You know, when Rachael lost her child, Nine was the first one by her side to console her. Whenever Jamie is sad, waiting to get out of here, Nine is the one to make him smile. Swan, in this whole brothel, he’s the only one besides me who cares about Casey. When you were hurt, no one was as worried as him. Believe it or not Swan, he is a nice person. His only bad quality is that he can’t go against Ma’am; he’s very loyal to her.” I shifted my head on her shoulder so I could look at her. I knew what she was saying was true, but I was incapable of not hating Nine because this hate towards him was the only raw emotion left in me and I know I didn’t want to lose it.

Angel stared at me for a while before she spoke again. “When Nine found out about Six and I…”

“Six?” I asked in bewilderment.

“You know, the guy you just saw me with. Six and I…we…we love each other. To be with him, to have a family with him, this is my only dream and it helps me survive in here,” she disclosed hesitantly. She was definitely blushing and I started to smile seeing her reddened face.

“Since when are you guys…?”

“It’s been more than two years,” she replied still blushing.

Angel let me know that when Nine learned about her and Six, he promised them he would keep his mouth shut. He often helps them to see each other which was damn risky, because if Ma’am found out about their affair and the fact that Nine was helping them, the three of them would be doomed.

I was feeling terrible for what I said and did to Nine. I wanted to apologize. I decided that when I saw him next, I’d tell him how sorry I was for the way I acted. Angel promised me that she would help me.

Most of the night Angel spent filling me in on details about Nine and Six. Whenever she was talking…babbling about Six, there was a spark in her eyes which showed me that she was actually in love. I was happy for her, but then I couldn’t stop myself from thinking what the future of their relationship would be like in here. Would they ever be able to get out of here and be together? I never verbalized my thoughts and kept my mouth shut. Right now she was happy and I didn’t want to take that away from her.

The next morning Angel and I woke up early. Seventeen came to call us for the assembly to get our schedules for the week. Seventeen was the same guy who accompanied Nine to take me to Monster. Angel told me that he’s a complete asshole and from the way he treated me that day, I couldn’t agree more.

The assembly was held in the back of the brothel. All the Fairies were lined up in four rows. Ma’am was standing under the same tree where I found Angel and Six last night. Ma’am was carrying a stack of papers in her arms. She was looking as scary and ugly as always, just like a witch.

“So boys and girls, here are your weekly schedules and get this through your heads: I want you to provide your best services to our clients so they keep coming back. If I find out that any of you is doing anything to displease our clients, let me assure you that the consequences will be damn hurtful to you, so you better be careful about what you do and how you behave, because I won’t take any shit from you guys. Let me repeat, I won’t take any shit…shit…” As she said ‘shit’, a thick white fluid which I think was some bird shit, hit her on her forehead from somewhere above, and dripped down her right cheek. I guess it was one of the brave birds sitting on the branches of the tree that the witch was standing under. Angel couldn’t hold back and burst out in laughter. Soon Jamie joined her.

“Who the hell is laughing? Who has grown the balls to laugh in my face? I won’t take that shit…” As Ma’am uttered the word ‘shit’ again, that bird took the opportunity to grace her face with his thick white shit once more. This time even I couldn’t stop myself from laughing my ass off. Seconds later everyone was laughing hysterically. Ma’am was pissed like hell. She threatened everyone with her ‘shitty’ face but it was of no use. She ordered everyone to get to their rooms; our schedules would be sent to our respective rooms. Ma’am commanded Nine that she wanted that bloody bird to be dead before breakfast, and left cursing under her breath.

When Angel and I were back in our room, we were still laughing like maniacs.

“That, that…that was the fucking funniest thing…I have ever…ever seen…in my entire life,” Angel confessed between laughs.

“I…I could kiss the feet…of that bird right now,” I chimed in.

We continued to joke and laugh until our schedules were here. Angel had three different clients for three days. She had four days off during the week. I had two clients for four days of the week, and in three out of those four days, I had Monster. I sucked in a deep breath as memories of him swamped my mind. Angel was on my side in no time. She kept rubbing my back to soothe my tense nerves and it really worked.

I made up my mind to not let Monster affect me. Whatever was about to happen I had to face it because I had no other choice. I knew that in order to survive in here I had to be strong and, I had to keep my hope alive that I would get out of here someday. I stopped thinking about Monster despite having to go back to room number 403 tomorrow. Angel sensed my fears. She tried to take my mind off of it by talking nonsense. She never brought up the topic of Monster.

We spent our day talking to Rachael, Jamie, and Casey. I felt better, much better. Rachael reminded me of Carol. I thought of Jake whenever I saw Jamie blushing. Casey’s behavior flooded my mind with the memories of my mom. And Angel, well, she had a few elements in her personality from all my loved ones. She had the calmness of Jake, she was filled with Carol’s Zeal, and she was as caring as my mom. Sometimes she was as oblivious as Ron, and as childish as Kev. As I spent more and more time with Angel, I realized that apart from a foul mouth, she had a heart of gold.

After having our dinner, and waiting for three long hours in our room Angel and I went to the back of the brothel. She had to meet Six tonight because for the next three days they won’t be able to see each other because of that fucking schedule.

There was silence around us and as usual there was no one back here during these real busy hours of ‘business’, except Six. He was sitting Indian style under the same Banyan tree where he was last night. His back and head were pressed against the stem of the tree. Angel and I were steps away from him.

“You go. Meet him. I’ll wait here for you,” I suggested.

“But…don’t you wanna meet him?”

“I’ll have plenty of chances in the future to meet your prince charming, but something tells me that right now he just needs you.”

She nodded, kissed my cheek while standing on her toes, and then walked towards Six with a beaming smile on her face. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling too. I swirled around and found Nine gazing at me from a few steps away but as soon as I caught him staring at me he averted his eyes and ducked his head down. We remained there standing before each other, looking here and there in complete silence.

A few moments later, Nine turned around and started ambling to God knows where. Without thinking much, I trailed behind him. He stopped in front of another Banyan tree and then sat under it with a sigh. He folded his knees and pulled them towards his chest a little. He raised his brown eyes to meet my gaze and kept staring at me until I stepped towards him and sat down beside him. We were quite far from Angel and Six but still able to see them. Nine and I continued to sit there in uncomfortable silence for many torturous moments.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered to break the silence while trying to avoid his gaze. I knew he was still watching me. I inhaled a deep breath and continued. “I have no right to judge you, to insult you, to slap you. I mean…all I wanna say is that I’m really, really sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about. You are not the one who took guys and girls to brutal rapists to ruin their innocence. You are not the one who stood outside those fucking rooms and kept ignoring their painful pleadings to help them, to get them out of there. You are not a heartless bastard. You…you are not inhuman. It’s, it’s me,” he asserted. He sounded so sorrowful, so guilty.

I lifted my eyes to look at him. “You…you are not inhuman; you are just in a bad situation and it makes you do things you don’t want to do,” I hesitantly assured him batting my eyelashes rapidly. A small smile full of gratitude made its way on his lips, which somehow warmed my heart too.

“I’m sorry, Swan. I…I’m sorry for everything,” he apologized. I just nodded.

“Nine, I…I just wanna make this clear that…that I will never be able to reciprocate your feelings and it has nothing to do with what you do or anything. It’s just…it’s just I’m in love…with someone else,” I admitted.

“What’s his name?” he asked with a sad smile.

“Kev…Kevin.”

“You know, since the day I first saw you, there isn’t a moment I haven’t thought about what would have happened if we had met in different circumstances, in a different world…out of this brothel. Then, would I have a chance with you?” he asked curiously.

“I…I don’t know,” I answered honestly. His face fell and he looked like someone had punched him in his guts. “I’m sorry for breaking your heart,” I added.

He chuckled sadly. “Hearts and promises are meant to be broken.” I had nothing to say to that.

“Well, well, well. I guess some people are really getting along with other people,” Angel teased us, eyeing Nine and then me. I had no clue when she got here.

“When did you get here?” Nine asked in surprise.

“When you were saying something about hearts and promises,” Angel replied nonchalantly as she grabbed my hand and dragged me enough to stand up. “Come on, we should leave. I need to sleep.” She yawned like a five-year-old and began walking still holding my hand. I looked back and found Nine’s eyes glued to me. I smiled and he smiled back.

Days became weeks and weeks turned into months. It had been more than three months since I got here and I felt my life had stagnated. I had been sent to Monster and my other clients many times, but no one was as brutal as Monster. I always dreaded having to go to him. It nearly sucked the life out of me. Every time I had Monster as my client, he raped me, beat me, and the pain I felt was always more than the last time. My other clients weren’t saints either, but they were still better if you compared them with Monster.

Angel was now Angie to me. We were getting closer and closer with each passing day. We laughed together. We cried together. We ate together. Hell, we even slept together. She was true to her name: an angel. Well, her actual name was Mia…Mia Raymond, but she hates her name and unlike me, loves her new name. Angie and I were generally spending our free time with Jamie, Rachael, and Casey. We always enjoyed each others’ company. We were each others’ strength. We were friends in its truest sense. Even people around us had started to call us the ‘Fantastic Five’. I told them about everyone - Mom, Matt, Kevin, Jake, Ron, Carol, Becca, Ed, and…and Daryl. The five of us were now an inseparable part of each others’ miserable lives.

I had also met Six. He seemed nice. He and Angie were very happy together. I actually want them to get out of here so they could begin a new life…together. Their relationship was strange but strong as a rock. There were times when Six was the one to take Angie to her client. Whenever they met after that, I found an invisible wall between them but in no time I had also seen their invincible love demolish that damn wall.

Unexpectedly, Nine and I also drew closer to each other. Whenever Angie was with Six, I was with Nine. Nine was, as Angie said, a nice guy. Though he was very loyal to Ma’am and could never listen to a word against her, he was always the first one to help Ma’am’s victims. Sometimes I really find him mysterious. I was sure he was holding back; there were a lot of things inside him he didn’t talk about. Several times I asked him his actual name but he always avoided answering me.

“Why don’t you tell me your actual name? I wanna know,” I asked, irritated.

“What’s in a name? And why do you want to know my name so badly?” he asked, making the face of an innocent child.

“I don’t know, but I just want to and I guess that should be more than enough of a reason for you to let me know your name,” I uttered stubbornly.
“Not now, okay? I promise when the time is right, I’ll tell you my name. I promise,” he repeated.

“I remember a few weeks back someone told me that, ‘Hearts and promises are meant to be broken’.” I smiled crookedly and he smiled back.

Nine was never verbal about the way he felt towards me but every now and then I sensed that his feelings were growing stronger. Many times I found him staring at me and smiling like he was dreaming…dreaming about us. Whenever I came back to the brothel after being victimized by Monster, I saw his eyes glistening like he was feeling my pain. Sometimes I felt badly for him but there was nothing I could do.

Slowly and steadily I was getting used to living in this shithole; sometimes it scared the hell out of me and then I looked around me to remind myself that I was not the only one. I was not alone.

A few weeks later Rachael told us something which shook us all.

“I’m pregnant again.”

“WHAT?!” Angie nearly shouted. She seemed pissed off. “You remembered what happened last time. You lost your baby and you nearly died. And now you are pregnant again? Why would you let that happen?”

“Does she have a choice? Ma’am made her have unprotected sex with one of her bodyguards to get her pregnant,” Jamie revealed staring at Rachael.

“Why would she do that?” I asked in confusion.

“Because it’s a win-win situation for her. If Rachael gives birth to a son he’ll be either one of the bodyguards here or one of us, and if she has a girl then she’ll definitely be one of us,” Jamie informed us grimly.

“But when this happened the last time and Rachael delivered a dead child, Lauren made it pretty clear that if she gets pregnant again her life will be in danger,” Angie exclaimed dragging her words.

“Like that witch even cares about anyone’s life,” Casey commented tartly. We all fell in a deadly silence.

From that day Casey, Angie, Jamie, and I started taking extra care of Rachael. We were truly worried about her but hid our concerns for Rachael’s sake. Lauren told us that as expected, Rachael’s life was in danger. We all were praying for Rachael and her unborn child whose fate was sealed before his/her birth.

SEVEN MONTHS LATER

Every day of the past seven months was like a year to me. I had no clue how I survived here for so long. It was un-fucking-believable to me.

When I woke up in the morning I had a strong feeling that something was about to happen today, though I had no idea whether it would be good or bad. As usual, Angie was on my left side, still sleeping with me. I cautiously scrambled off my bed and made my way to the bathroom. Tonight I had Monster on my schedule. In the last seven months if nothing had changed, it was my fear of seeing Monster. I was still nervous as all hell every time I had to ‘meet’ with him.

Rachael’s condition was not good. Lauren had her reasons of believing that Rachael’s delivery would be premature which would be very dangerous for her and her baby. I needed to wake Angie up so that I could drag her along to see Rachael. But before that I was planning on seeing Casey. Actually, I told Nine to get me some chocolates. I have no idea how he managed it but last night he handed me four chocolates. I ran to Casey’s room with them to give her what she had been craving for years. When I reached her room, I found her asleep. I decided to surprise her with these chocolates in morning and with that I returned to my room. I wanted to see that smile on Casey’s face when she saw those chocolates; I wanted to see when she tasted their creamy texture again.

When I hurriedly came back in our room, Angie was already awake and Jamie was there with her. They were talking about Rachael. Before I could say anything, Nine came running to our room. I immediately walked to him.

“W-what happened?” I asked in a panic. Soon Angie and Jamie were on either side of me.

“Casey,” he muttered among his unsteady breaths, looking directly into my eyes. There was something in his brown orbs which told me what had happened. I began running to Casey’s room. Angie, Jamie, and Nine were right behind me. In no time I was in Casey’s room. Casey was on her bed and her eyes were closed as if she were in a deep sleep. She seemed at peace. Rachael was sitting on her bed. She was crying. I slowly stepped towards Casey’s sleeping figure.

“Sh…she’s d…d…dead,” Rachael stammered with a constricted throat. I stopped dead in my tracks. Casey was not alive. Casey was dead. Casey was dead. But she couldn’t be dead. I brought her chocolates. She hadn’t even tasted them yet. She couldn’t be dead. But the truth was that she was gone; she was far from this hell and able to finally rest in peace. I carefully sat down on the corner of her crumbled bed, leaned down and pressed my lips against the cold skin of her forehead. I didn’t cry. I just kept staring at her face until Nine and Six took her body so they could bury her the graveyard which was a few meters behind the back of the brothel. When they buried her, I put those chocolates I intended to give her last night in with her. Somehow I was happy for her because I knew she was in some place which was definitely better than this hell.

Casey’s death hit Jamie the most. He looked lost. Angie tried to talk to him but he never responded. Rachael was not feeling well so she was resting in her room. Nine asked me several times if I was I feeling okay. I just nodded yes, but inside I was shaken.

Angie and I were in our room. In a few minutes we had to go to lunch though we had lost our appetite. Angie was lying on her bed, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling.

“Angie?”

“Someday we all will have same fate as Casey.” Angie blurted.

“No. That’s not true,” I objected weakly.

“We all are going to die the same way in this hell,” she babbled as if not listening to me.

“NO!”

“Six and I are never gonna be together. We will never get outta here. We...we…” She couldn’t hold back her tears and began crying. I hurriedly jumped out of my bed to get to her side but before I could say anything to console her, someone began knocking on our door impatiently. I moved towards the door and opened it slowly. Jamie was on other side teary-eyed.

“Jamie? What happened?” I asked, knowing full well that he had no good news.

“Rachael…Rachael is in labor.”

Angie, Jamie, and I ran to the labor room which was inside Lauren’s room. Nine was already there. He told us that Rachael was in critical condition. Her painful cries were audible to all of us. We all were freaking out but were still praying every moment for her and her baby’s safety but I guess that was not enough. An hour later, Lauren came out of the labor room and informed us that she couldn’t save either Rachael or her baby.

Angie lunged towards me, hugged me tight, hiding her face in my chest and clutching my shirt. She was weeping. On the other side, Jamie was sitting on the floor with an emotionless face, staring at a nonexistent spot on floor. Nine picked him up in his arms and took him to his room, telling me to take care of Angie. Soon, Six came in there looking for Angie. I left the two of them alone and entered the labor room.

Rachael’s face was smeared with sweat. The lower portion of her body was covered with a white sheet which was not white anymore as it was soaked in Rachael’s blood. I felt nauseous and ran towards the bathroom to vomit.

Half an hour later, Nine and Six buried Rachael and her infant child besides Casey’s grave.

Jamie was in his room. Angie and I sat silently in the graveyard. The only sound that was audible was of the wind howling through the trees around us. We remained there for hours thinking about the inevitable future in store for us. It was terrifying. It was hopeless. It was sad. I won’t lie; I envied Casey and Rachael because they were no longer in this horrible place.

It was five in the evening. At nine I had to leave to go to Monster, but right now there were other things on my mind. Angie and I were moping around the brothel in complete silence. There was nothing to say but there was a lot to think about. If Angie and I were like this, I had no clue how Jamie was dealing with this situation because he was the most sensitive and fragile among us. Angie and I decided to look for him. When we reached his room, it was closed. I knocked on his door but there was no reply. Angie knocked harder but still there was no response. We looked at each other. As realization dawned on us, blood ran out of our faces. We began pounding our fists against the closed door, screaming Jamie’s name again and again but he never opened the door. I ran to search for Nine. He was doing something in the cafeteria when I grabbed his shoulders to turn him around. Before he could say anything, I uttered among my shaky breaths, “Jamie…he’s not opening his door.” Nine didn’t wait for another moment and ran towards Jamie’s room. I was right behind him.

Nine bumped his body against the closed door with great force, and after numerous collisions, the door finally opened. I shuddered witnessing the scene inside the room. A pool of blood was around Jamie’s slashed wrist. A sharp blade with its corner submerged in blood was lying on the floor a few steps away from Jamie, and Jamie…he was writhing restlessly in pain. Angie, Nine, and I instantly knelt down by his side.

“Jamie!” I exclaimed.

“Nine, run. Get Lauren,” Angie commanded. Without giving a second thought Nine rushed out of the room to look for Lauren.

“Why would you do this?” I asked while struggling with my tears.

“I…I know now. I…I know,” he mumbled while battling for every breath.

“What the hell do you know, you fucking idiot?” Angie asked angrily. She was also on the verge of tears.

“I know… I can…I can never…be able to…to see my mom again. My destiny…is to…to die…the way…the way Rachael and…and Ca…Casey died. I’m…I’m sure they…they are in a better world now. I…I wanna join…join them there, it’s better than to live in...in a false dream. I’m…tired…tired of living a lie…tired of…of living in a…in a hope which is never…gonna be ful…fulfilled. I…I just wish I could have…seen my mom’s…mom’s face once mo…” He couldn’t complete his sentence. His eyes stopped moving and blinking. He was not breathing. He was still. I knew he was gone. There was dead silence in the room. Hesitantly, I lifted my hand and ran it across Jamie’s face gently from his forehead to chin, to close his eyelids. In the meantime Nine came in with Lauren, but it didn’t matter now; it was too late.

I stood up and began stepping back. I felt like everything around me was moving. My knees began to shake and I found myself falling but Nine caught me in time. I closed my eyes. I heard people around me calling my name but I ignored those voices. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be quiet. The world of dreams Angie made me see a few months back was now collapsing around me. Everything seemed to be a big fat lie. Nine lifted me in his arms and took me to my room and put me on my bed. He tucked me under my blanket and left before whispering, ‘sleep’. I was actually feeling very tired. I felt like I was weaving in and out of the storm that was my emotions. I was unable to think anything, to say anything, so I did what I was told to do: I slept.

When I woke up, Angie was sitting on the corner of my bed, caressing my forehead.

“How are you feeling?” she asked in a teary voice.

“I really don’t know, Angie,” I answered, trying not to cry.

“I don’t wanna lose you too, Swan,” she admitted solemnly. I slowly sat up and hugged her tightly.

“I’m not going anywhere and neither are you,” I assured her, but we both knew I didn’t sound convinced.

Angie told me that Jamie was buried besides Rachael. I decided to go there now because in an hour Nine and Seventeen were taking me to Monster. Angie wanted to see Six, so both of us chose to skip our dinner tonight.

After leaving Angie with Six in the back of the brothel under the usual Banyan tree, I headed to the graveyard. Four lives which were breathing only a few hours ago were now lying there dead. I lost three out of the four people who were the reasons for my survival here; they were there whenever I needed them. They understood me, they were like me. I had just Angie now and in no way I could afford losing her. She’s all that I had now. I spent half an hour there talking to them and pretending they were sleeping, and then suddenly a loud voice that sounded like a shot from the back of the brothel disrupted my blabbering. I looked back and a chill ran through my spine. Without giving it a second thought I ran towards the Banyan tree where I left Angie with Six.

I stopped abruptly a few steps away from the Banyan tree, panting heavily. The tree was surrounded by several people who blocked my vision so I couldn’t see what was going on. I gathered all the strength left in me and raced towards the tree pushing and jostling people out of my way with only a single thought running through my mind: I can’t lose Angie.

When I finally got to the tree and saw what was going on, I became numb. I fell to the ground landing on my knees. It was getting difficult to breathe. Keeping my eyes open seemed impossible. Ma’am was standing just under the tree with a gun in her right hand. A dead Six was laying a few steps away from her. Nine was right beside that witch looking down at Angie; two henchmen were holding her tightly by her arms. One of them was Seventeen. Angie was trying hard to get near the dead body of her lover. She was desperately doing everything to get free and run to Six as if a magnet were attracting her to his body, but she was helpless as those two ruthless bastards had a tight grip on her arms. She was screaming, ‘LET ME GO!’, continuously, but everyone paid her a deaf ear, including Nine.

“So here’s the missing piece to this story,” Ma’am commented sarcastically as her eyes landed on me. I didn’t say anything. I just kept staring at Angie. In the spur of the moment I stood up and ran towards her.

“LEAVE HER, YOU BASTARDS! JUST LEAVE HER ALONE!” I shouted maniacally, trying my best to shove away those two giants holding her, but it was all in vain. Seventeen threw me on the floor like I was nothing. Nine raced towards me but Ma’am called his name.

“NINE!” she said his name in a way as if warning him not to take another step towards me. Nine ceased to move further. He stepped back looking at me apologetically. It seemed like he was dying, looking me like that, but he couldn’t do anything to help. I looked away from him. I quickly pulled myself up and moved towards Ma’am with hastened steps.

“I…I beg you to please, please leave her. She…she didn’t do anything. She, she will not do anything, I know that. Please believe me. Please, please leave her,” I literally begged, clasping my hands together before her.

“Oh shut up, you fag. I know what to do with whom. Thanks to Seventeen, I knew about this unique little affair between a pimp and a slut. One of the culprits had already gotten what he deserves,” she spat, glancing at Six’s body and then shifted her gaze to Angie and continued, “Now it’s time for her to get punished for loving someone, for going against the rules and regulations of this broth…”

“FUCK your rules! FUCK your regulations! And FUCK you, you bitch!” Angie screamed and then burst in tears. She was crying like world had just ended for her.

“How dare you to talk to me like that, you slut! At first I was thinking of giving you a second chance, but you made it pretty clear that you don’t deserve it. If anything, you deserve to die,” the witch retorted in the evilest voice with her patented demonic smile; a smile which showed the satisfaction of being able to control the life and death of so many lives.

“If anyone deserves to die, it’s you, you freaking, heartless bitch!” Angie never stopped cursing or crying and I couldn’t blame her, but I needed her to be safe. I needed her to live. I quickly walked to her.

“Angie, please shut up for a while. I beg you, just shut up, okay?”

“There’s no reason anymore for me to be afraid of this fucking old cunt, Swan. She fucking killed Six. The only person I fell in love with. She…she just…she just killed him. She’s the one who took him…took him away from me for…for forever.” She was sobbing inconsolably.

I turned around to face Ma’am.

“Ma’am, I…I promise you she’ll apologize to you. She’ll…she’ll do whatever you want. Just tell these guys to leave her. She needs me. She…she just lost someone she was in love with. I beg…I beg for your mercy. Please, Ma’am. I promise she’ll apologize to you right now,” I pleaded with my teary eyes.

That witch let out a sardonic chuckle. “You are lucky I have such a soft heart.” She looked at the two guys holding Angie tight and they let her go. She ran to Six’s body and knelt down next to him. She touched his face and tried to listen to his nonexistent heartbeats. She slapped him across his face many times to wake him up, but of course she couldn’t get any response. She stood up, turned around and ran to me.

“Swan, he needs a doctor. What if he’s alive? We need to take him to some hospital. I’m sure he’ll…he’ll get better there. We…we…” I just hugged Angie tightly and she broke down. She cried and cried. She was hiccupping and sniveling. As her knees wobbled she began to fall but I never let go of her. I fell to my knees so I could keep holding her in my arms.

“I lost him, Swan. I…I just lost…him.” I was weeping too. There was nothing I could say to make her feel better. I felt as helpless as she was feeling. I had no idea how long we remained in each others’ arms, crying, surrounded by numerous mute spectators. None of them came over to help us, and honestly I didn’t blame them.

After God knows how long, Angie pulled back and then looked at me. Her face was covered in tears. Her eyes were blood-shot. She shifted her gaze to Ma’am and I saw something dangerous in her eyes. She stood up and stepped towards Ma’am, never breaking her stare. She stopped a few inches away from her. Both of them were facing each other.

“I am not afraid of you anymore,” Angie said in a low voice and then spat on Ma’am’s face. The witch closed her eyes. There was dead silence around us. I was frightened to even think about what was going to happen to Angie now.

“Seventeen,” Ma’am called her henchman calmly but I knew this was the calm before the storm. Seventeen ran to the witch and wiped her face off with the help of a napkin and then he stepped away. Finally, Ma’am opened her eyes and stared at Angie.

“Nine,” Ma’am called, still watching Angie. Nine stepped forward and bowed a little. “Kill this nasty bitch. Right here. Right now.” Nine inhaled a deep breath but didn’t move from his place and that irritated the witch to death. “I SAID KILL HER!”

“Ma’am, please forgive her. She’s out of her mind right now, but I assure you she’ll apologize to you after…”

“I don’t need her fucking apology. I just need to see her die. Do you get it? Now kill her,” she shrieked in impatience. Nine was still where he was and Ma’am was losing the last bit of her patience. She tightened her grip on her gun and ambled towards me, passing Angie. She raised her gun and pointed it right in between my forehead.

“Seventeen also told me that you do have a soft spot for this pussy, though he doesn’t return your so-called feelings,” she revealed looking directly into my eyes with a devilish smile. “I’m sure you don’t wanna see this fag dead. So here’s the deal: I’ll count to three, if by then you haven’t shot her, I’ll shoot him.”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked in a defeated tone while wiping my tears with the back of my hand.

The witch smiled evilly. “Because I love playing with lives. It’s the most interesting game for me. I love the feeling that makes me believe that the life and death of a person is in my bare hands just like God…or Goddess. Six is already dead, and now I have two more lives at my mercy.” She looked back at Angie and continued, “The death of this whore is inevitable. If she isn’t killed by Nine today, then I’ll have to kill her but in that case she’s not the only one who’s dying here. I’ll kill you too.” Then she shifted her gaze to Nine. “I can make anyone to kill Angel. Hell, I can kill her by myself right now, but no, I want you to kill her. It will be your first and last chance to prove that you are still loyal to me even after breaking the law by helping Six and Angle the slut get together and by having feelings for this faggot. But if you don’t kill her, then believe me, my trust will not be the only thing you’ll lose today; it will cost you your little crush’s life too. So I repeat myself again: if I count to three and Angie is not dead, then Swan will die.”

“Don’t…don’t do it,” I pleaded to Nine shaking my head fervently. He just looked away. I tried to reach out to Angie but two of the bodyguards held me firmly to keep me in place. I gave in and burst in tears.

“Just do it,” Angie croaked without any emotion in her voice. She was a few steps away from me, facing Nine. She seemed dead inside.

“One,” The witch began counting. Seventeen handed Nine a gun. I glanced at the gun in sheer terror.

“Please don’t kill her. She’s…she’s all I have,” I begged looking at Nine with fear in my eyes. First Casey, then Rachael, later Jamie, and now Angie. No, it’s not happening. I couldn’t let this happen, but…but I was helpless and pathetic as usual. The witch chuckled in pleasure and satisfaction seeing me like this.

“Life is worthless for me now,” Angie muttered, staring through the thin air. She was lost somewhere in her own world.

“Two.” The witch’s grip on her gun tightened, and it was still pointed right in between my forehead.

Nine raised his trembling hand holding the gun and aimed it towards Angie. Angie swallowed hard and closed her eyes emitting a shaky but fearless breath. I tried to get free but those two guys held me back and strengthened their grasp on my arms.

“PLEASE! NO!” I screamed.

“Six is waiting for me,” Angie mumbled to herself.

“Three.”

“I’m sorry,” Nine mouthed, looking at me with tear-filled eyes.

I closed my eyes as I was not able to face whatever was going to happen. I was shivering with cold and fear, fear of losing Angie. Every moment I shared with Angie replayed in my mind - the laughs, the cries, the fights, the talks, the silence, everything. Tears were still streaming down my face. “This is…this is not happening,” I falsely consoled myself in between my sobs.

And then I heard someone pull the trigger.

 

TBC.

 

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A/N: A very BIG thanks to Lisa, Areesha, Smoothy, GulabJamun, Eleven, Ninecila, Lilansui, Gregg, Awesomekiss, Silentdreamer, Terry P, Keswickgardens and all my readers for reading, liking, reviewing and following my story. It really means a lot to me. Love you guys