The Light - 1. Chapter 1 The Light

The Light

He stood in nothingness. Mired. It was an endless void… limbo… and somehow, he knew that. But he was also aware there was a defined path. A direction beckoned, like a pull on his cells, urging him, no, commanding him to obey. He wasn’t supposed to have a choice. He understood that too. Could he accept this new reality? Could he let go? He should be pleased the debilitating pain was gone, yet what it signified was worse, wasn’t it? Yes. His awareness grew, and fed his conviction. He’d be leaving something precious and irreplaceable behind if he took the fated course, the artery he could feel pulsing beneath his feet. Sight wasn’t needed here, though he still possessed functioning eyes, for he could see a light in the distance. It was a heavenly orb that flared gold on the outer edges. The center, though, was the purest white… a revelation that drew him. He had to look away. The power of that light, its beauty and its call, were too strong, too insistent. A siren? A promise? Another chance? He didn’t care. He wasn’t ready. Dammit. He needed time. Was time even a thing anymore? He looked downward, at his feet, but there was nothing to see… only a blackness so impenetrable it distorted the senses. Color couldn’t live here. It only existed in that light, in his ordained destination. No. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. There was immense pain behind him, he could sense it, and his absence was the reason for it.

A face, an exquisite, tear-stained face appeared before him like a welcome spectre. David. Wondrous, glorious, loving David… truly an angel that walked the earth. His other half, since practically childhood. They shared a soul. He had always been certain of that, and David had reinforced it with his words, words that fell like gems from his lips.

He was David’s light. Leaving him was sentencing David to a slow death that would span years. A lifetime. David felt too deeply, loved too deeply, but oh how amazing to be the recipient of such depths. How could he just leave him behind while he continued forward? What if the light made him forget the love that shone only for him in those soul-stirring blue eyes? His mind rebelled at the thought. All the light he would ever need was in those eyes. He would lay down here, and remain where he could still picture David and the love he emanated, rather than take the chance of never being able to recall that face and that feeling again.

He experienced remorse at ever praying for release from the pain he was tired of enduring. With pain, he had David. Without it, the price was unbearable. He wanted that pain back. He didn’t want to face a future, any future, without his man at his side. Please, God, give me back my pain. He began to pray. He became frantic. How much time had passed? There was no one for David. He was alone. Oh, God. Was the light moving closer? Stay away! I can’t leave him! God, please, don’t take me away. Please don’t make me leave him. He could feel the wetness of his tears in the blackness, and they centered him. The panic he was immersed in, turned to determination.

He could feel it… no, he could picture it… a vine, blacker than coal, wrapped around his ankle. It lead behind him, away from that beautiful, cursed light. He could envision a faint line of red running through the inky tendril. It was there, and it wasn’t. Was it blood? Was it love, David’s love? Was it life? Did it truly exist, or did he just want to believe it did?

He tried to turn around and look back. To verify. He couldn’t. It was not an option. His resolve, his fierce desire, became a rage. It wasn’t fair. God, please. He needs me, and I need him. Don’t do this to us. Please let me go back.

Nothing.

He fought. He wanted no part of that light without David. He struck out at the darkness, the darkness that led to the light, refusing to give in to the pull. It increased, but so did his resistance against it. He might not prevail, but he couldn’t not try. David would wither to an empty shell without him! Savage tears flowed as he battled with every ounce of will he had.

Please, God. If you can hear me. I beg you to let me go back to him. Please. He realized he was sobbing now.

The pulsing beneath his feet stopped. He froze at the difference... the absence of that infernal rhythm that still shot echoes through his body and his mind. What did it mean?

Release. It was sudden. For a heartbeat, he was terrified, and then he doused his fear in love.

He had freedom to move, to turn back. He did, and lunged desperately in the direction the cherished red life-line revealed. It did exist, however barely, and it was showing him the way. He was still in blackness, but he kept going. He didn’t seem to be getting anywhere, and a different kind of fear clawed at him, but he refused to stop. He couldn’t give up. He had to reach his David. The red was brighter, and the brilliant color encouraged him. It pulsed with increasing power. He didn’t just see it, he felt it. Hope flared. Thank you, God. He struggled on, calling on every resource he had, praying it would be enough. Please help me, God.

The vine was thickening to the size of a tree branch, and he would swear he could see bright red liquid moving through it, matching his own desperate speed. He was weakening, and his hope became endangered. He called for help again, while refusing to pay heed to his limitations. Even so, he weakened further, his breakdown imminent, but when he needed it most, a mighty push came from behind, and he fell gently out of the black, and into the astonishing light of the hospital room. He was back to lying in the same bed. He had made it. Filled with an unfathomable joy, he allowed himself to truly believe.

He could once again feel the sublime warmth of David’s hands wrapped tightly around his own. He slowly opened eyes used to perfect darkness, and saw his light once again. Shimmering blue pools were radiating the purest love.

“We have sinus rhythm… a strong pulse, Doctor.”

“Well, I’ll be damned. Somebody up there must like him.”

“You came back.” David’s tear-ravaged face was the most arrestingly precious sight he had ever seen, and he had witnessed ultimate, heavenly beauty… yet, it couldn’t compare to his David.

“Did you doubt me, my love? Nothing can take me from my other half… nothing.” He watched fresh tears slide down David’s face, but he was content, because these were happy ones. He had taken away David’s anguish. It was only then he noticed all his pain was gone, every last speck of it. As he looked into those beautiful, blue lights that illuminated his very soul, he whispered, “Thank you, God… thank you for understanding… and thank you for giving me my David.”

God’s answer lived in David’s adoring smile.