Not made for each other - 28. Love is a Curse

Chapter 28: Love is a Curse

Against my wishes to lock myself in my room and sulk the whole day, I got ready for college. Carol picked me up since Ed was not here. We picked up Steph on our way. Jake wasn’t going to attend his classes today either because he was going on a date with Jer, as per his promise, though they promised to show up at our weekly meeting tonight which would be at Jake’s place.

On my way to college, I called Ed and Becca many times, but every time they were out of the coverage area. I was restless. I told Carol and Steph about Ed’s father but didn’t divulge a single detail about what happened between Ed and me last night.

Once in college, I tried to busy myself in my classes but to no avail; my mind was occupied with thoughts of Ed. In lunch, at our regular table in the cafeteria, everyone was there except Jake, Jer, and Ed. Kev and Steph were reading some notes while stealing some awkward glances at each other. Carol was not able to keep her hands to herself; she was touching Mich here and there, flirting shamelessly, and making her laugh. And I was drowning in thoughts of Ed.

After school, Carol drove Mich, Steph, and me home. Mom was not home. I checked the answering machine; there was no call from either Becca or Ed. I went upstairs to my room and devoted the rest of my day to wallow in my sorrows.

I fixed something for dinner for Mom, put it in the refrigerator, and left her a note that I was going to Jake’s place for our weekly meeting.

The front door of Jake’ apartment was still locked; it meant no one was here yet, and Jake and Jer were still on their date. I had a spare key to Jake’s apartment, so I conveniently let myself in. A few moments later, Carol and Kev arrived, then a little while later Mich and Steph showed up. We began talking about general stuff when suddenly Jake stormed into the living room looking livid; Jer was not far behind him.

“Here begins the drama,” Carol mumbled. Steph and I gave her a dirty look.

“Jake!” Jer called, while rushing behind him.

Jake immediately stopped and whipped around to face Jer. “Get out of here!” I had never seen him so enraged. His breaths were ragged while his eyes were glistening with tears.

“We can talk about this.” Jer tried to reason with him.

“There is nothing to talk about. Just leave!” Jake was relentless.

“I’m not going anywhere without talking to you.” Jer was stubborn too.

“The hell you’re not!” Jake quickly walked to him and pushed him hard.

Jer barely stirred from his position, but it looked he was losing his temper. “It was just a kiss!”

What?! Jer and Jake kissed?!

“Ah! A twist in the tale.” I didn’t know why the hell Carol couldn’t shut her big mouth. Steph and I glared at her again and mouthed ‘shut up’ together.

“I didn’t want you to kiss me!” Jake retorted.

Jer raised his voice a bit. “You were into it as much as I was. Don’t you dare put this all on me.”

That did nothing but further incite Jake’s anger. He took a threatening step towards Jer. “Get the hell out of here!”

Jake spun around to walk away, but Jer grabbed his hand which made Jake look back at him.

“He’s so gonna regret that.” Damn Carol. Argh! This time Steph and I didn’t even bother to glance at her.

“I like you,” Jer conceded and Jake’s nostrils flared.

Jake jerked Jer’s hand away. “How dare you!”

Jer crossed his arms over his chest. “How dare I what? How dare I hold your hand, or how dare I like you?”

“He’s playing with fire,” Carol murmured again.

Instead of answering Jer’s ridiculous question, Jake took another step in his direction. “I’m only going to say this once, so listen to me very carefully: I-don’t-fucking-like-you,” Jake said with gritted teeth.

“Why?” Jer was not going to let this slide so easily.

“Because I can’t like you!”

“Why?” Jer was tiptoeing on thin ice here.

“Because I love Ron!”

“And he’s dead!” Jer blurted and a frightening silence permeated the room.

“He-is-doomed.” This time when Carol whispered, every one of us heard her.

As soon as Jer realized he had pressed a sore nerve, he opened his mouth to apologize, “I’m so—”, but Jake’s slap across his face didn’t let him complete his sentence. We were all stunned.

“Okay, that’s enough!” Carol exclaimed a bit loudly. She took Jake’s arm and pulled him towards his bedroom. Steph and I followed her, while Kev and Mich stayed behind with Jer who was standing in the middle of the living room looking completely numb.

Once we went in Jake’s room, Carol locked the door and pushed Jake against the wall.

“What the hell was that?” Her tone was accusing.

“That was my reply to him for being such an ass,” Jake argued.

“Stop it, Jake! Just-fucking-stop-it! I’m not going to sugarcoat my words for you; the way you just lashed out at him makes you an ass, not him. The way you behaved with him moments ago, sandbagged him like he’s a street-skunk, was not only inappropriate, it was outrageous. Just because you lost someone you loved doesn’t give you the license to treat people like shit.” Carol got right to the point.

“How the hell could you defend him?” Jake seemed offended, but Carol wasn’t going to back down.

“Because you’re wrong here and he’s right. We all know that he likes you; he’s head over heels for you, but you always treat him like he invaded the corner of your mind where Ron’s still alive.”

“Carol!” Jake was trying hard not to cry.

“That guy set aside your rudeness and your rubbish behavior because he likes you. That guy, who you insult every chance you get, went to talk to Ron’s parents just for you. He’s the reason you were finally able to go to Ron’s grave. You had the ability to say your final goodbye to Ron because of him, and this is how you repay him.” Carol’s voice never wavered.

“I don’t like him,” Jake choked out.

“Because you don’t want to. Because your fucking twisted mind is convinced that if you somehow begin to reciprocate Jer’s feelings, then it would be like cheating on Ron, betraying his trust, but that’s not true Jake, that’s not true at all. Ron is dead, Jake.” Carol said those words that none of us ever dared to say in front of Jake.

Jake couldn’t hold back his emotions. “Carol please,” Jake pleaded for her to stop.

Carol’s demeanor softened. “Jer’s right, Jake. Ron is dead; he’s gone, but you’re alive. It’s been nine months, Jake, you have to move on and live your life. I’ve no doubt Ron would have wanted the same thing for you, he would have wanted you to be happy.”

“But I’m happy,” Jake muttered, but couldn’t hide the pensive look in his eyes.

Carol shook her head. “No, you’re not happy because you’re busy mourning and missing Ron, but I can assure you Ron can never be at peace knowing that you’re ready to mourn him your whole life.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” Jake burst out in tears. He was crying hard.

Carol immediately hugged him and tried to shush him. “Let Ron go, Jake, let him go, and embrace your life. We want you to be happy. We want you to give yourself another chance. We want you to give Jer a chance.” Jake pulled back a bit and solemnly stared at Carol. “I’m not telling you to force yourself to like him, but don’t restrain yourself either; let things move on their natural course. Jer really likes you and would do anything for you. Give him a chance to show how he could change your life in a positive way.”

The battle of conflicted emotions coursing through Jake’s mind was obvious from the look on his face. “And if it doesn’t work?” I could hear uncertainty in Jake’s voice.

Carol smiled. “Then it doesn’t work. Then you’ll move on in your life, but at least give Jer a real honest shot.” Jake flicked his eyes to Steph and then to me. Both of us nodded in agreement. Jake shifted his gaze to Carol and then nodded slightly. Carol hugged him again, this time a bit tighter. “I’m so proud of you, Jake.”

The four of us went back to the living room, but Kev and Mich informed us that Jer left a few minutes ago.

Jake wiped his face with his hands. “I…need to go find him and…talk to him.” Kev and Mich looked surprised.

“Are you sure?” Carol asked.

Jake seemed determined. “Pretty much.”

Jake took his phone, wallet, his set of keys, and went after Jer.

“What the hell happened in his room?” Mich asked, confused at the sudden turn of events.

Carol stared in her direction with a coquettish smile. “Carol magic.” Carol winked, which made Mich blush.

We waited for Jake until ten, but he didn’t return. I called him, and he said he would be late, so we all left.

***

When I got home, Mom was having her dinner. She informed me that Becca called her; John, Ed’s father, was better now, so they would try to come back soon. I asked her if Ed left me any message, but she just shook her head, and my heart sank.

Was Ed avoiding me? Maybe he was regretting what happened last night; maybe he thought it was a mistake, or maybe he doesn’t remember anything at all.

I wished my mom goodnight and went upstairs to my room. I fell asleep pondering over every situation in which Ed wouldn’t have had the time to leave me a single-fucking-message.

Sunday dawned bright and clear, which was great since there were no classes today. I planned on spending my day with my depressing and melancholic thoughts and buckets of chocolate ice cream, but Carol decided to ruin my plans of grieving alone in my bed. That bitch couldn’t even let me die in peace; she dragged me to buy some gifts for Mich.

First we went to a confectionery shop. Mich loved sweets, so Carol purchased a strawberry cake for her. How could I forget that their love story began with a strawberry pastry. Then we entered a jeweler’s shop; Carol got a beautiful silver bracelet for Mich. The letters ‘M’ and ‘C’ were engraved in the middle of it. It was a piece of art, just beautiful.

Later, Carol decided to buy a dress for Mich, so she drove us to the mall. As we headed in the direction of the clothing shops, Carol yanked my arm and pulled me behind the nearest aisle.

“What are you doing?” I asked in surprise.

“I just saw Kev and Steph together.” Carol was wiggling her brows in excitement.

“So?”

“They looked horny,” Carol whispered as if telling me the secret of the universe.

“So?” Her talking rubbish was annoying me.

Carol curved her lips into a devious smile. “So we’re gonna follow them and find out what they’re up to.” She was evil. “We don’t have time to waste. Let’s go!” Pure evil.

Without wasting another moment, Carol grasped my hand and hauled me in the direction Kev and Steph just went. Carol never let go of my hand, and I found myself tottering behind her. We were following them at a safe distance and saw them slip into a clothing store.

“Carol, slow down, girl.” I was panting, trying to match her pace.

“Don’t be a wuss, Zune, we’ll lose them if you keep crawling like that.”

After trailing behind them for a few moments, we saw them talking quietly a few feet away from the men’s changing rooms.

“They’re gonna go in.” Carol was staring at them intently.

I had no clue how she was so sure about that. “But why would—” I began to ask dumbly, but Carol cut me off without even glancing in my direction.

“Because they’re horny, duh!”

“You’re saying they’re going to screw each other in a changing room?”

“Yep.”

“But how could you be so sure that—”

“Been there, done that. And believe me, you could have great sex in a dressing room: the constricted space, the thrill of taking a risk that someone will walk in and your pants will be down by your ankles, the intoxicating rush to make the most of the little time you have…oh God! I’m planning to visit one of those changing rooms with Mich soon.” She definitely seemed turned on with this sex-in-the-changing-room thing. Gross!

“So now we should leave,” I surmised.

Carol finally turned to look at me. She stared at me like I had grown a pair of horns on my head. “Have you lost it? Don’t you dare think about leaving unless you want me to hunt you down and smack you. We’re not going anywhere. We have to know what’s cooking between them.”

I was scared now. “What are you up to?”

Carol smiled excitedly like she was going on a treasure hunt. In the meantime, Kev entered one of the stalls. “Look, Kev went in; Steph will join him soon.” Carol took a few steps forward, tugging my arm in her hand.

And just like Carol predicted, Steph spent some moments lurking around the stalls and then finally walked into the same one as Kev. Carol grinned and ran towards the stall adjacent to Kev and Steph’s, tagging me along.

“Carol, it’s the men’s changing room,” I pointed out.

Carol was quickly moving towards one of the empty stalls. “I thought you were a man.”

“I was talking about you, bitch,” I mentioned politely.

“As if I care.”

Carol pushed me and followed me in, locking the door behind her. I was cramped in a small changing room with crazy Carol and all the bags of stuff she purchased for Mich.

I opened my mouth to show my discomfort, but Carol mouthed to me to zip it up; I closed my mouth instantly.

I heard Kev and Steph’s panting mixed with the sounds of sloppy kisses. And then suddenly, all the noises stopped. “What’s wrong?” Kev asked in a husky whisper.

“I…I can’t do this.” That was Steph. His voice was shaking.

There was silence for a few moments. Carol and I glanced at each other and then shrugged together.

“What do you mean?” Kev asked, sounding aggravated.

“I like you. I really, really like you. In fact…in fact, I never stopped liking you.” Even through the thin wooden wall separating us, I was able to feel that Steph’s emotions were in complete disarray.

“Steph, we’ve talked about it before. No strings attached, remember?”

“Then I want to talk about this whole ‘no strings attached’ thing again.”

“Where is this coming from?” Kev asked with a bit of irritation in his voice.

“I kept sleeping with you because somewhere in my mind I was craving to be near you in any way possible; I wanted to be with you. Even now, I want to be with you but not only physically but emotionally too, and if there’s the slightest chance that you could want the same thing between us, then I’m in.” Steph’s voice was getting stronger with confidence as he went on.

“What if I don’t want the same thing as you? What if I can’t give you what you want?” Kev asked.

“Then I’m out of here. From now on, we’re just acquaintances who hang around with the same group of friends. I…I can’t end up hurt again, Kevin.” Steph more or less recited Carol’s words. I smiled at Carol in admiration, but she didn’t notice.

I heard Kev sigh. “So the deal where we agreed to have sex without having anything real is off?”

“As much as my heart wants otherwise, I can’t keep doing this to myself. The deal is definitely off,” Steph stated.

“How could you still like me after what I had done to you?” Kev asked out of the blue.

“I ask myself the same question every day.”

There was a long silence again.

“What if I begin something with you and it ends up that we both get hurt?” Kev asked, breaking the perpetual silence.

“I’m ready to face that situation if you are.” Steph didn’t sound hesitant at all.

“What if things get messed up even more than they already are?”

“What if you begin to like me? What if you and I fall for each other? What if we end up together? What if…what if we’re made for each other?” Kev had no answer to that. “I know you still have some feelings left for Zune, and they won’t go away just like that; it’ll take time, and during that time I want to try us. Even if things don’t work out between us, at least I know I tried.”

Another round of unbearable silence.

“Give me some time.” As we heard Kev say those words, Carol and I looked at each other and grinned. We were happily surprised that Kev was even thinking about it.

“Take as much time as you want, but please don’t say yes halfheartedly. Say yes only if you’re one hundred percent sure that you want to try this thing between us, otherwise, I would be happier if your answer would be a no. In case you say no, I can tolerate being bitter and sad for now, but I can’t go through being miserable, hurt, and broken later if you say yes now and then have second thoughts later on.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Steph. Not again.” Kev sounded mortified.

“I don’t want myself being hurt either, Kevin,” Steph confessed which was followed by the sound of a light kiss, probably on a cheek, but I had no idea who kissed who. “Call me when you have an answer for me.” With that, I heard the door of their stall open.

Carol and I waited inside our changing room for another few minutes before leaving. When we eventually came out of the stall, I greedily breathed in fresh air. A few people gave us strange and disgusted looks when they saw us coming out of the dressing room together. Carol just flipped them the bird.

When we were seating in Carol’s car, we sat there thinking over what had just happened between Steph and Kev.

“Do you think Kev will say yes?” Carol asked staring straight ahead.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think Mich will be ready to be my girlfriend? She hasn’t given me a reply yet.”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think Jake will ever overcome the loss of Ron and give Jer a chance?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think you and Ed will ever stop being such stubborn bastards and see that you are perfect for each other?” I wished I had the answer to that particular question myself. I faked a dirty look and threw it in her direction. “Idiots!” she muttered and began driving.

I spent the rest of my day hanging around with Carol, which I was grateful for because it helped me take my mind off Ed.

***

Carol dropped me off at my house after a long day. When I got inside, Mom was talking to someone on the phone. I walked towards her as she hung up, and she turned around to look at me. She smiled from ear-to-ear. “Ed called.” I froze.

“He did?”

“Yeah. He had been calling you for an hour, but your phone was off, so he called the home number.” I pulled out my phone from the front pocket of my jeans. Shit! The battery was dead. I growled at my utter carelessness. “Don’t worry. Everything’s fine there. The doctors are going to run some more tests on John, as they’re unable to find out the reason for his chest pains.” Mom kissed my forehead, said goodnight, and left for her night shift at the hospital.

I looked around the empty room. I felt dismayed and lonely. It was like my mind was soaking up all these problems and making me feel more miserable. I walked upstairs to my room, plugged my phone into the charger and tried to sleep, but I couldn’t. I ended up staying awake the whole night, tossing and turning restlessly in my bed.

At around four in the morning, I decided to quit trying to get some sleep and rolled out of my bed. I carried my sleep-deprived ass downstairs and made myself some coffee.

What have you done to me, Edward Woodsworth?

I emitted a gloomy sigh and drank my coffee quietly. At the moment, I hated being in love. Love felt like a curse.

TBC.

Author's Note : Please tell me what you all think about this chapter. Your opinion, your views and your suggestions always matters to me  

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