Shattering - 2. Chapter 2 - Dinner

“I’m so sorry, guys. I don’t know what to say,” I said, setting their plates in front of them. The pork Wellington looked and smelled fabulous when I’d cut it into servings a moment ago, exactly how I wanted it. I knew the lemony grilled artichokes I made as a side would be a hit as well. My brother- and sister-in-law looked impressed by the plating, too. Mike didn’t know what he was missing out on.

Mitchell shook his head. “You don’t have to say anything, David. Sometimes you have to put work first, I get it.”

“That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have cancelled for tonight if he thought he would be late. I seriously can’t believe how inconsiderate he is sometimes,” Emily pointed out. David knew she had never got along with her brother-in-law as well as Mitchell would have hoped. She liked his personality, but at times had some serious beefs with his actions.

“Well, let’s enjoy the food anyway. He can have whatever ends up leftover,” I offered, then raised my glass of Barolo. “To good company!”

Mitch and Em smiled. “To good company!” they echoed, then we clinked our glasses together.

There’s a sick part of me that actually wished the rest of dinner had been awkward just to reaffirm in my mind how stupid my partner was being so I could be angry, really and truly angry enough with him that I could make him know it and think twice. Fortunately dinner was anything but awkward after that. I’ve known Mitch for almost eight years now, and Em for five. We’ve always gotten along well, and I love the two of them dearly. To be honest, if Mitch had been gay I feel like he would be a better match for me than his older brother. Mike is definitely much hotter, though. He had me right from the first moment our eyes met and his smile dazzled me. It’s one of my most precious memories. We were each walking down Church Street with our respective friends during Toronto Pride and in my moment of complete and utter distraction I tripped. My friend Chantal ended up catching me with a squawk of disapproval until she saw where I was looking. She’s a complete enabler so she turned us around and practically dragged me over to say hi. We ended up spending the rest of the day with Mike and his friends. I was completely smitten, and as we left that final bar of the evening Mike’s friend Adam whispered to me that Mike was just as taken by me. I kissed Mike goodnight before we parted ways for the evening at the Bloor-Yonge subway station. We had our first solo date a little less than a week later, and I’ve never looked back.

Conversation with the bro- and sis-in-law flowed freely and easily. The pork Wellington tasted even better than I’d imagined, especially with the Dijon sauce I made to drizzle over it. We finished the meal sated and happy, Mitch and I perhaps a little tipsy from the second bottle of wine. I guess Em was driving them home tonight, since she only had one glass. Just as I sat down from serving our dessert - a key lime cheesecake - the front door opened then slammed shut. Mike was home, finally. I started to stand up to go greet him at the door, but Mitch grabbed my sleeve, shaking his head. Em rolled her eyes, eliciting a snicker from her husband.

“This cheesecake is fabulous, David. How do you get it so light?” Em asked, then took another bite after swirling it in the raspberry coulis.

“Oh, it’s nothing special, Em. It’s just a different sort of recipe than the traditional New York-style cheesecake. If you want I can email it to you later, but I warn you that you are not going to be feeling good about your waistline when you see-”

“Well it’s nice to see you didn’t bother waiting.”

Mike had entered the dining room, scowling at me as if I’d done something offensive.

I stood. “Welcome home, love. I’ll go warm up your plate.” I moved to kiss him on the cheek, but he stalked away and sat down next to his brother. I held in a sigh and went into the kitchen. By the time I returned with his meal, some conversation had started. It seemed friendly enough on the surface, but the undercurrent of awkwardness was palpable. Mike grunted his thanks as I set the plate down in front of him and poured himself a more than generous glass of wine.

“Coffee, anyone? Or tea? I’ve got black, earl grey, green, a vanilla rooibos and a whole load more from Mike’s fancy loose-leaf collection if you want to have a look first.”

Heads were shaken all around. I went back into the kitchen and boiled some water for a cup of the vanilla rooibos. I wanted something warm to take the edge off, but not the caffeine. I’d had enough of that for the day, and I didn’t want to be jittery for whatever conversation Mike and I were going to have once the guests left. I’d had enough wine already, really, but I still felt like I needed something else to loosen my nerves. I settled on doping the rooibos with a touch of Frangelico. Mitch and Em stayed for another forty five minutes or so, chatting with Mike and I. When they announced their departure I felt myself longing for them to stay, even for just a bit longer.

“Well Bro, it was good to see you.”

“Bro? What are we, fifteen?” Mike snorted.

Mitch chuckled. “I wish. No, actually I don’t wish. High school was definitely not my glory days, unlike your little romp down Easy Street.”

“Oh come on, I spent four years in that hellish Catholic school scared shitless that someone was going to figure out that I wasn’t straight. I was miserable as fuck.”

“And yet you still managed to be King of the Castle too. Everyone wanted to be you, president of the student council, captain of the soccer team, dating a rich girl, invited to all the parties, and goddamn smart too... I could go on and on about this guy, David, but another time,” Mitch said, grinning. “You’ve heard most of the good stories already anyway, David."

Mike rolled his eyes, muttering something about dead little brothers under his breath, but the corners of his mouth had turned up a bit. Mitch cracked up. “Oh, don’t you worry bro, I’ve still got some special ones saved up for whenever you two decide to stop living in sin and get hitched, ha ha ha.”

“Be quiet, you!” Mike said, grabbing Mitch into a play fight.

“Are you sure you two are in your mid-thirties? Ugh, boys!” Em rolled her eyes at the buffoonery and turned to me. “Anyway, thanks for the dinner, David. It was amazing, as always. Sometimes I wonder why you never became a chef,” she complimented, smiling widely.

An embarrassed flush spread across my cheeks as I smiled back. “Ah, it was nothing, Em. I just love cooking. The restaurant I worked at in college showed me definitively that I did not want to be a chef. It’s bad hours, high stress and, in my opinion, very little reward for the trouble. No, I’m happy to be a home chef.”

“Well, Mike, you are incredibly lucky to have him. Now if only I could train Mitch to cook like that, even once in awhile.”

“Ha, fat chance! You’re stuck with me warming up frozen foods, soup and working the barbecue, babe. But I know you love me anyway,” Mitch smirked.

Em snorted and she slipped on her coat. We finished saying our goodbyes, and then turned to head back into the kitchen to start cleaning up. I saw Mike’s posture stiffen out of the corner of my eye and braced myself for whatever was coming next.

“The food was really good. You outdid yourself.”

I almost tripped. He turned to me, smirking for a moment, but it soon slipped away and he looked so very tired. “I’m sorry I was so late. I… I don’t know. I just can’t believe I let everything get so out of control, and today of all days. I know I disappointed Mitch, and I feel like shit. It’s not scoring me any more points for Brother of the Year, not in Em's opinion anyway… Thanks for keeping them company on your own. It probably wasn’t easy to do that and take care of dinner at the same time. You shouldn’t have had to carry all that on your shoulders.”

I took a deep breath then walked back to him and brushed back a few unruly strands of his beautiful flaxen hair that had gone askew during his little tussle with Mitch. “It’s okay babe, it all worked out in the end, right?”

He shook his head, pulling me into his arms and softly kissing the side of my head as he inhaled my scent. “Maybe. But not the way we wanted it.”

“They understood; we all did.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t make it okay,” he muttered, releasing me and walking into the kitchen. “Let me clean up. It’s the least I can do.”

“Don’t worry about that right now. You look exhausted. How about you go upstairs and take a hot bath and then head to bed. I can finish up down here and then I’ll join you.”

“Nah, let me help out. And maybe afterwards we can share the bath.”

He pulled me in for a lingering kiss. I let out a quiet whimper, tasting a sweet hint of lime and cheesecake on his lips. After we separated I opened my eyes to find him smiling at me softly. With both of us working, it didn’t take us too long to get the kitchen cleaned up and the dishwasher loaded and running. Soon enough I found myself relaxing in his arms in the large tub in our master bath. I’d scented the water with a vanilla lavender bath oil. A few small candles lit the room with a sublime glow. As Mike idly traced little figures over my torso with his fingertips, I found myself more than a little annoyed that I allowed myself to get so worked up over how he’d react to everything when he finally came home. Why was I selling him so short?

We were talking softly, then, about lots of different things. He was surprised to hear that Em had drank even one glass of wine because Mitchell had told him they were trying to conceive their first child. They’d been married for three years now and felt like they’d had enough time in newlywed bliss and it was time to move on to the baby-making phase of family building. Children was something Mike and I had talked about bringing into our own lives, here and there, but we never seemed to hit the right time to start looking into things more seriously. We'd wanted our mortgage taken care of first, but now that it was paid off we could in theory afford in vitro conception and surrogacy. Failing that, we’d consider adoption but we weren’t as keen on that. Perhaps it was selfish, but we weren’t comfortable taking on children with major behavioural and/or health issues. I’d suffered from major anxiety problems in high school before I came out in college, and Mike had suffered with depression after a major breakup during law school. We both feared that either of us could relapse if we layered too many issues in our children’s lives on top of everything else. Then again there were never any guarantees in life, even when you have your own biological children. We did at least know our own families’ medical histories, however, and neither of us had anything major there - some arthritis, high blood pressure starting in the late 60s, maybe slightly high cholesterol levels. Regardless, with my job loss and subsequent self-employment we felt we were once again not in as comfortable a position. At the same time, though, we both acknowledged that my self-employment also meant that I had the flexibility to take on more or less contract work as necessary to take care of the kids at home.

We started to chat a bit about the vacation we were planning for the fall or early winter. We both like to travel, so we’ve taken a number of big vacations over our eight years together. We’ve taken a cruise through southern Europe, visited Paris and London, took an amazing trek through the Andes in Peru, gone skiing and hiking in the American and Canadian Rockies, and fell in love with the mountains and hot springs in Japan after getting lost in Tokyo. We decided we’d like to go to Europe again, but maybe visit the Baltic states this time. I have family on my mother’s side in Estonia that I would love to reconnect with. Mike was a little unsure about it, given the proximity to Russia and the large minority of ethnic Russians in Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania from Soviet days. After what has happened in Ukraine and the Caucasus, everyone in the Baltics is waiting in fear of the next Russian neo-imperialist move. At first Mike was trying to get me to warm up to the idea of visiting the region via another cruise, but I prefer to spend more time on land and not be restricted by the inflexible port departure times. More importantly, a cruise would would seriously hamper any effort to visit my family. My cousins live in a suburb of Talinn called Maardu and also in a city further inland called Tartu. I think I was able to get Mike more on board when I suggested that we maybe visit Finland instead of Latvia and Lithuania. Helsinki is often ranked the world’s most liveable city, and then there are all the saunas so many other cool things about that country. Maybe we can even take time to head north to Rovaniemi and even further into Lappland and take in some of the Sámi way of life. Neither Mike nor I are averse to a cold, snowy winter vacation, so maybe we’d get to ride a real-life reindeer-drawn sleigh.

At a pause in the discussion I decided to change the topic, taking a deep breath. “So, Victoria invited us to a party next Friday.”

“Yeah? Sounds good to me. I think both of us need an excuse to kick back.”

Who was this man holding me in his arms? I bit my lip. “Umm, it’s a costume party, Mike. I know you don’t really like those.”

Mike kissed my shoulder. “Well, do you want to go?”

I swallowed. “Yeah.”

“Then I guess we’re going,” he said without hesitation. “Do you want to do a duo costume? I know it’s not too far ahead and getting paired costumes this time of year might be difficult, but maybe we could do something like Batman and Robin?”

Mike was a huge comics fan, though it was DC all the way. Marvel just doesn’t cut it for him, even if he grudgingly admits the X-men are pretty cool. Trying not to sound as baffled as I felt, “Sure. I’d love that,” I answered.

“Great, David. I’m sure it will be a great night, especially after we get home,” he said, his voice taking on a husky tone. “I can see it now, peeling a skin-tight costume down over those beautiful abs and this hot ass.” I could feel his dick thickening against my back. His hands wandered over my body and downwards to stroke my own dick to full erection.

“Hnnn,” I mumbled in agreement, words no longer seeming to be able to form.

“We should get out of the tub, my love,” he half-whispered into my ear, sending a course of shivers up my spine.

We toweled one another off gently and then made out as we slowly worked our way into the bedroom. Our lovemaking was sensual, full of gentle caresses, kissing, edging, my baby blue eyes locked with his chestnut browns as he entered me and then slowly fucked us to an explosive, impossible climax calling out one another’s names. In the afterglow we kissed softly, him mumbling my name, how much he loved me, how much he missed me. I couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything but respond back in trembling whispers. I didn’t care to clean up, just wanting to stay there held in his strong arms as we drifted off into a deep sleep.

I awoke the next morning to his hands caressing my body again and a smile on his face. He kissed me deeply and pulled me out of bed to share our morning shower. It got more than a little heated in there and ended with me coming deep inside of him as he spattered his own load against the tiled wall. After we dressed and I’d brewed up our coffee, he pulled me into his arms again.

“David, I’m sorry I’ve been so… God, I’ve just taken our relationship for granted and let work take over and I’ve taken all my stress out on you. Last night made me feel like when we were first dating again, back when our lovemaking was new and special and… I just want you to know how much I love you and how much I appreciate everything you do for the both of us. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Me either, Mike. I love you so much.”

We kissed, with it growing heated and needy all too quickly. Our hands wandered and he groped my growing erection, causing me to moan into his mouth. I wanted so badly to strip him out of his clothes, drop to my knees and suck that thick cock of his until he gave me a little dessert on top of my morning meal or, better, have him fuck me silly over the kitchen counter. We couldn’t, though. It would have to wait for tonight because if he dallied any longer he would be late for work.

I helped him put his coat on and handed him his travel mug of coffee as he walked out the door. He gave me another peck on the lips and an ‘I love you’. It watched the car back out of the driveway and turn out into the street for his commute out to his law firm’s office in the suburbs. He was lucky in that way, that his drive was opposite the bulk flow of traffic. He didn’t usually have to deal with the worst of the traffic jams. We both never wanted to give up living in the city. We loved being not too far away from downtown, and our place had been the perfect spot in between both of our jobs.

I’ve spent months on edge, worried about what was happening to us. Maybe I’ve contributed just as much to this rough patch as he has. One thing certain was that we both wanted ‘us’ back. As shitty as last night had began, now I know where we stand. We both do. We just have to keep communicating, keep making love. I know we can make it back on track.