Are You Christian - 7. Chapter 7

 

 

Waking up and knowing that I’d kissed the preacher’s son the day before unnerved me. I would be seeing Jonathon at school today and I didn’t know how that would go. Yesterday after Jonathon left mom asked me if anything new had happened. I had told her no, but something told me that she didn’t believe me. She didn’t push it though and she didn’t make a scene once everyone else was back into the home. Adam took Stacey fishing after his track practice, which she said she hated. They’re going again after school today. I didn’t understand girls. I let Stacey have the first shower today. I wasn’t in any hurry to get the day started. I didn’t know what to think about those kisses. It had all happened much faster and easier than I’d always thought a first kiss could. After Stacey finished I took a quick shower then after I got dressed I walked down to find my mom sitting on the couch with Grace.

 

“Good morning mom.” I greeted, causing her to look up at me.

 

“Good morning Christian.” Mom responded then patted the couch beside her. I knew that she wanted to talk with the way she expected me to sit down. After I sat down she studied me for a second.

 

“What do you want to ask mom?” I asked, breaking the silence.

 

“I want to know why you feel the need to lie to your mother.” Mom answered, smiling a tight smile. It looked forced and professional and I didn’t care too much for that look from her.

 

“What do you mean lying?” I asked, crossing my arms trying to seem upset.

 

“When you’re wanting to be secretive you’re going to have to learn how to shut your door.” Mom stated and my jaw dropped slightly. “From the kitchen table a person can hear every single thing going on in your room.”

 

“Great!” I groaned, leaning back on the couch. “So you heard everything?”

 

“Yes dear.” Mom answered, nodding her head. “It’s ok, it’s normal not to want to tell your mother some things.”

 

“I’m extremely uncomfortable about you knowing this.” I hissed, and then I heard Stacey coming down the stairs.

 

“I know.” Mom said, as she turned to look up at Stacey. “You’d better remember to do your homework tonight.”

 

“What?” I asked, shaking my head. Then when mom winked I got it. “Oh yeah, won’t happen again.”

 

“You have homework already?” Stacey asked, grabbing her purse.

 

“Yeah.” I shrugged, “Math you know.”

 

“Right.” Stacey shrugged. “Mommy can I still go with Adam?”

 

“Yes dear.” Mom answered, “But do we need to start teaching you about sexual health?”

 

“No!” Stacey hissed, rolling her eyes. “Mom!”

 

“Is that the bus I hear?” I asked, wanting to get out of the house. I walked out the door and Stacey followed me.

 

“Mom needs to tone down the weirdness.” Stacey whined, shaking her head. She was fumbling around with her purse and I looked over at her. The Bus wasn’t coming yet and I noticed something about Stacey that I hadn’t saw before. She was nervous.

 

“What’s up with you this morning?” I asked and she zipped up her purse and looked at me.

 

“Nothing, why?” Stacey retorted, she turned to look forward right then and I did not like that.

 

“You’re fidgety.” I countered, not wanting to push her, but Stacey always had things together. She was older than I was and I always looked up to her. She was sometimes a little high strung and bitchy, but what girl isn’t?

 

“Ok, mom, what is it that you have figured out about me?” Stacey asked and I frowned slightly.

 

“You’ve had sex with Adam.” I whispered, and she snapped her head around to look at me. The look on her face made me want to take a step back. I was going to earn a slap for this eventually.

 

“I have not.” Stacey huffed, “Not yet anyway.”

 

“Stacey!” I gasped putting down my bag. “You can’t.”

 

“Why not?” Stacey asked, and then we heard Mom exiting the house so we ended the conversation until Mom backed out of the driveway and left us. We both knew she had good hearing.

 

“Because you’ve only known him for a little while.” I answered, and she smiled.

 

“You’ll understand me later little brother.” She countered, patting me on the shoulder. “When Jonathon rubs up against you, it’d drive you mad.” My cheeks instantly turned red and I could feel them getting hot.

 

“Let’s not talk about that,” I mumbled looking down at the ground. “Just don’t do it with Adam yet.”

 

“It’ll happen when I want it to Christian.” Stacey stated, sure of herself. She was older than me and she said I’d understand later. I was a teenage boy so I didn’t have a loss for hormones. I just didn’t want to think about my sister having sex with someone I didn’t even know.

 

“So I take it you didn’t do a lot of fishing.” I joked nudging her with my elbow. The bus was coming now, it was a little late and I welcomed that.

 

“We put our poles in the water and that was it.” Stacey revealed and I shook my head.

 

“Stacey, don’t end up pregnant or anything.” I sighed; I knew I had no control over her.

 

“Who’s older me or you?” Stacey asked, and I thought I had pissed her off.

 

“You are.” I answered, just as the bus stopped in front of us.

 

“Then don’t worry about me.” Stacey whispered, and then stepped onto the bus before me. When I got on I saw that Matt and Jonathon were in their usual seat and that settled my nerves. I knew Jonathon would never tell anyone about what happened in my house, but now that it had I felt it was only a matter of time before someone knew.

 

“Good morning guys.” Matt greeted, I glanced at him before looking at Jonathon. He had a smile plastered across his face and I smiled back before I turned to sit down.

 

“So,” Stacey said and then turned around to face Matt and Jonathon. I didn’t like this at all. “Jonathon.”

 

“Yeah?” Jonathon responded uneasily.

 

“Are you going to save Christian from our parents again today?” Stacey asked and I didn’t know what she was doing at all.

 

“I planned on it yeah.” Jonathon answered, and he was looking at me.

 

“Good,” Stacey offered, smiling.

 

“What are we doing after school?” I asked, not liking the silence that was caused by Stacey. I could tell that Matt was confused by all of this and I wanted him to stay that way.

 

“Well roller hockey has started up for the season so we have to wait until that’s done.” Jonathon answered, not really telling me anything. “So we usually just go our separate ways until the weekend.”

 

“Oh,” I responded, shrugging.

 

“Do ya’ll want to come hang out with me and Kate?” Matt asked, and I looked at Jonathon. He didn’t know exactly how to answer him either. I didn’t know what all Jonathon had planned after school today. I would think that he got into trouble with his dad and wouldn’t be allowed to do shit for a while. “Well do ya?”

 

“And watch the two of you make out, no.” Jonathon answered finally and I was relieved that he did. I was about going to accept thinking that if I didn’t Matt would think something. This was really starting to unnerve me. I hadn’t let it until I talked with mom today. I had accepted that I was gay a while ago. Most of that was because my mom was so supportive of me. I was afraid though that this town wouldn’t accept it. It was completely different from Maryland. There were a lot of people that thought the same way. Out of the whole town that went to Jonathon’s church there were only three families that didn’t sign that petition and that scared me the most.

 

“We won’t be mackin,” Matt countered halfway, smiling at Jonathon. “You’re such a kid sometimes Jon.”

 

“I am not,” Jonathon, retorted, “Besides, I have plans with Christian later anyway.”

 

“You do?” I asked causing Jonathon to roll his eyes. Sometimes I spoke without thinking. The amused look that Matt gave me also let me know that we were caught with nothing to do. We just didn’t want to go to Matt’s. We wanted to see what yesterday was all about.

 

“Yes I do,” Jonathon answered, then we were at school. Matt didn’t push it any further as we walked towards the cafeteria. Then when we all sat down it was quiet between the three of us. I wasn’t usually a morning person, but my nerves had me more awake than usual. I was starting to think things that were silly, but I couldn’t help putting truth to them. Jonathon and I were sitting too close so I scooted my chair away from him slightly. Matt and him both looked at me and I diverted my attention. Then I thought that after I did that Matt would wonder why I scooted my chair away so I scooted it back.

 

“Dude, what the?” Matt asked finally and I sighed.

 

“What?” I asked, ignoring the way that he was looking at me.

 

“What’s wrong with you this morning?” Matt asked slightly amused, but I thought he sounded concerned.

 

“Nothing,” I answered shrugging. “Just trying to keep myself awake you know.”

 

“Christian, you’re weird,” Jonathon said, butting into the conversation. I wanted to be pissed at what he said, but when I looked at him he nudged me under the table with his foot and I got what he was trying to do. Matt was a lot smarter than what I gave him credit for at first. He definitely knew that something was up with Jonathon and me and if we weren’t careful he definitely would be figuring us.

 

“Good morning boys,” Kate greeted as everyone else finally arrived. It killed all the tension at the table.

 

“I wish this week would go by faster,” Lacey groaned, sitting down beside me in her usual seat.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” Jonathon asked, leaning forward to look at her.

 

“If you must know,” Lacey started then stopped and just rolled her eyes. “No, you don’t want to know.”

 

“Sure I do,” Jonathon answered, smiling over at her. He may have wanted to know, but everyone knew that it was just so that he had something new to bother her with. Their friendship was something that confused me. I knew that they had a history together, but they more than tolerated one another’s presence.

 

“Piss off Jonathon,” Lacey huffed flipping him off then she turned to look at me trying to completely ignore him. She was probably expecting me to say something to her, but I didn’t.

 

“Well this is an interesting start to the day,” Gavin said and Jonathon let out a laugh that just pissed off Lacey even more. I felt out of place witnessing this.

 

“Christian you should go with me Friday night.” Lacey said, again causing all of the attention to fall back on her and me.

 

“Where are you going Friday night?” I asked curiously.

 

“Hello, the back to school dance,” Lacey, answered, it was the first time anyone had mentioned a dance to me.

 

“I didn’t know there was a dance.” I offered, and she looked at me then smiled.

 

“Oh yeah, you’re new,” She responded, then I glanced at my watch seeing that the bell would be ringing in a couple of seconds.

 

“Yeah,” I sighed, I still would want to move back to Maryland. Even after what happened between Jonathon and I.

 

“So go with me Friday then,” Lacey repeated, and I was stuck so I just looked at her until the bell rang then I stood.

 

“I’ll think about it.” I mumbled before turning away from her. She wasn’t satisfied with that answer and I knew it. I definitely would consider telling Lacey that I wasn’t interested in her like Mom said if it would give me a reason not to go to that dance.

The start of school was welcoming to me as I didn’t have to think about all the shit that was worrying me. Lunch was also pretty eventful. It turned out that Lacey was happy with me thinking about going to the dance with her Friday night. Even if I wasn’t going to go to any dance. I didn’t know how to dance and I never wanted to try it either. It was towards the end of the day when I started getting nervous. I didn’t know what Jonathon had thought up for us to do. I knew we’d have to do those things at my house though. There was no way that I’d step foot into his house and I think he knew that too. My heart jumped when the last bell of the day rang.

 

“If you get bored with Jonathon you’re still welcome to come hang,” Matt invited and Kate looked a little confused.

 

“Alright,” I offered, then I waved at Kate before I left them to go in search of Stacey. I wanted to ask her if Jonathon and I could tag along with her to go fishing. Anything to keep from going home knowing that Mom knew of everything that was done up in my room.

 

“Hey,” Jonathon half whispered, and instead of slamming his arm around my shoulder he just walked beside me, just close enough for our shoulders to touch.

 

“Hi,” I responded, we hadn’t really talked that much all day. No one seemed to notice that though except for me. I hadn’t really thought about it much though. Not after this morning when Jonathon made it clear that he wanted to see me after school. “So, what are we going to do after school?”

 

“Well to start I’m riding the bus home with you,” Jonathon answered, holding up a note with his mother’s signature.

 

“Your mom is giving you permission to enter the house of sin?” I asked, and he smiled at me.

 

“No, Kate is,” Jonathon, responded, and I frowned. He was really going out of his way to be my friend.

 

“I don’t think you should do that.” I countered, taking the note from his hand to examine the signature. Kate had really great handwriting. “And you do know that Kate will tell Matt that she forged your mom’s signature.”

 

“You’re a worrier,” Jonathon prodded, then I stepped onto our bus. He handed the driver the note. As much as I thought Jonathon’s dad was stupid and wrong I didn’t want Jonathon to get into so much trouble at my expense. I knew that I’d be the one to blame for a good boy gone bad. Matt and Stacey weren’t on the bus and I expected that. There weren’t that many people riding the bus in the afternoons as they are in the mornings. People had things to do when the day was over. When we were finally home I stood and Jonathon followed me off the bus and every look that we got made me nervous about this. The fact that Mom wasn’t home was a mixed feeling for me. I didn’t want her to be home because she’d have a difficult time not approaching Jonathon with what she found out. Jonathon and I were also alone and that scared the hell out of me more. When I unlocked the door I dropped my bag by the door and he did the same not wanting to carry it anymore. By looks of it he had a basketball in it again, but he made no move to get it out. He just looked around the living room silently.

 

“What?” I asked after shutting the door.

 

“There’s none of your paintings in here,” Jonathon answered then he looked at me.

 

“Yeah, I didn’t hang them.” I responded and he smirked.

 

“And what did I tell you we were going to do if you hadn’t?” Jonathon asked then he draped his arm over my shoulder and we walked up the stairs into my room.

 

“We don’t have to do this.” I said, but he acted like I hadn’t said anything at all. He was already pulling out the box containing my paintings. There weren’t many in there. In Maryland I didn’t paint that much outside of an art room. My teacher bought some of them, because she liked them so much and I kept the ones that held sentimental value.

 

“Where’s a hammer?” Jonathon asked, then he took off his shirt. I was about to tell him that there was one down stairs under the sink, but I just stared. Football really has done him a lot of good even if I did hate the sport. “Well?”

 

“Under the kitchen sink,” I answered.

 

“Thanks, grab the box.” Jonathon responded, and I grabbed the box as instructed and I followed him down the stairs. When he found the hammer and some nails I followed him into the living room. He looked around the room until he found a suitable spot. “This spot any good?”

 

“Yeah,” I answered shrugging. Then I handed him the painting I would want everyone to see and he hung it up. Then we walked into the kitchen and I picked out the place and he hammered the nail then hung the painting of Bandit my show jumping horse. None of the paintings were that large or grand I thought. When we were finished Jonathon put the hammer back into it’s place and then I looked at him and he looked out of place standing in my kitchen.

 

“What do you want to do now?” Jonathon asked sounding slightly nervous.

 

“I don’t know,” I answered, I pulled out a chair to sit, but then he walked up to me and he backed me up against the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room. He pushed himself against me and grabbed my face before kissing me on the lips kind of hard. It had surprised me, but I calmed down instantly and returned the kiss. Jonathon didn’t have any reserves when it came to kissing me. I thought it was weird that the two of us could kiss as easily as we did yesterday. Today didn’t change anything though. I may have been gay, but kissing another guy would still be something that I’d have to get used to. Even if I was extremely willing to practice, but it was the front door shutting that stopped the lesson.

 

“Christian,” Mom said, then she cleared her throat with a small cough. We had definitely been caught and I actually wanted to laugh being that it was only our second time.

 

“Mom,” I huffed annoyed, why couldn’t mothers be more loud and less sneaky?

 

“Hi Jonathon.” Mom greeted, and Jonathon looked sick when I turned and looked at him. He had only stepped away from me a little and when he looked at me he blinked a few times.

 

“I’ll be leaving now,” Jonathon whispered, and his hands were visibly trembling as he walked around the counter.

 

“There is no need for you to rush off,” Mom countered, “Come sit, we need to talk.”

 

“About what?” Jonathon asked, “Going to try and convince me not to be gay like the last shrink I went to?”

 

“Mom, don’t.” I stated, following him into the living room.

 

“Well Christian obviously you didn’t tell him anything about your past,” Mom said, “Boys sit down.”

 

“I better…” Jonathon started, but my mom only pointed to the couch. Grace was asleep in her arms. Mom sat down in the chair across from us still holder her. We sat down then and Jonathon looked like he was about to cry and he just looked odd to me like that. He looked too big and strong to be close to tears. I knew all people cried, but I’d much rather see him bouncing around like his old self. Even if that annoyed me at first it was still him.

 

“Now Jonathon what do you mean?” Mom asked.

 

“About that other shrink?” Jonathon asked, and my mom only nodded. “Dad took me to this place one summer.”

 

“So your father knows.” Mom stated, actually sounding motherly which surprised me. Jonathon seemed to react better to that though. I guess being able to read people to get them to open up and talk was part of her job too.

 

“I was caught with someone when I was in middle school,” Jonathon explained, “Dad told the guy’s parents and then sent me off to a Christian center.”

 

“To turn you straight?” I asked, and Jonathon nodded

 

“Dad knows I’m still not straight though,” Jonathon said and I reached over for him to have him move his knee then look up at my mom.

 

“But your father thinks you’ll live as a straight man doesn’t he?” Mom asked, and Jonathon looked ashamed by the question, but then he nodded anyway.

 

“And people wonder why suicide is so high in kids these days,” Mom whispered, more to herself- She knew we heard her though.

 

“Mrs. Edwards you can’t tell my dad,” Jonathon hissed, looking very afraid.

 

“I won’t Jonathon,” Mom responded, “I understand what you’re going through honey.”

 

“How could you know?” Jonathon asked and my mom smiled at him.

 

“Because I see this too much,” Mom responded, “I have lost clients over this and the respect of a lot of people.”

 

“Mom knows that I’m gay Jonathon, she knew that I was looking into alternatives a long time ago,” I explained and Jonathon turned to look at me.

 

“You could have told me that yesterday,” Jonathon responded, he was looking a lot calmer now though. I was also glad that I finally knew what Jonathon was struggling to tell me earlier. His father had caught him in the act and sent him away to be cleansed. I really did dislike his dad. He had to know that Jonathon would always think that he’s never going to be good enough. How could anyone really hate something that their own son turned out to be?

 

“Sorry about that,” I offered smiling slightly. “Mom heard what we were doing yesterday too.”

 

“What?” Jonathon asked blushing slightly.

 

“Teenagers need to learn how to close doors when they’re sneaking around,” Mom stated and that surprised me. “But from now on this bedrooms are open door only.”

 

“I better go,” Jonathon, stated still a little shaken up. “Dad will be looking for me soon.”

 

“Jonathon, you and your father will have to sit down and talk,” Mom said standing up. She walked over and placed Grace into my arms and I looked down at her getting her more comfortable.

 

“I’ll just run away after college and never come back,” Jonathon countered strongly, “I’ll never talk to him about this again.”

 

“Well maybe I can talk to him,” Mom offered and Jonathon shook his head.

 

“Don’t.” Jonathon ordered, “Just leave all of that alone, I’m fine.”

 

“Mom, please, stay out of it for once.” I pleaded; she didn’t know how bad Jonathon had it at home. I didn’t either, but mom stepping into that mess would only make it worse. Jonathon’s dad didn’t seem like the type to come around on something like this. Not when most people in his line of work hated the very thing that Jonathon and I was doing.

 

“Alright fine,” Mom caved in, “But what that means is that the two of you will be lying to him and I never approve of sneaking around.”

 

“Don’t worry about that Mrs. Edwards,” Jonathon offered, “I’ve been doing it a lot already.”

 

“I guessed that,” Mom sighed, she hated this. She didn’t like seeing a family being split up or a person that probably spent a lot of time hating their self. Jonathon didn’t seem open to talk about what all happened in that place. He sounded hurt and angry when he mentioned it. The fact that he didn’t name the place must have been a hint to my mother. She never pushed him to tell her. She probably knew what all went on in places like that though. “I just want the two of you to be careful. If you two plan to be lying and keeping secrets then you’re going to get into a mess, but I won’t push you into something that you’re not ready for.”

 

“Thanks,” Jonathon offered then he walked over and grabbed his bags.

 

“I still think it’d be better if I just went home with you and talked to your father,” Mom said standing slightly on her tiptoes. She hated helping us live a lie. It probably went against everything she was taught. Jonathon needed that though.

 

“I know my dad Mrs. Edwards.” Jonathon countered draping his bag over his shoulder. “Thanks for being a cool mom.”

 

“Well, let me go take Grace and put her to bed.” Mom offered then she looked between the two of us. “Do I need to have a talk with the two of you about…”

 

“Mom!” I hissed blushing I knew what she was about to say. “No you do not.”

 

“So you’ve already…”

 

“No Mom.” I answered, I glanced over at Jonathon who was just as red as I was. I hoped that he hadn’t caught on, but he had.

 

“Fine, see you later Jonathon.” Mom responded, I could tell that she was having fun with this.

 

“Bye,” Jonathon offered, then mom disappeared into the back bedroom where Grace slept. Jonathon walked up to me and he looked past me before he bent down and just lightly grazed my lips with his. He stepped away then and smiled awkwardly.

 

“So, see you at school?” I asked and he smiled.

 

“You can count on that.” Jonathon answered then he walked over to the door and opened it. Things were just now beginning in Landfalls North Carolina.