Are You Christian - 18. Chapter 18

“He has no sense of direction, he’s been throwing pebbles at my window,” Stacey groaned, “go talk to him so I can get to sleep.”

“What?” I asked sitting up in the bed. “He’s outside right now?”

“Yeah,” she answered turning on the lamp beside my bed. I slid out of the covers, stretching. The full weight of my sleepiness was pressing down on me; all I wanted to do was go back to bed until I realized what was going on. Jonathon wasn’t at home; he was standing in our yard throwing pebbles at my sister’s window.

“Do you think something is wrong?” I asked feeling slightly more awake.

“How would I know that?” She asked shaking her head. “Go wet your face with cold water and stop him before he breaks a window.”

“OK, go back to bed,” I stammered pushing gently past her. She looked ridiculous in her pink pajamas and her blond hair tied into a loose bun on the top of her head. Every time she moved, it seemed to bounce.

After wetting my face down in the bathroom, I tiptoed down the stairs hoping no one else had heard him. When I opened the door, he was about to throw another pebble, but saw me and stopped. I didn’t expect to see him smiling; earlier that day in the hospital his mother gave him a look that worried me. It had been the reason I went to bed early, I didn’t want to answer the questions Mom had for me. She had already heard all about the fight at school, being a small town. She had already figured out who had hit me as well.

“Finally,” he whispered, “I was about to go home.”

“It probably would’ve worked better if you had chosen my window and not Stacy’s.”

“That’s your sister’s room, crap,” he groaned looking up at the window again. “I bet she’s mad.”

“She’s scary this time of night,” I shrugged. “Why are you here?”

“I didn’t get to see you much,” he stated and I looked down at his cast grimacing. He would be in that through football tryouts and for part of the season. It seemed to be something that he looked forward to. It would have to wait and it was all caused in part by what I brought into his life.

“How’s the hand?” I asked as he led me to the back yard in the dark. It was always something I was afraid of and being outside in the dark was far worse. There wasn’t a moon either, not like the night we spent at the old tree after the dance. It also wasn’t lit like the streets of Baltimore either. It was pitch black, only slight outlines of the trees and basketball goal could be seen. I wondered how brave Jonathon really was, to walk all the way here, I couldn’t have.

“The cast itches,” he answered turning his wrist over. I put my hand on it, feeling the rough texture.

“What happened after you got home?” I asked after a silence fell on us and the crickets dominated my senses. It was the first real time I heard more than one and they had always annoyed me in the past. Usually it was late at night and it would be hidden away under a dresser or just behind a wall. Here they seemed to be peaceful, a relaxing sound.

“I was lectured by Mom,” he answered leaning closer to me. I could feel his breath on my neck and his nose brushed my cheek. We were standing beside the paved basketball court away from any lights coming from the house. No one could see us if they looked out, unless they turned on the back security lights. “She told me not to get into any more fights, that it’s stupid to argue with fists and all that stuff.”

“She didn’t say anything about Matt?” I asked trying to stifle a laugh. He sounded like a small scolded child.

“His Mom called wanting to know what had happened, I guess we’re lucky that he didn’t tell his Mom,” Jonathon explained still leaning into me as he spoke. It was almost a whisper and I had to block out everything else just to hear him. The closeness was also sending chills through me.

“What did your Dad say?” I asked worried more about his father when it came down to it. Something like that would’ve been out of the ordinary for Jonathon to do. It was a definite change for him after I came here.

“He said that I was grounded for three months,” he answered in a tense voice. “I probably shouldn’t be upset about it, but it is going to suck.”

“Of course,” I answered smiling, “being stuck at home with nothing to do is pretty shitty.”

“He’ll make it worse than prison, probably,” he agreed, and I felt him shake his head. “It’s going to suck more when I can’t come home with you after school.”

“So you have to go straight home?” I asked and he nodded his head, letting out a sigh. I could smell his breath; he had brushed his teeth before coming. It was a sweet cinnamon smell that mixed with his deodorant and over all smell.

“Yeah, let’s not talk about this though,” he responded grabbing my hand with both of his. The roughness of the cast hurt the soft skin on the back of my hand, but I didn’t flinch away from his touch. He was leading me to the basketball court and when he sat down, I sat down beside him. It was still slightly warm from the North Carolina sun and it felt good against my legs.

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked rubbing the tips of his fingers with mine. It was all I could touch around his bulky cast.

“How was your day?” He asked and I looked back on it becoming aware how boring my day was until he had come home after punching Matt.

“Me and Stacey hung out,” I answered shrugging. “Until you came, then we went to see you, came home and were asked a million questions about Matt again.”

“Small towns don’t keep secrets,” he offered and I smirked agreeing with him.

“Yeah, we found that out pretty quick,” I stated remembering Matt and Gavin, then how Jonathon’s mother looked in the waiting room of the hospital. They all had seemed to come to the same conclusion. That Jonathon and I were together. It wouldn’t take long for everyone else to catch on either.

It was silent then, the only sound coming from the crickets and our breathing. He was still leaning slightly against me so I could feel his body shift. His lips touching my left temple surprised me and I shuddered, vibrating my entire body.

“Are you cold?” He asked placing his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him.

“No,” I answered, my voice cracking and weak. “I’m not cold.”

“It will be better next month, I take my drivers’ test,” Jonathon whispered.

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked confused by the sudden change.

“More privacy when I get my license,” he answered and I felt him smile against my cheek before he kissed it.

“Oh,” I offered smiling at the thought of making out in his father’s car and how sinful it would seem. “Is there like a make-out hill here or something?”

“A what?” He asked laughing at me.

“You know, a place where people go to do whatever,” I answered feeling my face flush.

“Like what kinds of things?” He asked torturing me.

“Shut up, you know what I’m talking about,” I hissed elbowing him in the side. He grunted, still laughing.

“No, there’s nothing like that here,” he replied, “too many parents would learn about it.”

“So what do couples do here?” I asked for the first time actually wanting to know.

“Well, bowling, movies, fast food,” Jonathon answered leaning back into me. “You know, the cheap and insanely fun stuff.”

“If you say so,” I stated, “I suck at bowling, I hardly ever went.”

“I’ll take it easy on you,” he commented, “It would be nice wouldn’t it?”

“What would?” I asked feeling his fingers trace down my arm.

“Being able to be on a date and everyone know and not care,” he answered and I found myself nodding my head. It would be nice for people to know and not care. It seemed like something far fetched in this small town though. It made the insanely fun stuff seem more like a chore suddenly. Instead of holding hands during a movie, we would most likely just hold hands in the car only when we were alone. “Stop thinking about how difficult it is.”

“I wasn’t,” I lied wondering how he knew me so well already.

“I know I was and didn’t want to,” he said, sighing. “It won’t always be like this for people like us, I don’t think.”

“How so?” I asked raising an eyebrow.

“I think it's catching on, the whole it’s not a choice thing,” he explained trying to make the conversation as light as possible.

“It should,” I agreed but didn’t feel as certain as he seemed to.

“Of course, we’re two years away from college,” Jonathon said taking the opportunity to kiss me on the cheek again.

“If we don’t get stuck here,” I responded thinking of Stacey and how easily she is now stuck in this place. She wouldn’t be able to afford to raise a baby, even if she married Adam. Mom would want her to go to college as well; it would have to be somewhere close.

“Its not so bad,” he sighed lifting his arm off my shoulder to stretch lazily. I laughed shaking my head.

“Aren’t you scared of the dark?” I asked, trying to change the subject. I didn’t want to think about being stuck in this place, even if being stuck here with Jonathon wouldn’t be so bad.

“I about pooped myself when a rabbit jumped into the bushes on the way over here,” he explained causing me to laugh again. “I think it was a rabbit anyway.”

“You didn’t bring a flashlight?” I asked looking around and didn’t see anything.

“Flashlights would get the cops called on me, you know how nosey neighbors are,” he said shaking his head. “I think Dad has half of them keeping an eye on me anyway.”

“Mom would me too,” I said, “for some reason she thinks I’ve been up to no good since we got here.”

“Because of me,” he commented. “I can’t help it if I’m the only one here that loves life.”

“Right,” I offered thinking about his easygoing personality. It was something that annoyed me at first, until I understood it. It became one of the things that drew me to him. The smile he had always brightened his eyes. I realized how much I hadn’t seen it in the past few days. We had been under a lot of stress of Matt knowing and what to do next. In a way it solved some problems, at least Matt wouldn’t tell. He would have told already after today. “Do you think Matt will forgive you?”

“I’d have to forgive him first,” Jonathon groaned not wanting to get into it, but I wanted to talk about it. He tried to distract me by brushing his fingertips up my arm past my shirtsleeve to my shoulder.

“He was just trying to help you,” I whispered immediately wishing I could take it back when his body went rigid. He stopped rubbing my arm and we sat in silence for a few seconds before he
let out a breath I didn’t know he was holding.

“I don’t think he was,” he responded, calming down a little.

“He thought I was changing you, he doesn’t understand…”

“He knows about me Christian,” Jonathon interrupted, “he knew about the first time, I mean he’s family.”

“Oh?” I stammered, thinking I knew everything about his relationship with Matt. It made me remember that I didn’t know much about any of them other than Jonathon. I hardly would consider them friends if I had met them in Maryland. The group had been part of my life since I moved here though.

“He just doesn’t like it,” he continued after a short pause. “He probably won’t ever like it.”

“Does he know that you can’t help it?” I asked and Jonathon made a motion to stand, but I put my hand on his arm stopping him.

“You make it sound like we’re sick,” he answered and I wanted to be able to see his expression better, but it was too dark. “That’s all I heard in that place, was how sick I was.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” I defended keeping my hand firmly on his arm. He still wanted to stand, but I was afraid if he did, he would leave.

It was getting late as well and we both needed some sleep, Jonathon’s Dad probably had a set of things for him to do while he was suspended for fighting. I had to go back to school, even though I was afraid to. I imagined everyone there figuring out what had happened between Matt and Jonathon when they look at my black eye. It had faded to a green color, but it would still be there in the morning.

“Sorry,” he apologized crossing his legs. I felt him relax in my hand so I released him.

“Me too,” I offered, wondering how bad he had it in that place again. It was something I didn’t want to think about. It was also something that I really wanted him to tell me as well. He didn’t seem to want to talk about it though, so I wasn’t going to push him into details.

“I like to think that God made me the way I am so that I can leave an impression with people, not so that I can be an example of sin,” he whispered reaching over to brush his fingers over my arm again. He went back to leaning against me as well, but this time with more force. I rested my head on his shoulder, both of us being supported by the other. “No matter what Dad says, he’s not that cruel.”

It was the first time he let his religion take over, I knew it was a large part of who he was, but he accepted himself in a way I never could. I could see it giving him peace of mind, so I didn’t say anything. We were different in that way, but I wouldn’t hold that against him, but I wondered if he would me. I turned my head around and saw that Stacey was watching us through her bedroom window, it was open, but I knew she wouldn’t be able to hear what we were saying. When she realized I had finally caught her, she closed her curtains.

“We should get some sleep,” I said when I felt him yawn.

“No,” he said, “this is so nice I don’t want it to end.”

“You may not have school in the morning, but I do,” I said laughing when he put his arm around my side anchoring me into place. He was stronger than me, so I wasn’t going to fight him.

“Skip tomorrow,” he whispered, “one more day won’t hurt anything.”

“Why?” I asked as he kissed me on the cheek closer to my mouth.

“Because Dad and Mom won’t be home,” he answered, “no supervision.”

“I’m not sneaking around to have sex with you,” I stammered, even if the thought intrigued me.

“That’s not what I meant, but since you put that into my head, you should definitely not go to school tomorrow,” Jonathon responded reaching up and turning my head toward him. I was going to argue, but his lips met mine. It was a strong kiss, something forced behind it. When he pulled away from my lips he kissed me more gently on the cheek again, and then let out a sigh that tickled my face. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you all night.”

“Then why didn’t you?” I asked smiling.

“If I did, then we wouldn’t have been talking and we needed to talk first,” Jonathon answered and I felt my face flush a little. Knowing I wouldn’t have fought, but I thought I had better self control. What Stacey had told me about urges in the parking lot when we waited for the bus came screaming into my conscience, but I knew deep down she was right, I just didn’t want to admit to the feelings that were starting to run through me.

“I would’ve stopped you after a few,” I lied poking him in the side. He jumped slightly, and then laughed. I leaned in and kissed him, his soft lips showing no hesitation. I wondered how someone from his upbringing could be this comfortable with things like this, but then if the feelings are there the strangeness of a kiss isn’t.

I could tell he wanted to go further, when his hand rubbed down my chest to my lower stomach. He was lightly tickling me with his fingertips as he tried to find the bottom of my shirt to slide his hand underneath. I smiled, breaking the kiss and grabbed his hand when his fingertip touched bare skin.

“Maybe you would’ve stopped,” he whispered not hiding his annoyance in his voice.

“I have to get some sleep,” I said lacing my fingers with his. He groaned as I started to stand, he stood with me and walked me back to the back door. It would’ve felt like returning from a date if we hadn’t snuck around to do it. It was nice though, being walked to the door and let go with a kiss on the cheek. He waved goodbye when I closed the door and looked out the window. He turned completely and started jogging back home, I didn’t stop looking until he disappeared in the dark.

Walking up the stairs, I couldn’t stop smiling; all the stress of the past few days had left for now. I knew tomorrow wasn’t going to be easy, but at least tonight had been good. Despite my worries about school and Matt I didn’t have trouble sleeping. It was late when I got back to the room; Jonathon had kept me out longer than I thought.

The next morning all the comfort I felt last night left. Stacey beat me to the bathroom this morning and for once she wasn’t puking. I wondered how she felt, or if she was putting up a struggle to keep Mom and Dad from suspecting something is more wrong than just stomach flu. It wouldn’t be an easy secret to hide for long; she would have to go to the doctor soon to see if everything was fine. Stacey beating me to the bathroom allowed me to lie in bed and think about my morning. It would take a lot of stubbornness for me to get out of bed and not take Jonathon up on his offer to skip school. It would be nice to hang out with him with nothing to worry about, but if we were caught, it would start this whole mess over again. For once, I wasn’t going to make things more difficult.

I took a long shower almost missing the bus by the time I was dressed and outside. Stacey was making the driver wait for me and I got a small lecture when I stepped on. I had stared at my green bruise over my eye and my slightly swollen lip. There wasn’t a sure way to hide either of them and I felt eyes looking me over when I stepped onto the bus. It felt like the first day of school all over again, but worse. I was aware that everyone knew who I was, that I wasn’t new, but changed. That something had went on that kept me from coming to school the past two days. That Matt’s black eye was painfully obvious when I looked at him before I sat down beside Stacey. She was sitting where Jonathon usually sat. She elbowed me and raised an eyebrow when I turned to look at her.

“Don’t do anything stupid Christian,” she said and I shook my head. I wasn’t going to fight Matt for what he had done; I had understood why he did it even if I didn’t like him for it.

When the bus stopped outside of school, Lacey, Gavin, and Kate were waiting for us. Each one of them looking me over, only Gavin understanding how I had gotten a black eye, but I was glad that he hadn’t told the others. It was unlike him, I thought. To keep a secret, especially something that was obviously amusing him.

“What happened to you?” Lacey asked as she looped her arm with mine. I saw Gavin smirk and Matt roll his eyes, which he regretted as it hurt. I wanted to laugh, but I chewed my bottom lip and wondered just how I was going to get through the day alone without Jonathon here to save me from his friends.

“I fell,” I responded as she reached up and traced her finger across my bruised eye. I let her, because Jonathon wasn’t there to throw his arm around me and pull me away from her. I was no longer afraid of what people thought; I felt naked without him standing beside me. I looked over my shoulder as the front doors closed behind us and we made our way to the cafeteria for breakfast not knowing how the rest of the day was going to go. I just hoped I survived it.