Are You Christian - 21. Chapter 21

I went downstairs dressed in the shorts and tank top I slept in last night. I didn’t bother looking in the mirror at my hair, with it cut so short the hairs out of place were almost endearing. Unlike the bird’s nest look when I had it shaggy. I would be in the bathroom right now combing and brushing out the tangles and trying to tame the mess of curls. Now I just rubbed my hand over it feeling the prickly softness. My dirty blond hair looked darker this short too, not as dark as Jonathon’s brown hair though. I was still a blond compared to him. It was a color that didn’t match either parent, Mom had red hair and Stacey and Dad shared the same dark brown hair that Grace seemed to have. She was just a baby though, her hair could change color, but I doubted it would.

Breakfast was long gone, the dishes washed and dried, put back in the cabinets. Being a lawyer Dad worked a lot of Saturdays, but since moving those days have become more spaced. I heard him gibbering to Grace, which laughed at his goofiness in the living room, so I bypassed the kitchen, not yet hungry, to where they were. I was surprised they were the only two there, I had expected Stacey and Mom to be there too, we were a pretty lazy family on a Saturday’s when everyone was there.

“Where’s Mom and Stacey?” I asked sliding into the chair. Grace was reaching for Dad’s reading glasses and he kept dodging her small, but determined fingers.

“She took Stacey for a check up, Stacey hadn’t went yet,” he explained still sounding shocked that his daughter was pregnant. “I would’ve been out of place there with them and Adam.”

“Want to kick his ass?” I asked and he shot me a look, reprimanding my choice of words with his eyes. Then he smiled, slightly nodding. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel if I was a father and someone took my kid’s virtue. Even if it was my child doing all the seducing, like Stacey had said she done.

“Something I have to get over and accept,” Dad stated and I could hear my Mom’s voice when he said it.

“Did you have to work?” I asked when I noticed that he had on a suit with out the jacket and tie. It was the first two things to be stripped off his body when he came inside.

“No,” he answered, “I just don’t have a lot of casual clothes, I’m not used to being home on a Saturday.”

“Right,” I said chuckling then looked towards the front door. The living room was a boring room, since we didn’t have cable, or a television. In Maryland we used our computers to get through boring hours when we were home. There was a lot more to do or at least more people for me to call.

“You know, you haven’t painted since you got here,” Dad said and I looked over to find his blue eyes studying me. “Is there something wrong?”

“I’ve not really had time to sit down and think about it,” I answered shrugging, “and I thought this move would’ve meant a slow and boring life.”

“Today is going to be slow,” he said seemingly urging me to find something to spend my day doing. “You could call some friends from school since Jonathon is grounded.”

“Who would I call?” I asked not thinking any of them were my friends. “The girl that wants to date me, the guy that hates me, his girl friend, or the smart ass occasional pot smoker?”

“Definitely the girl that wants to date you,” he answered smirking. “But that’s only because I don’t want you trying pot.”

“I wouldn’t,” I countered rolling my eyes, “I can’t even stand cigarette smoke.”

“Good boy, now don’t mope around here go do something,” he said waving his free hand, it seemed like the injuries from the gun shot didn’t bother him anymore.

“Fine,” I stammered standing and walking back up the stairs to my room. I looked around and noticed how messy it was. I had socks and dirty clothes scattered around, something that never really happened back home. My closet had clothes on the floor that had fallen off the hangers. I ignored all that though and looked at the blank canvas along with my paints in the corner of the room. It looked like a very uninspiring place to paint so I picked up my stand and folded it. I put it over my shoulder then grabbed my cloth bag of paints and the canvas with my other hand. I walked out the door, down the stairs, through our small kitchen where I took the time to notice the paintings that Jonathon had hanged around the house. Then I opened the back door and walked out to the middle of our back yard. Beyond the yard was an expanse of farm fields, with a farmer cutting the grass with a tractor. I could hear the vehicle, even though it was some distance away and I had to squint to really see it.

I sat up the stand and stared at the white emptiness. It was hot and humid, it instantly worried me if I started painting it would just become this huge mess. So I picked through my paint and found my pencil, I normally didn’t draw on a canvas, if I needed to see what something looked like before I painted it, I used a sketch pad. I didn’t want to go back to my room and search through my boxes of unpacked extra supplies to find one either.

I didn’t know how long I sat in the blistering heat before I finally decided what I wanted to work on. Smiling I made my pencil line softly on the white canvas, I could barely see it as I squinted away from the sun. I needed to be outside though, the scene I wanted to depict happened outside. In a heat and harsh sun just like this one. It was later in the day, so I had to imagine what the colors would be, I would be using a lot more colors with this painting that I usually did. The city of Maryland didn’t have these color, it was something I had just started noticing.

First I started with the Ferris wheel, it was in the center of the fair and it stood out the most in my memory. Circles were always a challenge for me to draw, I tried to stay away from them, but after a few tries I was finally happy with it. Then I moved on to the rolling, smooth looking mini roller coaster, I remembered it didn’t get that fast, even if I didn’t ride it or any of the rides for that matter. Most of the rides were for younger children, only a few were off limits to them and even then they didn’t look that exciting. I didn’t even attempt to draw all the people in the crowd either, they were all a blur to me so that was how I would paint them when I started. Just a blur of people all enjoying the same thing that I was, even if Jonathon had made the small town fair something fun. Something I wouldn’t have even bothered going to if I was alone, yet now it was one of the memories of Landfalls North Carolina that actually made me smile when I thought about it.

By three o’clock my neck and cheeks slightly burned and the heat was too much for me to continue, so I packed up my things and went back inside. The air conditioner instantly relieved me and I put everything down on the kitchen table and quickly fixed myself a cold glass of water. Stacey and Mom had returned sometime, I didn’t know when. They had sonogram pictures and Stacey ambushed me with them when she heard me in the kitchen. I couldn’t make anything out in the pictures, it was all black with specks of white. One of those was supposed to be my niece or nephew, the little arrow was the only indication that anything important was there though. I smiled and handed it back to her and she left the living room when Mom called her name. She was helping Stacey fill out apartment applications, even if I thought it was too early for her to be worried about that. She still had a year left of high school before she was off to college and would need a place to stay.

There was also talk of a wedding, which I didn’t want any part of, so when my glass was empty I packed everything back into my arms, then headed to my room. I decided to take a shower then, to let my canvas and paints cool a little before I attempted to finish the painting. I had a bad habit of not wanting to leave something like this unfinished for very long. Some school nights in Maryland, I would be painting on something all night and would fall asleep during study hour in the afternoon. A lot of people took a small nap during that time though.

Sometime around seven Mom called me down to dinner, but I just told her to stick my plate in the microwave. She was used to doing that when I was painting, so she didn’t start lecturing about the importance of sitting down together for dinner. I ended up selecting a soft orange with a mixture of yellows for the sky, it wasn’t realistic, but the warmth of the two colors was what I wanted. It was when I thought Jonathon wasn’t annoying, just full of warmth. Then I tried to capture the soft blue of his eyes when I painted the Ferris wheel, but I didn’t think I did. The crowd ended up a blur of colors and shapes like I planned. I finished with pink and purple clouds, making it look like a setting sun to match the orange sky. Then I sat the stand aside, finished..

When I was eating my lukewarm dinner my thoughts returned to the surprise tomorrow night. It seemed worse, since I didn’t get to talk to Jonathon today. I had expected him to sneak around and call, but he hadn’t. It meant he had a lot more time to think about the surprise and I hoped he was able to sneak out with me. The worst thing about a surprise like this is that if something went wrong it would ruin the whole thing. I didn’t want that to happen, but mostly for him since he was the one that really wanted it to be a surprise. The thoughtful and determined look on his face yesterday told me he would make it happen though and I believed him. I would just have to get through the day tomorrow and I will be free to plan my escape.

“So you’re painting, I saw it,” Stacey said surprising me at the kitchen table. I hadn’t heard her enter the room.

“Snooping around Sis?” I asked and she didn’t look apologetic.

“When I noticed you were painting I wanted to see what inspired you enough to start again,” she answered then smirked. “I know why now, that was a fun day, even for me.”

“It was your first real date with Adam, right?” I asked and she looked amused by something, then I saw her cheeks starting to flush.

“Well that too,” she answered in a hushed voice. I was chewing on a piece of chicken when I finally understood what she was trying to tell me. I had to force down the chicken to keep from choking on it, then I quickly took a drink of water.

“So that’s when all that happened,” I stammered pointing to her stomach. She only nodded and became more embarrassed, “and now I am thinking of it too, so you suck Stacey.”

“Oh shut up,” she grunted smacking me on the elbow. It knocked the rice out of my fork, splattering my plate and the table. She chuckled, but I had eaten all I wanted so I raked my scraps in the trash and placed my dishes in the dishwasher, they were waiting for me to eat before they started the cycle, so I pushed the button and turned back to Stacey.

“So have Mom and you planned everything out?” I asked and she rolled her eyes.

“I think so,” she answered, “two or three different times, but I’m glad she’s helping. I don’t think I could even imagine everything I have to do.”

“Like with school?” I asked not able to think of anything myself, other than getting college lined up, and a few plans around her delivery.

“Not even,” she answered, “like when Adam and I should get married, probably sometime over winter break.”

“Really?” I asked my eyes widening, we were a progressive family for the most part. I figured Stacey and Adam didn’t have to be married to raise a baby together.

“Well yeah,” she responded like it wasn’t that big of a deal at all. “I mean I know I want to, so the timing just has to be there, and I don’t want to be fat in a wedding dress.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” I said shrugging my shoulders then the kitchen fell silent again. She looked happy, happier than I imagined her being in a time like this. She didn’t seem worried about what I thought she would be worrying about too. Like what her classmates would think, seeing her become larger and obviously pregnant. How difficult it would be to be pregnant and trying to complete high school. The delivery itself, I’ve seen the safe sex documentaries they did at school and I knew there was a lot of pain involved with that whole ordeal. I shuddered thinking about it, which she noticed.

“What?” She asked, leaning forward to rest her head on her crossed arms on the table. She was smiling, so I didn’t want to tell her the reason.

“I’m nervous about tomorrow night,” I whispered, “I mean, Jonathon wants me to sneak out of the house and I know I’ll get caught.”

“Do you need an accomplice?” Stacey asked glancing over her shoulder to make sure we were still alone.

“I think I can handle it,” I answered smiling, “I just don’t know what he has planned either.”

“I like surprises,” she whispered seemingly excited for me, “these southern men seem to like them a lot too.”

“I know,” I agreed shaking my head, “who would’ve thought romance was something they did around here.”

“I don’t know, books and movies seem to like a hot romance in this part of the country,” she said and I felt my face flush and this time I was embarrassed by the turn in the conversation.

She left me blushing at the kitchen table, yawning. I wondered how early Mom and her day started. I hadn’t seen Mom all day, it was rare for her not to force some sort of interaction with each of us in some part of the day. I looked into the living room and saw her rocking Grace and trying to look over something from a vanilla folder before she would be going back to work on Monday. It was probably notes she had written down during one of her sessions. It surprised me when I noticed, she quickly shuffled the papers back inside the folder. She had jarred Grace awake and she gave a startled whine. Mom shushed her gently and Grace closed her eyes again. The folder was gone though, and I didn’t know where she had slipped it. She normally wasn’t secretive, she respected the privacy of the people she helped, but she would read her notes from time to time in the living room not caring if one of us was in the room with her. She wouldn’t talk while she read, and sometimes she would scribble something to continue her notes.

I also noticed she looked upset, with a slight flush of her cheeks and the tight thin line of her lips told me she was angry about something. It vanished when she looked at me and a forced smile flooded her expression.

“Hi stranger,” she greeted and I gave a short wave with my hand offering her a smile.

“Are we going to church tomorrow?” I asked trying not to push the subject too much, but we had already argued.

“You know what,” she answered in a tight voice, “I don’t want to be part of a church, especially that one.”

“Have you told Dad and Stacey?” I asked wondering if I would need a ride in the morning. Jonathon had made me promise to attend, and I wasn’t going to let him down.

“Yeah, Stacey is going with Adam,” Mom answered, “your father and I will be going over the mail, they finally forwarded it.”

“Oh,” I said shrugging my shoulders, “Jonathon wanted me to go tomorrow.”

“Go if you want to, not because someone else wants you to,” she said then looked thoughtful, then smiled, “even if it is Jonathon.”

“I guess an occasional visit wouldn’t hurt,” I stammered still feeling embattled about the whole situation I was in.

“Tomorrow is pretty safe, the picnic, right?” Mom asked and I nodded. She glanced down at Grace then stood, her eyes settled on me as she walked towards the small bedroom we had set up for a nursery. “Your cheeks are a little burned, did you go out today?”

“Only to do a little brainstorming,” I answered and she seemed to remember the painting that had taken up most of my day.

“I want to see the painting when it dries,” she said, “goodnight Christian.”

“Night,” I offered and she leaned over with Grace in her arms and kissed me on the cheek. It was something she rarely did, she was still a warm mother though, just not one that kissed cheeks, or wrapped people in protective hugs. That stopped when I stopped approaching both parents for that type of comfort. For a moment it took me back to my memory of her reading something in the folder she hid and the anger that was solidly outlined in her face. She was hardly rattled, but this seemed to be weighing on her shoulders a little and I always wondered just how much stress Dad and Mom went through during their jobs. I knew I didn’t want to have either career when I was older. It was something I didn’t put a lot of thought into either, I still had time though.

What was on my mind mostly when I walked up the stairs and into my bedroom was tomorrow and Jonathon. At least by tomorrow night though, it would be over, but that only made me more nervous. What exactly would happen tomorrow night? I had a few guesses; and some of them I didn’t think I was too prepared for. Sex was something I didn’t really think much about until I moved here and met Jonathon. Mom and Dad filled our heads academically about the subject, it had stripped all the feelings I was now embattled with. Something about sex with Jonathon scared me, I could only see myself as this awkward, nervous person. Unable to focus on what we were doing.

Did I need to be worried about tomorrow at church, with Jonathon and his friends. Gavin still threatened to out Jonathon and I, so I had wanted to start avoiding his friends when we were all collected as a group. I also hadn’t seen his father since he stopped by and questioned us about not signing the petition trying to ban gay marriage. He wasn’t happy when we practically shoved him out of the house with our unwelcoming words. Jonathon never really went into detail about what happened after that. His father probably kept most of what he felt or realised, or thought he knew to himself. He was definitely someone I wasn’t looking forward to seeing tomorrow, but knew I would.

Something told me that tomorrow’s festive picnic wasn’t as simple as Jonathon made it out to be. He told me not to worry, that his father wasn’t in charge, that Gloria would keep it light with fun being the primary objective. The picnic was the least of my worries though, I could handle talking to the congregation; if they were willing to talk to me. Everything else though, Jonathon probably didn’t think about as he didn’t seem to dwell on things or worry. It was something I liked about him, but I also didn’t want him to be blindsided. A lot of it was out of our control though and I knew that, which made it worse.

As I tried to force myself back to sleep, I kept telling myself that it wouldn’t last all day. The picnic would be over and I would be free to worry solely on what would happen later. Despite another jolt of nervousness turning my stomach I did smile as I turned off the bed side lamp. I forced the nerves away by turning on my neglected clock radio, the music was a bit fuzzy, but if I concentrated on it too much I wouldn’t be able to sleep. The near white noise was soothing though and it allowed for me to close my eyes and drift off to sleep.