Are You Christian - 12. Chapter 12

 

Sunday morning arrived too quickly. Mom still had the notion of pleasing her patients with reports from church. Landfalls was a quiet, wholesome type of neighborhood. It did seem the teenagers were outgrowing it though. Mom blames television for that. Stacey refused to go, but she was sitting cross armed in the van next to me. I was looking out the window not really looking forward to hearing how bad of a Christian I was. How much I was living for the day instead of for eternity.

 

“I don’t want to fight with you two every Sunday morning,” Mom said turning around to look at us. She had her hair down and was wearing a soft cotton dress instead of a stiffly pressed business skirt. She looked completely different, trying to fit in with the crowd it seemed.

 

“Then let us stay home,” Stacey argued her arms still crossed just underneath her boobs. To make it worse, Mom had made her change into the only dress Stacey owned that went past the knees. It was old and wrinkled from being shoved in the back of her closet all these years. The only thing that Stacey liked is how tight it was and how well it showed off her curves. Curves she didn’t really have when she was forced to buy the dress.

 

“You know what it will look like if only me and your father show up?” Mom asked and I knew a lecture was about to start in the van. Dad pulling into the church parking lot wouldn’t stop her either as we were early this time. “It will look like I cannot control my own household, so what good am I as a psychologist if I can’t even create harmony there?”

 

“You didn’t care so much in Baltimore,” Stacey countered rolling her eyes.

 

“People didn’t care so much in Baltimore,” Mom argued looking flustered about the argument that continued. “We’ve all had to make sacrifices Stacey, it wouldn’t hurt you to endure this for me.”

 

“And not stand on our principles?” She asked and Dad shot her a pointed look. Mom didn’t take the time to answer the question. She turned and opened the door, quickly closing it behind her.

 

“Its not that big of a deal Stacey,” Dad stated. “Put a fake smile on your face and do this for your mother.”

 

“I will for now,” Stacey caved sliding the van door back and stepping out, she smoothed her dress before shoving the door closed. It woke up Grace who started crying, but Mom came to her rescue. I looked out and saw people walking towards the front door and I saw Adam waiting for Stacey. It was probably the only reason Stacey stopped arguing, seeing him. I almost felt sorry for Adam; he didn’t know what he was getting himself into.

 

Then Jonathon appeared from the parsonage wearing a sweater vest over a dress shirt. He was wearing a loosely tied tie, which was crooked. He was pulling on it, trying to straighten it, but it was a lost cause. I smiled and got out of the van, wanting to bypass him so that we could sit together in Gloria’s Sunday school class – away from Lacey. When he saw me by the van he tried fixing his tie again, but was smiling now trying to make it seem the tie was supposed to look that crooked.

 

“Hi,” I greeted taking hold of his tie. He frowned and started looking around so I dropped my hands. “Sorry.”

 

“Just let it be messed up,” Jonathon whispered his smile returning. “Dad would rather it be messed up than fixed by you.”

 

“Me?” I protested crossing my arms.

 

“Well another guy in general,” Jonathon responded lightly. “Mom will be on me in a second straightening it out anyway.”

 

“Oh,” I offered shrugging. Last Sunday came rushing back to mind with that petition against gay marriage. It made me curious about Jonathon’s life at home, they all seemed to be smiling and close in public. Similar to how Mom expected us to act while in church. For the most part our family got along; I just didn’t think it would be that way for Jonathon though.

 

We were in line, slowly entering the open doors leading to the church. Jonathon’s father Dave, was greeting people beside his wife Julianne. They both shook hands and would discuss small things with each person as they walked past. It all seemed welcoming. She looked far more approachable than Jonathon’s father, and generally was soft spoken. Not the pillar of strength and absolutes Dave seemed to be, especially when he was standing behind a wooden pulpit.

 

Jonathon led me past his father and I didn’t shake his hand. I felt his eyes watching us, but I didn’t dare turn around and look. Just being around him made my skin crawl. We were also the first ones down stairs for the Sunday School session with Gloria. All of the lights were off, but Jonathon flicked the switches and the basement came to life. It had a faint smell of drywall and damp carpets, similar to most basements that had a slight leak whenever it rained.

 

“Dad is making me do Summer camp again this summer,” Jonathon said in a quick whisper. I had to let what he said settle on my thoughts before I understood him. He seemed rushed and annoyed, like he was aware of something I completely missed.

 

“Summer camp?” I asked as he placed his hand on my lower back steering me towards our small class room.

 

“Devotional camp for teens,” Jonathon answered with a tight smile. “He makes me go every year, to get away from town.”

 

“Summer is a really long time away Jonathon,” I said as I took my seat against the wall. Jonathon was bravely putting himself between Lacey and I, but I wasn’t going to argue. I liked that he was protective of me and the jealousy he tried to hide was also cute.

 

“But sign ups are starting this week it kind of fills up fast,” Jonathon explained putting his bible on the table with a subtle thud. It looked worn, he had used it a lot over the years. “He didn’t want me to tell you that I was going.”

 

“Why?” I asked, “I don’t really want to go or anything.”

 

“You have to though!” Jonathon groaned sliding his hand across the table to mine. I pulled it away when I heard people walking down the wooden stairs.

 

“Well its not really my thing, Jonathon and if your dad doesn’t want me to go…”

 

“He thinks you’re a bad influence, well actually he’s more afraid of your Mom,” Jonathon interrupted smiling.

 

“So you want me to come?” I asked, but his eyes were already studying me. The sparkling blue made it difficult for me to think of a way to get out of going with him.

 

“In the end it's your choice,” Jonathon answered his smile not faltering. I rolled my eyes and let out a small sigh.

 

“Okay, I’ll go with you, put my name on the sign up list,” I answered.

 

“Stop making out, we’re coming in!” Gavin bellowed then entered the room. He had a smirk plastered across his face as he walked around the table and sat opposite of me. Kate followed him and Matt held the door open for Lacey and Gloria to enter the room.

 

“That wasn’t very nice Gavin,” Gloria scolded in her soft voice. It only made Gavin more proud of himself. He looked at me and I tried not to frown, but I felt my face getting hot. Jonathon didn’t mind the jab from Gavin at all, he was amused that Lacey had still not sat down in the only seat available.

 

“Jonathon could you switch…”

 

“Nope,” Jonathon counted interrupting her. I heard her whimper then let out a quick exasperated breath. She was going to argue, but knew Sunday school class wasn’t the best place for something like that.

 

“Lacey, dear take your seat so we can start class,” Gloria ordered opening her bible to a marked page. After Lacey took her seat she placed her finger on a spot and looked at everyone at the table. “This morning Pastor Dave will be speaking on sins of the youth, I want to ask you guys what some of those are.”

 

“Sex,” Kate answered and Gavin snickered.

 

“Right Lace?” Gavin asked and I shot him a glare. I may not appreciate Lacey flirting with me, but Gloria didn’t need to know about Lacey like that.

 

“Pre-marital sex would be more correct here,” Gloria corrected and I could tell this discussion had her nervous. Her voice was threatening to fail her, but she didn’t even look at Lacey, instead she waited for more examples.

 

“Drinking vodka and smoking pot with the football team last summer under the bleachers, right Gavin?” Lacey blurted and I leaned forward to see her sticking her tongue out at Gavin. He didn’t look amused now, with his jaw hanging slightly open in surprise.

 

“Yes that’s another example,” Gloria squeaked with a shaky voice.

 

“Homosexual lifestyles,” Matt stated in a flat voice. “I believe we talked about that last week.” I studied Matt, but he only shot Lacey a look before turning to Gavin. He was trying to keep them two from spilling one another’s dirty secrets.

 

“Good, you were listening Matt,” Gloria responded, the strength returning to her voice, and the color to her cheeks.

 

“I don’t see anything wrong with being gay,” Kate stammered then slid slightly down in her metal chair. I had the fight the urge to smile, but I did notice that Matt and Gavin shared similar expressions.

 

“We cannot pick and choose what is a sin though Kate,” Gloria explained. “We just have to follow the bible and our faith that it is the word of God.”

 

“And not to forget it's completely disgusting,” Gavin offered then smirked. “Except that one time at Martin’s party when Lacey kissed Tori.”

 

“Gavin!” Lacey huffed. “You just wait until I see you outside.”

 

“Now listen here kids,” Gloria ordered with weak authority over the table. “Youth isn’t the time to be careless with your lives, if anything you should rise above all of the peer pressure and be better examples for younger kids. Now what you guys have done isn’t at all within the guidelines of God’s teaching. Luckily for you, forgiveness is still available shall you ask for it, which by the sound of it you’re all in need of a few prayers. Now if you excuse me I am just too overwhelmed by this discussion, behave yourselves while I go outside and pray for all of you.”

 

She closed her bible quickly standing she scooted around the bulky table and left the room. Gavin had placed his hand over his mouth through the entire lecture, but now he was openly laughing. Lacey was still angry, she had her eyes closed and for a moment I thought she was praying, but then she shot Gavin a glare. Then she stood and walked around the table and smacked him in the back of the head. Gavin stood and he blocked her second attempt.

 

“You sorry ass little fag,” she hissed still swinging. “You know I’ll be grounded forever if this gets back to my Mom.”

 

“Serves you right for telling Gloria I got high with some of the football team,” Gavin argued getting the upper hand on Lacey holding her hands behind her back.

 

“You both suck,” Kate said, “you made her leave the room and everything.”

 

“Shut up fag hag,” Gavin quipped laughing when Lacey gave up fighting and just stood there.

 

“Grow up, Gavin,” Kate groaned rolling her eyes. “Gloria didn’t need to know anything about us like that.”

 

“The only innocent one is Christian over there,” Gavin stated and I looked up at him. “Or at least we don’t know what he’s been up to.”

 

“Don’t bring me into this mess, I’m not going to be guilty of sending Gloria running out the door,” I stammered quietly. I was starting to really dislike Gavin and I didn’t really see what Natalie saw in him either, after getting to know her.

 

“I don’t hear any praying!” Gloria bellowed from the other side of the door. Her voice was higher pitched and when the room fell silent, we could hear her sniffling. Lacey and Gavin returned to their seats and we all sat in silence. I looked at Jonathon and he had a worried look. I wanted to ask him why, but I was afraid to speak around Gavin. I didn’t want to do any more damage with Gloria by being part of any more outbursts.

 

I realized though that the Landfalls teenagers weren’t as innocent as they seemed to be. I was curious to know what it really took to grow up in a place like this. I was coming to the place late, it seemed I had missed too much. For the first time I felt bad about missing it, but not because I wanted to be high with Gavin or having sex. The group of people I was trying to get to know already knew everything about one another for the most part. There weren’t too many secrets, though Jonathon seemed the exception, but even then I wasn’t completely sure. It would be a secret that would be kept from the town though. Sex and drugs weren’t going to make you an outcast, it seemed being gay was the most detrimental thing a person could be.

 

“I’ll be lucky to be able to hang with you guys anymore,” Jonathon whispered leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table.

 

“Not like we want you to anyway,” Gavin countered, but smiled.

 

“At least Jonathon can keep secrets,” Lacey defended throwing her pencil, hitting Gavin on the head.

 

“What secrets are you keeping though, preacher boy,” Gavin jabbed and I heard Jonathon suck in a breath. I put my knee against his and I saw him release the breath a little more relaxed. I refused to look at him though; I knew if I did I would lose what little resolve I had. I also didn’t want to give anything away; I doubt I could hide my feelings.

 

“I won’t be keeping any of yours anymore Gavin,” Jonathon snapped and for a second Gavin looked worried.

 

“Guys I think you’ve done enough for one day,” Matt said. “I mean we want to go camping this summer, don’t we?”

 

“Yeah so knock it off,” Kate added.

 

“I can’t go this summer,” Jonathon stammered reaching down and shoving his bible to the center of the table. “Dad’s making me go to church camp again.”

 

“Sucks to be you,” Gavin offered smirking. “Your boyfriend going with you?”

 

“Gavin!” Lacey huffed, “just stop it, god.”

 

“That was my last one, for awhile,” Gavin said proud of himself. “But seriously is Christian going with you to camp?”

 

“I haven’t decided,” I said, hating that I just lied in church. The superstitions were catching up with me the longer I sat in a place like this. Thoughts of bursting into flames or causing the place to fall into a pile of rubble came to mind. I still felt completely uneasy with the idea and I wanted to argue with Mom more, to try and make her see that we didn’t belong here.

 

“That’s a yes then,” Gavin said sounding serious. “Really you two need to do a better job at hiding it.”

 

“Shit, Gavin,” Matt whined leaning forward. “Stop with the fag talk already, they aren’t gay.”

 

“Yeah,” Lacey added. “Christian is taking me to prom and everything, he’s not gay.”

 

“I was kidding, damn,” Gavin groaned. “Losers.”

 

Class ended in an awkward silence for us as the bell rang from the top of the stairs. Chairs being moved around echoed throughout the basement and talking erupted from the younger kids as they bolted for the stairs. We all sat still until Matt and Kate stood knocking everyone out of the uncomfortable tension. I stood and was following Lacey out the door until I looked over my shoulder. I saw Jonathon with his head bowed, his eyes closed. His lips were moving, but he wasn’t speaking aloud. I didn’t disturb him and walked out into the hallway. Lacey looped her arm with mine and escorted me to the top of the stairs only breaking apart to go sit with her parents.

 

“I am not coming back next week,” I said as I sat beside Stacey. She handed me a piece of gum, and I quickly ripped it from the wrapper.

 

“What happened?” Stacey asked putting her arm around my shoulders pulling me closer to her.

 

“We made Gloria pray for our souls down there, it wasn’t pretty,” I answered and Stacey smiled then frowned when I didn’t return it.

 

“You and Jonathon didn’t…” she started then trailed off when I started shaking my head.

 

“No, let’s just say the others aren’t as clean as they seem to be,” I said not wanting to let their secrets out in the open. “Lacey and Gavin kept airing out one another’s dirty laundry.”

 

“Oh,” Stacey said. “At least no one did your's, stinky.”

 

“Shut up,” I hissed elbowing her in the ribs. She let out a laugh then settled down in the pew to rest her head on my shoulder.

 

“Just wait until you have Juliann as a Sunday School teacher,” Stacey whispered and I could feel her face muscles tense and relax as she chewed her gum. “All she does is read scripture, it's really quite boring.”

 

“I think I’d rather listen to that than make Gloria cry,” I countered then Jonathon’s dad cleared his voice and adjusted his microphone. The sermon was similar to the one last week, but he didn’t focus on the petition about Gay marriage, only skimmed over the sin before going into the others that the youth could easily fall into. For the most part I listened, feeling more at ease when it sounded more like the D. A. R. E. speeches the police officers conducted every year of grade school. I did look up when Jonathon appeared, it caused his dad to stop mid sentence and study him. Jonathon’s eyes were reddened along with his nose. I felt the urge to run up to him and wrap my arms around him. I had never seen this side of him and I wondered if there really were demons haunting him that he tried to hide. The sight of the state of his son seemed to please his father though. As he smile and continued the sermon with more enthusiasm. Jonathon though, never looked around or met my eyes. He walked in a straight line over to his mother, who put her arm around him when he sat down in the front row. She fanned them both with a paper fan and I saw her kiss him on the top of the head. Even though he was more than a foot taller than her, he slid down the pew and rested all his weight on her shoulder.

 

“Wow,” Stacey whispered and I nodded my head still staring at him. “Do you think he hates himself?”

 

“No,” I responded, my own voice in a light whisper. I didn’t know if he hated himself or not, the answer was for my own benefit. I didn’t want to think he was in any sort of pain, but I wouldn’t be able to judge him if he was, living in the family that he did.

 

After church ended, I wanted to talk to him. He stood and was seemingly escorted by his father along the line of people filtering out of the church. I was a few people separated from him in line, but I didn’t push myself through them. His father didn’t wait around to shake hands and thank people for coming either and I didn’t get the chance to talk to him. He wasn’t in the parking lot or in the front yard of the parsonage. I waited by the stairs for Stacey and everyone to come out, hoping he would reappear, but he didn’t.

 

“Coming Christian?” Mom asked as she walked past me carrying Grace in her arms.

 

“Yeah,” I answered following them to the van. Stacey was going somewhere with Adam and his family and didn’t follow. I was wanting to talk to her and try to figure out what all happened. I mostly didn’t want to be left to form my own conclusion. I was afraid that Monday he would be back to normal and I would be left in the dark until he had another, seemingly painful event.

 

“What was the matter with Jonathon?” Mom asked as soon as I shut the van door. She was putting Grace in the car seat, but she looked up to study me.

 

“I don’t really know,” I answered my voice threatening to crack.

 

“Did you notice his father practically dragging him out of the church?” Mom asked and I didn’t really want to discuss it. I could already see her analyzing the situation for herself anyway, and would form her own conclusions.

 

“Yes, I did,” I answered when she kept her gaze on me. Grace tugged on her hair, snapping her out of it. Mom buckled Grace in then slid into the passenger seat. Dad was quiet, not coming to my aid, but he gave me a studied look in the rear view mirror before starting the ignition and backing out of the parking spot and heading home.

 

“And Gloria was crying, what in the devil did you guys do to her?” Mom asked turning to look at me again.

 

“Gavin and Lacey’s fault, they decided to list each other’s sins,” I answered rolling my eyes. “Gloria couldn’t handle it so she left the class and prayed for our souls.”

 

“Oh please,” Mom scoffed shaking her head. “That doesn’t explain Jonathon’s tears though.”

 

“Well Mom you’re just as in the dark as I am on that one,” I stammered turning to look out the window. “Probably not ever going to know what it was about since his dad wants to keep him away from us."

 

“He probably wouldn’t have told you dear,” Mom said attempting to sooth me. It only made me feel worse though and when I turned to look at her, I didn’t hide that fact from her. She offered me a tight smile not wanting to let it drop, but turned letting it rest against her better judgment. Something happened to him in that damp basement though, that was certain and I was afraid to find out exactly what that was.